Friday, November 28, 2008

Blog Fodder (First in a series!)

Since our final destination for Thanksgiving this year was some 15 hours by car, my hubby (God bless him) decided to pony up for all of us to fly the friendly skies. The experience far exceeded my expectations. The check-in lines were not long, the experience going through airport security was relatively painless, and even though we were flying on cattle-car Southwest Airlines, we were able to get some pretty decent seats. To add to this glorious experience (for us, not for Southwest), the airplane was only half full. My son was able to have an entire row of seats to himself -- thereby eliminating the need to engage "arm rest wars" with his sister for 2 hours and 25 minutes. My Thanksgiving Day travel experience left me with a real "Attitude of Gratitude".

A funny thing happens when you write a blog (for me, anyway). Everyday, seemingly mundane experiences, in the hands of a seasoned blogging veteran (going on 8 months now - "I've come a long way, baby!"), are a never ending source for blog fodder. So what do you think I'm going to write about? Are you guessing that I will speak to the amazing physics behind a 80,000 pound, winged metal tube that is able to fly through the air? (You've obviously found this blog by mistake.) Perhaps you think I will write about the generous amounts of food (mini pretzels) and drink (ice laden plastic cups with approximately 2 ounces of your favorite canned beverage) they lavishly bestow on you. Did you guess that I might share with you my deep philosophical views on the subject of flight attendants and their "you're lucky I'm even speaking to you" attitudes? (Actually, they were all pretty nice.) No, no, and no. What, pray tell, is the focus of this particular post? Well, silly! It's Sky Mall!

For those of you who are not familiar with Sky Mall , it is a delightful little catalog that can be found in the seat pockets of most commercial airplanes. It is a literal extravaganza of a bunch of overpriced crap that nobody needs. How truly American! Truth be told, this catalog was such a wealth of material that I am forced to write a series of posts. I sense that you are all giddy with anticipation, so let me begin.

Katdish's Holiday Gift Guide! (Part One)

Oh, what to give this year? Most of us have so much that we are either stuffing our closets, attics and basements to the brim or are looking for ways to get rid of the items that no longer have the sparkly shimmer of newness. But because I realize nothing says "I love you the most" like an overpriced gift, I am endeavoring to provide some gift ideas for even the most discriminating person on your Christmas list. For your shopping convenience, I have categorized items by the potential recipient of such extravagant awesomeness.

Let's kick things off with the most important person on your gift giving guide. Namely YOU! And what better way to get everyone in the holiday spirit than some over-the-top seasonal yard art?

Tacky Holiday Decor

Nativity Set: What better way to express the true meaning of Christmas than a full color, pre-lit, blinged out Nativity Scene? Show all your neighbors that you heart Sweet Baby Jesus! And at the low, low price of $579.94 for the entire set, you might even consider buying one for your heathen neighbor.
Pre-Lit Bethlehem Star: If you've decided to purchase the Nativity Set, then all your neighbors are sure to see just how holy you are. But are you missing out on an opportunity to witness to those who may be traveling past your house via low flying aircraft? Never fear, this "majestic 7' x 10' tall lighted Bethlehem star creates a beautiful display on your roof that is sure to capture your neighbor's attention!" A mere $59.99

I don't know about you, but nothing brings back sweet, childhood Christmas memories like "a giant inflatable, illuminated, animated 14' long Christmas train!" When it comes to capturing the magic of Santa Claus and the little child in all of us, I say the bigger the better! ($199.99)
I grew up in an era before cable, satellite television and Tivo. One of the things I looked forward to each Christmas was sitting down in front of the old, 300 pound wooden box with a screen inside of it and watching "A Charlie Brown Christmas". That's why when I saw "Brightly colored hammered steel brings Charlie Brown, Linus, Lucy, Sally and Snoopy to life right in your front yard!", I knew it must be mine! ($199.99)

Looking for a way to frame your beautiful display of twinkly, Christmas cheer? May I suggest the Lighted, walk-thru 3-D Archway. "Welcome to your holiday "portal"! Archway's metal-mesh frame is adorned with 400 pre-strung multi-color mini-lights for a brilliant color display at night. 129" x 89" tall overall." ($149.99)


By now, some of you must be thinking, "Ah, Katdish! How pedestrian! I've seen all this before. How can I express my love of Christmas yet still maintain my sense of flair; my "razzle dazzle" if you will? Look no further. "Moving Hollywood-style Searchlights - with music . Two independently swiveling projectors cast large images that dance all over your home's exterior from over 30' away. Meanwhile, it plays your choice of 25 songs (20 Christmas, 4 Halloween, plus Happy Birthday) to add to the festivities." ($139.99) I didn't even know there was one Halloween song, let alone four!

And since you've invested wisely in your beautiful, festive yet tasteful holiday wonderland, wouldn't it be great if you put all your neighbors on notice? "While waving one arm and moving one leg, this snowman stands atop a countdown clock much like that used at NASA for shuttle launches!" Let all those slackers know just how long they have to redeem themselves and their sparsely decorated yards! ($139.99)

So, there you have it. With a little help from our friends at Sky Mall, you can make your neighbors green with envy and your heathen friends red with shame as they behold your holiday yard in all its glowing glory.

We're off to a great start! In my next entry, we will explore some fantastic gift ideas for your friends, family and business associates. Until then, remember that as long as you still have checks, you are never truly overdrawn, and that Christmas shopping is just the kind of "emergency" that your financial adviser was telling you about when he or she suggested you apply for a major credit card.

10 comments:

Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said...

Very very fun read. :) I love the Skymall for in-flight entertainment. I still can't figure out who actually BUYS the stuff they sell.

I totally want to take out a home equity loan to get the Nativity scene. What better way to show I love Sweet Baby Jesus than to lose my home to provide one for him?

Helen said...

I have always loved and wanted a light up Nativity Scene for the front yard. I mention it to my husband every year. Every year he pretends to have gone deaf when I mention it. Maybe I should just buy it and then see how deaf he is when I tell him the deal is done....
I love light up baby Jesus!

Pam said...

This is priceless! Or according to SkyMall- prices range from $59.99 to $579.94! My yard~ wholly inadequate *sigh*. Better get to work [literally]- that nativity scene won't pay for itself! Thanks for another great post Kathy.

sherri said...

Katdish- this post is SCL worthy!
Love your sarcastic holiday over tones.

Looking forward to the "Blog Fodder" series.

Beth said...

Okay, is there a way I can send the executives at Sky Mall to Nigeria? I'd like to just drop them off there and let them fend for themselves...Helloooooo reality, goodbyeeeee overpriced junk!

Somehow I can't see Mary traveling to Bethlehem with the Christmas Countdown Snowman packed on one of the donkeys...

Mare said...

Yep. This is my favorite post. Ridiculously hilarious.

Beth, what a great image...Mary with a countdown. Surely she had the snowman, the Bible probably just didn't mention it. Some details just aren't necessary.

Helen said...

Overpriced junk?! Helloooooooooh! Light up baby Jesus! Does more really need to be said? (I am not even going there with the light up baby Jesus in the Bible imagery)

Shawn W said...

Does it make me a horrible person if the image of a very pregnant Mary standing on the countdown clock popped into my head?

Prodigal Jon said...

I love the skymall. I sometimes want to fly just so that I can have access to the skymall. Thanks for reminding me of my favorite read.

Rache said...

Ok, this post just officially made my day! :o) I just blogged about the wonders of SkyMall and their random assortment of must-haves recently, and I am oh-so-happy to see that I'm not the only crazy person out there to be enthralled by their offerings.

Oh, and that pre-lit baby Jesus? Truly genius. Spreading the light of His love in technicolored splendor!