Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Say it ain't so Kro! Say it ain't so!

In my last compelling and riveting shopping post, I DO NOT heart grocery shopping, I introduced you all to the pornographic cheese buttler:


With a heavy heart, this blogger is sad to share with you the news that our beloved friend PCB has been forcibly removed from the local Kroger. What makes this news even more difficult for me to accept is this: I can't help but feel that I may have had a role in his removal.


I'm sure it will come as no surprise to any of you that this blog is ready by literally TENS of people every single day, and the PCB buzz that post must have created on the Internet forced the hands of Kroger executives. For this, I am deeply sorry. Also, I may need to start shopping exclusively at HEB, because I get the stink eye from the Kroger store manager every time I pull out my blackberry.

I attempted to interview several store employees as to the whereabouts of PCB. Alert meat department employee "Skeeter" (not his real name) made the following comment: "Yeah...(guffaw)...They made us take him down." When asked the whereabouts of PCB, store management would only give me vague references to wine vendors and store rotations. I smell a cover-up!


Jeeves, a long time friend and confidant of PCB was still too visibly shaken to give an interview, choosing instead to drown his sorrows in a delightfully fruity yet cheap Merlot:




There are unconfirmed reports that Jeeves was later reprimanded for making lewd and suggestive remarks to the night stocker in the feminine hygiene aisle. It's been a rough couple of weeks for him...


PCB's replacement, Woodrow Brimley (rumored to be the younger brother of Wilford Brimley of "Cocoon" and "Di-a-bee-tus!" fame) had only this to say: "Cry me a river lady! I'm 3 feet tall, bald, wearing white panty hose, and I've got a bolt stuck through my hand! Now leave me alone, I'm trying to pimp some Yellowtail (that's what she said)."




On a happier note, I was able to purchase a box of the new shiny m&m candies. My opinion? Meh...They taste much like the original peanut m&m's. The only difference being that there are almonds instead of peanuts and I got the strange sensation that a couple of Polly Pocket shoes were dropped into the vat during the candy coating phase. Weird. Also, we're out of crackers again.


Goodnight Pornographic Cheese Buttler, where ever you are!

22 comments:

Wendy said...

So sad... I hope he didn't go to live on a farm. PCB, I'll miss you! Drats. If I only had a lighter and some sappy music playing...

Helen said...

So......Kroger is making an @$$ of itself over your post? Yeah, I had to go there earl on. Good night...

Mare said...

Tragedy!!!!

Beth in NC said...

LOL!

sherri said...

I'm gonna' miss him.

Well, it was fun while it lasted...we'll always have Kroger PCB!

Nick the Geek said...

I can't believe you got that poor guy fired. Other than mooning you what did he ever do to you huh? You are so annoying. (PS someone should give Annie K. a hug)

Billy Coffey said...

You have no idea how much I needed a "that's what she said" this morning. Now I'm smiling, and all is well. (And speaking of TV, how sad was Phil last night on Deadliest Catch?!).

I'm thankful, too, that you are starting to truly understand the power that you wield with your blog. So I guess Jeeves will now soon be gone, too...

A pity. I would shop at that store just to gawk.

katdish said...

You know what I instantly thought of when the guy in the meat department to me they had to take him down? "I wonder how much it would cost to buy a used PCB?" Cause he would look great in my flower bed!

Billy,

Yeah, I felt really bad for Phil. At the beginning of the show, I yelled at the TV, "DUDE! You're STILL smoking?!" I am also concerned for the Cornelia Marie's season, because as far as I can tell, the alternate captain is not hopelessly addicted to caffiene, alcohol or tabacco. I'm pretty sure you need to have 2 of 3 of those addictions in order to sucessfully captain a crab boat. But you know what bugged me the most? That at the end of the show, I didn't hear Mike Rowe say, "Next time, on The Deadliest Catch!" Instead I see a bunch of stupid yuppies dropped off in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness. WHO CARES?! End of mini rant. Ahhh....I feel better now.

Peter P said...

Ummm...

Marni said...

Ba da bump Helen ;)

Oh pornographic cheese buttler, we hardly knew ye, and now you're gone. But your pornographic brother in cheese still lives in enfamy at our Krogers here, so no worries. Maybe you can put in for a transfer...

PS--I see my "self righteous 'Christian' hate mail campaign" worked. Now I'm off to start hate mailing Kohl's department store for their Britney Spears campaign ads...

Marni said...

NO NO NO....no more talking about Deadliest Catch. I Tivo'd it in favor of Biggest Loser and haven't watched it yet!!!!

Oh crap, now I'm all freaked out. What's wrong with Phil???

jasonS said...

Great post and so funny! Good "that's what she said" moment too! I went skiing on Saturday and all the talk of poles lends itself greatly to such humor, but not with my 8 year old so much. Thankfully I caught myself...

katdish said...

Well.

I go run some errands and come back to find that:

1) Peter P has summed up concisely and effectively the reaction of hundreds of people who find this blog by mistake - good job!

2) That Marni chose to watch "The Biggest Loser" instead of the best show ever in the history of television. This is a serious offense which may result in the revocation of her man card. (Phil's not dead - don't freak too bad.)

3) The next time Jeff starts covering his ears and singing "LA, LA, LA!" when I say, "that's what she said", I can say, "Jason is okay with it, why you dissin' me?"

4) My husband, who usually goes to the post office (the church has a P.O. box there), decided it was my turn to go today. On April 15. It's almost as if he planned it that way....

Beth said...

This had me laughing so hard I was crying...oh...Wilford Brimley...I love you so.

Incidentally my trip to the post office today was like pretty much the closest to hell I've ever experienced....and NO, I did my taxes a lot earlier. I just needed stamps.

katdish said...

FINALLY! I knew one of my friends would pull through and give props to my Wilford Brimley reference!

"Di-a-bee-tus?!" Come on! (tap, tap, tap!) Is this mic on? That's GOLD people!

Well, at least Beth can appreciate my effort! Thanks, Beth. I big monkey butt heart you!

Peter P said...

Katdish: I often find this blog on purpose and that's still my reaction.

pete wilson said...

You ain't right!!!! :)

E.A. (Elena) said...

Oh gosh this made my day.
Pornographic Cheese Buttler...that's somethin' else. :)
Thanks for sharing.

Stacey said...

Katdish, that was seriously your funniest post to date, my friend! I read it with my sister beside me and we laughed and laughed! Nicely done! Oh, how we'll all miss PCB.

Steph @Red Clay Diaries said...

What can I say? I thought and thought and thought, and I couldn't come up with any comment that would capture the feelings this post elicited...

Although I do have to wonder what is UP with Kroger and creepy plastic men?

They're gonna get sued by people when Jeeves traumatizes their kids.

"Mommy! That scary man is SNIFFING me!"

Lianne said...

So, I've been giggling at your witty comments on Red Clay Diaries and Billy Coffey's blog and finally hopped on over here. The first thing I see are the buttcheeks of a PCB?!?

Heck, I'm in.

:)

Say "Howdy" to your newest follower!

katdish said...

Oh, Pete Wilson! You know you love me! You're never gonna read this kind of high quality stuff on those Catalyst blogs!

E.A. - "Thanks for sharing." - I get that alot.

Stacey - Please be on the lookout for PCB in your local Kroger. Hopefully, he's out there somewhere!

Steph - Weird, huh? Did you notice that all of them were bald? Why is that?

Lianne - Howdy! (Maybe Beth's right. Perhaps I really am the Kevin Bacon of blogdom.)