Thursday, April 9, 2009

So this is actually sort of embarrasing...

I am quiet comfortable being sarcastic and ridiculous, and I'm all for a little self-righteous ranting now and then. I've been doing the aforementioned things for as long as I can remember. I'm a painter, and while I'm no Rembrandt by any stretch of the imagination, I don't mind posting pictures of projects I've worked on because I'm satisfied that every project, big or small, was done while upholding a fairly high standard I've set for myself. Most artists, whatever their medium, put a part of themselves into their work, and the work is a reward in itself. Blogging is sort of the same for me. I appreciate the fact that I have a few faithful readers and have met some absolutely fantastic people through this medium. I can certainly understand if someone stops by once and never returns. There are some incredibly good blogs out there, and if you don't enjoy reading something, why waste your time? Nothing personal.

Now, here's the embarrassing part. Ever since I could talk, I have loved to sing. I never pursued singing (outside my car or in the shower) because I never thought I was that good. Then about 10 years ago, my dh and I were having dinner with some new friends, Ed and Kris from church. They were both on the praise team, and Ed was leading worship on a volunteer basis. I don't remember how we got on the subject, but I mentioned to them that I loved to sing, but had never sang in public. (I didn't mention the time "back in the day" when I sang Stairway to Heaven at my friend's wedding reception. I've actually tried to block that memory--it wasn't pretty, not even a little bit.) Out of the blue, Ed says, "Come sing on the praise team!" He could have said, "You just won 10 million dollars" and I wouldn't have been more excited, or more terrified. It was like God was saying to me, "Here's your dream come true. Don't screw it up."

Long story short, I'm an okay singer. I'm not great. I am surrounded by other vocalists on a regular basis that just knock my socks off, and I simply appreciate the fact they let me sing with them. Earlier today, I was feeling convicted about my personal worship time. An old hymn came to mind that is one of my favorites - "I Surrender All". I lit some candles, got down on my knees and worshipped God right here in my living room. I recorded it on my flip video, but I'll get to the reason behind that in a sec. I played it back. It is long, monotonous, I sound mostly lispy and warbley, and at some points like I'm chewing on cud. I was really tempted to re-record it. But I decided against it because one of the things I need to surrender is my pride, and playing back this video was certainly humbling. Besides, no matter how it sounds on the recording, in my heart it was beautiful, and it brought me into His Presence. I pray it was an acceptable albeit unworthy offering to Jesus.

So, why record it? I hope this doesn't sound incredibly sappy, but I was thinking how honored and humbled I would be if I could worship with you. If not in person, than in some small way right here on this blog. Beth, Sherri, Jason - feel free to throw in some kickin' harmonies and/or drown out my voice with your own. I have posted the lyrics below the video. Feel free to sing the correct words in the last verse. Not sure what happened there -- I close my eye alot when I sing.

All to Jesus I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.

I surrender all,
I surrender all;
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
Take me, Jesus, take me now.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
Truly know that Thou art mine.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to Thee;
Fill me with Thy love and power;
Let Thy blessing fall on me.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Now I feel the sacred flame.
Oh, the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to His Name!

I pray this Good Friday through Resurrection Sunday is a very special time of reflection and reverence; that you can spend time with family and friends; and that you would feel God's love and power in a big way.

Jason, I'm praying for your church big time. Whether you have 10 or 10,000, I know that you will give an offering that is pleasing to Him.


Candace Jean July 16 said...

I would love to worship with you and I honestly think your voice is beautiful. I, however, have only had one singing request, and that is "Far, Far Away" so I'll make your slides and flip them while doing a Milli Vanilli impression as the rest of the talent sings along.

And this is one of my all-time favorite songs. Tear-jerker. Blessed Resurrection to you, friend.

Jaime said...

Wow. I have never heard that song. Thanks for sharing it with me.

Helen said...

Katdish, that was beautiful. Really, very beautiful.

Candy, think of singing to God like when we sing Happy Birthday to our friends and family. They don't care that we miss a note, and go flat. My daddy always missed a note and went flat. I miss hearing that on my birthday. Anyways, my point is that the God who loves us and made our voices loves to hear us honoring him in song.

sherri said...

I've been singing along (alto harmony) -we sounded great together!

I'll send you one of my CDs and you can sing along with me!

This was beautiful, and very brave of you. This would be hard for me to do.

You truly were surrending, and it's a beautiful thing.

Blessed Good Friday to you.

Enjoy Your first Sunday at your new place.

And yes, Jason, you folks are in my prayers too.


sherri said...

sherrification word: surrending = surrenduring

Annie K said...

Thanks Kat - it was awesome hearing your lovely voice. And yes, I really mean that!

I hope you and your family have a wonderful Easter and I'm so glad we've become friends through our little blogs.

;) (that was just for you.)

Beth said...

Thanks for this, Kathy. Before it was actually posted I saw the title "I Surrender All" and I was humming it all night last night.

So today I got to sing with you! (Sherri's got the low harmony...I took the high...)

I know I'm a crybaby anyway..but yeah...I just kept thinking how awesome it's going to be one day when we all get to sing together in heaven all the time. Sure, they might put all of us bloggy peeps in a rather special corner...but God has seen fit to give us a little glimpse of it here and now on earth and let us know that He is at work in different parts of the country and the world and certainly uses us, who are geeky, and freaky, and goofy and not perfect...all we have to do is surrender.

Love ya. Praying for Sunday at C3 and Jason's church, too.

jasonS said...

I'm so sad I can't see it on this computer (it's blocked), but I'll check it out when I get home. Thank you for your prayers and I'm praying for you as well! I can't wait to hear how it goes for you guys. It's really amazing- I'm excited for us but I am really genuinely very excited for you as well. I just think God is amazing!

I do still need to send you a CD (and you send me one). I keep forgetting. Email me at or DM me on twitter and I'll do that soon. Thanks and blessings!

Peter P said...

That's the best post you've ever written/sung.

I couldn't sing along... I was too tearful.

Thank you. I worshipped with you.

Nick the Geek said...

I sing on the vary rare occasions that I have to, but it is rare that I'm made to sing often. My Youth tell my I sing a great tuba. Basically most songs in church seem keys to high for me so I have to sing an octave low which is a bit surprising for anyone that knows me. There are no worship leaders that sing bass nowadays so I have no aspirations to this.

Ryan B said...

That was actually pretty freaking good Katdish. I'm impressed.

My secret dream is to be a rock star. I play guitar and am getting better but I don't know about the whole singing thing. When I'm singing in a group during worship I just sing as loud as possible. That way if I suck, everyone else needs to sing louder to drown me out and thus everyone is singing louder for Jesus. It's an excellent plan.

Billy Coffey said...

That was really, truly good.

Sherri was right. It took mucho juevos to put that on there for the world to hear. I'd give you a Man Card if I could. But I am most definately impressed.

I sang along. Not sure if it was tenor or bass or what. Am sure that the dog next door is barking now because I hurt his ears.

jasonS said...

Glad I came back to listen- absolutely beautiful and pure worship. Thank you.

katdish said...

Thanks, everyone. I just played the video back. I still cringe a little when I hear it, especially the first line - it makes me jump every time. I'm really not a perfectionist, it's okay that I messed up here and there and that I don't sound like I do in my head. It's just that posting that video leaves me feeling extremely vunerable. And that's okay, too (mostly). Makes me cling to Jesus a little tighter. Blessings.

Candace Jean July 16 said...

This is a real Godwink - I was thinking of this song all day today, then tonight we sang it at church, and of course by then I'd forgotten that it was the song on your post, and we sang it tonight. So yeah, that was you up there. You were awesome. So I stole it. Sort of.

Anonymous said...

What a wonderful glimpse of your lovely heart!

I'm honored to worship with you, and you did a fine job.

God's Not Finished With Us Yet... said...

I thought I saw you on Billy Coffey's blog twice on the same post. I had to scroll up to make sure you wrote a comment twice.

That is sooooo funny the second comment you wrote linking it to the things you don't say to a wife. I laughed so loud!

Great stuff.

You seem to have a great sense of humor which I love in someone who seeks after Christ. You seem awesome! I've been a follower of Billy's for a long time and for the first today I read your comments. Too funny!!!

Awesome!!! And nice to meet. I'm Sarah by the way and I look forward to learning more about you. :D

BeckeyZ said...

I was singing along too, we rocked. (I'm on the praise team at my church as well). If we ever get together IRL (which I truly hope to) we'll have to sing something_even if it's just to a song on the radio.

You sounded great girl!!

RACHAEL said...

I'd love to order one of your CDs.

Nick the Geek said...

Katdish, the problem is hearing your own voice. I can't listen to my sermons. I even have them kill the monitors so I don't hear myself so much while I'm preaching. I hate it. I have to listen to small parts when I am editing the audio for our CDs and I really hate it.

Beth E. said...

My first time to your blog...what a treat! I got to read some of your posts AND hear you sing. I think you have a lovely're not giving yourself enough credit!

I enjoyed harmonizing with you. I sang the high part, too. :o)

Beth E.

katdish said...

Sarah - I'm so glad you found you way over here!

Beckey - I hope we do meet in person some day. Thanks for singing along.

Shawn - Oh girl, you're so encouraging all the time. Thanks.

Sherri, uh...Rachael - it's in the mail (along with your check).

Nick - argh! I know you're right. I actually think you have a very good speaking voice, but I know what you mean...

Beth E. - The fact that you read a few of my posts and still commented is encouraging. Thanks for stopping by and for singing with me. Harmonies seem to make me sound better (read - drown out my voice a bit.)

Happy Easter y'all!

Anonymous said...

I absolutely love that you did this. I, too, worshipped with you. However, I couldn't sing the high part because it's impossible for me to hear any other note than the note being played/sung. I tried, it was a disaster, so I sang your notes.

I thought about doing a similar thing with one of my favorite hymns, Come Thou Fount. Actually, I more than thought about it; I recorded it. I hated it and deleted it forever. I need a better balance of confidence and humility... I just couldn't do it! But thank you for sharing.

BTW I didn't picture you having a twang in your voice! I like it!

JML said...

I think that was great on two levels; the first being that you make humility sound good, I guarantee that if I did the same thing, it would sound more like humility. Also, I've never heard your voice, obviously this format isn't incredibly conducive to that. . . so yay. Good job!

Marni said...

That was beautiful! And I love the way you sang it because most of the time, I only hear that song in the "old lady high pitched choir robes on the stage" sound, and it takes away from the profound-ness of the song :)

Thanks for letting me worship with you...