Thursday, October 1, 2009

Katdish's Holiday Gift Guide (Repost)

In honor of my friend Mare's birthday, I have decided to repost a portion of my very first Sky Mall post. Because Mare loves the Sky Mall! Now, I realize that this post features Christmas decor, but seriously people - it's October already! Retailers are already dragging out the politically correct holiday muzak, garland and fake trees. Why not get a head start on the holiday rush?

Happy Birthday Mare!:

A funny thing happens when you write a blog (for me, anyway). Everyday, seemingly mundane experiences, in the hands of a seasoned blogging veteran (going on 8 months now - "I've come a long way, baby!"), are a never ending source for blog fodder. So what do you think I'm going to write about? What, pray tell, is the focus of this particular post? Well, silly! It's Sky Mall!

For those of you who are not familiar with Sky Mall , it is a delightful little catalog that can be found in the seat pockets of most commercial airplanes. It is a literal extravaganza of a bunch of overpriced crap that nobody needs. How truly American! Truth be told, this catalog was such a wealth of material that I am forced to write a series of posts. I sense that you are all giddy with anticipation, so let me begin.

Katdish's Holiday Gift Guide! (Part One)

Oh, what to give this year? Most of us have so much that we are either stuffing our closets, attics and basements to the brim or are looking for ways to get rid of the items that no longer have the sparkly shimmer of newness. But because I realize nothing says "I love you the most" like an overpriced gift, I am endeavoring to provide some gift ideas for even the most discriminating person on your Christmas list. For your shopping convenience, I have categorized items by the potential recipient of such extravagant awesomeness.

Let's kick things off with the most important person on your gift giving guide. Namely YOU! And what better way to get everyone in the holiday spirit than some over-the-top seasonal yard art?

Tacky Holiday Decor

Nativity Set: What better way to express the true meaning of Christmas than a full color, pre-lit, blinged out Nativity Scene? Show all your neighbors that you heart Sweet Baby Jesus! And at the low, low price of $579.94 for the entire set, you might even consider buying one for your heathen neighbor.

Pre-Lit Bethlehem Star: If you've decided to purchase the Nativity Set, then all your neighbors are sure to see just how holy you are. But are you missing out on an opportunity to witness to those who may be traveling past your house via low flying aircraft? Never fear, this "majestic 7' x 10' tall lighted Bethlehem star creates a beautiful display on your roof that is sure to capture your neighbor's attention!" A mere $59.99

I don't know about you, but nothing brings back sweet, childhood Christmas memories like "a giant inflatable, illuminated, animated 14' long Christmas train!" When it comes to capturing the magic of Santa Claus and the little child in all of us, I say the bigger the better! ($199.99)

I grew up in an era before cable, satellite television and Tivo. One of the things I looked forward to each Christmas was sitting down in front of the old, 300 pound wooden box with a screen inside of it and watching "A Charlie Brown Christmas". That's why when I saw "Brightly colored hammered steel brings Charlie Brown, Linus, Lucy, Sally and Snoopy to life right in your front yard!", I knew it must be mine! ($199.99)

Looking for a way to frame your beautiful display of twinkly, Christmas cheer? May I suggest the Lighted, walk-thru 3-D Archway. "Welcome to your holiday "portal"! Archway's metal-mesh frame is adorned with 400 pre-strung multi-color mini-lights for a brilliant color display at night. 129" x 89" tall overall." ($149.99)

By now, some of you must be thinking, "Ah, Katdish! How pedestrian! I've seen all this before. How can I express my love of Christmas yet still maintain my sense of flair; my "razzle dazzle" if you will? Look no further. "Moving Hollywood-style Searchlights - with music . Two independently swiveling projectors cast large images that dance all over your home's exterior from over 30' away. Meanwhile, it plays your choice of 25 songs (20 Christmas, 4 Halloween, plus Happy Birthday) to add to the festivities." ($139.99) I didn't even know there was one Halloween song, let alone four!

And since you've invested wisely in your beautiful, festive yet tasteful holiday wonderland, wouldn't it be great if you put all your neighbors on notice? "While waving one arm and moving one leg, this snowman stands atop a countdown clock much like that used at NASA for shuttle launches!" Let all those slackers know just how long they have to redeem themselves and their sparsely decorated yards! ($139.99)

So, there you have it. With a little help from our friends at Sky Mall, you can make your neighbors green with envy and your heathen friends red with shame as they behold your holiday yard in all its glowing glory.

We're off to a great start! In my next entry, we will explore some fantastic gift ideas for your friends, family and business associates. Until then, remember that as long as you still have checks, you are never truly overdrawn, and that Christmas shopping is just the kind of "emergency" that your financial adviser was telling you about when he or she suggested you apply for a major credit card.


Annie K said...

Hope your birthday is awesome! From the slacker blogger...!!

Jennifer @ Getting Down With Jesus said...

Friends of mine used to have an ugly Christmas Sweater party each December. You'd come dressed in the ugliest Christmas sweater you could find.

I have a feeling you'd be a lot of fun at that part, Ms. Katdish.

katdish said...

Jennifer - I think the term "Ugly Christmas Sweater" is redundant. I used to sing on praise team with a friend of mine who would wear a different one every Sunday in December. Oh yeah - I teased her mercilessly.

Heather of the EO said...

I'm never going to own an ugly Christmas sweater. That's a promise.

Billy Coffey said...

Happy Birthday, Mare. And I really, really don't see anything wrong with those decorations. But hey, I'm redneck.

Melissa from the Blue House said...

If I have to choose between buying groceries this Christmas OR $600 worth of blow-up Christmas decor for the front yard, I'm definitely going with the inflatable stuff.

Nothing says 'classy' like blow-up front yard decor.....

Mary Ann said...

I'm so honored!!! ;)

This is sort of like having a food you haven't had in a long time and then remembering how yummy it is and wondering how you've made it so long without it.

That's your skymall posts. for me.


Helen said...

Happy Birthday, Mare.

I agree with Billy. I see nothing wrong with those decorations, just the prices. But then, I was looking at one of those classy Christmas decoration magazines a couple of weeks ago, and I discovered that I hate classy Christmas decorations. Though my hubby won't let me do outdoor Christmas decorations, I think the Griswald's had the PERFECTly decorated house for Christmas...

I don't have ANY ugly Christmas sweaters. The turtleneck with the Christmas trees and the cardigan with the reindeer are NOT ugly...

Marni said...

The first time I saw this, I vowed to myself to get that Candy Cane archway. Sure, it's not obviously a Jesus thing, but it's friggintastic and I MUST have it for my yard.

But then I didn't get it. I can find far better things to do with my money.

But the economy sucks, my daughter has moved off to college, my roots need to be done and my weight loss has plateaud. I need comfort, so BY GOD, this year I'm getting the candy canes. Ya gotta grab happiness by the horns, ya know?

Marni said...

And in my rant, I forgot to tell you Mare, happiest of happy birthdays!!!

FaithBarista Bonnie said...

Hey Kat, what a nice bday present (Happy Bday, Marni!)!

Does that mean she gets to pick her bday gift from this list?

Pick the Charlie Brown Christmas set!

Wendy @ All in a Day's Thought said...

Ack, I'm blind. Happy belated.

In my husband's hometown there is a house that tries very hard to have the most tacky yard beings. Couldn't come up with another word other than beings.

Funny post.
~ Wendy

Wendy said...

Happy Birthday Mare! And you know, nothing says happy birthday better than a light-up baby Jesus!