Monday, February 9, 2009

And now for something completely different...

No doubt, millions of you have been on the edge of your seats anxiously awaiting observations I promised about Ted L. Nancy's book "Letters from a Nut". (I realize that my site counter indicates a much lower number, but once it reached infinity, it started over. But I digress...)

"Letters from a Nut" is just that. It is a collection of letters that were actually written and mailed to an assortment of companies, individuals and heads of state. It has been rumored that Ted L. Nancy is actually Jerry Seinfeld, but this has never been proven in a court of law. Without further adieu, the following is one such letter and the corresponding reply:


Ted L. Nancy
560 N. Moorpark Rd., #236
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360
July 10, 1995
Mr. Albert H. Meyer, President
American Seating Company
901 Broadway
Grand Rapids, I 49504

Dear Mr. Meyers:

I had a seating question and I was referred to you because I understand you manufacture stadium and arena seating. My question:

When entering or exiting a seat in a stadium, which is the proper side to face the person sitting down? Rear to them or crotch to them?

I am always at a quandary when this problem comes up. To hence: last week at a sporting event I had to leave my seat. There were a row of people -- ALL FROM THE SAME FAMILY -- that were sitting down the row. I exited my seat, stood up and faced away from this family. Then I moved down the row realizing my buttocks were not 2 inches from this whole guy's family. I had shown an entire family my rear end! But then again if I had turned around and moved down the aisle THAT WAY, wouldn't that be worse?

Stadium seating is the only situation in life where you can show whole rows of people your butt or crotch. And it is acceptable!

Can something be done about this seating? Should the rows be changed? I suggest a single row straight up to the top. You walk into the stadium you simply find your seat number and go up until you get it.

Question: Is there a gracious way to exit?

Thank you, Sir, for your response,


Ted L. Nancy

AMERICAN SEATING
August 3, 1995


Ted L. Nancy
560 N. Moorpark Rd., #236
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

Dear Mr. Nancy:

Your letter on crotch or butt first was most interesting. In fact, in all 38 years which I have been in this business it is probably the most interesting question I have ever been asked. I have shared your letter with numerous of my colleagues, and they have also found it most interesting.

But alas, we have no good answer. Your idea of a single chair has merit, but unfortunately would greatly reduce the number of chairs which could be put in the building.

The only suggestion we could come up with is for you to come early before anyone has arrived, stay in your seat the entire time, and wait until everyone else has gone before leaving. This, of course, could cause an even more embarrassing problem.

If you come up with any solutions, we would welcome hearing from you.

Sincerely,


Albert H. Meyer
This is only one of many works of great literature that have been my inspiration throughout the years. I will from time to time share snippets from some of my other favorites. (Again, you're welcome.)

11 comments:

sherri said...

Sounds like fascinating reading. What a thought provoking question he raises.

I'm a butt in the face sort of girl while exiting an aisle.If I turned the other way, my ample rear would be bumping into the heads of the people in the other row.

Till I lose weight, I'll continue in my ways.

Candace Jean July 16 said...

I have always wanted to ask the butt/crotch question, and now that someone has asked it for me, I still don't know the answer. I'm thinking I should just stay home. Because yes, I have also been the person in the seat, tilting my knees for others to get by and, well, yyeeewwww......

So still no answer. But perhaps the answers to all of lifes other perplexing questions will be in the book. Looks like a fun read.

Helen said...

I always think of it as my belly facing them rather than my crotch. I would prefer having someone's belly facing me than their butt, so I belly face. They should mind their thoughts and not think about my crotch! Shame on them if they are!

sherri said...

Helen- good point! There are pervs everywhere though.

wv: deold

De old lady keeps sticking her butt in my face when she tries to get out of the aisle. Very rude, if you ask me.

Beth said...

Haha. I almost titled my post today this same thing!

Nothing like being all spiritual and then adding some random crazy funny stuff.... :)

Reminds me of the guy in knew in college who always ordered pizza under very random famous names. Or the guy who wrote to Capri Sun saying their directions were faulty and he couldn't get his straw inserted in the drink pouch correctly. Or the...

jasonS said...

I have honestly wondered about this same thing. It's funny asking the question though. It's a mystery!

Nick the Geek said...

Personally I like to alternate. When I enter I do it crotch first and when I exist I do it butt first. People need to get teh full experience.

Mare said...

hmm...just when I thought my day was void of deep thinking...

Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said...

I'm with you Sherri. The few times I've faced the people in my row, I've managed to thump everyone in the row ahead with my badonkadonk.

If I were in that other row, I would not like the sensation of someone trying to sit on my head.

Jeff said...

"If I were in that other row, I would not like the sensation of someone trying to sit on my head."

Steph, that's one of the funniest comments I have ever read.

Of course, you totally primed the pump with the use of the term "badonkadonk."

katdish said...

I think Sherri and Steph doing the badonkadonk to a row of people sitting at the ball park would make a great youtube video!

I got a flip video camera for Christmas, and I just figured out how to make a movie and put it on my blog.

Oh yeah, I'm posting 3 tomorrow, and I'm wearing my purty plumber's crack jeans in one of them! Stay tuned!