Friday, July 17, 2009

Late Night on the Twitter



My writing schedule is sort of vampire-like. I eat dinner and try to have some family time every night. Then, when everyone else is in bed, I turn on my computer and write. My self imposed deadline for posting is 12:01 AM. I usually finish the post before then, but not by much. And then there's the distraction that is the twitter.

The following is a conversation that started out innocently enough (Don't they always?), and quickly spiraled downward into the twitter ho abyss. Sorry, Candy. Couldn't resist this one. The conversation will actually be in correct order. There were so many involved in this conversation that I had to cut and paste each tweet. Much of the conversation was left on the cutting room floor because Wendy and Helen out-tweeted everyone 3 to 1. They have their own twitter posts today (Which will not doubt be hilarious), so check theirs out as well. As always, Sorry/You're Welcome:

Me: @Helenatrandom Snort! Remind me to tell you about the time I was reprimanded by dh for laughing in the colonoscapy recovery room.

Helen: @katdish Thanks. You'll like this: I told the med student before the procedure: "I'm glad my husband's butt is in your hands..."

Wendy: @Helenatrandom - Why are you always trying to put Bob's butt in other people's hands?

Helen: @weightwhat It's a nice butt....I'm generous like that...

Billy: @Helenatrandom Starting to blush here a little...

Helen: @billycoffey Wow! I'm good!

And then sweet Candy chimed in...and that's when the fun started...

Candy: @katdish @Helenatrandom i was virtually ignored during my c'scopy because RB was on the bed next 2 me passing a kidney.

Helen: @CandySteele Yikes! I hope the hospital was having a two for one sale that week...

Candy: @Helenatrandom hardly. The day cost us a fortune and I had to stay awake enough to take care of him afterwards. Ugly.

Wendy: @CandySteele - That's very inconsiderate to take the attention off of you just for a couple little kidney stones.

Billy: @CandySteele You guys do EVERYTHING together!

Wait for it......

Wait for it.....
.


Candy: @billycoffey special, bonding moments. There was lots of moaning that day.

Candy: @billycoffey oops, that sounded so WRoNG!

But alas...the genie cannot be put back into the bottle. Candy had thrown twitter chum into the water, and the hungry sharks were ready to attack.

Billy: @CandySteele You just made me blush more than Helen did. That's quite an accomplishment.

Candy: @billycoffey very unintentional. Sort of shot from the hip there, didn't I?

Me: @billycoffey @Helenatrandom @CandySteele @weightwhat Snort!

Me: @CandySteele Annnnnddddd......That's what she said

Wendy: @katdish - I'm tellin' ya, we were separated at birth!

Me: @weightwhat Great minds...

Helen: @CandySteele Candy! That was so funny! I knew what you meant, but thought you were pulling an @katdish with the double entendre!

Helen: @CandySteele Another TWSS moment, brought to you by @CandySteele...

Candy: @Helenatrandom and just drug the soon to be famous @billycoffey through a blush session.

Helen: @BillyCoffey And I am the one supposed to be making you blush on twitter! @CandySteele TEACH ME!

Billy: @Helenatrandom @CandySteele @weightwhat @katdish This is why I'm afraid to get on here with you people.

Helen: @billycoffey Don't worry...Our bark is worse than our bite.....RUFF RUFF!

Billy: @Helenatrandom You have to admit that's a pretty scary bark, though. Much more pit bull than poodle.

Me: @billycoffey Hey. You're welcome for introducing you to all my high brow friends.

Billy: @katdish How could I ever thank you?

Peter: I came on to see if there was anything good to RT. Apparently the tweeps I follow don't have anything deep to say on a Friday night.

Helen: @PeterPollock Pacific Ocean. How's that for deep?

Candy: @PeterPollock run away very fast. It's getting scary here.

Peter: OK, twitterland is getting positively weird. I'm outta here.

Me: @PeterPollock Oh Peter! Lightweight!

Billy: @CandySteele You better beg @katdish not to put this on her twitter post next week.

Me: RT @billycoffey: @CandySteele You better beg @katdish not to put this on her twitter post next week.

Helen: @billycoffey Are you kidding? Try stopping her! (And if she doesn't @weightwhat and I will do our own twitter posts...)

Me: Too late. It's been RTed. It's as good as posted.

Candy: @katdish PUHLEEZE - I don't want to tarnish his Yankee reputation before the book comes out!

Me: @CandySteele Seriously, Candy - he writes for me. How much more tarnished can you get?

Candy: @katdish that's true. He can only go up from there.

Billy: @katdish I seriously think I was less tarnished about ten minutes ago.

Jon: @Helenatrandom @CandySteele @weightwhat @katdish I'm a little worried for @billycoffey with all this estrogen in the Twitter room!

Billy: @ofmercy Sometimes I think they have more testosterone than I do.

Jon: @billycoffey I hear ya on that one! They have well developed masculine sides!

Billy: @ofmercy The fact that they will all take that as a compliment proves your point.

Billy: @katdish @Helenatrandom @CandySteele @weightwhat You're the women my mother warned me about when I was in high school.

Me: @billycoffey You've only known us for a short time. You have no idea.

Jon: @billycoffey they keep saying we have "no idea" - I think that is a veiled threat!

Wendy: @ofmercy - You have no idea.

Candy: @billycoffey we are harmless, totally. And I'm old enough to be your mother. What's her twitter name? We can bond.

Wendy: @CandySteele - You don't need to start with the crazy talk like that...

Wendy: @ofmercy! You're here! Did you bring your galoshes?

Helen: @ofmercy Oh Goody! Come join us....We need someone new to bother....Let @BillyCoffey rest...for a moment...

Me: @weightwhat How come I can't see @ofmercy on my tweetdeck? Did you block me Jon?

Wendy: @katdish - He just shot out one tweet and has gone into hiding. Did we scare him?

Me: @ofmercy Okay. Let's just do this, Jon. What's wrong with me?

Billy: @katdish Oh, I know this! Me! Me!

Wendy: @ofmercy - Yes, just what IS wrong with @katdish. And did you ever tell her what kind of nut she is?

Jon: @weightwhat I take safety behind my iPhone!

Wendy: @ofmercy - I don't think that little thing will be your best choice to hide behind. Got a bunker?

Jon: @katdish What, pray-tell, do you mean what is wrong with you?

Me: @ofmercy I mean, do I use humor as a defense mechanism? Do I have delusions of grandure? How is that spelled anyway?

Wendy: @katdish - I'd tell you how to spell it, but I'm too good for that.

Jon: @billycoffey A little help?

Billy: @ofmercy I'd better not. If I make her mad she might not let me post on her blog anymore.

Me: @billycoffey Mr. Coffey, if you didn't write for me on Monday, I would actually have to write something. Nope. Not gonna happen.

Billy: @katdish So you keep me around because you're lazy? Thank you! Anyone else out there need someone to guest post on their blog?

Candy: @billycoffey I always need a guest post since mine R infrequent.Now I'm leveling out the estrogen/testosterone ratio here & going to bed.

Jon: @katdish you are a woman of great passion, creativity, and unwavering loyalty!

Me: RT @ofmercy: @katdish you are a woman of great passion, creativity, and unwavering loyalty! (Aww! Cool. Thanks)

Me: @billycoffey That's what you were going to say, right? What @ofmercy said? Yeah...I know.

Billy: @katdish I told him to say that.

Billy: @ofmercy @katdish scares me. She's a ninja.

Jon: @billycoffey COWARD! :O Where's that redneck, mancard holding, word wielding guy who doesn't back down!

Billy: @ofmercy No, after midnight she turns into a shiny vampire ninja. Much more dangerous

Jon: @billycoffey So what is your secret - how do you do it? manage all this...whatever it is...

Billy: @ofmercy Trust me, Jon. You do not want to go there.

Jon: @billycoffey Are they usually...ummm...like this?

Billy: @ofmercy No. Usually worse.

Wendy: @ofmercy - C'mon Jon, you love us. Don't deny it.

Helen: @ofmercy I'm a bad influence on them....Oh, who am I kidding? We are bad influences on each other. At home we wear ankle length dresses.

Billy: @weightwhat @ofmercy @katdish @Helenatrandom Heading to bed to dream of colonoscopies, kidney stones, and moans. Pray for me. Goodnight all

Helen: @billycoffey Looks likewe are giving you something new to have nightmares about...You are welcome...

Okay folks...that took forever and a day! No more of my ridiculous tweets this week. Be sure to check out The Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants today. We're having a blog carnival where you can check out lots and lots of tweets by some of my favorite twitter hos.

17 comments:

Wendy said...

I love us on Twitter. Where else could we talk about Candy moaning like that? Boom chicka bow wow...

Helen said...

That conversation was more fun than a barrel of monkies on a two wheel bike!

Shark Bait said...

My brain hurts.

Annie K said...

What SB said...

sherri said...

I don't have time to read through these tweets, much less start tweetin' myself! I don't know how you do it!

jasonS said...

Nice. The legend of the moaning now makes total sense. You should be very proud of yourself. :)

Jeanne Damoff said...

I love you people so much, even if I am destined to be no more than a spectator at your three-ring circus. Your fun is infectious. Thanks for letting me listen in. :)

Billy Coffey said...

I will be scarred by this conversation for the rest of my life...

Helen said...

Aww Billy....You say the sweetest things...

Steph @Red Clay Diaries said...

Yay!!! I'm so glad you posted this! I think I was having a battle with Tweetdeck or Seesmic or Twitter or my iphone or something, but I totally missed it when it happened.

I can now die a happy woman.

Nick the Geek said...

that'll teach me to spend time with my youth instead of being on twitter.

Beth said...

So I think I came around to the twitter after all this had already happened...whew. So you guys are like the Late Show and I must be the Late Late Show that no one stays up for.

Poor Candy, btw. (Note to self, no talking about moaning EVER on the twitter.)

Candace Jean July 16 said...

I really can't believe you posted this for all the internets to see. Thank goodness my mother refuses to get a computer. I need to get a pseudonym like @HerbieGookins. In my defense, everything was perfectly clean:
1. I was having a colonoscopy - no small feat, particularly with nearly NO anesthesia because....
2. My wonderful, supportive RB chose to pass a kidney stone while at my bedside, so they laid him on the bed next to me and I knew I'd have him in the ER very soon and....
3. we were both having pain.

END OF STORY. GIVE IT A REST.

Next time I'll moan alone.
(moan. snort.)

Wendy said...

Candy - You're going to moan alone? I hear you can go blind from that.

Wendy said...

Candy totally walked into that one.

Peter P said...

YES! I escaped that whole interchange pretty much unscathed!

Just sayin...

JML said...

Holy crap. :)