Friday, April 24, 2009

The New Skymall's Here! The New Skymall's Here!

Oh yesh! It is the much anticipated (by Mare) Skymall Post - Geeky Blogger Edition! For my new readers (both of you), I have written previous Skymall posts, and may I humbly say, that they rate right up there with my pornographic cheese buttler posts. They are THAT good! You can check them out here:
Blog Fodder: First in a Series! (Tacky Holiday Decor)
Katdish's Holiday Gift Guide (Part 2) (The over-indulgent parent/pet owner)
Katdish's Holiday Gift Guide (Part 3) (Akward Star Wars Geek/the one where I make fun of Jeff and Tamara)
Katdish's Holiday Gift Guide (Part 4) (Singing and Talking Elvis/Slanket)
Tuesdays with Skymall (Delusions of Grandeur Sports Fan/Germophobe)

I know you're time is valuable. If you read ONLY one of these, I would go with the Talking and Singing Elvis post. To quote the late Dudley Moore from the movie "Crazy People", "It won't just scare you, it will (bad word) you up for life!"

I think this post is fairly amusing, but probably not in the same league as the holiday guides. In my defense, I would just like to say that I wrote those posts during the holiday season, and nothing brings out my passive/aggressive sarcasm "A" game like spending quality time with extended family. Disclaimers aside, may I present Skymall: The Geeky Blogger Edition!:

The Revolutionary Portable Laptop Table:

"Our new revolutionary Portable Laptop Table is your key to comfortable computing at home or on the road. Perfect for business travelers, this gem is unique in its ability to properly position your laptop for reclined computing. Use in bed, on a sofa or a reclining chair. Fully adjustable to maximize comfort while in use, the laptop table helps to relieve neck and back pain, and allows for the correct placement of your arms for easy use of your computer. ($119.95)"

How many times do you think the word "revolutionary" is used in the Sky Mall Catalog? If I had a nickel for every time they used that word, I'd probably be able to afford some of that overpriced crap. Although, I must admit, having one of those would be pretty sweet. The only thing lacking is a Big Gulp cup holder on the side and a detachable bedpan. Then it would be slacktacular perfection! Alas, my heart belongs to Dave!

The Tech-Savvy Travel Mug:

On the road or at your desk, keep your beverage hot!
"Keep coffee or tea deliciously hot with this tech-savvy travel mug. In the car it plugs into a power port with the included 12 -volt adapter; at a computer it plugs into the USB port. Double-walled, stainless-steel construction, UL-approved heat control, spill-proof lid. A rubber cap seals the input jack for easy washing. Holds 16 oz. Available in Black, Red or Blue. ($19.99)"

Wouldn't you just be the envy of all the folks in your favorite overpriced coffee shop with your very own tech-savvy travel mug that plugs directly into your laptop? And as an added bonus, they are available in colors to match your favorite official Star Trek officer uniform! (Win-win.)

The Mobile Edge Wi-Fi Signal Locator:

"The Mobile Edge WiFi Signal Locator (SL) is the smallest and most convenient way to check for hot spots without going through the tedious process of having to first boot-up your notebook and then search for a signal. By attaching the WiFi SL to your key chain or carrying case you will always be immediately aware of the presence of local hot spots! ($29.99)"

This futuristic looking item ALSO looks really cool with your favorite Star Trek officer uniform. (Win-win-win.)

The Laptop Necklace:

NEW! This portable desk makes your laptop truly mobile.
"When you have work to do, having no place to sit is no longer a problem. Now you can use your laptop standing or even walking with this portable desk. This clever invention adjusts to allow any size laptop to work on the go for any size person, short or tall. Anti-skid surface. Fits inside most computer bags. Made from 100% recycled plastic. 1 lb. 6 oz. ($39.99)"

Here's one review from a VERY satisfied customer:

Pros: comfortable, flattering, conversation starter, never miss an important email
Cons: absolutely none

"Since I rarely find myself at home this Laptop Necklace has made my life so much easier. Now I can do all difficult the tasks, like email, paying bills, surfing the web, on the go. With the portable desk I can get work done from anywhere. It is possible to engage in activities such as golf, walking my dog, tanning, and even eating out in restaurants while using this fabulous device. I would highly recommend this to all executive, especially the homeless type."

Ummm....yeah. (But I'm sure it looks good on you, Nick...)
(NOTE: Coat hanger and tin foil festooned helmet not included.)

The following item has nothing to do with computers or electronics. I just thought it was one of those "segue scooter" type products - sort of cool as long as you don't have to actually see yourself use it:

The SkyRest Travel Pillow ($29.95)

Seriously, if you sit next to me on an airplane and pull this thing out of your carry-on luggage, I want you tell you this ahead of time because I don't think I'll be able to breath, let alone speak: "I'm sorry. I can't help myself sometimes. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing beside you. That thing is ridiculous. Oh, and you're drooling.)

Hope you liked this post. There's many more where that came from. The Skymall Catalog: the gift of blog fodder that keeps on giving!


jasonS said...

Very nicely played. I've seen that weird pillow and thought the same thing. Where do you put that thing when you're not using it? Can you imagine someone walking through the airport with it? HA!

And the walk-around computer thing. Looks like maybe he was trying out for an all-nerd marching band... okay sorry, I'm done.

Helen said...

Don't you think it is kinda wrong to make fun of Skymall, seeing as how they are so compassionate about providing things to make the life of a homeless executive easier? Such compassion, such altruism, such (burp), oh, nevermind, it was just gas....

Lying in bed while working on the computer....more appropriate for a medical equipment catalogue than for skymall, I would think. I mean, if mom were actually computer literate, it would be great for her (should I start the compassionate altruism speech again? (burp) nevermind...), but for the rest of us...uh.....not really....

wv hamation: Comments on FOTTSP now available in full color hamation....

Stephanie Wetzel said...

Well Helen, I take issue with your comment about only the bedridden needing to lay in bed with their laptops. Personally, it's where I do all of my computer work. Especially when Charlie's out of town. A queen-size bed actually makes a very efficient desk. Tired? Just close your eyes. Inclined to sleep-type? Don't even have to move.

Now if I could attach the desk to the necklace, I'd be all set for sleepwalking, bathroom runs, and kitchen raids too. It would be AWESOMENESS in every sense of the word.

Sigh. I DO deserve to be happy, and this stuff does make me happy. Think Charlie would notice the charge on the VISA from way over in England?

WV: drazin
A mashup of dozing and grazing. In other words, what I do when I'm at my 'desk' every night.

Wendy said...

Okay, why can't I get any of your links to work...? How can I possibly focus on the new when I can't see the old posts? I person could die from this! AAAA!!! Gnashing of teeth!

Anonymous said...

slacktacular- my new favorite word...and that's beating out prostitot!

katdish said...

Sorry, Wendy! I'll try to fix them. In the meantime, just search my blog for skymall.

Tam - would you get an account already? I'll even make you a Twilight Avatar if you want.

katdish said...

My daft computer skillz have once again saved the day!

Feel free to get your link-on (that's what she said).

That just NEVER gets old, does it people?

Stacy from Louisville said...

What is the deal with the voluntarially retarded corpse-propper-upper pillow? That is weird. It should say, "But it's not just a pillow. The center of the pillow has an added feature. A concealed air tight tube is perfect for smuggling drugs and Cuban cigars through customs."

I want one.

Mary Ann said...

Katdish! You always provide. Your skymall posts continue to surpass my expectations.

Completely ridiculous...just the way I love em! I think the walking with a laptop necklace tops even the Elvis. If I EVER saw someone actually using one of those...I'm just not sure I could control myself.

The laptop laying down thingy said it was good for at home or on the road...does that mean I can use it while driving!?

Anonymous said...

Okay, that reclining laptop table is great for doctors... because everyone who uses it will get carpal tunnel and have to get medical attention!

I kind of think the travel mug is "revolutionary." My father-in-law would love it because he's crazy about coffee.

For the Wi-Fi locator... does it also tell you if the connection is free? Because if it doesn't, it's useless to me.

The portable laptop table is slightly reminiscint of an invention I've yet to invent. But, I'm not going to tell you about it because you'll steal my idea. But my invention is way super-cooler than this.

Nick the Geek said...

Most of that stuff is available at for less. Plus a whole assortment of shirts. If anyone wants to buy me the shirts I'd be happy to send a list of my favorites.

The laptop table looks ... um ... inappropriate for younger audiences. Seriously it looks like some kind of replicator/laptop hybrid attempting to make a replicator/laptop/human hybrid the old fashioned way.


Peter P said...


Tony C said...

That pillow would make an awesome practice pad. 'I don't want to work, I just want to bang on this abnormally large powder blue airplane pillow all day... I don't want to work...

Nick the Geek said...

that's what she said

Nick the Geek said...

I can also use to laptop necklace to walk the dog while searching for monkey butt videos to post to FOTTSP for helen.

Word Verification: unatguanThe ninja baboon with a rainbow heart butt. Sort of like the opposite of the Care Bears.

Helen said...

Nick, for me? You are too, too kind....

Billy Coffey said...

I am SO glad you posted this, since both Father's Day and my birthday are right around the corner.

I needs me one of those necklace thingys. I would look so cool strutting around with that thing hanging from me.

That's what HE said.

katdish said...

Could I just have ONE post without monkey butts in the comments section? I know I started it, but seriously...

Stacy - I double dog dare you to bring one of those things to church and use it during the service.

Mare - please don't do anything that distracts you from driving in Owerri. That's dangerous enough.

Angela - Like I have the ability to focus long enough to develop a product, even if I did copy you. But you're right, if I could I would totally steal your idea.

NtG - "opposite of the Care Bears" (snort)

Peter P - once again speaking for the masses.

Tony C - you're such a drummer.

Steph - you need to get a planky or a dave

Helen - I forgot to tell you earlier...I think perhaps I am becoming a bad influence on you. Nah, I blame Nick.

Billy - what's your hat size? I gotta get you a coat hanger/tin foil helmet to go with your laptop necklace.

Helen said...

Actually, the people I teach CCD with are wondering who to blame. I told them they only had themselves to blame, but now I think I am giving them to much credit.