Friday, May 15, 2009

The Highly Anticipated Twitter Update

Okay, people. I'm going in a bit of a different direction this week. Mostly because it's 4:36 on a Thursday afternoon and I really don't feel like going back through all my tweets to find the best ones. I know many of you who follow me also follow @tremendousnews. I must admit, I find him/them strangley appealing for a giant stack of newspapers. First, a bit of their bio:

Don't follow us if you're really-really smart. You know when your math teacher asked you to carry the 1? We still don't know what that means.
Location: Tremendousvillelandstan

And here are some random tweets from @tremendousnews:

On the subject of #whyItweet:

Because alarmingly, my entire personality can fit into 140 characters or less.

Because my New Year's resolution was to read 9000 articles on social media and how I can "leverage" it.

Because right now, I'm judging the person who RTs this.

Because, unlike real life, nobody here replies to me with "why is that creepy man staring at us?"

Because when I'm drunk, it's easier to tweet my problems than come to terms with them.

Because libel is way easier to read in 140 characters.

Because apparently I was wrong when I said "hi5 is the future of social media"

To watch humanity die when you use the word "Tweeple"

Because somebody has to inform the 64 yr old lady from Utah that she's not a social media expert.

Because after 140 characters, I become completely unbearable.

On the subject of #whywefollow:

Because you and your BF are so in love, your Twitter image must feature an alarmingly tight embrace.

Because we know you'll twitpic the omelette you make tomorrow morning just to spice up our life.

Because you're blissfully unaware that that close-up of you is way too close up.

Because you use 7 different programs to tweet 100s of urgent links to WordPress templates.

Because you happily Tweet from a date that all of Twitter knows will go horribly wrong.

Because your bio says 'happily taken' but that look on your face says anything but.

You tease us by looking almost-naked in your twitter image. Then we blow it up and are devastated. Then we do it again.

Your heartbreaking 1-way conversations with @aplusk where it appears you believe he cares about your relationship problems.

You look way too happy in your profile picture to be completely unmedicated.

Because I'm dying to know how a 18 yr old girl from Denver feels about the Credit Crunch.

On the subject of Random #beatlesfacts:

Sgt. Pepper was the result of a careful blend of imagination, love, hope, and black tar heroin.

You cannot digest the true musical magic of the Beatles unless Kanye West samples them and adds his empty lyrics.

The original title was, "Lucy in the Sky With Sick-Ass Bling"

Everything the Beatles accomplished was meant for the day they would have their own RockBand on Wii.

Miscellaneous Randomness:

Your bathroom-mirror picture of yourself tells me you can meet up to me intellectually.

To the gentleman who cursed me out because of my #beatlesfacts: you were hurtful and surprisingly accurate.

Don't ever make the mistake of saying "Rhonda is a horrible name." Electronic Rhonda hate is the last thing you need.

ButterTweet: She's got a super hot picture but her tweets make me want to throw my head in a blender.

Officer, you may call it soliciting prostitution but we call it monetizing offline assets.

DM: "Your attitude is inappropriate for the Twitter community. I'm unfollowing." -> I've been electronically dumped. But it feels so good.

"Thanks for following me. Please add me to Facebook" No thanks. I can only take you in small, 140 char doses.

You tweet through your bodily functions yet I cannot unfollow you. I'm arrested by your glorious grossness.

It's odd when people tweet exactly where they're at. It's a cry for attention. And for us, a cry for another restraining order.

Being unfollowed is hurtful because it tells you that even in less than 140 characters, people can't stand you.

So, there you have it people. Random hilarity and social commentary in 140 characters or less from my friends at @tremendousnews. Some may say they are wildly inappropriate. I think they are tremendous!

And for the record, @prodigaljohn still stubbornly refuses to follow me on twitter.


Leslie said...

Thanks for sharing this-- I can always use a laugh :) Pretty witty! And its good because I am starting to think I am not as funny as I think I am ;) and I'd rather listen to people who are funnier than they think they are :) Unfortunately they underuse the obligatory (well I think it is :):):) smiley face. That's my only beef with them. But, I am now a follower--

Thanks for sharing. I've been enjoying tweeting with ya.

jasonS said...

Yep, good stuff! And it's okay, Jon doesn't know what he's missing. I honestly don't know what I did before your tweets. :)

Nick the Geek said...

Apparently @prodigaljohn doesn't want the world to know he is following you. I feel like there is a #TWSS in there somewhere.

Helen said...

Home come tremendous news is not following me, but a_black_cloud is. I told a_black_cloud to only follow from a distance, and to not pick up the pace.

Jewda said...

Oh snap, I suddenly feel like I should leave a comment on this blog without any coercion.

John may come around. After all, I did, and almost 1/20 as cool as him. So it might take 20 times longer, and Twitter may be obsolete, but he will follow you some day.

sherri said...

If I tweeted/twittered, I'm sure the black cloud would start following me...who needs more of that? Funny thing is,you know I signed up (peer pressure from Steph) and have never left tweet one, but periodically, I'll get someone's name in my email that says they are now following me on twitter. How does that happen? I've never used it or asked for these people to follow me. They are following a silent twitterer! Maybe they just need some peace and quiet!

Joanne Sher said...

Hehe - so THIS is what I'm missing! Very funny.

Helen said...

tremendous news must read your blog, because now she is following me. And I her. I. have. arrived.

Sherri, the a_black_cloud doesn't have any tweets, but like, 10,000 followers. Apparently you and a_black_cloud have something in common. No tweets, but plenty of followers. And, so you know, I am following you, but not a_black_cloud. Why would anyone follow a silent black cloud back? So confused...

Billy Coffey said...

@tremendousnews rocks my world. I couldn't twitter without them. Or you, of course...

bman said...

Okay okay, I'll follow them... sheesh.

Haha. Actually, after this one: "When you RT me when I'm drunk, you're enabling" I was sold.

Tremendous News said...

I have printed off this article and will now use it as my resume. For a list of references, I will use Leslie.


She'll probably tell my employer I don't use emoticons enough and I'll lose the job.

I'll use JasonS. But he doesn't know nor care about me, so I'll lose the job. (But he emoticons, so Leslie probably likes him)

I'll use Nick The Geek. What's TWSS? You know what? He may over-abbreviate in the phone interview and again, I'm screwed.

I'd use Helen but a black cloud is following her.

Jewda, even if he reads this, won't care about me so he's out.

It appears Sherri is in the process of being hit by a moving vehicle.

Joanne appears to be very excited and pleasant so she wins.

But Bill also seems pleasant. He was astute enough to use my Twitter username in full.

Okay, so it'll be the tremendous owner of this blog, Joanne and Bill as my references.

And I hope you all can lie.

I really need this mime job.

Marni said...

I'm starting to think @prodigaljohn is not who he says he is. Our Jon spells his name with no "h". So why does his Twitter name have a "h" in it? Hmmmm.... It's the Carrie Underwood thing all over again...

I, too, don't know what I did before your tweets. Probably actual work while I'm at work, but I'm not sure.

Nick the Geek said...

TN, I tr nt 2 abbrv 2 mch, bt smtms u gtt d wht u gtt d.

ps TWSS= thts wht sh sd.

hp tht hlpd u.

Nick the Geek said...
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