Laying down the Unfollow hammer

image courtesy of photobucket.com


Forget all those "social media experts" you've been following who promise to share their wisdom with you. I'm here to tell you the secret to getting more followers. Are you ready? Here goes: Unfollow people who aren't following you, and then tell them why. I did that on Friday, and got like a gazillion new followers! Now, I'm not suggesting you tweet them individually and call them out. That's a bit too snarky even for yours truly. But a blog post works pretty well, apparently. And in other news, @HelenatRandom and I talked about men's panties...

And now, here's the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week
(And yes, they're still in backwards order, and yes, I'm still lazy)

@billycoffey Oh, shut up. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Want some cheese with that whine?)

I'm not complaining, but how come every time I get a bunch of new followers, @billycoffey gets a bunch of new followers

I crack myself up

@coffeewithmarty You really are missing out. We just solved the economic crisis in 140 characters. Must suck being you. (in reply to coffeewithmarty I feel like there are so many awesome things happening on twitter, and I'm missing them all. #feelingsorryformyself)

Holy Cow! My friend @MattTCoNP made the Top 100! That's AWESOME, MATT!!!! http://bit.ly/min5R

@Helenatrandom What about mannie-undie-panties? (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Yeah. Somehow men get insulted when you call their undies panties... Men are so weird...)

@Debberzz Given enough time, annoying people will mess anything up. (in reply to Debberzz @katdish Some of these rascals give social media a bad name. And I guess they really think we'll fall for it. Not cool.)

@Helenatrandom man panties. Snort! (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Wha? At least I caught myself before typing "panties". (Hubby Bob hates it when I refer universally to all undies as "panties")

@billycoffey Of course it was snark. Just another service I provide. You're welcome. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Yes, exactly. Wait, was that snark?)

RT @PeterPollock: My son missed school the day he was due to receive his perfect attendance reward. I laughed!

@Debberzz I had someone follow & unfollow 3 times in 3 days. Tweetdeck should have an "I'm just not that in to you" feature. (in reply to Debberzz I don't like having to block, but that one followed me, then unfollowed me and was sending multiple spam DMs.)

@Helenatrandom Yes, Helen. And I'm sure that's what @billycoffey calls them - "undies". (in reply to Helenatrandom @billycoffey Hey Billy! Your post about your undies left me speechless!)
@Doallas Which is to say, not very far up there at all.

@Doallas Geography is right up there with math as one of my fave subjects.

I don't even want to think about what they're not teaching her in school

Daughter: Santa is in Alaska right now. Me: Why Alaska? Daughter: Because that's where the North Pole is

Yesh! RT @WriteOnRideOn: @katdish Welcome!! I really like your blog. I sense in you the same kindred sick sense of humor. :o)

Dear @billycoffey: When you write a post about Sponge Bob boxer shorts, spam comments for ED & viagra increase ten-fold Sincerely, Me

@CassandraFrear I have a long history of talking back. It did not bode well for me as a youngster. (in reply to CassandraFrear #FollowFriday @katdish. Hilarious. For advice on all sorts of things. She'll talk back to you, too.)

@Brian_Russell Not guts, no glory Brian. (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish haha. Thanks. I was going to do @prodigaljohn but... got cold feet. (He's famous and stuff)

@Brian_Russell I'll give to 2 snaps up for being a shameless self promoter.

RT@Brian_Russell: Editing RT's is a pasttime of mine. // RT @katdish I fully endorse The Underfold and laugh at all it's jokes.

@muchl8r It's always fun to be pretentious (in reply to muchl8r Sometimes, It's fun to be pretentious #JustSayin)

@billycoffey I'm wearing striped capri pj pants & my "Procrastinators Unite - tomorrow" t-shirt. No Sponge Bob. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish You're wearing Spongebob pajamas right now, aren't you? Don't lie to me!)

@billycoffey Wouldn't you like to know... (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Hey, you have two kids. I guarantee you've worn something of Spongebob.)

@billycoffey Good morning. My image of you is shattered.

This is me. Slowly shaking my head in disapproval as I tweet @billycoffey's blog post about SpongeBob boxer shorts: http://bit.ly/9PuOpH

Dear Person I just unfollowed on Twitter: It's not you, it's me. http://bit.ly/cW4KRY

@coffeewithmarty Mwha! ha! ha! (in reply to coffeewithmarty @katdish Wow. You are good! I'm feeling guilty. I have so much to learn about #twitter etiquette)

@coffeewithmarty No one can make you feel guilty without your permission. (in reply to coffeewithmarty @katdish I'm feeling completely overwhelmed by the 107 pages of followers I need to sort through? Will you make me feel guilty if I quit?)

@coffeewithmarty Well that's an exceptionally lazy way to refollow. (in reply to coffeewithmarty Here's the deal. If you are following me, and I'm not following you in return, reply and tell me "Hi" and I'll follow you. Cheers!)

RT @CrazyGidgetDog: Been days since I've had a good butt drag on the carpet. Time to seize the moment! Carpe carpetum

@redclaydiaries Yes please. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish I'll try to be more codependent.)

@redclaydiaries You must anticipate my ignorance. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish I would have told u earlier if u'd asked me...)

@gyoung9751 Oh, one of us got lazy. (in reply to gyoung9751 @katdish What happened to @BuddyLoveTheDog?)

@br8kthru @redclaydiaries I did it the old fashioned way. I figure if I unfollow someone, it should be personal

@br8kthru Oh, I'm not having a bad day. I'm just a little shocked at how many ppl I follow that don't follow back. They're gone now.

@Serverman5 Perhaps only New Mexicans put ketchup on their Allsups burritos. (in reply to Serverman5 @katdish ok, if you are gonna honor TX ou can't put ketchup on it.)

@br8kthru Uh, huh... (in reply to br8kthru @katdish I ended it w/ a smiley face because I don't believe that in the least.)

@br8kthru You know, just because you end your tweets w/a smiley face it doesn't mean they don't hurt... (in reply to br8kthru @katdish It's okay- you needed to be taken down a notch. :)

I gotta say, it's a bit of an ego check moment when you discover you follow someone's pet & they don't follow you back.

In honor of Eastern New Mexico & West Texas, I am eating a greasy burrito w/ketchup.

Okay. Almost done cleaning up my account. Next I have to see who is following me that I'm not following. If real people, I'll refollow

So, I'm laying down the unfollow hammer this afternoon. Question - why do some of you people have more than one account?

"The errors of women spring, almost always, from their faith in the good, or their confidence in the true." ~ Balzac

@janetober I like to say, Remember you are special. Just like everyone else.

So what did y'all do today? http://twitpic.com/198o1a


RT @jewda4: what if the only green you wore today was jealous rage? does that count? happy st patty's day.

@redclaydiaries Yes. But it will take forever to get there by horse. (in reply to redclaydiaries I'm being followed by the @canadianpolice. So should I be worried, eh? (Can they extradite from Georgia?)

@shrinkingcamel Thanks. I'll read it later. (in reply to shrinkingcamel Procrastinators, you will love this: "How to make procratination productive," from Fast Company mag. http://bit.ly/aRsTw6)

@Doallas They could be explained in 14,000 characters. Still don't think I'd understand. (in reply to Doallas @katdish They do involve math, the reason I won't try explaining them in 140 or fewer characters.)

@Doallas Yes, they are cool. But they seem to involve math, so I am immediately suspect. (in reply to Doallas @katdish Now don't go asking me technical questions like that. I just know they're cool.)

Thus concludes my one and only St. Patrick's Day joke

Patio Furniture.

What's Irish and stays out all night?

Happy St. Patrick's Day Everyone!

Time for praise team practice! Let the music & obscure 80's reference commence!

RT @foldinglaundry: My 6 year old son just asked if he could change his name to Mort. I can't wait to start drinking again

@billycoffey Yes. And @peterpollock does a great job putting up with both of us. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish My website says Katdish Told Peter To Do This. Better?)

Ahem! RT @billycoffey: @PeterPollock My website says Peter Did This.

And embarrassing my kids at the same time. Win-win! http://twitpic.com/18dsnk


A banner day for car dancing... http://twitpic.com/18dse1
>

I've also been advised by my daughter to avoid the Asian noodle salad because "it tastes like vomit".

At souper salad with my kids. Where my son manages to avoid anything green or leafy http://twitpic.com/18dk6p


@redclaydiaries I watched Zombieland yesterday. I'm channeling my inner Tallahassee. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish OH. You ARE a professional. I am in awe.)

@redclaydiaries I used my secret weapon. The "excuse me, do I need to take a number or something?" along w/just a touch a snark. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Yeah good luck with that. I suggest strolling out of store with sample glasses. Or better yet, super pricey sunglasses.)

@redclaydiaries Har, har. Time for son to pick out glasses, 2 min. Time to get waited on? Still waiting. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Sounds like u were looking at eyeglass shopping thru rose-colored glasses. (snort. I crack myself up.)

In retrospect, perhaps coming to Eyemasters on a Saturday may not have been such a great idea

Okay. My son needs glasses, & my daughter needs new pencils & erasers. Because apparently, she eats them for snacks at school. Errand time.

@chrissulli @gyoung9751 My son has since discovered "microwaved cheese stick and bagel sandwiches". Yeah...they're all gone.

@gyoung9751 @chrissulli I bought 2 packages of bagels & a bag of cheese sticks 2 days ago....

My 12 YO son just asked me if we could order something for lunch. He just ate breakfast. Also? It's 8:30 in the morning.

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Sorry/you're welcome and Have a Great Weekend!