Thursday, January 7, 2010

Pardon me while I rant incessantly: Petsmart Edition



Have you been of the opinion lately that the human race is in a downward spiral of moral decay and abject stupidity? If yes, let me give you a little piece of free advice - Do not go to your local Petsmart.

Don't get me wrong, I have no real problem with the store. They are selling products the consumer is willing to pay for. I suppose it's the sort of consumer Petsmart tends to attract I find a little frightening.

Exhibit A
Since I am blessed to live in a neighborhood with plenty of land where dogs poo pretty much wherever they want without anyone complaining, I suppose I should be more sympathetic to city dwellers who are required to pick up their dog's poo and dispose of it themselves. (That seems like a lot of maintenance to me.) Anyway, apparently carrying around an unattractive plastic bag whilst walking your pooch is the height of bad fashion. Thank goodness there are people actually getting paid to come up with products like this:

The Poo-poo purse


Angry, rebellious angst-filled teenage daughter refuse to walk the dog? Not if she has her very own Poo-Poo Purse!


Exhibit B
One of the things I've always wondered about is, aside from the in-store dog obedience classes or the pet grooming services, why would anyone want to take their dog to a store? Do you need your dog to help pick out products that will best suit his or her needs? Answer: Yes.

Meet Trixie-Girl:


When this post was in its early stages (while I was looking at stupid products for pets), I was hoping to do yet another delightful shopping with katdish post. But ever alert for possible blog fodder, I overheard a conversation that two women were having with a dog. That's right. With. A. Dog.

Trixie-Girl was shopping with her "mom" and her "Aunt Susan" for a new outfit. Doesn't she look thrilled? I wonder if "Mom" picked out that outfit special for the trip to the Petsmart. Trixie-Girl's owner seemed genuinely distressed at the dog's lack of interest in selecting a new outfit. Sort of a Stephen King's Misery meets The Dog Whisperer vibe going on there. When I asked if I could take a picture of her dog, the owner (I kid you not) told the dog to SMILE. Alrighty then!

I would like to speak directly to the owner of Trixie-Girl for just a moment:

Trixie-Girl is lovely. She is a well mannered dog and I'm sure no one could pull off that pink dress with as much flair. But here's the thing, she's a DOG.

She doesn't care about which outfit will look better on her. She is secretly wishing she were a cat so she could plot your demise without overwhelming feelings of doggy guilt.


Editor's Note:
While it may seem that I am being a bit of a hypocrite because I have been known on occasion to dress Buddy Love in a festive outfit or two, it should be noted that my motivation behind doing so is completely different.




Besides, he likes it. He's told me as much...

27 comments:

Glynn said...

I saw that photo of Buddy in his chicken outfit, and I yelled to my wife, "Hey, look! Not a chicken!" You started my day with a laugh and smile.

Fr. Peter said...

LOL!

I am a pet owner and the plastic bags that one needs to carry one poo in are free! I can only imagine what that purse costs.

Great Post!

Jewda said...

My dog hated this post. She's on the other couch looking very sad. I'll cheer her up later, though, with a trip to buy a new sweater. She loves shopping. She's also very smart. The bags are embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as me carrying a poop purse, so she carries the purse by herself. I make sure it matches her little shoes.

Sarah Salter said...

I LOVE it, Kathy! This was hilarious! And Glynn, that was PERFECT. For the rest of the day, whenever I need to smile, I'm gonna say (out loud where my co-workers can hear me and wonder about me): "Hey, look! Not a chicken!" And then laugh hysterically.

Note: I'll have somebody let you know when you can come visit me in the padded room that they'll probably throw me in.

Annie K said...

Motivation = total humiliation?

Poor, poor Buddy.

Maureen said...

Geez, I have two Westies. Does that mean I'd need two purses? (P.S. If the inventor were more creative, he'd have figured out a way for a dog to carry its own purse.)

Seriously, I use the plastic bags the newspapers come in. I like to recycle. Besides, I get a single purchase with a double use.

Thanks for a laugh I needed this morning. Rant on!

Robin Arnold said...

At least someone who buys one of those poo purses has a plan to take it with them. When I pick up trash along our street frontage, it's a lot of plastic grocery bags filled with doo doo. I secretly wish my shrubs would fling them back. And, don't think I haven't plotted to watch who flings their poop bags, then follow them home so I know where to bring a stinking batch of them. Boomer, my husband's cat agrees with this plan.

~*Michelle*~ said...

Ok, that chicken outfit is hilarious!

I am search of more fashionable muzzles. My Mufasa is growing tired of the plain black vinyl one he is now sporting due to roughness with the chickens. I call it "cat and mouse play".....Josh calls it "tenderizing".

Billy Coffey said...

Aside from the fact that you could be charged with animal cruelty for dressing your dog in something like that, I really, really liked this post.

Candace Jean July 16 said...

Poor LuckyPuppy just rolled over in his grave at the shame and humiliation felt by dogs that are forced to dress like humans. He said to tell Buddy Love that at the Rainbow Bridge the dogs run nekked just like God made them and they can poop anywhere. He also prays that no dog will be forced to carry his own purse on earth. Because that just screams "I've been neutered."

Beth said...

This whole thing makes me think of a certain MIL. Did she buy her dog presents for Christmas...why yes, she did. Did our Christmas card come signed by the dog? Yes, yes it did. Did she make a Mii for the dog on the Wii? I bet you can guess the answer.... ;)

abouttothunder said...

Snork!

Love, love, love Buddy in the chicken outfit!

Poo purse? Meh. I just stuff the bag in my pocket until it's needed. Yes, carrying it home is a bit unpleasant, but I'm appalled that there are people who bother to pick up the poo and then just fling the bag.

bman said...

Alright, alright. I've taken my dogs to Petsmart before. To be fair, my dogs think it's Valhalla and LOVE scrambling around at the end of their leash, drooling through the asphyxiation as they pull on their choke collars to sniff EVERYTHING.

That said... the only time we EVER tried to dress our eldest dog was for Halloween. We named her Cerberus (the 3-headed guard dog for Hades in Greek mythology), and just so happened to find two stuffed dogs that looked exactly like her. What's a guy to do when the PERFECT match presents itself for your little Puggle to fulfill her destiny as a badass? (is that okay? If not, I'd be happy to accept an @ and $$'s and won't be miffed if that's what shows up post-moderation).

Anywho... you've all seen pictures of our dogs. My wife and I embarked (no pun intended) on our marriage with a decree that we would never own a small dog... and there was an understood rule that we'd never get two dogs too, I think. Well... we did both of those things. And they're... designer mutts too. We've fallen so far from our roots and origins!

Helen said...

A poo poo purse? Who'd've thought.....

Andrea said...

I am a city dweller and I also have 4 dogs...two of which are BIG and their poop is like small cow patties. Trust me, you want me to pick it up. However, I would never pay for such frilly accessories. I use walmart bags or when we are out, I buy bags. I have however, found them much cheaper at places like: Dollar Tree. It is a bag and you are going to throw it away. So, I am with you on not over spending. However, I am a BIG advocate of picking up poo. I do enjoy the occasional trip to the wilderness where I can leave it behind.
Blessings, andrea

Matt @ The Church of No People said...

Agh. I hate 'pet' people. They're the ones that totally over-parent their spoiled children, and do the same for the mutts. Question, can you train the dog to crap directly into the purse? What happens when a girl is carrying two purses and absent-mindedly reaches into the wrong one for her cell phone? Hello? Hel-lo?!
Besides, girls always comment on each other's purses. So your girlfriend says "Ooh, I love your bag!" And you say, "Thanks, it's for my dog's feces."

Last question. Is someone working on a dog crap attache' case for the business man on the go?

Tina Dee Books said...

Had to take my dog in to the vet yesterday, she needed out of that broken-down-old-dog body, and I believe she's running Heaven's hills now and, dare I say, getting scritches and scratches behind the ear from our Maker. Tough day here though.

But, I also smile at the memory and the blessing she was to our family.

Thanks for filling some of the empty/missing-her-moments with laughter. You always have me laughing. And that always blesses me, Kat.

xoxo,
Tina

♥ Kathy said...

I can't believe they make poo purses

jasonS said...

Hmmm, cats are definitely amoral. They have no regard for the sanctity of life (or marriage for that matter).

I'm not so shocked that you dressed your dog in a chicken suit so much as deeply disturbed that they sell chicken suits for dogs in the first place. As Jesus said, "crooked and perverse generation" :)

Bridget Chumbley said...

Hi-lar-i-ous!

I'm glad you went with the 'rant'... they are always entertaining.

My son likes to make me talk for one of our cats... he asks her questions and wants me to answer in the 'Dory' voice...

Had to share... sorry/you're welcome!

Steph @Red Clay Diaries said...

Great post! But the comments make it even better. I'm a country pet owner, so I don't need no stinkin bags. (But I'd totally carry them in that purse if I did.)

My dogs never go to Petsmart, but they HAVE been known to dress up on occasion. Bob likes his hats carved from genuine turtle shell.

And they totally each have their own special dog voice (at least according to the conversations Charlie and I make them have).

nAncY said...

my cat says she like dogs a lot....for dinner.

Rebecca on The Homefront said...

Another (thrilled-to-be) country pet owner here...who must sadly cop to taking dogs to Petsmart. Thankfully, the first time was because we had just picked up our puppy and had to stop for supplies on the two-hour ride home. The second was to see our Jack Russell's reaction to cats (we ensured that Darlin' Daughter won't be getting a kitty whilst dwelling among the canines).

I do *heart* Petsmart for laughs...y'all have, of course, seen the Snuggies for Puppies? Wishbone is just dying for one to chew on as he sits in snuggy comfort. No, he didn't tell me so, he tried to whip out his CC to buy one. No financial sense, that one.

:P

Ginny (MAD21) said...

Bailey LOVES, LOVES to go to PetSmart. However, we never dress her up aside from her cute collar.

I, like you, have always thought those 'accessories' have been completely ridiculous and cannot believe people would actually buy them. But... to each his own I guess.

Corinne said...

I started laughing at poo poo purse and haven't stopped :)

Wendy said...

Thanks a lot. Now you've started an argument between me and my dog, Gidget. She thinks I should get the pink poo purse, but I don't do pink. Now she's saying she won't go out to Petsmart with me again if I'm carrying the skull purse. Of course, now that you've blogged about the poo purse, there will probably be a run on them and I won't be able to get one. Now where will I put the poo?

vanityofvanities said...

WHATEV! If I had a dog, I'd totally take her to petsmart. I miss inviting a dog out on quick outings! I always want to ask my cat, but then I know it won't go so well carrying him down two flights of stairs. Oh, the claws...