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This is a picture of my childhood friend, Karen and me at our 20th high school reunion. Do you want to know what I enjoyed about that night? That I was able to enjoy being there without being nervous about whether or not some wildly elaborate made up story about my life would hold up under scrutiny. I figured out a long time ago that I am a very square peg surrounded by round holes. Trying to fit into those holes simply wore me down and slowly chipped away at the person I was meant to be.
That is not to say that I am completely satisfied with every aspect of me. I am always striving to become the person God wants me to be. But God, not someone else's ideal picture of what a 43 year old wife and mother of two is supposed to be.
That's why I'm okay with being obnoxious. Some of you might be wondering if "katdish" is some sort of persona that has been created that allows me to say things that I might not otherwise have the guts to say as myself. Let me clear that up for you. This is me. Warts, monkey butts and all. Those of you who know me in real life can attest to this. Jon Acuff paid me a great left handed compliment at Catalyst One Day in Atlanta earlier this year. He said, "You're not obnoxious, you're just from Texas." Thanks, Jon. I big red monkey butt heart you, too.
I'm not smart enough to keep up with more than one personality. Besides, I think doing that drains your soul and robs you of a valuable witness to the power of God's grace - for the sinner and the saint. And for the record, you ain't no saint! (Please, no theological arguments here, you know what I mean.)
Sometimes I say things that should probably have been left unsaid. But in the non-cyber world, I have my husband and friends who love me enough to tell me to shut up. In the blogosphere, I have a handful of good friends that will do the same. (You know who you are.)
I'm totally okay with someone not liking me. I think caring more about what people think and less about what God thinks is a horrible, wretched way to live. Now here's a newsflash, if you don't like me, there's a pretty good chance I don't like you either. But that's okay. God calls us to love one another. He never said anything about like. Just as long as we're not walking around with giant planks in our eyes, I'm cool with that.
This much I know is true. While I am a product of genetics and life experiences, the essence of me has remained much the same as it was when I was a silly, talkative, klutzy little girl who found herself in the spotlight more often for misbehaving than behaving. If you cannot fathom how that silly little girl might allow God to witness for Him, then you don't get me. Which is okay. You don't have to.
The following statement is intended for those who need to hear it. Clearly, some of you grasped this concept a long time ago. But I offer it anyway:
May I be so bold as to offer some advice? Stop trying so hard to keep up appearances. Accept that you are broken. Even if, like me, you have been smashed with a hammer. God's light often shines brightest through the broken vessel. I for one, will love you for it.
God? He loves you, regardless. His love was poured out for you at Calvary. He doesn't need you. But He desires your abiding love with all of His heart.
How cool is that?
8 comments:
Great post, from one obnoxious (non-Texan) person to another. :)
I love this post! (Of course, I already love "Katdish," Kathy, whoever, so I just had to smile.) You're so obviously real when you're online, even if it might ruffle feathers.
To quote Popeye, "I yam what I yam." Being real is much less stressful than faking it, even if it does get me in a bind sometimes. ;) Thanks for taking a stand for all the square pegs surrounded by round holes.
Thank you for reposting this. It contains a message we all need to hear now and again.
All those cracks: They're where the light shines through.
Keep on doing what you do best. . . and shining.
Thanks for posting this again, I hadn't read it before.
"I am a very square peg surrounded by round holes"
Isn't that the truth? Instead of trying to fight it, we should embrace our inner 'obnoxiousness' and be real.
"He doesn't need you. But He desires your abiding love with all of His heart."
This is the absolute coolest!
Thanks, Kathy.
Obnoxious? You keep a smile on my face--so maybe I like obnoxious, if that's what obnoxious looks like.
You keep me smiling, you have me laughing, and gosh dern it, girl, now you've got me thinking. I hate thinking...but I like the road you're taking my thoughts down.
Big hugs to you. Hope we meet at a conference one day. I shall pounce upon you like Tigger on Pooh-bear--because we need more smiling and laughing in this world. And, thanks for the reminder of Who we should live this life for as who we were made to be.
Kat, we desperately needed a leader in the obnoxious department in this group and you were willing to step up and do the job. (And you do it very well btw.) We wouldn't want you to be any other way and I'm guessing the comment section of our blogs would be very boring if we didn't have you. That would suck.
I don't think you are obnoxious. Obnoxious people don't care if people get hurt, and you do.
You are most definitely fun! Whether you are writing a post, commenting on a post, or tweeting on twitter, I often find my face wet with tears from laughing when I read your words. And when your words are serious, those words touch my heart because I know you to be a joyfilled person.
You know, you inspire the rest of us to just cut loose and let it all hang out. I think it's part of your special ministry. And it's definitely one of the reasons we love you!
One of my favorite quotes is from the late Rufus Moseley. He said, "Be who ya us, don't be who ya ain't. Cuz if ya ain't who ya is, then ya is who ya ain't." That just says it all, doesn't it? :o)
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