Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A Random Look at my morning.


Hey! That's 3 posts in a row that start with "R". I wonder how long I can keep that up?

I typed this on the airplane. There's more to my day, but it's late and I gotta get some sleep. I need to have my sarcasm "A" game on tomorrow. So, here ya go:

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

12:50 pm – Sitting in seat 8F on CO airlines flight destined for Atlanta. The captain announces that we will be delayed from taxiing to the runway because something just blew into the eyes of a member of the ground crew and they need to find a replacement. Wut?! (The crew member, not his eyes.) Begin reading “Under the Overpass” by Mike Yankoski. Thanks for the recommendation, Marni!

1:20 pm- The flight that was supposed to take off at 12:45 is now in route to the runway. I am frantically attempting to type birthday wishes to Frank, husband of Beth, who still hasn’t posted a Snuggie video. Mission accomplished. Still waiting on said video. Wuzzup with dat? Feeling rather gangsta at the moment, fo shizzle.

1:30 pm- Hear the flight attendant shoving that stupid cart up the aisle and smashing a couple of unsuspecting elbows in the process. Grateful to have a window seat with an empty seat between the woman sitting on the aisle seat. I’m not anti-woman sitting one seat over, it’s just nice to have some elbow room. She is a well dressed, attractive woman reading a book (WDAWRAB). Hold on, I’ll try to see what it’s called (gotta be on the lowdown – shhh!) It’s called “I Feel bad about my Neck”. No, I am NOT making that up!

1:40 pm- I order a diet coke and a bag-o-pretzels. The bag contains approximately 5-1/2 pretzels. I couldn’t eat another bite! Meanwhile, WDAWRAB breaks out a deli sandwich chock full of deliciousness. It pays to plan ahead! Well, at least I guess it pays to plan ahead, I wouldn’t know.

1:45 pm- Oh snap! I am not making this up! WDAWRAB just pulled out a giant bag of Skittles! This, I am confident, is a sign from God declaring the awesomeness of the adventure that awaits me! Kewl.

1:50 pm- Captain has turned on the seatbelt sign as we are expected to experience some mild turbulence. I am lamenting the fact that I didn’t pee before I boarded the airplane. My husband told me to leave the house no later than 10:15 am for a 12:45 flight. Shea, right! Turns out he was annoyingly right yet again. Because I left a tad bit later than that (11ish) and by the time I got to the “Tacky Texas Crap Gift Shop” just before Gate C-29 (which is the very last gate at the end of the concourse), the final boarding call was being made and I had to throw my bag-o-tacky into by purse and make a run for it. Obviously, I made it. So there.

2:00 pm- I seriously gotta pee. Proceed with kegal exercises.

2:01 pm- This isn’t happening right now, I just forgot to tell you this: The pilot said earlier that it is 45 degrees in Atlanta. Forty freaking five degrees? It’s 78 in Houston! I did not bring a jacket. Oh well, it’s a good thing sunshine follows me wherever I go. Still have to pee. Now I’m doing the jiggy leg.

2:10 pm – I just asked the flight attendant when we’re supposed to land in Atlanta. She said 3:45. And I’m thinking, “How suck is that?” She must have sensed my alarm, because she informed me that they are an hour ahead of us. Good thing, cuz I really gotta pee. You know, like Forrest Gump after he drank all those Dr. Peppers at the White House?

2:15 pm- I wonder if anyone would pay money to have me write a book where I simply ramble on incessantly with an occasional prosperity gospel rant. That would be awesome. Angela got mad at me because I tagged her on Facebook for “25 Random things about me”. Which is strange, because I could spout off about 325 random things about me right outta the gate. Seriously, turbulence or not. I’m gonna go find the bathroom…

2:20 pm- Okay. I’m back. Could they make the aisles of these airplanes any narrower? I’m not exactly petite, but it’s not like I’m big like Fat Oprah (who I like way better than Thin Oprah). I just touched at least eleven shoulders with my butt. That’s ridiculous. Then, when I get back to my seat, WDAWRAB, who is listening to some time management CD on a portable disc player with some sweet Bose headphones, stands up to let me in and the dang CD player fell on the floor and under another seat. Katdish: Annoying people at 10,000 feet and beyond.

2:25 pm- There is a little yellow triangle with an exclamation point on my computer battery thingy, so I guess that means “Your time is up”. Also, the trash Nazis are coming down the aisle and they look like they mean business. Now the triangle just turned to a red “x”, so I suppose that would indicate that my battery means business as well. Bummer. Oh! We’re descending, and it’s 64 degrees. I don’t need no stinking jacket! Now, go about your business. I won’t be back until I am safely in Alpharetta with my laptop plugged into the wall!

16 comments:

Helen said...

I am glad you landed safely. Enjoy your stay!

vanityofvanities said...

HEY I'm pretty sure I was the one who recommended that book. :P

BeckeyZ said...

I had to pee like that once...it was during a parade, and I was on one of the floats.

I won't tell you where I ended up going at the end of the parade route. But I will tell you it was sweeeeet relief.

sherri said...

Enjoy your stay , and next time, wear DEPENDS!

Beth said...

Too funny. And I like that your "morning" was all in the afternoon....

I gotta go take Baby Jay to the Dr. (check up, not sick) soon...but really, Frank has been seriously busy lately...his seminary class is starting to kick his booty, our relatives keep visiting, computers and servers keep breaking at work, not to mention a certain huge uncertainess looming over our heads...so every time I think..."Oooo...today's the day we can work on the video!" Frank says something like..."I have to read 8 chapters in a big book and then I have to fix 18 computers remotely with only a stick and some baling twine today..." So yeah....I guess maybe God wants me to step out in faith and learn how to edit video??? Anyway, at least we escaped Tuesday and went on a birthday date in Indianapolis, which we both needed. Okay. Gotta go. I'm trying to think of more annoying questions you can ask today...ummmm....oooo....ask them how they deal with annoying commenters.....;)

Helen said...

I sent you annoying questions via email yesterday, but I need to add another.
What makes skittles holier than m & m 's. Obviously the later are named after Matthew and Mark, but use their initials. Why skittles?


wv abled I am glad God abled you to go and enjoy off the blogs. Have fun.

Candace Jean July 16 said...

I am coveting your trip (other than I don't like Skittles) and wish you home safely with new snark and sass. Side hugs to all of our OTB friends.

wv: NO LIE!! - caryon
What other word would be the wv word for your plane trip???

Marni said...

Now that you mention it, I feel bad about my neck too. I'm gonna head over to Amazon and find that book...

See this is why you don't read dumb books in public. People will see it. What I do is take the cover off of War and Peace and put it on the outside of my "sTORI Telling" book (that's the riveting bio from Tori Spelling) and it looks like I'm a smart person who reads Tolstoy for fun, when in reality, I'm reading on how many 90210 cast members Tori hooked up with (almost all of them. Sorry for the spoiler).

Have fun in Atlanta :) :)

♥ Kathy said...

You are so close to becoming my new best friend lol Have fun in Atlanta...fo shizzle ;)

jasonS said...

Have loads of fun!

Stacey said...

It is a strange title for a book, but I bet it's a pretty good read. I like Nora Ephron's writing (in the form of screenplays like When Harry Met Sally).

Ok, now for a few comments:

First, I also like to sneak a peek at what others are reading. I never ask them - I just do it all stealthy-like.

Second, it seems like every time I fly out of Houston it's the very last gate all the way down. Why is that? I'm beginning to wonder if all the other (closer) gates are just there for decoration.

Third, I'm always jealous of those on the plane who seem way more prepared than I am - like your WDAWRAB. Why don't I think I might enjoy a delicious sandwich on the flight? Oh well, I'm usually stuck with the pretzels/peanuts too.

Finally, I hope you have a great time! Huck and I were just saying how cool it would be to go. Have fun! Razzle Dazzle, my friend.

{ jamie @ rose cottage } said...

How did I miss that you're in Atlanta!!! I might've planned to come to the offtheblog thing if I'd known you'd be there! 'Cause, you know, I'm not far!
Oh, and the weather here? All my life (living here for every bit of it) I've heard that if you don't like the weather, wait a day or two; it'll change. We've had those 70 degree days already, but we've also had some VERY cold days, too! I'm sure it'll be different tomorrow. :-)
Have fun and say nice things about me to cool blogland people you meet!!! ♥

Beth said...

Are you still sitting next to Jon Acuff? Is he really wearing a red down vest? Seriously, is he wearing the vest? Because I think that would be both brave and hilarious.

Stacy from Louisville said...

I was laughing so hard at this post. It was right up my alley. I have no question that if we were to meet we would be BFFs and proceed to annoy many people at our gift of random and our amazing good looks. Just pointing out the obvious. Off The Blogs...going on as I type this... I will live vicariously through you. HAVE FUN!

Helen said...

So, Steph tells me you asked Pete all of my questions. What were the answers?
She didn't say anything about Jon. Did you ask him my questions? What did he say about joining Eyebrow Free Church?
I am glad you had fun.

Joyce said...

Just found your blog from Red Clay Diaries. You're too funny. I fly alot (I'm a big baby and suffer from motion sickness so it's not as glamourous as it sounds) and I loved the airplane post.

I'm not a painter but I have been known to procrastinate so we have that in common : )

Have a great weekend!