Trending Topics on the Twitter

Okay, big week on the twitter. Matt @ the Church of No People who proclaimed that he would NOT be on the twitter via his blog is now, in fact, on the twitter. Why? Well, I cannot prove this beyond a reasonable doubt, but I think the last straw was when I told Pete Wilson via twitter than Matt had a secret man crush on him, after which Pete left a comment on his blog. Never doubt the power of obnoxiousness. It is magic, I tell you. MAGIC!

I also somehow managed to surpass 500 followers. How? The old fashioned way, people -- one annoying tweet at a time.

And, of course -- sometime yesterday morning, @helenatrandom, @weightwhat, @candysteele and @katdish embarked on a journey to make hash tag history by clogging up the twitter with #youmightbeatwitterho. I was going to post them all here, but frankly, I don't have that kind of time, so here's the link: Trending Topics: You Might be a Twitter Ho.

I promised myself I would keep this update to 100 tweets or less, even though I had...a bunch more than that. So, without further adieu,

The best (or not) of me on the Twitter:

1. If you give up trying to cut and paste all the twitter ho references and just decide to link the trending topic, #youmightbeatwitterho

2. Irony: I have to stay off the twitter because...I have to write a post about being on the twitter.
3. Facebook Friends: It's not you. It's me. Long term relationships consisting of over 140 characters smother me. But we can still be friends

4. @weightwhat You're exhausting. Sort of like me...

5. @weightwhat Too early for what? Art or cross dressing men?

6. @Helenatrandom Because no one wants to see a man in a bikini.

7. @buzzbyannies @CandySteele @weightwhat Can you people wait for me to get on the twitter before you start these conversations?

8. RT @jerdavcpa: @katdish I think I will name them monkeybutt, iluvkatdish, lookachicken, and notdaughtrey

9. @billycoffey I broke 500. Jealous much?

10. @ofmercy Thank you Jon! Why are you so nice to me? Nevermind. I'll take it!

11. Absolutely nothing. And will most likely unfollow me soon after.

12. I've gotta go to praise team practice. My 500th follower will receive......

13. @CandySteele And just to tell you, I'm 4 away from 500 followers, so the fact that @ronsteele7 won't follow me is a bitter pill to swallow.

14. @CandySteele Well yes. I would know that they appreciate my genius.

15. @prodigaljohn Okay, PJ. Definitely seeing some improvements in the tweets. Keep it up, and I may stop calling you PJ.

16. RT @asilannax: I celebrated Canada Day in a very American way. That is to say, I cooked a frozen pizza and ate a piece the size of my head

17. RT @jewdacris4: RT @katdish: If your standards are embarrassingly low, you should follow me. ;no wonder i'm one of her twitter followers

18. @ylnt I like a good box wine. April was an excellent month.

19. However, I am considering all offers to publish my book: "Making your Mark: How to write long, annoying comments on other people's blogs"

20. Five more followers before I reach 500. I am excited, and I don't know why. I'm not selling anything.

21. @ProfessionalOne That was really sweet...in a cyberstalkerish sort of way.

22. RT @ProfessionalOne: @ofmercy Can I follow @katdish twice? :-)

23. I am now at 492 followers. I'm going to interface with the non-virtual people. If I break 500 by the time I'm back, then hey! good for me!

24. If, like Allanis Morrisette, you don't truly grasp the definition of "Ironic", #youmightbecanadian

25. If you sometimes refer to the 48 states as "upper mexicans", #youmightbecanadian

26. If you know Canadian history enough to know that Manitoba means literally "many tubas", #youmightbecanadian

27. If you're like regular white people only slower #youmightbecanadian

28. RT @tremendousnews: If there was a point in your life where you were jealous of someone's toboggan, #youmightbecanadian

29. @PeterPollock Well, dang Peter! I'm about to call it a night. Where have you been? Storming the castle?

30. @CandySteele Do you doubt that I could win that argument? Me thinks not.

31. What the???? I have almost 500 followers? You people have horribly low standards.

32. @weightwhat I'm going to have to penalize you 10 yards for using the term "tweeps"

33. @HerbieGookins Goodnight Beth! You big dork!

34. @CandySteele Yeah. We are SO easily amused by ourselves!

35. Have you been looking for a blog completely devoted to tacky decorative pigs? My friend, your search is over: http://bit.ly/1UTz6

36. @PeterPollock I think Brad Lomenick was mildly offended in Atlanta when I made him pose for a picture with a paper doll.

37. @bryanallain I don't really get free tickets. They pay me not to show up.

38. @bryanallain You have to pay for you Catalyst tickets? Must suck being you...

39. @weightwhat Don't fear me. Unless you leave an anonymous comment on my blog. Then, fear me indeed.

40. Go Katdish. A phrase I've often heard uttered...but not in a good way.

41. RT @TonyCToday: @katdish That's awesome! I've already added him...go Katdish!

42. RT @weightwhat: RT@StephenAtHome why does census ignore america's vampires? join me in my chant for justice: count dracula! count dracula!

43. @davidgs Yes you are! Embrace your cranky ho-ness!

44. AHEM! @MattTcoNP (Matt @ the Church of No People) is now on the twitter. All together now: Katdish, you were right!

45. @bryanallain Tyler and me. It should be Tyler and me. Love, the grammar police.

46. @PuriChristos @billycoffey @buzzbyannies @Helenatrandom @weightwhat @CandySteele Did you hear? Matt finally caved and is on the twitter.

47. RT @tsbailey: Tuesday is just Monday without as much bitterness.

48. Mmm, hmm. Thought so...

49. That would be the same Matt at the Church of No people who swore he would not cave.

50. For those of you who doubted my ability to completely wear someone down and get my way, @matttconp is now on the twitter!

51. Who doubted me, huh? That's right...@mattTconp has caved! Follow him, and tell him I sent you! (That will really annoy him.)

52. @mattTconp Welcome to the twitter! Told you I always get what I want...

53. @PuriChristos @Helenatrandom @weightwhat I am tired! My post goes up in 2 minutes. I think a couple of buttcracks are still missing-meh.

54. How do I get a celebrity endorsement for my upcoming book: How to leave long, annoying comments on other people's blogs?

55. Husband: Why were you up so late? Me: I was re-inserting buttcracks into my blog post. Husband: (rolling his eyes at me)

56. Did @candysteele unfollow me? Or is she just ignoring me? I feel like @weightwhat to @billycoffey

57. Sorry, folks! @Helenatrandom loves Jesus, but she drinks a little!

58. @billycoffey What? I just got here! I've hardly abused you at all today!

59. Where is @purichristos when I need him? I can't get the buttcrack key to work in my blog post!

60. @Helenatrandom You are adorably annoying Helen!

61. @Helenatrandom No! Long live the monkey butt!

62. I don't have a clue what to write about for tomorrow. So, am I taking a day off? No. I'll post something incredibly stupid.

63. Oh..wait. Different kind of pub. Nevermind...

64. Don't eat the shelled peanuts they leave out on the bar. They reuse the ones from the night before. #PubTip

65. Wisdom from my mother: "It's not gossip if it's true!" (I wish I was joking.)

66. @shrinkingcamel I'm. Eating. Cantelope.

67. @ofmercy Magnificant? Yeah. Okay. If you say so...

68. As long as you have not grasped that you have to die to grow, you are a troubled guest on a dark earth - Mircea Eliade

69. @shrinkingcamel ALSO? I CRACK MYSELF UP!!!

70. @shrinkingcamel I LIKE TO TYPE IN ALL CAPS AND USE EXCLAMATION POINTS! THIS DENOTES THE IMPORTANCE OF MY WORDS!!!!!!!!!

71. @PeterPollock @Brian_Russell @Helenatrandom Yeah. I don't know. I'm practicing avoidance in hopes it goes away.

72. @bryanallain I actually have a trash can completely devoted to lint. I offered it to @stacyasmallsfl, so far - no response.

73. @pwilson - Check this out. Matt @ the Church of No People called you HAWT! http://bit.ly/DL3io

74. @br8kthru You're welcome. How are you doing?

75. @beckfromfrogandtoad Vicious cycle, no?

76. RT @beckfromfrogandtoad: Why am I on Twitter? Because I am writing. And why is writing taking me so long? Because I AM ON TWITTER.

77. Lo Carb ice cream on sale at Kroger, so I bought 20 1/2 gallons. They say love has no pride & apparently, neither do I.

78. Dear Yoville: I got your emails. We've just grown apart. It's not you. It's me.

79. RT @tsbailey: Sometimes I just get to the point where my socks annoy me with their tightness. Off with you, oppressors of freedom.

80. @buzzbyannies Oh, shut up Annie.

81. But, hey. You know what really fun to do outside here in the summertime? Absolutely nothing.

82. RT @weightwhat: Now that Billy Mays has passed away, I may never buy another product that I have absolutely no use for.

83. @ScottHenson My cousin is a vegan, but she's got some fine leather shoes. She told me you have to draw the line somewhere. Huh...

84. @chrissulli Also? Do you know why they always have riots at soccer games? Because there's nothing better to do!

85. @chrissulli OH NO YOU DI-ENT just say that to me!

86. It's very exciting keeping up with a soccer game via the twitter. Yeah. Not really. Soccer is boring.

87. @PeterPollock Ah, thanks Peter. I do try to encourage my pastor buds when I'm not teasing them mercilessly.

88. @asilannax Sorry. I'm already taken. Also? We're both women.

89. Huh....@pwilson just unfollowed me. What gives?

90. @pwilson Ooo! What time? What's the number to call? I have GREAT questions!

91. @MichaelHyatt Yeah. I made a few calls. You're welcome.

92. @PuriChristos Yes. I saw that. No biggie. I'm all up in inappropriate. Okay. My dog needs to pee. Y'all don't talk about me while I'm gone.

93. @billycoffey And since when are you a redneck and I'm not? I'm just a fancier redneck.

@billycoffey Oh, says who? That's a pretty bold statement. I have grudges older than you!

94. @weightwhat I can't keep up with you. Yes, the garage is finished. 2 cars fit in there. Who knew?

5. @weightwhat twitter ho telepathy - ACTIVATE!

96. @weightwhat but I thought it might be a bit creepy for a 40 something mother of 2 to ask a 16 year old for a picture.

97. @weightwhat Ooo! I was at a wedding today, and I swear, one of the teenager there looked like Edward Cullen. I was going to snap a pic,

98. @authorjjhebert Oh, let's just go with man-boy.

9. @authorjjhebert Still...A man needs a drill.

100. @authorjjhebert How could possibly not have a drill?