Despite a few subtle hints dropped here and there via twitter, certain people still refuse to follow me or the rest of my frigintastically interesting friends. I'm not going to mention any names, but you know who you are "Jodigal Pron". (Wow - that looks kinda dirty typed out like that, huh?) Anyway, here's what you've been missing:
Things I still don't necessarily need to know about you via twitter:
- that your arms are getting really hairy
- that your local starbucks is open until 10PM
- that your cable is out
- that your dog woke you up in the middle of the night to go pee (okay, that was me)
- whether or not you use an umbrella
- that you take the Lord's name in vain with the same reckless abandon whether the Cubs win a three game series or "it's time for bed"
- that you often follow attractive women via twitter randomly (um - Ewh!)
- that you're still not following me on twitter
- that K-mart sells Icees
- that Icees cannot compete with Slurpees
- that sexy ears abound
- that you need to pee (again)
(I'm giving away a free CD to the first person who can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and tell who tweeted 8 of 12 of the aforementioned little tidbits of TMI.)
Things I'm cool with knowing about you via twitter:
- that you were inspired by one of my retweets to cross-stitch a pillow for your pastor and his wife because you also think gasoline smells "cool as @$$" .
- that you think I'm a bloody rockstar
- that no one can match my frigintastic interestingness
- that sarcasm is your love language
- that you got witnessed to outside of Starbucks because people think you look like you're going to hell
- that you're fighting off a mediocre day and you need someone to stab
- that you finally caved and joined twitter because of my thinly veiled threats of violence
- that you finally changed that creepy avatar
- that you make a good baptist when it comes to dancing
- that there's a whole lot of ppbottle love to go around
- that monkey butted meetings are the number one cause of power tool owies
- that you are safely home from India and you still find me annoying yet endearing
- that you will automatically retweet anything I tweet beginning with "Dear" (I know, I'm easily amused.)
- that you finally remembered to tweet your own dang posts! I can't do EVERYTHING!
Random Katdish bits of wisdom and social commentary:
- My daughter is some kind of epic hula hooper. Wondering if she can make a career out of this w/o having knives thrown at her?
- I asked him, "What are you thinking about?" He said, "If I wanted you to know, I'd be talking." And then I punched him in the kidneys.
- Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants has approximately one to forty-seven new posts per day. Check it out. I double dog dare you.
- Have you ever had your eyebrows ripped out with dental floss? Not to dissuade you, but I may have screamed NO KELLY CLARKSON!" at the mall.
- That you're 50 years old and playing warcraft games at the mall does not make you a mama's boy.
- That your mom drove you to the mall makes you a mama's boy.
- Watching the Astros. Leading the Braves by 1 at the top of the 8th. Still time for them to screw it up. They've had alot of practice.
- Beauty Tip of the Day: Red Sharpie is a good quick fix for a pedicure touch up. Jelly donut? Not so much...
- You may be wondering what leftover corn looks like after spending 3 months in the fridge, but I"m here to tell you, you don't want to know.
- The water bottle attached to a pet carrier is NOT called a gerbil licker. Do not google it. You're just going to have to trust me on this.
- Don't you hate it when your dog takes his own sweet time to do his bidness? Yet another reason to own a starter pistol.
- Twitter: The complete undoing of the katdish presidential campaign.
- Also, I just told Sherri that Helen was talking smack about her on twitter. Let's see how long it takes that little smurf to get an account.
- That's it! I'm done with @prodigaljohn. I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee!
- Now, where's some dog poop?
Open letters to new followers, et. al.:
- Dear Oil Change Required Light, according to my KwikKar window cling, you, sir are a LIAR!
- Dear pedestrian in the grocery store parking lot. Again, sorry. My bad. In my defense you were blocking the path to Low Carb Monster Store.
- Dear New Follower: strangely enough, I have NOT ever dreamed of earning cash that gushes out like toothpaste. But thanks for asking.
- Dear New Followers: Thanks for the follow. Just to tell you, I'm not in the market to buy or sell a house.
- Dear New Followers: If I am not following you, it's not because I'm ignoring you, I just have a lot of emails to go through...
- Actually, I am ignoring some of you. I don't think the term "monkey butt" means the same thing to me as it does to you.
- Dear Mall Gangstas - you're not so much scary as you are badly dressed.
- Welcome new followers! Forgive me for not following back, but I don't even have those characters on my keyboard. What is that? Klingon?
- Dear people who follow me then have a "pending approval request to refollow" - You have until 5 pm central, then I wash my hands of you.
- @aplusk (Ashton Kuetcher) - seriously, dude. stop cyber stalking me. I'm almost old enough to be your moth...Oh wait. Nevermind.
- Dear New Followers: I'm not gonna lie - if you are also following Oprah, Hillary and chicks from The View, you're going to be disappointed.
- Dear New Followers w/a first name followed by an inordinate number of consonants w/a particular affinity for x, y & z. What is UP with that?
- Goodnight Tweeps! And to all my new brown faced blue circle eyed followers: Good night freaks! (Get an avatar, okay?)
Retweet of the Week: A short story by Brian C. Russell aka B-man, Through Cracked Glass
Some of my more observant readers may have noticed that I removed my twitter updates from the sidebar of this blog. If you want to know my goings on via twitter, get an account and follow me. There's no need to obsessively check my blog's sidebar several times a day to see what I'm doing. (You know who you are...)
Seriously, I think twitter is tons of fun. I didn't even list some of my favorite "conversations" via twitter. @PuriChristos tweeted in Klingon for like 4 tweets, which I was completely baffled by. I'm a freak, not a geek. We just run in the same circles. But he forgave me. Good thing I'm adorable. May 4 was Star Wars Day. There are quiet a few awkward Star Wars geeks on twitter, most of them are my friends. @CandySteele made an obscene amount of Chex Mix, but no ham sandwiches, @redclaydiaries wants a riding vacuum cleaner with a bulldozer attachment, @marni71 wants one of those contraptions from Cat in the Hat that Thing 1 and Thing 2 ride around on. @helenatrandom is a twitter whore and a grocery store ho. Good times. Now, why aren't you following me? You know you want to...