Friday, January 2, 2009

The Creative Process: A step by step guide

(Subtitled: Why my laundry still isn't finished.)

  1. With the full understanding that leaving the house today is on the agenda, you decide to wear something a bit more formal than the fuzzy polka dot pajama pants and the bright green "Whose Your Daddy?" t-shirt.

  2. Attempts to find a pair of clean jeans prove futile. Instead, you hastily decide on a pair of red cotton capris circa 2001 and a peasant type t-shirt the same color as Oscar the Grouch. A gigantic claw hair clip and black flip flops complete the ensemble. Make a mental note that the laundry fairy has ignored numerous requests. Drastic measures must be taken.
  3. After "errands", i.e. - getting your kids out of the house before they drive you to drink, you reluctantly return home and begin tackling the huge piles of laundry.
  4. Lots of random things happen, you manage to wash and dry 2 loads of whites and 2 loads of jeans. Hang up jeans and begin sorting underwear and socks.
  5. End up with an inordinately high number of mismatched socks. Suspect the dog has found a "special place" for their sock mates.

  6. Decide to put the socks in a basket on top of the dryer. Hate this idea because how are you supposed to remember which socks are in there? You may throw their sockmate right in the same basket, and that ain't right.

  7. Begin to feel bad for the socks. Serenade the socks with the 3 Dog Night Hit, "One". " the loneliest number that you'll ever know. Two can be as bad as one, it's the loneliest number since the number one, Ahhhh Ewwww!"

  8. Frustrated that you have no fabulous ideas about how to store the socks until reunited with their drawer mates, your mind begins to wander...
  9. You notice a metal sign that you bought at Ross on the clearance aisle a couple of months ago. It says "Children are the anchors that hold a mother's heart." Which you hate, because it reminds you of that children's book "The Giving Tree", which makes you want to leg drop that selfish little kid/man in that book. But, it was 2 bucks, and there's no law saying you have to keep that dumb saying on there once you own it free and clear, now is there?
  10. Get the Goo-Off and scraper from your handy dandy tool bag and get to gettin' on that quote. Oh, yeah. At this point, the wheels are turning in that little ADD mind of yours. You have begun the actual labor portion of the creative process.

  11. While the Goo-Off soaks in a bit, you manage to get the SWSO's (socks with significant others) and the miscellaneous unmentionables (underwear) safely to their assigned drawers. (HA! Underwear humor.)
  12. Over the next 2 days, hem and haw over what kind of lettering you want to use on your "sock sign". Waste an incredible amount of time and energy on this.
  13. Finally decide on the size and type of lettering. Print out new quote, and put on sign using a stylus and transfer paper. Fill in letters with paint pen. Clear coat.
  14. Hot glue clothespins to sign.
  15. Hang sign above dryer, hang sock singles on clothespins.
  16. Stand back and admire your work. You are pleased, but something is missing.

  17. More random things happen -- New Year's Eve party, etc.
  18. Friends come over for dinner. You show them your work. Since they are weird like you, they like the sign very much.
  19. Moments later, one of your friends gives you an idea that will be the "piece de la resistance" to your sock sign.
  20. After your friends leave, you immediately begin working on the final piece of your sign. It takes only a few minutes, but you are well pleased.
    As a matter of fact, you'd go so far as to say that it was...


(Oh, come on. You knew that was coming!)


Annie K said...

That is truly a work of art Katdish and I am once again amazed at your craftiness(!).

Sherri Murphy said...

I say, get the patent and start selling this thing!

Take off all the instructions so someone else doesn't steal your idea!

Brilliant! You made me smile.

Embrace your ADD, it works for you!

veri word : undef
"Quit yelling, I'm undef!"

Candy said...

What an awesome idea!! Does it come in a larger size?

And aren't you too young to remember 3 Dog Night??

Helen said...

I'm with Sherri. Patent it and market it. That is awesome. And it is weird that you, too, sing to the laundry as you put it away. I usually sing "I'm to sexy for these undies, too sexy for this shirt, too sexy for this sock...." you get the idea...

Or I start talking like Robin. "Holey Socks, Batman! What are we going to do?"

Jamie {See Jamie blog} said...

I ♥ this! I want to make one, too! As soon as I repaint the laundry room. I did repaint my kitchen this week, though!

Mary Ann said...

oh, fantastic idea. how funny.

you really made me nervous for a second when i was reading what the sign said. you didn't strike me as one who would have that hanging. i was concerned. not so much because I am anti those sort of signs, but because it didn't fit "katdish." Phew. Then you saved the day.

Helen, you are officially one of the most hilarious people in my world.

JML said...

So, I'm not into decorating, but I'm impressed with the story leading up to this, and the sign itself is really witty! "One is the loneliest number" better be a chapter title in "My Wretched Heart!!!!!"

Christy said...

That is quite an idea you had rolling around in your head. I'm impressed that you went through with it and brought it to fruition. I only dare to think of things myself. I don't have the energy to go through with any ideas I rarely come up with (emphasis on the 'rarely' part).

Max02 said...


I'm sending this page to my wife

katdish said...

Annie - thanks, I think. "Craftiness" can be taken a couple of ways.

Sherri - Nah, a patent would require way too much grit and determination. My mind is an open book. Besides, the fact that I posted it here in some way lays claim to my "intellectual property" rights doesn't it? Any lawyer lurkers out there?

Candy - I'm 43, and I used to listen to my older sister's albums all the time. This was one of my favorites, along with Bread, Linda Ronstadt, Eagles, Carol King and Janis Ian (do you remember that song, "Seventeen"? How delightfully depressing!)

Helen - We should write and star in our own weird little musical someday.

Jamie - What color did you paint your kitchen, and what are you going to paint your laundry room? New paint makes me happy!

Mare - you know me so well.

Jake - Seriously, the thought of writing anything lengthy enough to fill a book just overwhelms me. Maybe I could sell a piece of paper with my blog address on it.

Christy - It's not so much follow thru as it is the need to get it out of my brain. When I get an idea in my head, I tend to obsess about it and have a hard time concentrating on anything else. BTW - I'm pretty stoked about you commenting on my blog. You're the first real superhero here. (Unless you include Hucklebuck, of course.)

katdish said...

Max - WAY better profile pic! The other one was nice, but I was like, "Which one is Max? I know Max is a guy's name, but you know, sometimes Max is Maxine for short; and you barely notice the guy in the picture, you're looking at the beautiful bride..." (Sorry, there I go again.

Anonymous said...

I am amazed! I would sell the 'this socks' socks if I were you.
And thanks for being a part of my blog and giving me space on your blogroll. I think I've actually had a lot of traffic come from your blog. (A lot is relative, but it's a lot for me.)
One question: by "do you get extra points for the best profile photo," do you mean do 'I,' as in Matt get points for my photo? I'll answer, if you say I should, then I will take the extra points.
Don't worry - I have no goals! I'm still the same old Jessica Simpson...that is what you meant, right?

Nick the Geek said...

OK, much funny, but not a project I think I would finish. You skipped the "decide the project is too much work forget about it until the next time you fold sock then start again rinse and repeat as needed" stage of the project.

Stephanie Wetzel said...

Read all the comments and wasn't sure what to say until I saw Nick's.

I'm with him. Plus I wouldn't have the supplies for my grand idea. Even if I HAD bought a $2 plaque with the plan to take off the saying (I hate Giving Tree too), I would have put it in a "safe place" in my house.

This translates as "place that will make absolutely no sense to me one month later - so much that it is the absolute LAST place I would look when I go in search of the item." Then I'd find it a decade later. Or the next time we move. Whichever comes first.

wv: mancl - the male equivalent to a cankle.
"His mancls are so bad that I'd swear those were Hillary Clinton's legs!"

Kris said...

so cool...but my sign would need to be like 100 times that size with many, many, many more clothes pins


Anonymous said...

Kathy, you are hilarious! I love your sign.

WARNING: I am going off on a tangent and it will be story-length.

I hate The Giving Tree, too. You see, I was sitting in "the wives' section" at a church softball game talking to one of my dearest friends, Erin. She is forever talking about little kids because she is a kindergarten teacher. That day was no different. We were discussing our favorite books as a child. (Incidentally, mine was Pokey the Little Puppy, but I digress.)

Hers was The Giving Tree. To her utter shock and dismay, I had never heard of the story. She began retelling the story and started crying as she spoke of the beautiful generosity the book teaches. (Oh yes, I was laughing at her the whole time.) She vowed to bring the book to the next game so I could appreciate the beauty and cry with her.

She read it to me (in true kindergarten teacher fashion). It did not make me cry. It made me furious. I then gave this impassioned speech about how the book teaches children two very awful things: 1. To take and take and take to the point that you actually kill (spiritually, emotionally, and physically) your victim, and 2. To enter into lopsided relationships whereby you completely lose your identity in that other person and only feel fulfillment as that person uses and abuses you.

It should either be called The Selfish Child or The Enabling Tree.

katdish said...

Matt - Actually, Jeff is responsible for the "This Socks" idea. He and Tamara are two of the funniest, most creative people I've ever met -- they're just annoyingly humble about it. Profile pic points - you know, something different like Wonderwoman or a picture of a tattoo above your butt crack, something like that -- but yours is good, too. No - what I meant was that you would be slumming if you were to guest blog for me after doing so for Jon. I'm Jessica Simpson!

Nick and Steph - first of all, you two need to have a word verification show down. I'm gonna have to say it would be a close match. And, duh! Unfinished projects is what the garage and half garage are for. Now if I could just get my dh to move that dumb riding lawn mowever into the tuff shed so I could put some more crap, er, treasures in there. Wait, I'm supposed to finish painting the inside of the tuff shed before he moves it. Dang!

KW - I'm actually kind of suprised you have a bunch of loose socks lying around!

Angela - You're such a bad*ss. I'm glad you're my friend. I had the exact same reaction to that book. My daughter read it to me and I was like - "Well, I hope you don't think it's okay to treat people like that!" That tree needs some serious therapy!

P.S. - I just proofread that comment (Sherri - that's when you read something before you publish it), and I noticed that I typed "lawn moever" instead of "lawn mower". But it's staying, because I dig that new word.

Dory said...

I taught primary grades in a Catholic School for twelve years. Let me tell you something about The Giving Tree......I never read it to my students even once. It was read to me when I was a child by my teachers. Didn't like the boy at all. Felt physical pain when the tree was being cut. Felt mental anguish that even as an old man, all he did was sit on the stump. No big revelation of what his selfishness cost Tree. If the tree represents God, and the boy/0ld man us, shouldn't there at least be some sort of epiphany boy/Old man/we go through in order for the story to have a point. When other teachers would tell me how much they like the book, I would reply. "That's nice......Have you ever read Bunnicula? Now that was a good story.." Think about it. At least Bunnicula had a point.

No, I am not just kissing up to Katdish because she is going to be the next SCL guest blogger or anything. Although if I were, I would be scoring higher on the SCL commentor score sheet. Dang. I'm not kissing up. I never liked that book. It made me cry, but not in a good way.

wv. debuti-when your first guest post on SCL is a short one, it is a debuti, rather than a debut

BeckeyZ said...

Love it! And I thought I was wierd for singing odd stuff around the house.

Our odd socks always end up on hubbys dresser. I like your idea way better.

wv: sykkomag - magazine for illiterate psychos

Anonymous said...

Love it!

Emmy said...

That's just awesome!

Beth said...

I missed out yesterday...This sign rules in so many ways. If I let other people see my laundry room, I would totally want one.

I have a box of socks. Call me Dr. Seuss. When the box gets full and no one has clean socks anymore, I recruit my kids and call it the sock matching game. So far they haven't caught on to the fact that they are helping me do a chore.

Incidentally, my mom came up with a great use for lonely socks. She took them to one of her writing classes and made her students make a puppet out of them and write about it. So someone out there has a sock puppet that used to be my dad's sock. That's weird. I am nothing like my mother....

Jeff said...

These comments are hilarious! One of the things that I love about your blog is that people can find so many awesome tangents in a post to comment on- you know I'm a tangent person.

I give a hearty "right on!" to the anti Giving Tree-ers out there; as a child, I was always thought the tree was shafted and the kid was an idiot. And I agree with Helen- this is nothing like what God has done for us- Christ's sacrifice does NOT give us license to sit around on our butts.

w.v.- cramsto: How the car gets packed on the way home from camping.

Mary Ann said...

I had an incredible ethics class my junior year of college. We spent a good three hours one day ripping apart the giving tree. I think in the process we ripped apart a few of the students entire world perspective. That book...its not pretty. Don't feel too bad for the tree though, she's just as guilty. Very passive...possibly codependent

messyfunmommylife said...

I got sent here due to my sock dilema! I might have to make a sign just like that! Quite frankly I am sick of investing in in Illinois might be the way to go!

Pam said...

That is the funniest/most useful sign I've ever seen! "Socktacular"- I love it!

WV: blest- I am so blest to have found your blog...via SCL. Special shout-out to Jon!

Anonymous said...

Who has time to proofread their comments. You peopke need to gt a lif!

Anonymous said...

Why does Mare not show up as Nigeria on the widgit thingy?

Jamie {See Jamie blog} said...

Hi again! Just got your comment. The name of the paint is boring (ledger), but it's a cottage-y, vintage-ish greenish blue. Pop on over here to see it!

You just need to take a road trip to Georgia. I'll let you paint my laundry room any way you want & I'll make some great photos of your kids while you're here. Deal?

Anonymous said...

CHeck out my new blogsite!

Still in it's infant stages!
Needs to be Christened with a snarky comment...I immediately thought of you!

Be the first to comment!

katdish said...

Sherri -

I don't know why Mare doesn't show up on my new widget. She doesn't show up on my cluster map either. Maybe one of her clients hacked into the computer and set it up to show somewhere else.

And thanks for the link to your new blog. It's a good you left it here, because I would have NEVER found it -- seeing as though you didn't leave the link on anyone else's blog comments section.

(Made you look!) Allright, I'm going, I'm going...Sheesh!

Mary Ann said...

I'm sneaky like that...

Anonymous said...

I have never been called a bad*ss, (with or without asterisk), but I think it's awesome. Thank you!

Sherri Murphy said...

It's official.

You're a blogtwit!

Anonymous said...

Sherri's right.

You're nothing but a blogtwit.

katdish said...

Okay, Gabby/Sherri -

Gotta give you props for that one. I laughed out loud! Thanks, my silly little friend!

Helen said...

Twitter? Where is it on your blog? Why haven't you twittered today? Twitter.