Thursday, January 8, 2009

Getcherfreakon!

My buddy Steph at The Red Clay Diaries tagged me to write seven weird things about myself. Seriously, it would be more of a challenge to write seven things that were normal about me, but whatever. So, I thought I'd throw in some things that would you might find surprising about me, because I'm fairly sure you're down with the fact that I'm pretty weird. Well, here goes:

1) Since some of my blogger friends kept commenting on my blog, thereby distracting me from writing this post (I'm ignoring you Steph, by the way), by the time I was ready to write this, all the clever titles had been taken. So I was originally going to call this blog post "HOT MONKEY SEX". But then I thought about what kind of traffic a title like that might bring in, and how bitterly disappointed they would be, and thought better of it.

2) This might come as a surprise to some people, but I really like Audrey Hepburn. I am nothing like her, but she was such a class act. Plus, she was a real nutcase in "Breakfast at Tiffany's", and that endeared her to me. Check out these quotes from her: "For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise walk with the knowledge that you are never alone." AND "People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone." How classy it that? Love that woman. I have a large, framed picture of her in my studio.

3) If you read Pete Wilson's blog (and the hundreds of comments), you may already know this, but toads and frogs freak me out! When I was a kid, I hated wearing shoes. I loved the feel of the grass on my feet. This resulted in two unfortunate end results. The first being what my sister referred to as "grocery store feet" and the worst was this: I would on occasion step on and squish frogs and toads with my bare feet. I'll give you a minute to recover from that horrible imagery. Allow me to share with you a comment I made today on Pete's blog:

Dear Mr. Without Wax,

We love your blog! We read it all the time here at work. But do you think it would be possible to change the name?

Sincerely,

Yours friends at the Yankee Candle Company

Okay, seriously! Happy Birthday! I could lie and say that I’ve been here from the start, but I’ve only been reading since December (and lying is wrong). But I’m glad we blog rolled each other even steven (snort!)

Oh, and get THIS! FROG UPDATE:

I was on the back patio (aka large slab of concrete) with my dog, Buddy Love and when I opened the back door, I heard and felt a big, wet SPLAT! on my forearm. I looked down to discover that there was a slimy, bright green TREE FROG on my arm! So, I did what anyone would have done in that situation, I screamed AAARRRRGGGHHHH! at the top of my lungs, shook it off my arm and ran in the house like a 4 year old girl. And do you want to know the worst part? When I told my husband what I was screaming about, HE ROLLED HIS EYES AT ME! and frankly he was incredibly dispassionate (I don’t even know if that’s a word, but I’m on a roll) about my plight. Sure, he was on a conference call with his boss and some investors, BUT STILL! IT WAS A SLIMY, NASTY FROG AND IT WAS ON MY ARM! Okay. Glad I got that off my chest. I feel much better…Happy Birthday, again!

P.S. - Please feel free to delete any or all of my annoying comments. I can assure you, you wouldn’t be the first megachurch pastor blogger to do so.

4) Wow. I'm only on #4? I better shorten these up a bit. Okay: I enjoy making annoying comments on well known pastor's blogs. To Pete's credit, he has been super, abundantly gracious and cool about it. Which, coupled with the fact that most of them never even respond to my comments, really speaks volumes about the guy. (I should probably look deep into my soul and figure out why I do this, but I don't feel like it.)

5) I am right handed, but not naturally. When I first picked up a pencil, I did so with my left hand. But my older sisters kept moving it to my right hand. The results of this are numerous, but the biggest ones are that I have a permanent callous on my ring finger and a slightly freakish looking fingernail on the same hand. On the up side, I can paint with both hands, throw and catch a ball, bat, play tennis with either arm.

6) This probably stems from the whole left/right hand confusion thing, but to this day, I can't tell my left from my right without pretending to eat. Actually, when I'm giving directions to someone, I unconsciously tug on my right ear, because my right ear is double-pierced.

7) I am sincerely, absolutely astonished at how fortunate I am. I'm not saying that to sound humble -- I really am completely perplexed by it. Consequently, there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about the following verse: "For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more." (Luke 12:48b)

So there's my list. Any questions?

Oh, yeah...I was going to tag some other people, but I forget who everybody else tagged and I'm too lazy to go back and check. So, if you are reading this blog, feel free to tell me all about your freaky self (with the notable exception of the HOT MONKEY SEX people)and post it here in the comments section, on your blog, or myspace, or twitter, or facebook, or whatever...Peace out.

41 comments:

JML said...

You know what makes me happy about this? I'm going to be getting traffic that will be disappointed with what they find too, just based on my title. Oh well. Good post. I love that there's a mix of everything, it's not just you, not just church, but your blog demonstrates a Christian life, which is more than being all holy and crap. :)

Mare said...

aw Katdish, I can only imagine the psychological ramifications of consistently being told not to be left-handed. I imagine it led to a deep identity crisis when you were first asked "what handed are you?"

This was fun to read.

Beth said...

I always have to make an "L" with my pointer finger and thumb to determine left from right....and I forgot! Here's something wierd: I write with my left hand, but I do a lot of other things right-handed...like cut with scissors and most sports. But I can eat with either hand ;)

Carol @SheLives said...

Oh. My. Gosh.

1. You have got to tell us how much weird search engine traffic you get from the mere mention of hot monkey sex in that first paragraph. I'm betting three creepers and a chimp.

2. Very classy.

3. I DO read his blog. And I follow him on Twitter. He doesn't follow me back for some reason. Smart guy, that Pete!

Oh, and the frog thing happened to me, too. Only it was a toad. [scream] And it fell off the garage door. When I walked under it. When it was up.

4) not so much. I just read them.

5) Right handed all the way. Can we still be friends?

6)I don't know my right from left, either! I used to, back when I wore a watch. Unless I wasn't wearing a watch. Now I just don't. Know my hands, I mean.

7) Same here! I mean what are the odds of being born in the U.S. but not to some cousin-marrying, NASCAR-watching, moonshine-making, hillbilly family in Kentucky? (Umm....You don't live in Kentucky, do you?)

We have so much in common!! Yay!! (Of course you might not be quite as enthusiastic at this point.)

Sherri said...

Okay. I am constantly ridiculed and made fun of due to the fact that I may lay down a typo (or seven) in my comments, and you don't know your right from your left?
Excuse me ,but I think you need to get the plank out of your eye...how are you even able to see my little speck?

I hope freakish new readers from google will not receive the same harrasment that I've endured these past few months. I ask myself why I continue to return, then I remember...
BECAUSE YOU'RE WEIRD! And I LOVE that about you.
Don't ever be normal. I would have to drop you off my blogroll if you were to become normal.



Beth, I'm also a LEFTY who does most other things with my right hand. GABBY says it's a sign of brilliance!

Helen said...

1.I love the original title. If you had porn as one of your labels, this could have really set your site meter going.
2. I also liked her in "Sabrina". Good movie.
3. I am composing an email to him this afternoon...
4. So he doesn't like me because I leave normal comments?
5. I don't understand the callous. My mom did the same to me, and it only deformed my brain, not my hand.
6. What Beth said.
7. I find myself meditating on this verse every night as I am trying to sleep.

DEAR GABBY said...

I have some wisdom I would like to imart on being forced to be a "righty". But only if you want it. Come see me, "The Doctor is in..."

katdish said...

Jake - "which is more than being all holy and crap." - you have such a way with words!

Susan- Thanks! It's nice that you left a comment. Don't worry about having anything riveting to say, a simple, "Wow, you are amazingly brilliant" is perfectly acceptable. (Okay, you don't know me, so I was totally kidding about the amazingly brilliant thing.)

Mare - You have no idea. I could write a book.

Beth - I think the fact that we're all weird is the whole syncronicity thing we have going on, and I can eat with both hand simultaneously.

Carol - You so understand me! Incidentally, everyone needs to go read Carol's blog - it's a rare and beautiful thing! And since Steph hasn't commented yet, I'm taking credit for finding her.

Sherri - I know you can't see me right now, but I'm playing the world's tiniest violin for you.

Helen - make sure you get all indignant and whatnot - He LOVES that. I can forward you my email if you want me to.

Gabby - Okay, I'll add you to my blogroll, but you gotta promise that no other little kids come out from behind that big oak tree a la' ending scene in "Sybil" and start more blogs. I'm having a hard enough time keeping up with the ones I follow now.

Oh, and ya'll should go read Stacey's blog post about her anniversary - super sweet!

katdish said...

Oh, and another thing...

My counter widget quit working last night, which is very frustrating as I am expecting a lot of HOT MONKEY SEX traffic today.

Hucklebuck - WHERE ARE YOU?!?

Pam said...

Oh my! Glad I finished my coffee before I started reading blogs this AM. Coffee+Laughing+Nostrils=Pain. You don't know how grateful I am to discover that there are so many others that don't know left/right- I have to pretend I'm holding a pen and writing so I'll know which is [right]. Whew! I'm not alone!

And, NO kidding- my WV: rityt. These things are a little spooky at times!

Oh and Pete Wilson- the coolest!

One of my best friends is a lefty but when we were in the 4th grade we had a writing teacher that *literally* believed that there was no such thing as being left-handed! She would FORCE my friend to write right-handed. Not cool. Luckily, my friend had a mama that didn't put up with THAT going on for long. Let's just say the teacher became a believer!

Plus- JML with "all holy and crap" totally cracked me up!

Good stuff, as always, Kathy!

Stacey said...

Sorry katdish. Hucklebuck is unavailable. I murdered him with an axe and I've been using the fake identity "Chuck" to cover my tracks.

(Just kidding people! Huck is alive and well and stuck behind a computer desk as we speak. Don't send me any angry letters!)

Matt @ The Church of No People said...

In response to your comment, it was completely a generality about people pretending to like books. It had nothing to do with you liking my underwear. You must really have a thing for underwear to bring it back up! ;)

katdish said...

Matt - For the record, I think I remained rather neutral on whether or not I liked your underwear, and I'm not sure it's appropriate for me to be talking to a pastor about his underwear. Even though I have handled Jeff's while moving them from my washing machine to my dryer. To be perfectly clear, I did not gaze upon them at any length, and the only reason I moved them was because I had a load of socks and granny panties that needed to be washed. (Perhaps I've share too much.)

sherri said...

Everyday I say I'm never coming back to this site, then here I am again.

A glutton for punishment.

"...The world's tiniest fiddle"...you are pure mean! I'm tellin' my momma.

She's just waitin' for the right time.

Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said...

Geez, I go out for coffee with a corporeal friend

I won't say REAL, cuz you guys are all also my real friends...

Anyhoo, I go out and come back and all the funny stuff's been taken.

But now that I'm here, I do get to correct this:

*I* found Carol first. So I have dibs on BFF! Back OFF.

Also? "I am expecting a lot of HOT MONKEY SEX"? Or at least that's how I read your last comment...

WV: hegelo
Why hegelo! Hegow are yegou? (It's chicken latin, if you're wondering.)

katdish said...

Steph - traffic. HOT MONKEY SEX traffic. And none of your dang business!

Jeff said...

Perhaps I should further clarify that I was staying with Kathy and her fantabulous family at the time of the said laundry incident, while waiting to close on our house.

I do not randomly drop any of my clothes off at church member's homes to be washed.

Especially underwear. Yeesh.

I think I need to get to work on that "We are NOT a Cult" yard sign right away.

Beth said...

Jeff, I have a used "we are not a cult" sign if you need to borrow it....

Kathy, I had to wash my pastor's underwear when I was a teenager and we took a missions trip to Honduras. As a result, my respect for pastors has dwindled ever since that fateful day...

Helen said...

Jeff, that's okay. We all thought it was part of the Church service.....Kidding. Yeah, she mentioned a few posts ago that you all were once living together, so the laundry thing mad perfect sense.

katdish said...

Jeff - Oh, yeah...good point!

See? That's why you're the pastor and I'm not. (yeah, that's the only reason...)

Beth - I hate to admit this, but even though it goes against scripture (and I'm praying about this), I have a bit of an attitude about senior pastors -- guess I've seen to much "behind the scenes" stuff to live in some happy, Christian land of ponies and sunshine. While I'm polite and friendly, they're pretty much guilty before proven innocent for me. (Just ask poor Pete Wilson!) My biggest beef with ministry people is that some have one attitude around church members and another around the staff and leadership. And there's nothing that chaps my butt more than fake smiles and insincerity! One of the reasons I'm so confident in Jeff's ability to pastor our church is that I've been around him and Tamara ALOT! He's the same person regardless of who he's with - what you see is what you get. Which is a very good thing, indeed! Getting off my soapbox, now!

katdish said...

"she mentioned a few posts ago that you all were once living together"...

Thanks, Helen. That TOTALLY clears up the whole "We are not a cult" thing...

Helen said...

Your welcome. I wanted to do all I could to help you out with that.

vanityofvanities said...

It must be terribly inconvenient that every time you give someone directions you have to make them wait for you to fall asleep so you can tug on your ear. Remind me to ask you a few days in advance if I need directions to anywhere. I don't have the patience to watch you take a nap... I'll just Google-map it!

katdish said...

Thanks, Angela! You're lawsome!

Matt @ The Church of No People said...

I came over here to respond:
a) because I assumed you would not be coming back to my post to see if I responded. I'm courteous and thoughtful like that - don't want to inconvenience you.
b) because it's funnier to clutter up your comments with vague references to underwear and whatnot, as you proved by posting HOT MONKEY SEX on my blog, thank you very much. Tsk tsk. Hey, you're not hurting me by doing that. People who see that are going to thing YOU'RE the deviant, big deal or not! :)

I am glad that two people picked up on that...

Dear Gabby said...

I fixed the thingy on poor Sherri's sidebar so now you can click thtough to my REAL address.

I also answered your question on my site http://deargabby-sherri.blogspot.com

FULL of my signature typos that you've come to love. Just admit it, you love 'em! They make you smle!;)

veri word: lessn

The way Sherri, Gabby and "friends" spell all the wonderful "lessns" that have taught you.

katdish said...

Well, it's been quite an interesting day here at HLAC (and other blogs that I frequent). Thanks for all of your comments. I was telling my friend Tam that by 3 PM central time, this blog is more about the comments than the original post - and I dig that.

A couple of things:

Matt - I hope I'm not telling you something you already know, but once I've made a comment on your blog, I get email updates for every response after that. So, sorry about typing HOT MONKEY SEX in your blog comments. I really am working on being less annoying...Okay, I'm not. But at least I'm honest.

For those of you following along at home, Angela is "lawsome" - which is lame + awesome. But she's way more awesome than lame.

And since I realize that you were all captivated by the riveting blog post and subsequent comments, I'm gonna let it slide that no one made a remark about that suntanned little 4 year old girl in the gigantic pants and the cute little frog stomping feet. (sniff, sniff)

katdish said...

Oh, and one more thing...

"Hucklebuck is unavailable. I murdered him with an axe and I've been using the fake identity "Chuck" to cover my tracks." is now officially my all-time favorite comment ever left on this blog.

Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said...

WELL. The gauntlet has been thrown.

I shall return. With my sword of sarcasm unsheathed.

I WILL win the comment contest.


FREEEEEEEDOOOOMMMMMMM!

Beth said...

Crapola. Stacey can't win best comment! Do I get partial credit for thinking about making a comment about:
1. Making fun of whoever's legs are in the background. White and bare and that's all.
2. That rug. We had one exactly like it. In fact, I'm sure my mom still has it....

vw: nuctrob. When pastors try to cuss...

vanityofvanities said...

Yeah... I don't know about this "lawsome" business. I think you're just jealous and so you throw in a little jab to make yourself feel better.

WV: outchi
What my heart says every time Kathy calls me "lawsome."

Dear Gabby said...

For your information, your name was mentioned in a question sent in by a concerned reader, and I have offered my wisdom in my comment back to this concerned person. So as to never make a person feel as though I have been talk/blogging behind their back ( Unlike some bloggers who shall remain nameless), I am letting you know that you are being discussed.

I'm typing this with my eyes closed. if you go to my site...you'll know why.

heartafire said...

You are so funny, Katdish.

I have only recently figured out how to find people's blogs (duh) by clicking on their blue name, and now I can spend even more time on the internet (my little girls are so psyched by that!) (not)
I am really going to have to discipline myself because I have bookmarked about 4 new blogs, and now yours.

Always love your comments at SCL.

AND I love that you are ambidextrous! Me too. Not as far as writing, but with batting, kicking, throwing, etc. Whadya know? Plus, I'm really funny sometimes too, just like you. Let's be best friends.

katdish said...

heartafire -

I'm glad you found my little oasis of ridiculousness! Don't sweat the typos - if that were a problem, I would have to ban my friend Sherri for life. But while we're on the subject, feel free to correct her whenever possible - she LOVES that!

As to the best friends thing -- I will seriously consider it. But as you might imagine, the list of people wanting to be my best friend is in the low to mid single digits! And seriously, if we're going to be best friends, you're going to have to tell me your first name, because I can't go around saying, "This is my best friend, Heartafire." (Unless, of course this is your given name. In which case -- Sorry. My bad.

Anonymous said...

I would offer to arm wrestle Heartafire for the privilege of being your best friend, but how do you arm wrestle someone with the name Heartafire. I could get burned....

NotBob

Stacey said...

You're so good to me. Thanks! Like my mom would say, that was a feather in my cap. (Yes, evidently my mom is from the 1800s.)

pete wilson said...

You crack me up. :)

katdish said...

Anonymous - I heart NotBob.

Stacey - I don't think your regular readers truly appreciate just how weird you are. Feel free to come here and "get your freak on".

Pete - Thanks! This may come as no surprise to you, but I crack myself up. I wish I were kidding, but I'm not. I have been known to bust out laughing in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office. Why? Because sometimes I just think funny things!

katdish said...

COMMENTS UPDATE AND WARNING:

I just deleted two comments here from "Susan" because:

1) I got one of those phony "we have money in a bank account for you" emails from the same source.

2) She left the exact same comment twice in one post.

3) The second time, she signed it "Deborah" (from Susan).

4) That really chaps my butt!

If you get a comment from Susan with a link to an insurance company or bank, don't open the link. (Sorry other Susan who actually does work at a bank or insurance company!)

Steph at The Red Clay Diaries said...

You know, I wondered if that was a spammer. Glad you figured it out. :)

I get a lot of the "Hey! Great Post! We have viagra!" comments.

Billy Coffey said...

I had you pegged as anti-shoe before I read this, but never anti-amphibian (though I'm glad to have another ally in the war against clowns, who are much more dangerous).

I remember years ago renting Pretty Woman to watch with my girlfriend. My mom walks in to the living room, takes one look at Julia Roberts, and says, "She ain't no Aubrey Hepburn." I'll never forget that. And you're right, a classier lady you will never find.

And that ambidextrous thing? Way cool.