A Random Look at my Morning (Repost)

Okay, so...many of you have already read this post, but since I have a few new readers thanks to the twitter and my fabulous corral of guest bloggers, I thought I would start reposting some of my more ridiculous posts on Saturdays. Let's face it, traffic is down on the weekend, and I actually have a life beyond the internet. I wrote this post on my way to Georgia to attend a Catalyst One Day and "Off the Blogs" later that night. Here's me being random:

I typed this on the airplane. There's more to my day, but it's late and I gotta get some sleep. I need to have my sarcasm "A" game on tomorrow. So, here ya go:

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

12:50 pm – Sitting in seat 8F on CO airlines flight destined for Atlanta. The captain announces that we will be delayed from taxiing to the runway because something just blew into the eyes of a member of the ground crew and they need to find a replacement. Wut?! (The crew member, not his eyes.) Begin reading “Under the Overpass” by Mike Yankoski. Thanks for the recommendation, Marni!

1:20 pm- The flight that was supposed to take off at 12:45 is now in route to the runway. I am frantically attempting to type birthday wishes to Frank, husband of Beth, who still hasn’t posted a Snuggie video. Mission accomplished. Still waiting on said video. Wuzzup with dat? Feeling rather gangsta at the moment, fo shizzle. (Editor's Note: Stil waiting on video.)

1:30 pm- Hear the flight attendant shoving that stupid cart up the aisle and smashing a couple of unsuspecting elbows in the process. Grateful to have a window seat with an empty seat between the woman sitting on the aisle seat. I’m not anti-woman sitting one seat over, it’s just nice to have some elbow room. She is a well dressed, attractive woman reading a book (WDAWRAB). Hold on, I’ll try to see what it’s called (gotta be on the lowdown – shhh!) It’s called “I Feel bad about my Neck”. No, I am NOT making that up!

1:40 pm- I order a diet coke and a bag-o-pretzels. The bag contains approximately 5-1/2 pretzels. I couldn’t eat another bite! Meanwhile, WDAWRAB breaks out a deli sandwich chock full of deliciousness. It pays to plan ahead! Well, at least I guess it pays to plan ahead, I wouldn’t know.

1:45 pm- Oh snap! I am not making this up! WDAWRAB just pulled out a giant bag of Skittles! This, I am confident, is a sign from God declaring the awesomeness of the adventure that awaits me! Kewl.

1:50 pm- Captain has turned on the seatbelt sign as we are expected to experience some mild turbulence. I am lamenting the fact that I didn’t pee before I boarded the airplane. My husband told me to leave the house no later than 10:15 am for a 12:45 flight. Shea, right! Turns out he was annoyingly right yet again. Because I left a tad bit later than that (11ish) and by the time I got to the “Tacky Texas Crap Gift Shop” just before Gate C-29 (which is the very last gate at the end of the concourse), the final boarding call was being made and I had to throw my bag-o-tacky into by purse and make a run for it. Obviously, I made it. So there.

2:00 pm- I seriously gotta pee. Proceed with kegal exercises.

2:01 pm- This isn’t happening right now, I just forgot to tell you this: The pilot said earlier that it is 45 degrees in Atlanta. Forty freaking five degrees? It’s 78 in Houston! I did not bring a jacket. Oh well, it’s a good thing sunshine follows me wherever I go. Still have to pee. Now I’m doing the jiggy leg.

2:10 pm – I just asked the flight attendant when we’re supposed to land in Atlanta. She said 3:45. And I’m thinking, “How suck is that?” She must have sensed my alarm, because she informed me that they are an hour ahead of us. Good thing, cuz I really gotta pee. You know, like Forrest Gump after he drank all those Dr. Peppers at the White House?

2:15 pm- I wonder if anyone would pay money to have me write a book where I simply ramble on incessantly with an occasional prosperity gospel rant. That would be awesome. Angela got mad at me because I tagged her on Facebook for “25 Random things about me”. Which is strange, because I could spout off about 325 random things about me right outta the gate. Seriously, turbulence or not. I’m gonna go find the bathroom…

2:20 pm- Okay. I’m back. Could they make the aisles of these airplanes any narrower? I’m not exactly petite, but it’s not like I’m big like Fat Oprah (who I like way better than Thin Oprah). I just touched at least eleven shoulders with my butt. That’s ridiculous. Then, when I get back to my seat, WDAWRAB, who is listening to some time management CD on a portable disc player with some sweet Bose headphones, stands up to let me in and the dang CD player fell on the floor and under another seat. Katdish: Annoying people at 10,000 feet and beyond.

2:25 pm- There is a little yellow triangle with an exclamation point on my computer battery thingy, so I guess that means “Your time is up”. Also, the trash Nazis are coming down the aisle and they look like they mean business. Now the triangle just turned to a red “x”, so I suppose that would indicate that my battery means business as well. Bummer. Oh! We’re descending, and it’s 64 degrees. I don’t need no stinking jacket! Now, go about your business. I won’t be back until I am safely in Alpharetta with my laptop plugged into the wall!

The Results are In

The Winners are Helen and Wendy. (Please email me your 411 - okay, that was kind of lame.) I should send Candy some yard art just for spite, but I'm praying for her ungrateful heart. Also, I think Helen knows me better than some family members.

And now lemme break it down for you people:

8 Things I MAY OR MAY NOT have done Yesterday:

1. Made red beans and rice for lunch.
True - It was from a box, but it was sprinkled with love.

2. Shot a man just to watch him die.
False - I did not shoot a man to watch him die. On Wednesday.

3. Sent Donald Miller* a tweet with the word frigintastic and got a response to said tweet.
True - He posted a twitpic of a bar that I may or may not have patronized in downtown Austin. I asked if the pic was from downtown Austin, frigintastic! His response: "Absolutely. An Awesome Town." Not so wordy in the non-book setting.

4. Threatened to kick my kids out in the rain if they messed up my clean house.
True - That's a no brainer.

5. Got rave reviews from Simon Cowell after singing "Jenny" on American Idol for Wii.
False - I did not play the Wii on Wednesday. But I totally rock that song.

6. Alphabetized my spice rack.
False - I do not own a spice rack. We buy our spices in big redneck vats.

7. Took an extra dose of Ginkgo Biloba for good measure.
True - Having kids home from school unexpectedly requires contingency plans.

8. Booked 2 appointments with potential new clients for next week.
True - I'm fixin' to get really busy.

8 Shows I MAY OR MAY NOT Watch

1. Best Show in the History of Television (also known as The Deadliest Catch)
True - nuff said.

2. Dancing with the Stars
False - That show is for girly girls. I'm not exactly rocking a mullet and birkenstock sandals, but I have a bit more testosterone than your average female. And say what you will about the athletic prowess of Emmitt Smith, as far as I'm concerned, he surrendered his man card when he agreed to be on that show.

3. CSI Miami
False - Sorry - David Caruso as Grown-up Angry Opie from The Andy Griffin Show doesn't do it for me.

4. CSI NY
True - That show rocks.

5. CSI Las Vegas
True - That show also rocks. Even though I really miss Grissom and Warrick Brown. I loved me some Grissom and Warrick Brown!

6. Dirtiest Jobs
True - Mike Rowe is the second sexiest man alive, my dh being the numero uno.

7. Myth Busters
True - Blowing stuff up is awesome. Plus, if I were a tv star, I would want to be Kari Byron. She's an artist and a knife thrower. How cool is that? She also referred to someone as a hippy, crystal gripping tree hugger on the show.

8. The Office
True That's what she said.

8 Things I Wish I Could Do (or might actually be able to do):

1. Paint with either hand.
True - I am right/left brain confused, but sometimes it comes in handy.

2. Juggle.
False - I am a klutz of epic proportions. Juggling requires eye hand coordination.

3. Write song parodies a-la Weird Al Yankovitz.
True - I once wrote Christian lyrics to "Walk This Way" by Aerosmith. It's not something I'm proud of, but it was my friend J.D.'s going away gift. I also wrote a parody of the song "Church on Fire" for a departing pastor who was fond of the tacky Hawaiin shirt entitled "Shirt on Fire". I do not heart that song.

4. Recite the preamble to the Constitution.
True - I grew up on Schoolhouse Rock.

5. Play the harmonica.
False - Although I play slightly better than Alanis Morrisette.

6. Roller Skate backwards.
True - I am ALL up in that! I can skate better backward than forwards.

7. Make awesome chicken enchiladas.
True - They are awesomatastic!

8. Sing "American Pie" in its entirety (the long version) by memory.
False - Sad, but true. Dig that song, though.

8 Things I MAY OR MAY NOT be Looking Forward To:

1. Meeting some of my bloggity gal pals this summer.
True - Heck yeah!

2. Tomorrow.
True - New day. Fresh start.

3. Redoing my guest bathroom.
True - I'm planning on making a mancave for my dh.

4. Old age.
True - Even though I wish I had more nieces and nephews. Crazy Aunt Kathy has a nicer ring to it than my Crazy Mother.

5. Catching up on a season's worth of American Idol on Tivo.
False - That show made me mad when they voted off Dirty Rocker Chris Daughtry. I watch from time to time, but I think this year's talent is rather sucktacular.

6. Going to my husband's high school reunion.
True - Like I'm gonna say False. He reads my blog, you know. Not every day, mind you. But it's sort of like random drug testing. You just never know. Besides, what's not to like about being around a bunch of people telling you stuff about your spouse that you might not know?

7. Going to Japan with my mom someday soon.
True - Although I'll probably have to sell a kidney to be able to afford it.

8. The premiere of the movie "New Moon".
True - Also, did you know that there's a 5th book? Twilight from Edward Cullen's perspective. Oh, heck yeah!

There you have it. Thirty-two things you never wanted to know about katdish. I will now open up the comments section to completely random and totally unrelated comments...

A Random Look at my morning.

Hey! That's 3 posts in a row that start with "R". I wonder how long I can keep that up?

I typed this on the airplane. There's more to my day, but it's late and I gotta get some sleep. I need to have my sarcasm "A" game on tomorrow. So, here ya go:

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

12:50 pm – Sitting in seat 8F on CO airlines flight destined for Atlanta. The captain announces that we will be delayed from taxiing to the runway because something just blew into the eyes of a member of the ground crew and they need to find a replacement. Wut?! (The crew member, not his eyes.) Begin reading “Under the Overpass” by Mike Yankoski. Thanks for the recommendation, Marni!

1:20 pm- The flight that was supposed to take off at 12:45 is now in route to the runway. I am frantically attempting to type birthday wishes to Frank, husband of Beth, who still hasn’t posted a Snuggie video. Mission accomplished. Still waiting on said video. Wuzzup with dat? Feeling rather gangsta at the moment, fo shizzle.

1:30 pm- Hear the flight attendant shoving that stupid cart up the aisle and smashing a couple of unsuspecting elbows in the process. Grateful to have a window seat with an empty seat between the woman sitting on the aisle seat. I’m not anti-woman sitting one seat over, it’s just nice to have some elbow room. She is a well dressed, attractive woman reading a book (WDAWRAB). Hold on, I’ll try to see what it’s called (gotta be on the lowdown – shhh!) It’s called “I Feel bad about my Neck”. No, I am NOT making that up!

1:40 pm- I order a diet coke and a bag-o-pretzels. The bag contains approximately 5-1/2 pretzels. I couldn’t eat another bite! Meanwhile, WDAWRAB breaks out a deli sandwich chock full of deliciousness. It pays to plan ahead! Well, at least I guess it pays to plan ahead, I wouldn’t know.

1:45 pm- Oh snap! I am not making this up! WDAWRAB just pulled out a giant bag of Skittles! This, I am confident, is a sign from God declaring the awesomeness of the adventure that awaits me! Kewl.

1:50 pm- Captain has turned on the seatbelt sign as we are expected to experience some mild turbulence. I am lamenting the fact that I didn’t pee before I boarded the airplane. My husband told me to leave the house no later than 10:15 am for a 12:45 flight. Shea, right! Turns out he was annoyingly right yet again. Because I left a tad bit later than that (11ish) and by the time I got to the “Tacky Texas Crap Gift Shop” just before Gate C-29 (which is the very last gate at the end of the concourse), the final boarding call was being made and I had to throw my bag-o-tacky into by purse and make a run for it. Obviously, I made it. So there.

2:00 pm- I seriously gotta pee. Proceed with kegal exercises.

2:01 pm- This isn’t happening right now, I just forgot to tell you this: The pilot said earlier that it is 45 degrees in Atlanta. Forty freaking five degrees? It’s 78 in Houston! I did not bring a jacket. Oh well, it’s a good thing sunshine follows me wherever I go. Still have to pee. Now I’m doing the jiggy leg.

2:10 pm – I just asked the flight attendant when we’re supposed to land in Atlanta. She said 3:45. And I’m thinking, “How suck is that?” She must have sensed my alarm, because she informed me that they are an hour ahead of us. Good thing, cuz I really gotta pee. You know, like Forrest Gump after he drank all those Dr. Peppers at the White House?

2:15 pm- I wonder if anyone would pay money to have me write a book where I simply ramble on incessantly with an occasional prosperity gospel rant. That would be awesome. Angela got mad at me because I tagged her on Facebook for “25 Random things about me”. Which is strange, because I could spout off about 325 random things about me right outta the gate. Seriously, turbulence or not. I’m gonna go find the bathroom…

2:20 pm- Okay. I’m back. Could they make the aisles of these airplanes any narrower? I’m not exactly petite, but it’s not like I’m big like Fat Oprah (who I like way better than Thin Oprah). I just touched at least eleven shoulders with my butt. That’s ridiculous. Then, when I get back to my seat, WDAWRAB, who is listening to some time management CD on a portable disc player with some sweet Bose headphones, stands up to let me in and the dang CD player fell on the floor and under another seat. Katdish: Annoying people at 10,000 feet and beyond.

2:25 pm- There is a little yellow triangle with an exclamation point on my computer battery thingy, so I guess that means “Your time is up”. Also, the trash Nazis are coming down the aisle and they look like they mean business. Now the triangle just turned to a red “x”, so I suppose that would indicate that my battery means business as well. Bummer. Oh! We’re descending, and it’s 64 degrees. I don’t need no stinking jacket! Now, go about your business. I won’t be back until I am safely in Alpharetta with my laptop plugged into the wall!