Fear not, Maya Angelou

I am not a poet. There, I said it. I read beautiful words strung together on other blogs and think, I could never do that. But that didn't stop my poet friends from inviting me to participate in the TweetSpeak Poetry Jam on Tuesday night. So they get started. And I'm reading these tweets. And I'm waiting. Do you remember the feeling you had on the playground when you were supposed to make it into the jump rope that was already moving? And you keep standing there waiting for the right moment and thinking to yourself, "This could end very badly?" Yeah, that was me. I finally jumped in, and am proud to report that I made it through 2 tweets before I tweeted "That's what she said". What can I say? I gotta be me.

Glynn Young of Faith, Fiction and Friends gathered up all these tweets from several different participants, and with some editing, managed to put together a very fine poem for TweetSpeak Poetry entitled Adam and Even by the Narrow Lake. Here are my poignant contributions:

Well, I think I've done enough damage here. Gotta go write a guest post intro.

and then the customer doth say/Can I get fries with that shake? #tsp

and words sometimes doth twist/the fingers too #tsp

the black keys dance/though flat and sharp #tsp

and while the upon the white keys the petals fell silent/the black keys?/Not so much...#tsp

@sarahmsalter Okay, well the tangled part wasn't mine, just the nonsense. Go figure. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Can I use that line sometime? The tangled nonsense part? That's AWESOME!)

@Doallas If by "no" you mean "yes", then "no" (in reply to Doallas we do get dramatic, no? #tsp)

@BridgetChumbley A rose by any other name, is still a rose. Besides, I can't help myself. TWSS.( in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish I was about to tell you how proud I was of you for attempting this... then I saw that tweet & all went out the window! ;)

@redclaydiaries Thanks. I was hoping you would catch that. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish SNORT. Thanks for taking over the crazy for me.)

and in the tangled nonsense, one voice cried out, That's what she said #tsp

and rainbows rays reflected upon surfaces shone hope to those who witnessed #tsp

Eve, hangs her head, in the shame of not being poetic #tsp

@gyoung9751 It's all a matter of emphasis. (in reply to gyoung9751 @katdish I got that line - it's great -- but is Gaaa spelled with 2 or 3 a's?)

@Doallas Gaaa! I am so out of my league here... (in reply to Doallas @katdish are you joining us for poetry jam #tsp)

And here's the rest of the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

RT @PuriChristos: Your mum's at the door again. Bury me. Bury me deep. (I've had this dream)

@binaspad Well I'll just have to come up w/some equally disturbing images for next week. (in reply to binaspad @katdish re:it will change your life. meat puppets are dancing in my mind even tho I bid them to stop. *sigh*)

@redclaydiaries I liked (among others) "Put the lobster down. Put it down!" (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish rolley pony PONY.... Splat!)

@redclaydiaries I AM CRYING I'm laughing so hard - reading that sleep talkin' man blog.

@JeffHolton Sort of like a train wreck, isn't it? (in reply to JeffHolton One of the worst posts I've ever read, but I'm still unable to resist sharing. :) From the amazing @katdish... http://bit.ly/7oUiUP)

Snort! RT @Helenatrandom: @Brian_Russell Do not unfollow ME? I will make you pay if you do. I am friends with @katdish. Nuff said...

@amysorrells You know, the monkey butt pic sort of looks like a flower, if you squint real hard. in reply to amysorrells @katdish I like your style, but I refuse to put meat puppets on any kind of sidebar button. Unless it has a rose on it or damask of course.)

RT @joannesher: My daughter:''our oven is hotter than florida!

@amysorrells That's called "branding" Amy. Katdish style! (in reply to amysorrells @katdish I can't get those meat puppets out of my head. Or that monkey. They are forever seared upon my tender brain tissue.)

@amysorrells Sorry/you're welcome. (in reply to amysorrells @katdish Yeah, THAT's the quote I want to be known for through the generations . . .)

"Holy monkey-butt-meat-puppet, Batman!" ~ @amysorrells

@Helenatrandom Morning! I suppose I could have found some headcheese puppets. But then I would have thrown up on my computer.

Yes, that's fine, b/c my ego can take it RT @billycoffey: @JeanneDamoff But you like me more than @katdish, don't you? It's okay to say it.

@JeanneDamoff Aw, thanks Jeanne! Happy dancing! in reply to JeanneDamoff @katdish @billycoffey Thanks for the RTs. Also, you are two of my favorite people. Have a beautiful day.)

Is it a good or a bad sign when you're writing a blog post and cracking yourself up?

Dog day afternoon http://twitpic.com/yyeoh


@Doallas Oh, trust me...you should be grateful. Did I mention I used to work in the oil & gas industry? In Texas? Nuff said.

@Doallas Which reminds me of an airline joke, which I cannot share.

@Doallas Of course I do. (in reply to Doallas @katdish The @thetwitcleaner? You do realize that middle word has at least two other meanings.)

I'm utilizing @thetwitcleaner to lay down the unfollow hammer. If you feel my unfollow is in error, please let me know.

(I do, don't I?) RT @amysorrells: So grateful to @katdish because she ROCKS!!!

Favorite keyword search of the month for HLAC: "Lo, I have a painful disease in my loins"

@HeatheroftheEO Paranoia and self doubt? You're a born writer! (in reply to HeatheroftheEO @warmchocmilk @katdish yes, yes. You're right. Just paranoia setting in. I need more to do or something. :)

What am I supposed to do with THIS? - RT @PeterPollock: @katdish I don't love/hate you. There's one of those which I definitely don't do!

@CandySteele Follow Friday is not the boss of me. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish what is this, #followwednesday ?)

Previous tweet translated: Keep it under 800 words, people!

RT @prodigaljohn: Write your blog as if you're asking someone to share the most precious resource they have. Because you are. Time.

@BridgetChumbley You should have some protein. Perhaps dip them in peanut butter? (in reply to BridgetChumbley @katdish I'm breaking open the box of Lemon-Heads...)

@Mami_Picture Low carb monster and a protein bar. I'm devastatingly lazy when it comes to preparing food.( in reply to Mami_Picture @katdish so what's 4 lunch?)

@BridgetChumbley Kay. I just had a blue monster and a protein bar. Cuz I'm fancy. (in reply to BridgetChumbley @makeadiff21 But of course... and @katdish I'm hungry too... let's do lunch!)

@CandySteele You like me...you really, really like me

@annkroeker Well, let's just stop then. I don't want his head getting too big for that cowboy hat. (in reply to annkroeker @katdish Guess we all recognize a good thing when we read it.... This is turning into a gushing @billycoffey stream of posts.)

@annkroeker Oh, y'all found @billycoffey first. I'm just BeBe to his Frazier Crane. (in reply to annkroeker @katdish Same thing @highcallingblog where @billycoffey works his word-magic. Thanks for sharing him!)

@chrissulli You'll have to take that up with @peterpollock. He love/hates me. (in reply to chrissulli @billycoffey egh, I'm bored out of my mind. I can't even get @katdish to let me build her a website for free)

@sarahmsalter Oh, I didn't see his last tweet. I unfollowed him. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish You're welcome. And if you want, I'll help you beat up @billycoffey. Especially after his latest particularly snotty comment.)

So, @billycoffey's guest post on my blog always get more hits than mine. But I'm not bitter...

@marni71 It can't be done without laying down the unfollow hammer.( in reply to marni71 @billycoffey Let me know how ignoring @katdish works out for you.)

@billycoffey Oh, like that's possible... (in reply to billycoffey @marni71 Thank you, Marni. I'm ignoring @katdish.)

@billycoffey Sit down and take a break. You're so needy... (in reply to billycoffey @mylestones @weightwhat @katdish @sarahmsalter @br8kthru @marni71 Would someone please tell me to sit down and take a break?)

@marni71 No. He's just stubborn. Sort of runs in the family. (in reply to marni71 @katdish Are you staring at him? Maybe he has stage fright....)

Right now I'm waiting for my dog to take care of business, and lamenting the fact that I still don't own a starter pistol.

Okay, I gotta go. Someone's cracking a redneck whip in my general direction.

Don't taze me bro! #24

I have a date with Jack Bauer...chat later.

@amysorrells If your cake has a crust, I don't know if frosting is your biggest issue.

@amysorrells Then we can't work together...( in reply to amysorrells @katdish I refuse to change my profile pic to me in a cowboy hat. Ever. I have my limits. Just so you know.)

@marni71 She should follow me on Twitter. (in reply to marni71 @katdish Dumb counselor. If only she could see you now! )

@buzzbyannies @marni71 And my high school guidance counselor told me being a smart @$$ was not a marketable skill...

@marni71 "Juob" is French for "Job"

@marni71 Oh, I'm not off either. Being an internet tornado is a full time juob.

Oh...em....gee...Taking a breath between 24 episodes. Oops! Gotta go!

Oh, wait....24 is on! Forget this show

I'm watching The Human Target, starring that dude from the 1st 3 seasons of Boston Legal & guest starring a kid from The Bad News

Making a grocery list on my iphone I cannot type the word "banana" w/o breaking into a Gwen Stephani song.

Ladies, if you're going to be a lush, at least be a fashionable one. http://twitpic.com/yiuv7


@ryanmer You're a rather angry librarian... (in reply to ryanmer I SHOULD be happy that so many people are at the library on a Saturday, but instead I just want to scream obscenities & punch people.)

Again, Sorry/you're welcome. Happy Friday!