Saturday, October 10, 2009

Isn't it Ironic (not particularly) Repost (sort of)

Irony -
1: a pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other's false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning —called also Socratic irony
2 a: the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning b: a usually humorous or sardonic literary style or form characterized by irony c: an ironic expression or utterance
3 a (1): incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result (2): an event or result marked by such incongruity b: incongruity between a situation developed in a drama and the accompanying words or actions that is understood by the audience but not by the characters in the play —called also dramatic irony tragic irony.

Okay, I realize this song has been around awhile, and this particular dead horse has already been beaten, but I thought I would point out the fact that the situations described in the song "Ironic" are unfortunate, but not ironic.

As a public service, I have decided to add some words to the song, thereby making it ironic. (You're welcome.)

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day (because he accidentally poked himself in the jugular vein with the pencil he used to fill out the winning ticket)
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay (that happened to be an albino fly, so it was white)
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late (because the electric surge caused by the execution resulted in the phone lines going out two minutes earlier)
Isn't it ironic ... don't you think (no, not really)


It's like rain on your wedding day (in the Sahara desert)
It's a free ride when you've already paid (for the bus)
It's the good advice that you just didn't take (from the Olympic committee insider that assured you Chicago had no chance of winning the bid)
Who would've thought ... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
'Well isn't this nice...' (Okay, that actually is kind of ironic)
And isn't it ironic ... don't you think

Repeat Chorus

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face (and that is very unfortunate, but not ironic)

It's a traffic jam when you're already late (for your job as the head of public transportation)
It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break (at the Marlboro plant)
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife (to cut open the boxes of spoons)
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife (who works as a pharmaceuticals rep for Ambien sleep aid)
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think... (no, not really)

Repeat Chorus

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out (which is nice, but not ironic)

Here's some irony for you: Angry, white Canadian girl becomes international singing sensation with a smash hit called "Ironic", which isn't.


Mike Rohrig said...

Is it ironic if a song about irony never has anything ironic in it?

Peter P said...

No. No it isn't.

Jeanne Damoff said...

Love it! Your alterations are perfect and hilarious. You should dub them into the song and sell it as a skit idea to SNL.

Terra said...

I just found your blog and had to sign up to be a follower, since humor and following Jesus are two things I adore.
I am heading over to twitter to follow you there, please follow me back if you like.

Shark Bait said...

Yeah, I never really got that song either.

On a plus note though, I absolutely love your poster at the top of the page. Can't say why, but that speaks to me. :-)


Anonymous said...

I read this when you posted it last night and have been laughing ever since.
I totally agree with Jeanne!

IuMienSC said...

Pray for the Mien

Joanne Sher said...

LLOOVVEEE this! How much fun was THIS post to do?

Bradley J. Moore said...

I like your ending.
Also, the Canadian girl ironically can't seem to revive her career.

Really, I did like that album.