Monday, March 2, 2009

Okay...where was I?

So, I get to Atlanta. The airport is ridiculously big and spread out. I follow the signs pointing to baggage claim and find myself on the biggest escalator I have ever seen. I then remark to no one in particular, "This is the biggest escalator I've ever seen!" This will be the first of many times during my visit where I get blank stares and/or people trying to get some physical distance from my general vicinity.

After being whisked away to baggage claim by a train that travels at approximately 500 mph, I get my bag, then meet up with my shuttle driver whose name I can't pronounce. He is driving a champagne colored van with a suit to match - very classy in a Garanimals sort of way. We begin our journey to Alpharetta, Georgia. Random observations: Georgia has a lot of trees. My driver's conversation skills are impressive. Driving skills? Not so much...

Arrive at my hotel, check in, go to my room. Call hubby and Steph at the Red Clay Diaries. (We're friends now, so I just call her "Steph".) Realize that those pretzels are not going to tide me over until the complimentary breakfast tomorrow morning. Call the front desk to find out that there is a free shuttle provided by the hotel to take me anywhere my heart desires within a 5 mile area. Kewl. Have a burger, fries and root beer float from Steak and Shake for the first time in 20 years. Yum.

Proceed to put together giant bags of random awesomeness for Steph, Jon Acuff and Pete Wilson:




Realize that it is getting late and I have yet to cover my varnish stained fingernails on my ugly man-hands. This is an occupational hazard of painting. Fortunately, I remembered to purchase some Lee press-on nails prior to leaving Houston. Proceed to glue tacky nails on. Get into bed, proceed to toss and turn until 6:00 am Thursday morning.

Shower, primp and get dressed. I am completely underwhelmed by the mighty power of the hotel blow dryer with approximately 5 watts of power. Load up laptop, camera, and a bunch of other crap and head down for some free breakfast.

Take free shuttle to North Point Community Church. That is one big church! Pick up ticket at will call desk and drop off bags for Jon Acuff and Pete Wilson. Right at that moment, I hear playing loudly from a boom box "Mama Said Knock you out". Turn to see Jon Acuff dressed to the nines, with fur coat and sunglasses, surrounded by 4 large security guards who clear a path for him as he throws Skittles to the adoring hoard of onlookers, occasionally making eye contact to some swooning female and mouths to her, "Wuzzup?"


Oh, gee whiz! I'm out of time for today! Tomorrow I'll tell you how I won a contest in order to win the privilege of sitting next to Jon Acuff at the Catalyst One Day!

Editor's Note: Portions of the above post may be slight exaggerations or just flat out hooey.

23 comments:

♥ Kathy said...

lol cute bags o' booty they DO look like awesomeness :D glad you made it safely!

Helen said...

The free shuttle bus was true, right? Because that is cool!

Beth said...

You had me at Garanimals...

So did you find a snuggie warehouse or something? Are they selling them on the shelves somewhere...cuz I KNOW you didn't brave the snuggie customer service peeps again. Plus mine came in non-descript plastic reminiscent of trash bags.

vanityofvanities said...

Do you mean to say that if I had gone, I would have gotten a booty bag?

I wish I'd known!

Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said...

Okay. I, the recipient of one of the booty bags (truly bootylicious, by the way) will provide the public service of separating the truth from the lies. You're welcome.

1. Biggest escalator: TRUE. I wasn't there, but I believe it. Because no matter how many blank stares I gave her, the girl would NOT stop following me. She was harshin my Acuff buzz. Fer sure.

2. Lots of trees: TRUE.

3. Driver's driving skills unimpressive: FALSE. I'm sure they were exactly what he needed to navigate Atlanta traffic.

4. Calling me Steph: TRUE. But only because I couldn't get her to address me as Penelope, Princess of Awesomeness. Now I think I can let y'all just call me RC Snazzy Steph. (Katdish, you can be the Mesh Blintz)

5. Man hands and Press-on nails: Sadly, TRUE.

6. Acuff dressed as a pimp: Well, not when I saw him. By then he looked pretty ordinary. But he shook my hand! (Sigh. I will never wash this hand again...)

Glad to be of service.

Nick the Geek said...

but were there any big bags of baloney?

katdish said...

Thanks, Kat. I think I represented Houston proud. (Gift-wise, anyway.)

Free shuttle bus: yes, true.

They sell snuggies at Bed Bath and Beyond, Beth. But you got the extra thick variety, so yours is kind of special.

Angela, I would get you a booty bag, irregardless!

How about Betty: Bella of Bullsh*t? That has a nice ring to it.

(I'll post Jon's real pic tomorrow.)

katdish said...

Nick,

Nah. But we really missed you!

Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said...

Only if you refer to me as Triple B in public.

Beth said...

We don't even have a TARGET around here. You think their gonna put a Bed, Bath, and Beyond in our red neck of the woods?

Beth said...

I can't resist.

Triple B sounds like a bra size for a very unusual woman...

Nick the Geek said...

Beth,

we just got target and walmart last year. We're movin' on up. Of course I hate Wal-Mart so I don't shop there if I can avoid it, but we have one so big step forward for our little town.

True story, downtown there is a war memorial from the Civil War (in the south we're really proud of a war we lost) with a quote from Stonewall Jackson describing the town, "the roads go in every which direction and at odd angles to each other," or something to that effect. Not something I'd be proud of but very true description even today.

word verification: aresw
Sir Mixalot's British name.

sherri said...

Do we all get booty bags when we meet together?

And DON'T make my the TINIEST!

Or I'll have to stomp my tiny little feet with my hands on my hips!
And then, you know what's next....THE STINK EYE!

You'll never be the same.

katdish said...

Sherri,

I'm planning to sculpt your likeness out of a large block of Velveeta. Come to think of it, I think 4 to 6 blocks should be enough.

Beth,

I was thinking the SAME thing. Especially since I was trying on a bra once and the lady in the next dressing room asked for a "40B". What does that look like? Nevermind. I don't want to know.

Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said...

Okay. Maybe not Triple B. B Cubed? BeBeBe?

I still like the sound of Penelope, Princess of Awesomeness.

Anyone? Anyone?

texasshawn said...

I missed my connection in Atlanta once, and was stuck overnight. It was horrible. *shudder*


wv sumpan = a complementary description; ex = She was sure sumpan!

Tony C said...

Oooooh...a Snuggie! I love mine. Reminds me of my hospital stays...only warmer.

I always thought 'It's a Small World After All' should be playing in the cars on that trolley ride to baggage claim. Seems fitting in a mocking kinda way.

Nick the Geek said...

You know I was thinking that I had never been in the Atlanta Airport but then I just now remembered that when I got married I drove from MO to Atlanta because our Honeymoon was in Dahlonega, GA (actually near there but who's counting) and flew to Vegas (we got married in Northern Arizona but I wish we had just eloped to Vegas). After the wedding I used the second half of my round trip and the one way bought for my new bride and flew back to Atlanta where my car was waiting and drove to the resort we stayed at.

Anyways, I don't remember the world's largest escalator from my two trips, but it has been almost 10 years (this summer) so maybe they built it after my visit.

PS if you can drive in Dallas you can make it through Atlanta in your sleep.

vanityofvanities said...

IRREGARDLESS?! You really know how to get under my skin. And I have a sneaking suspicion that you totally enjoy it.

katdish said...

Angela,

Mwha ha ha ha!

Prodigal Jon said...

Ha -
The coolest one there was certainly not me. Just know that Katdish has more fans then me and gives great bags of awesomeness. My kids went crazy for the smurfs
Jon

katdish said...

Jon is just being modest. His phone was literally being flooded with text message invites to attend swanky lunches and after parties. Which is unfortunate because he doesn't have texting on his phone.

mandy said...

That' it. You're in my feedreader.
:)