Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Keeping the Peace



We do that, don't we? Keep the peace; allow things to go unsaid. We don't rock the boat. Instead we keep our mouths shut and harden our hearts in the process. Thing is, these things left unsaid? We choke them down, hiding them deep. They fester. They grow. Spreading like a cancer, and if we don't treat the root cause they begin to affect every aspect of our lives.

Are you really mad at your wife because she left dishes in the sink?

Is it such a big deal that your husband forgot to pick up the dry cleaning like you asked?

Funny how everything becomes all or nothing: "You NEVER keep this kitchen clean!"

Or: "Why do I ALWAYS have to remind you twice to pick up the dry cleaning?"

Really? Tell me in honestly if your wife has never cleaned the kitchen or that your husband always has to be reminded again and again to run an errand for you. Bet you can't.

But it's so much easier to bitch about dishes and dry cleaning than to be vunerable and say "I don't feel loved. I'm not important to you."

Worse still is not expressing love because you make the assumption that they already know. They might, but everyone needs reassurance.

And remember: Love is a verb, not a noun.

This post is part of the Blog Carnival - Peace - hosted by Bridget Chumbley over at One Word at a Time.

20 comments:

Bonnie Gray said...

How long did it take to dress up those fingers of yours, Kathy?.. They're cute. LOL.

"Love is a verb, not a noun."

My fave.

Sometimes when it's hard to say, "I need to be loved", I find it easier move in closer and share the space space between us.

An embrace doesn't just go one way...

Russell Holloway said...

Thanks for reminding us how important it is to communicate how we feel to the people we love.

Glynn said...

And when we say nothing, we shove it down, like we're waiting for just the right spark to let everything erupt.

Kelly Langner Sauer said...

Yes, that. Sigh. Short and to the point. I appreciate this one muchly.

Helen said...

Good point. Better to speak my peace when I can be gentle, than wait until I have lost control.

Tony C said...

Great post Kathy. My toes needed that pain...

Love the picture. Priceless.

Bridget Chumbley said...

It is so much easier to yell about the things that don't really matter. The alternative is a much scarier prospect!

I agree with Tony... my toes hurt!

Marni said...

"Heeeey tell me, haven't you heard? Love is a serious word! Heeeey I think it's time you learned. I don't care what you say, I dont care what you heard. The word love, (UH!), love is a verb!"

You've got me singing today {grin}

GREAT post and even better reminders. Thank you so much.

jasonS said...

Wam, bam- you got to the point! Not to be a contrarian, but grammatically speaking love is both a verb and a noun. In fact, God IS love. We know love because He first loved us. Not that this takes away from your point, but I didn't want you to forget that I'm a smarty pants.

Now I'll just wait and see whether this comment gets published or not. :)

Marni said...

You want me to beat Jason up for you? Cuz I totally will. Just say the word.

katdish said...

No, thanks Marni.

But I prayed that God would forgive his ungrateful heart. He told me he would have to get back to me.

Maureen said...

Great way to use the one-word prompt. Such a good reminder for everyone.

The words "Keep the Peace" take on a whole new meaning when we wrap and deliver them in love.

L.T. Elliot said...

It is hard to just tell someone that you need affection from them. It's like peeling back an eggshell and trying not to break it. But it needs to be done because people aren't mind readers, right?

jasonS said...

Ungrateful, nah! I am eternally grateful for the gift of Katdish- make no bones about that. :)

Bina said...

I thiiiink I am supposed to be learning a lesson in the "love is a verb" thing as this is the second time in five minutes that I have read it in a blog!! :)

LOVED your finger puppets...actually wondered how I could make hair for some of my own!

Bina

S. Etole said...

"peeling back an eggshell ..." oh, yes ... peace isn't about passivity

Annie K said...

I know this is probably hard to believe but I don't have a problem telling my DH, 'show me the love!'

In a most subtle way of course.

M.L. Gallagher said...

Love this post -- it is enlightening and lightening up my thinking!

And the puppets -- wow! You make me smile.

Smiling makes my heart happy.

And a happy heart is a peaceful heart.

Coffee With Marty said...

Sound advice! I'll refer to your blog after I find that someone out there worthy of fighting with ;)

Did I really say that?

Of course we won't fight.

JoAnne said...

Thank you for your "italic" reminders Kathy :): Never, Always, Really. It's easy after having been married for a long time to think his little quirks are all the above, instead focusing on his positive traits that I still so love about him. I appreciate your " Love is a verb, not a noun" post!