Saturday, April 24, 2010

On writing, bacon and taxidermy


I'm visiting my dad this weekend: Land of crappy internet service. I want to apologize to those who have been anxiously awaiting this update...all three of you. Anyhoo, it seems this update is awash in conversations between @redclaydiaries and me. What can I say? We crack ourselves up. And Sweet Fancy Moses! This update is really long. Feel free to stop reading when your retinas begin to bleed...

And now the best (or not) of me on the twitter this week:

RT @noveldoctor: Tragedy is when two parallel lines fall in love.

@noveldoctor Hmmm....So maybe it wasn't the coffee pot I've been smelling. (in reply to noveldoctor @katdish burnt coffee.)

@noveldoctor What does insanity smell like? (in reply to noveldoctor Hope and insanity both expect different results from doing the same thing over & over. But hope smells like cupcakes.)

RT @noveldoctor: Sometimes a little voice tells me I'm a terrible writer. I never should have bought that parrot.

RT @noveldoctor: Some people write fiction to hide the truth. Others write fiction to reveal it. I prefer the latter.

With friends like @redclaydiaries, who need enemas?

RT @redclaydiaries: @katdish I think Twitter's trying to tell you that you're a washed-up has-been.

"Problems updating katdish" Grrr...

@RobinMArnold I like those words. May have to replace my stardard "blogstipation" and "bloggerrhea" (in reply to RobinMArnold @katdish @redclaydiaries I'm just so proud and inspired by your bloggy productivity lately! Is that problogtivity or blogductive?)

I KNEW IT! >RT @redclaydiaries: @katdish Read today on MY blog: writing in waves. Also: I like @bridgetchumbley more than you.

@redclaydiaries I wait over a year for you to send me a guest post, but @bridgetchumbley gets on right away? Uh, huh. I see how you are.

Snort! http://twitpic.com/1hr4rm


@weightwhat He's so young, he doesn't even know what he doesn't know yet (in reply to weightwhat @duane_scott You have no idea what Grease even is, do ya kid?)

My spellcheck is not working in blogger, as if to say, "I give up. You're totally making these words up, aren't you?"

@10MinuteWriter Are you craving some tots? (in reply to 10MinuteWriter @katdish Okay, this photo makes me homesick for Oklahoma.)

Everything's bigger in Texas. Including roller skating tater tots. http://twitpic.com/1hmcnv


@WriteOnRideOn Sorry/you're welcome (in reply to WriteOnRideOn @katdish Let's just say I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything that stains when you said that. ROFLOL. Brownies sure has changed since I was 1.)

@WriteOnRideOn Taxidermy. (in reply to WriteOnRideOn @katdish Oh NO. You killed Santa's reindeer at a Brownies meeting? WHAT badge was that???!!!!)

@WriteOnRideOn The funny thing? I'm at a Brownies meeting. (in reply to WriteOnRideOn @katdish Shuddering. I'm glad no children are around to see THAT. Quel HORROR. #hisnoseusedtobesoshinyandbright)

@WriteOnRideOn No, here he is! http://twitpic.com/1hm5oy

(in reply to WriteOnRideOn @katdish So, apparently only Rudolph escaped????)

@makeadiff21 This is Texas Ginny. It's called rustic art. (in reply to makeadiff21 @katdish Oh, that's just awful)

@Helenatrandom exactly...(in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish @makeadiff21 I guess that's what they get for calling Rudolf names and ostracizing him that way...)

Where are they now?: Santa's reindeer http://twitpic.com/1hm3k4


@HeatherSunseri I thought that was pretty much every day. (in reply to HeatherSunseri What do writers do when they have a day of self-doubt and insecurity? Write some more or give up and start fresh another day?)

In honor of #EARTHDAY, We are having free range chicken tonite instead of spotted owl.

@PeterPollock SNORT! (in reply to PeterPollock Saw a woman who looked like @katdish... I was beginning to wonder but then she stood still and quiet for 5 seconds so I knew it wasn't her)

@redclaydiaries @RobinMArnold "Connectinator"? I like that.

@shrinkingcamel "Katdish" day, or as it is often referred to, "Katdishmas" is August 5. (in reply to shrinkingcamel @katdish So when is Katdish Day? If there's an Earth Day, surely we should have a Katdish Day too.)

@brandonacox Connector: @redclaydiaries because she plays well with others & she has a gazillion followers.

AHEM >RT @brandonacox: Tell me one person, on Twitter, you consider a "connector." (however you define that)

HA! Just kidding...

In honor of Earth Day tomorrow, I'm going to abstain from all electricity usage, including my computer.

I feel an incessant rant coming on...

Shouldn't you request friends and not fans?

Dear churches that create Fan Pages on Facebook. Do you really think that's the message you should be sending?

@redclaydiaries I really have no excuse, as my badness is perfected. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish I'm just workin my badness. What's ur excuse?)

"Never hit a man in anger unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it" ~ Harold Ramis

@marni71 It's rude of your frankly? Snort! (in reply to marni71 @billycoffey I know, it's rude of my frankly. I FINALLY installed Tweetdeck on my home laptop so maybe I'll be around more.)

@gyoung9751 That would be awesome (in reply to gyoung9751 @katdish I loved your comment. I may have to buy a beret. Russell at @LuvStomp said he could hear bongos.)

@sarahmsalter So whenever you're looking for a post full of gratuitous violence, let me know.

@sarahmsalter Well, if you must know, @billycoffey's post inspired me to watch the rest of Season 2 of 24.

@billycoffey It's probably best. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish You're welcome. I'm not even going to ask what you were doing.)

Gaaa! Thanks everyone! I've been doing "research" today, and have been away from tweetdeck.

EXACTLY! RT @SurfCorp: @katdish I couldn't agree more. My motto is if I am unwilling to sign it; it shouldn't be said.

Otherwise, you just look like a big, fat jerk.

If you believe you have a valid criticism, use your name, or better yet, have the decency to send the person a private email.

Leaving rude, anonymous comments is the Internet equivalent of leaving a burning bag of dog poop at someone's front door and running away.

@billycoffey Sarah started it. I wash my hands of the entire situation. (in reply to billycoffey @brookelmcg I'm blaming @katdish and @sarahmsalter.)

@billycoffey Good call... (in reply to billycoffey @sarahmsalter @katdish @diam0ndhead94 I should shut up now.)

@billycoffey TWHS (in reply to billycoffey @weightwhat @Helenatrandom @katdish @sarahmsalter I'm glad I could bring a smile to your faces this afternoon, ladies.)

Can I get an Amen? >RT @billycoffey: @PeterPollock You're a strange man, Peter Pollock.

@Helenatrandom You mean about how men think the uterus is a homing device?

Being a domestic goddess is just not in the cards for me

Which is quickly gobbled up by my 10# weiner dog. So I have to pull the 10 x 3 piece of fat out of the jowls of the beast who is fighting me

A peek into my day: Before browning a pork roast destined for the crockpot, I cut off a 10" x 3" piece of fat that lands on the floor...

@weightwhat I'll just send them in your direction. You seem to have a larger audience of tin foil wearing readers. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Better watch out - someone might be offended by the use of 'tin foil hat.')

@HeatheroftheEO Ooo! "katrant" Perhaps another katdishionary entry? (in reply to HeatheroftheEO @katdish Hi back! And thank you, lady. I'll be waiting for the rant you feel coming on. I love me a good katrant.)

Oh how precious! Congrats! RT @BabySpeedyBee: Here he is! http://twitpic.com/1gryea


@togetherforgood Not that I would ever do that, of course...

@togetherforgood Um, Benedryl? Put modern medicine to work for you. (in reply to togetherforgood @katdish did I mention my children did not allow me a nap today?)

@lorencklein I would, but I am vehemently anti-crap. (in reply to lorencklein @katdish Maybe you need to prepare for next Easter now. No need to procrastinate, you know... ;^)

@togetherforgood snort! (in reply to togetherforgood @katdish I mean, i still am thinking WHAT IN THE WORLD. but at least those aren't its udders. I'm just saying.)

@RobinMArnold And it very misses you! (in reply to RobinMArnold I very miss Texas.)

@SurfCorp well thanks. You got that right! (in reply to SurfCorp Looking to follow someone who has something to say? @reporterhaley @lollydaskal @katdish @blogomomma @BethLayne)

And here's some crap you don't need. But buy it anyway because it's on sale. http://twitpic.com/1go00m


Inspiring, really. http://twitpic.com/1gnzj5


Who says you can't find fine art at the grocery store? http://twitpic.com/1gnyg1


@marni71 Tis mine as well. (in reply to marni71 @katdish Well of course...it is my lifesong after all.)

@marni71 Followed by a rousing chorus of Fat Bottomed Girls! (in reply to marni71 @katdish Yay! I can see you now too. Let's sing a chorus of "We are the champions"!)

@marni71 Yes. My tweetdeck is awash in your lovely face (in reply to marni71 @katdish Can you see me? (in the Tweetdeck sense?)

@CandySteele It's a sixth sense, really...(in reply to CandySteele @katdish I swear, you can be in the tub and hear your name called on the twitter.)

@marni71 WHAT??? Stupid tweetdeck (in reply to marni71 Rebooted. Columns are still too wide and Twitter says @katdish isn't my friend. HEADS ARE GONNA ROLL!)

@redclaydiaries Hey Steph! Say hello to my little friend. He's waiting for you! http://bit.ly/bTkLoa

(in reply to redclaydiaries @RobinMArnold That would be @katdish. I have a deep & abiding love for clowns. Mostly because @katdish hates them)

Girl-what would scare you most? Me-probably if something happened to U or your brother. Girl-wanna know what would scare me the most?... Me-tell me. Girl-being attacked by a ninja.

@redclaydiaries I knew you'd understand. There is no spoon. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Oh. Well of course. That makes sense.)

@redclaydiaries I don't know. That's my go-to Icelandic Ass Clown name. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish One question: Serge? Really?)

Jesus had 12 disciples who followed him everywhere. How annoying is that? Think he ever just turned to them & said, "WHAT?!?"-J Stewart

I think what went wrong w/Christianity is exactly what happens when you try to get a dog to look at something on television... Jesus pointed to God, and everyone just stares at his finger ~ Frank Miles

@MarketerMikeE Ass was in the bible, & @redclaydiaries started it. (in reply to MarketerMikeE @katdish did you just tweet "ass"? I'm calling a meeting of the deacons and elders.)

I have 3 books to read & review. Also 2 MS I want to read. Also I need to finish a guest post. So here I am. On twitter… Procrastination, thy name is katdish.

Flight of the Ass Clowns #rejectedTVpilots

@redclaydiaries Well I think ass clowns is a good start. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish I KNOW. I now have too much material. I don't know where to start. What should I write about?)

@redclaydiaries Well, don't resort to writing a blog post. Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish potato, potahto? (Can u tell I have creativity that I need to channel today?)

@redclaydiaries tomato, tomatto (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Like a yellow jacket to an open can of Coke!)

@redclaydiaries Like a moth to a flame! (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish I love how if we want u on Twitter, all we have to do is tweet something inappropriate.)

@redclaydiaries Wait...ass clown? What'd I miss? (in reply to redclaydiaries @CandySteele I don't know HOW soon he'll be home. What with the ass clown and all.)

@redclaydiaries Okay. But I did not shoot the deputy. (in reply to redclaydiaries

@katdish Um, YOU burnt the bacon. Haven't we already established that?)

@SBeeCreations Who burnt the bacon? (in reply to SBeeCreations @katdish it's burnt)

@redclaydiaries Or TWHS

@redclaydiaries TWSS. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Yes, but you burned @marni71 's bacon.)

@marni71 I'll always take credit for bacon. Morning! (in reply to marni71 @redclaydiaries let's blame @katdish for the bacon.)

@PeterPollock Hypocrites! I tell ya! (in reply to PeterPollock @katdish If that's true, then why do they complain when big people wear fur coats?)

Um, sorry. Not exactly. http://twitpic.com/1g2w1h


@jpwire Well, that's certainly not a good look. Not a fan of clowns or circus tents. (in reply to jpwire @katdish I love those dresses but they make me look like a clown wearing the circus tent.)

Check out these 60's dresses at Target. I gotta say, I'm liking this trend. Comfort b4 fashion I always say. http://twitpic.com/1g2t7b


Okay seriously people (cough* @amysorrells * cough) If you want me to RT your posts, MAKE THE TWEETS SHORTER.

@PeterPollock Oh, stop! You'll be cursing me again in no time! (in reply to PeterPollock My time management / speed of response to certain things is pathetic. Sorry @katdish and @billycoffey . Just sorry.)

The definitive guides to zombie killing. http://twitpic.com/1g1tyy



My children are SO demanding! Take me here, feed me, clothe me, shelter me! Dang.

11 comments:

Maureen said...

I was doing fine until I got to that second pic with all those deer heads.

Steph @Red Clay Diaries said...

WOW. That was all in one week? We were on a ROLL.

Grandma in the yellow house said...

I read the whole post, my retinas are not bleeding, but I did snort coffee down the front of my t-shirt. Twice. I'll go change now.
alternate id: okiewife

Kathleen said...

"With friends like @redclaydiaries, who need enemas?"
Enemas? How do you think of these things. Confess, are most of your funnies really typos? :)

♥ Kathy said...

The Sonic tater tot dude is too cool and ummm that cow is crap I need!!

jasonS said...

So where were all those deer heads? I couldn't figure out from reading (skimming *ahem*). That's a whole lot for one house...

Candy said...

You have waaaaay too much time on your hands. Wish you'd give me some of it. My ho-down would consist of "Good Morning, " and "Good night, " for seven days.

Wendy said...

Yeah, my husband has the Zombie Survival Guide. He would love nothing more than to get to fight off zombies. Everyone's gotta have a dream, I guess.

Cassandra Frear said...

This post just points to exactly what I meant by my last comment.

Jake said...

Animals are small people in fur coats? Hmmmmm. I'm tempted to argue with that, but funny enough, my girlfriend is a vegetarian and she likes animals. She's not crazy though :D

bman said...

These are always funny. Even when you play the Scrolling game! Scroll down to a random point, read a few, skip a few, and scroll some more!