Friday, May 8, 2009

Twitter Update: What you're still missing


Despite a few subtle hints dropped here and there via twitter, certain people still refuse to follow me or the rest of my frigintastically interesting friends. I'm not going to mention any names, but you know who you are "Jodigal Pron". (Wow - that looks kinda dirty typed out like that, huh?) Anyway, here's what you've been missing:


Things I still don't necessarily need to know about you via twitter:

  • that your arms are getting really hairy
  • that your local starbucks is open until 10PM
  • that your cable is out
  • that your dog woke you up in the middle of the night to go pee (okay, that was me)
  • whether or not you use an umbrella
  • that you take the Lord's name in vain with the same reckless abandon whether the Cubs win a three game series or "it's time for bed"
  • that you often follow attractive women via twitter randomly (um - Ewh!)
  • that you're still not following me on twitter
  • that K-mart sells Icees
  • that Icees cannot compete with Slurpees
  • that sexy ears abound
  • that you need to pee (again)

(I'm giving away a free CD to the first person who can email me at katdishrich@gmail.com and tell who tweeted 8 of 12 of the aforementioned little tidbits of TMI.)

Things I'm cool with knowing about you via twitter:

  • that you were inspired by one of my retweets to cross-stitch a pillow for your pastor and his wife because you also think gasoline smells "cool as @$$" .
  • that you think I'm a bloody rockstar
  • that no one can match my frigintastic interestingness
  • that sarcasm is your love language
  • that you got witnessed to outside of Starbucks because people think you look like you're going to hell
  • that you're fighting off a mediocre day and you need someone to stab
  • that you finally caved and joined twitter because of my thinly veiled threats of violence
  • that you finally changed that creepy avatar
  • that you make a good baptist when it comes to dancing
  • that there's a whole lot of ppbottle love to go around
  • that monkey butted meetings are the number one cause of power tool owies
  • that you are safely home from India and you still find me annoying yet endearing
  • that you will automatically retweet anything I tweet beginning with "Dear" (I know, I'm easily amused.)
  • that you finally remembered to tweet your own dang posts! I can't do EVERYTHING!

Random Katdish bits of wisdom and social commentary:

  • My daughter is some kind of epic hula hooper. Wondering if she can make a career out of this w/o having knives thrown at her?
  • I asked him, "What are you thinking about?" He said, "If I wanted you to know, I'd be talking." And then I punched him in the kidneys.
  • Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants has approximately one to forty-seven new posts per day. Check it out. I double dog dare you.
  • Have you ever had your eyebrows ripped out with dental floss? Not to dissuade you, but I may have screamed NO KELLY CLARKSON!" at the mall.
  • That you're 50 years old and playing warcraft games at the mall does not make you a mama's boy.
  • That your mom drove you to the mall makes you a mama's boy.
  • Watching the Astros. Leading the Braves by 1 at the top of the 8th. Still time for them to screw it up. They've had alot of practice.
  • Beauty Tip of the Day: Red Sharpie is a good quick fix for a pedicure touch up. Jelly donut? Not so much...
  • You may be wondering what leftover corn looks like after spending 3 months in the fridge, but I"m here to tell you, you don't want to know.
  • The water bottle attached to a pet carrier is NOT called a gerbil licker. Do not google it. You're just going to have to trust me on this.
  • Don't you hate it when your dog takes his own sweet time to do his bidness? Yet another reason to own a starter pistol.
  • Twitter: The complete undoing of the katdish presidential campaign.
  • Also, I just told Sherri that Helen was talking smack about her on twitter. Let's see how long it takes that little smurf to get an account.
  • That's it! I'm done with @prodigaljohn. I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee!
  • Now, where's some dog poop?

Open letters to new followers, et. al.:

  • Dear Oil Change Required Light, according to my KwikKar window cling, you, sir are a LIAR!
  • Dear pedestrian in the grocery store parking lot. Again, sorry. My bad. In my defense you were blocking the path to Low Carb Monster Store.
  • Dear New Follower: strangely enough, I have NOT ever dreamed of earning cash that gushes out like toothpaste. But thanks for asking.
  • Dear New Followers: Thanks for the follow. Just to tell you, I'm not in the market to buy or sell a house.
  • Dear New Followers: If I am not following you, it's not because I'm ignoring you, I just have a lot of emails to go through...
  • Actually, I am ignoring some of you. I don't think the term "monkey butt" means the same thing to me as it does to you.
  • Dear Mall Gangstas - you're not so much scary as you are badly dressed.
  • Welcome new followers! Forgive me for not following back, but I don't even have those characters on my keyboard. What is that? Klingon?
  • Dear people who follow me then have a "pending approval request to refollow" - You have until 5 pm central, then I wash my hands of you.
  • @aplusk (Ashton Kuetcher) - seriously, dude. stop cyber stalking me. I'm almost old enough to be your moth...Oh wait. Nevermind.
  • Dear New Followers: I'm not gonna lie - if you are also following Oprah, Hillary and chicks from The View, you're going to be disappointed.
  • Dear New Followers w/a first name followed by an inordinate number of consonants w/a particular affinity for x, y & z. What is UP with that?
  • Goodnight Tweeps! And to all my new brown faced blue circle eyed followers: Good night freaks! (Get an avatar, okay?)

Retweet of the Week: A short story by Brian C. Russell aka B-man, Through Cracked Glass

Some of my more observant readers may have noticed that I removed my twitter updates from the sidebar of this blog. If you want to know my goings on via twitter, get an account and follow me. There's no need to obsessively check my blog's sidebar several times a day to see what I'm doing. (You know who you are...)

Seriously, I think twitter is tons of fun. I didn't even list some of my favorite "conversations" via twitter. @PuriChristos tweeted in Klingon for like 4 tweets, which I was completely baffled by. I'm a freak, not a geek. We just run in the same circles. But he forgave me. Good thing I'm adorable. May 4 was Star Wars Day. There are quiet a few awkward Star Wars geeks on twitter, most of them are my friends. @CandySteele made an obscene amount of Chex Mix, but no ham sandwiches, @redclaydiaries wants a riding vacuum cleaner with a bulldozer attachment, @marni71 wants one of those contraptions from Cat in the Hat that Thing 1 and Thing 2 ride around on. @helenatrandom is a twitter whore and a grocery store ho. Good times. Now, why aren't you following me? You know you want to...

25 comments:

Amanda Mae said...

So, I'm pretty sure 1/2 to 3/4 of the things you don't need to know via twitter are things that Carlos Whittaker tweeted in the past week or so. I can't say I didn't think the arm hair was a little TMI.

sharilyn said...

ok. call me out of it or a skeptic, but how does anyone have any time to work or live 'real' life with all of this--emails, blogging, facebook, twitter...?? i don't know or get the whole twitter thing, but maybe there's something to it...? what is it that i'm missing? i can't seem to keep up with work, regular life (such as the dishes in the sink, the dirty laundry, the oil change, the messy apt!), emails, and the occasional facebook update... where does twitter fit into all of this?!?!?!?!?!?

jasonS said...

I am following you! You know that.

@sharilyn- you can make your tweets auto-update your facebook. Twitter is just fun and full of great info, links, and more. Try it out! You don't respond to everyone- think of it like a stream that you dip your foot in when you get a chance. You can't possibly follow all of it, but you can get what you want to out of it... Okay, I'll stop being a twittervangelist...

Leslie said...

I'm following you now on Twitter. I just pretend to know what I'm doing on it, with random poorly executed retweets and sappy, "Oh, thank you so much for the follow. Bless you!" personal messages that clearly show I don't have enough followers if each recieves such a letter. Oh well.

You crack me up-- I look forward to hearing what you have to say. And, I'm adding you to my blogroll- I could use more comic relief. Thanks for giving me a giggle this morning!

Oh, and if you follow me back on Twitter, I'll send you a private message too, and then subsequently forget who you are when you tweet me a reply (how can one keep track??) ;)

Have a blessed (Twitterific ;) day!

Candace Jean July 16 said...

Most of those are @LosWhit. He's been pretty quiet the past couple of days, though.

What's pathetic is that I've read this entire post before it went up - in random lines, day by day.

That's why you love Twitter so much..."hey look, a Tweet!" sounds amazingly chicken-like. If the shoe fits...

Love, @candysteele

katdish said...

Amanda - you are correct. I'll seroiusly send you a worship CD if you email me your mailing address.

Sharilyn - what Jason said.

Leslie - what's your twitter name? I can't find you in my followers.

Candy - if by "pathetic" you mean wicked awesome cool, then yes it's pathetic.

Nick the Geek said...

In case anyone doesn't keep up I'm @PuriChristos. I did tweet in klingon but that is totally katdish's fault. In fact that is a phrase everyone should try to implement at least once per day. It is true though.

Also, I do not know, nor likely will I ever know, Klingon. I had to go look up those phrases online so I hope they were correct. Who really knows what I told katdish? I don't.

Nick the Geek said...

@Candy,

Heheh, Twitter, blogging for the ADH .... shiny.

Annie K said...

Obviously some people have waaaay too much time on their hands. Unlike us hardworking (or is that still working?) folks who...

Ok - if I could twitter at work I probably would. Kills the monotony y'know.

Shark Bait said...

Whew. When I saw where this post was going, I was afrid it was me that was in trouble.

Jon Acuff, you are a bad man.

B.T.W. if you want to follow me on twitter, I am @sharkbaitistoocoolfortwitteranddoesnotwanttobeatwit

Helen said...

I may have to give up Twitter and be in seclusions for a few days. I keep wanting to link to Wendy's life is funny post, then tell people to go glitter their...well read her post and you'll get the idea.

@sharilyn. When I first started twittering, I wasn't the loose tweeter that I have become. I only tweeted four times a day at the most. Now I tweet my grocery list. Okay, that was only because Katdish was egging me on. It was totally Katdish's fault (proud of me Nick?). Anyway, I spent months on twitter being normal and only tweeting a few things. It can be done. I've just forgotten how....

Helen said...

Shame on you Sharkie. I got this message when I tried to find you on twitter. Did you enjoy making a fool out of me? Watch out. I do a mean open letter.We couldn't find anyone named @sharkbaitistoocoolfortwitteranddoesnotwanttobeatwit.

Billy Coffey said...

As a Twitter virgin, I'm so happy to have people such as yourself to gently guide me through the thou shalts and thou shalt nots.

And I tweeted my own post last night. You're welcome.

bman said...

I fought joining Twitter for a long time... and when I got one, I tried not to get absolutely sucked in, but then something happened...

I found HILARIOUS people.

Tea With Tiffany said...

Because of your blog title I'm sharing a post with you about a chicken I wrote recently. Titled Chicken Dreams. Feel free to read or not..

http://www.teawithtiffany.com/2009/04/chicken-dreams.html


Love your creative and fun posts!

Beth said...

I embarrass myself enough without Twitter. ;)

And I've got a post coming that I might dedicate to ya, Kathy....

Steph @Red Clay Diaries said...

You know that scene in the movie Christmas Story where the narrator says that profanity is his dad's art medium?

Your medium is twitter. Seriously, for someone so good at one-liners, 140 characters that go out to 1000s of people must be a dream come true.

Aren't you glad that I talked you into Twitter? (Not that I'm bitter that I didn't get any credit...)

katdish said...

Billy - If I had to choose between you tweeting and writing, your writing wins hands down. Although twitter is a wonderful medium by which I can question your man card status based upon your coffee cup selection.

Nick - My fault? You're one to talk.

Annie - there's a reason I don't have twitter on my blackberry. Just saying.

SB = twitter snob

Brian - there are some funny tweeps, huh? (funny - ha ha and funny uh-oh)

Helen - don't blame me. I'm not the boss of you (blame Steph, she started it)

Tiffany - thanks. I really enjoyed your post.

Beth - I don't think you've ever said anything embarrassing. But I had dreadfully low standards.

Steph - I announced to all of Twitterdom that you get the credit/blame for me signing up for twitter. (and thank you - it is kind of my muse, huh?)

Marni said...

As you know, I'm so sick of being on the computer at work, I NEVER get on it at home. Your tweets during my work day are the only things that make me come in most days...I'm just sayin...

PS--My "Required Oil Change" light came on Tuesday. I yell "liar liar pants on frickin fire" everytime I see it because according to my Pennzoil sticker, I got another 700 miles to go.

Chris Sullivan said...

Take it easy on Los

katdish said...

Chris,

Yeah. You're right. I've met him. He's a great guy. Even if his arms are getting a little hairy...

(Kidding.)

Wendy said...

I'm afraid to leave my computer. Why? Because of the awesome tweets I might be missing. Sure, I could just go back and see what was said, but then I always feel like I'm just a little behind... Or maybe I'm a big behind...

vanityofvanities said...

This is friggin' exhausting. There's no way I could have twitter in addition to the three email accounts I have to check, the fifteen blogs I read, the one I write, the two jobs I have, and the husband and cat who like to see me occasionally so I can give them food. Oh yeah, and reading my Bible. GET BEHIND ME, KATDISH!

Bradley J Moore said...

Kat (Dish)
Just started Tweeting this week - and, honest, I really did click "follow" next to your pic... Then I was like, where the aych is Katdish, my new friend? I don't want to Tweet without her." And then Lo, I found today that the click did not take. I am now a follower. And you are one of my twelve! Thanks.

katdish said...

Angela, Angela, Angela!

With such a variety of subject matter on my blog, why would you ever need to read anything else, save your bible? Now get on twitter so I can annoy in 140 characters or less.

Bradley,

Good to know. I was beginning to feel snubbed.