This week on the twitter: Family feuds, bacon donuts, and John C. Maxwell riding on Shamu

Despite spending much time away from my computer this week, I still got in a few marathon rounds on the twitter. My friend @helenatrandom was sorely missed this week. It seems her laptop was sent out for repairs. But hopefully, she will be back soon to help me in my quest to enrich lives through the power of social media.

I was able to give some sound (or not) relationship advice via direct messaging, discuss the merits of bacon in baked goods, and perhaps even lay the groundwork for a redneck family feud back in my home state of Virginia. Ahh...life is good.

Without further adieu, the best (or not) of me on the twitter:

@JeanneDamoff Did I miss you on the twitter again? Dang!

@marklamberti The most annoying sound in the world? Do you know my family?

Thank you. Carry on with your bantering...

Okay, seriously. Cannot get sucked into the twitter. I have to write something!

@BridgetChumbley You really should raise your standards...

@SteveGarufi Are you following @billycoffey? He's the real rabid Yankee fan. (Besides you, that is.)

@weightwhat Sigh...I know the feeling. The life of a social media darling is not all champagne and roses

@weightwhat Yesh, I bow to your twitter ho-ness.

@weightwhat Are the air quotes implied when you say "special"?

@lizzyarmentrout I'm never quiet. I'm just being loud elsewhere...

My "mentions" column is completely empty. Does this mean no one is talking about @katdish?

@br8kthru How much creativity does it take to send someone something like that? Be original for crying out loud!

@br8kthru Delete, delete, delete! Facebook bugs me...

RT @PeterPollock: Facebook just asked me if I want to view 151 new posts. Ummm... no thank you!//Exactly!

I've written several childrens books. Not on purpose. - Steven Wright

@marni71 Indeed! (sideways smiley face wink emoticon)

@redclaydiaries Crazy Steve: http://bit.ly/15wZJZ

@redclaydiaries Drake and Josh? Hello?

@redclaydiaries Alternate universe: Crazy Steve is mine.

@becca_homefront Where have you been young lady?!?

@marni71 Spencer or Crazy Steve. Anyway you slice it, I love that guy!

@marni71 I am also watching educational television: iCarley

@redclaydiaries I'd like to see @johncmaxwell riding Shamu as he jumps out of the water. Set that up for me, will ya?

@redclaydiaries YOU LIFT ME UUUUUPPPP!!!!!

@PeterPollock I just figured @michaelhyatt might need a boost from my mighty following.

RT @billycoffey: @katdish Cheater!//I play hardball.

@muchl8r I can't wait to be old and inappropriate. As opposed to middle aged and inappropriate.

@billycoffey Oh you don't scare me....much.

@ @katdish - 1 @billycoffey - 0

RT @emptynestegg: @billycoffey wait are you a Yankee fan???//Do you not know him AT ALL?

@muchl8r So, is she like @helenatrandom? She loves Jesus but she drinks a little?

@emptynestegg That's okay...I know you like me best.

@billycoffey Are you trying to tarnish my family name? Because if you are, you're way too late for that.

@muchl8r Your grandma works at the liquor store?

@emptynestegg All major credit cards accepted. Except Discover. Nobody takes Discover except for Sears

Grandma Lee just beat out a bunch of drag queens on America's Got Talent. Who says there's nothing good on television?

@billycoffey That might be a problem, as many of my relatives have had their drivers license temporarily suspended...

@billycoffey Fine. We'll meet the Coffeys at the Rivah!

@billycoffey The Dishmans are a pretty scary bunch...

@billycoffey I know you live in VA, and I have lots of kinfolk that could track you down...

@beckfromfrogandtoad I had a sewing teacher tell me that I should just give up. Which sucked because she was also my mom.

@marni71 Is @stacyasmallSFL personally responsible for vampire neutering?

@billycoffey Now be nice or I'll get @weightwhat on here.

@billycoffey AHEM! I'm still here...

@Helenatrandom Helen! My sweet Helen! When are you getting your computer back?

@redclaydiaries No refunds. I get 10% of the proceeds.

@redclaydiaries You can't sneak up on me!

@billycoffey Sheesh! Don't sneak up on me like that! Stalker!

@billycoffey (Whistling and looking skyward...) (In response to @billycoffey: was that directed at me?)

HA! Take that 140 character limit

@BridgetChumbley So they don't have to keep checking back to see if there's a new post up.

@BridgetChumbley But as ADD as I tend to be, I think posting at the same time every day helps. Readers know when a new post will be up.

@BridgetChumbley I dunno. I think M-W-F is a good schedule. I have 2 guest posts per week, plus a rerun on Saturday.

@BridgetChumbley More than once what? A week? You should lower your standards. Works for me.

@redclaydiaries It's a must for a social media darling...

@redclaydiaries Kindle e-book app? Where is that? Give us the Precious! We wants it!

Am I the only person that actually schedules their blog post for the same time every day?

@PeterPollock Oh, well that's even worse! What is it with you writer types?

@Power2BThin Okay thanks. But just to tell you, I still like greasy tacos...

@PeterPollock Is this your lazy post linking @michaelhyatt ?

RT @marni71: @katdish Get thee behind me satan!! Er, uh, I mean, yeah, I love Jack in the Box tacos too.

@redclaydiaries No, authentic katdish. Much more valuable.

Dear @power2bthin - why the unfollow? It was the bacon donut comment, huh? Or maybe the greasy tacos?

@marni71 I love Jack in the Box tacos. I like to remove the pesky crispy part and just go for the grease soaked portions.

@redclaydiaries I'm saying he CAIN'T quit me! Many have unfollowed only to return. Begging forgiveness.

@BigBags You're grovin' in you cube? Is that like groovin' with clogs?

RT @redclaydiaries: @PeterPollock Sounds like you need @katdish aversion therapy.//The genie is out of the bottle. It cannot be undone.

Sigh...I miss @helenatrandom...

@weightwhat Cue the creepy twilight zone music!

RT @redclaydiaries: @weightwhat And by the way, you're dead to @katdish. (Is that like being dead to your sins?)/It's exactly like that.

@redclaydiaries Oh wait...there she is. Nevermind.

@redclaydiaries No. I can't see her. She's dead to me.

@redclaydiaries Oh, okay...so if @billycoffey talks to you, that makes you significant? What am I? Bacon donut?

@WinLiannefield Do you know what that bacon muffin needs? Ham sandwich.

@redclaydiaries Give us the Precious. I'm going to be quoting you all day.

@WinLiannefield "A muffin is a bald cupcake." - Jim Gaffigan

The doctor is in.

RT @asilannax: Therapy session with @katdish. She's the greatest. Don't take her away, I'll cut you. Follow her instead.

@PeterPollock "man-sassy"?

@PeterPollock Ooo! Aren't we the sassy one today?

@PeterPollock Oh, Peter. You're just being lazy...

@redclaydiaries For the love of Gumby, why would I have any pictures of Donald Trump?

@redclaydiaries And please, if they go bald, let them not sport a combover.

Puritanism--the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. - Henry Louis Mencken

@billycoffey Thanks. I think that would be mantastic!

@redclaydiaries I'm waiting for those folks who might actually have those twitter names to send me angry DMs.

@buzzbyannies I've been around, screaming profanities at my internet service.

@redclaydiaries Oh, (dirty word!) that was even more ridiculous than the snuggie! (But I'm sure it would look good on you.)

@weightwhat I suppose you're right, even though @You'reNotTheBossOfMe #madeuptwitternames

@weightwhat @yesIam #madeuptwitternames

@12itemsorless #madeuptwitternames

@theguywhomakesthedonuts #madeuptwitternames

And a new hashtag is born #madeuptwitternames

@oprahsboyfriendstedman #madeuptwitternames

I totally made up that name...

@weightwhat or perhaps @oprahsfriendgayle if @oprah is busy.

@weightwhat Should I make some calls? Maybe my friend @oprah could help her out.

@BridgetChumbley Thanks. Me too. But it was nice to interface with the non-virtual people.

Interloop - made up word by @katdish. I'm claiming intellectual property on that baby!

@weightwhat Has she been going to the library? I'm so out of the interloop

As always...Sorry/you're welcome.