Hey look, a chicken!

Hey! Whatcha doing over here?

2010-05-14T00:01:00.006-05:00

I've moved! Click on over to my new place:

katdish.net

New beginnings

2010-05-13T00:01:00.009-05:00

On April 30, 2008 I began my maiden voyage into the blogosphere with the following statement:

"I'm not really sure what this blog is going to be about. But I've found myself writing really long comments on other people's blogs, so I figured I'd start my own and not subject anyone to my rambling commentaries unless they really want to read them."

Since I had no real defined goal or purpose for this this blog, I thought I would steal a line from a favorite t-shirt:

"People say I have ADD. They just don't understand...Hey look, a chicken!

And while I feel "Hey Look a Chicken" was a perfect title for my meandering ramblings, this blog has become more than that. I began to take things a bit more seriously. Not myself, of course (well, mostly not myself), but the influence I have on others.

Whoa! I know that sounds like an incredibly arrogant thing to say. I don't mean it to be. But here's the thing--all of us have a certain degree of influence. The more influence we have, the greater the sense of responsibility we feel. Unless, of course, you're a professional athlete, but I digress...

What started out as a hobby blog has turned into so much more to me. It's a meeting place, a conversation place, a place to vent, to ramble and to encourage. It's also become a place to share the spotlight with others much more talented than yours truly.

So, it's time to say goodbye to Hey Look a Chicken and tidy up a bit. To facilitate a cleaner, more professional yet still katdishy appearance, my geeky guru Peter Pollock has been hard at work on my brand spanking new website. A calmer, less distracting website where the writing is highlighted instead of all the stuff in the sidebars. (As an aside, I'm really hoping to find a place for Awesome Cat, because he is, after all, AWESOME!)

The content will remain much the same. You'll still find a post by Billy Coffey on Mondays and I will continue to introduce (and re-introduce) other writers on Wednesdays. And yes, I still reserve the right to be completely random and ridiculous the rest of the week. Or serious, if the mood strikes.

I'm packing up my stuff and "moving to the light" as Peter refers to it. ("It" being a Wordpress blog.)

Thank you all so much for your continued support and encouragement. I hope to see you at the new place:

katdish.net

Chickens with Purpose (by Heather Sunseri)

2010-05-12T00:01:00.001-05:00

I trying to remember where I first came across today's guest blogger, Heather Sunseri. I want to say Twitter. Which, for those of you still stubbornly refusing to join, has been an incredible resource for finding some of the best writers on the internets. Just saying, Sharkbait.

Regardless, Heather's a great writer and a great person.

Here's her bio:

I am a Christian, wife and mother of two young children. I have worked as a CPA for the past 15 years for thoroughbred horse farms and in public accounting in Central Kentucky. I spend my free time as an inspirational writer and enjoy the little things in life from long bike rides in the country to homemade pizza and family game night.

Chickens with Purpose

I’m always pondering God’s purpose in my life. You know, the big plan. And do I have enough faith to know when I’m living it?

As a young child, I was taught to smile through most anything. God won’t send you a memo with a bullet-point to-do list on how to live out His plan. You must put one foot in front of another, get your hands dirty, put a smile on your face and get to work. Of course, all that mixed with a heavy dose of faith that God will pick you up when you fall, and you’ll feel Christ’s love as you work. I find it’s easier to do good works–you know the “works, which God prepared in advance for us to do”–with purpose if you keep the faith. Easier said than done, right?

I’ve also been a big believer that God’s big plan lies somewhere in the midst of the little jobs we do along the path of life. And I hope that’s what I teach my kids. The problem? I almost forgot recently. So, thanks, God, and thanks, Mom, for the little reminders to find joy in the little things in life.

One day toward the end of spring break, my mother called to ask me if each of my children could have a baby chick as a souvenir from their spring break with my parents.

I was working long hours, as is always the case January through April 15th for a tax accountant, when the call came. “Can your beautiful children bring home a couple of baby chicks?”

My response to my amazing, caring and generous mother? “Are you insane? Of course they can’t have a chickens.”

“Not chickens. Baby chicks. They’re so cute.”

“I’ll have to think about it.” That, of course, was my way of saying “no” to my mom, but I was too tired (cowardly) to actually say it and listen to all the reasons of why I’m unreasonable, unfair, etc.

I hung up and did what anyone working in an office would do. I pled my case to the people in the neighboring cubicles. And of course, just as I suspected, they all sided with me.

Later that day, I gave my mom all the excuses. “We don’t live on a chicken farm. Sharon, my co-worker, says they’ll die within two days – all baby chicks do. They’re smelly. My neighborhood association won’t allow it. We don’t have anywhere to keep them. We don’t have an incubator.” (I really thought the last one was the one excuse that would do it.)

After my mom countered each one of those excuses, I was worn out so I said, “Call Mike (my husband) and ask him. I’m spent.”

Mike said, “Absolutely not!”

Instead of two baby chicks, my children came one with…

THREE BABY CHICKS, all named, and with a reminder from my mom. “Remember all the things you learned growing up on a small farm. Remember the hamsters, the cats, and breeding Labradors. Remember the baby bunnies we saved one year and the countless wounded birds. Your kids are learning to be caring to all of God’s creatures.” (That seemed like a stretch. We already have a dog, a cat, and fish.)

“But you let the kids name them. Like pets. You don’t name farm animals you have no intention of keeping.”

Alas, after two weeks with Prim, Comet, and Jenna, I admitted to my ten-year-old daughter that I was thoroughly impressed with how well she took care of the chicks. They had grown and thrived. She and my son had cleaned their makeshift cage twice daily, fed and watered them. They even took them outside on sunny days and played with them in the yard.

“I’m proud of you,” I said, trying not to sound too surprised one day while dear daughter fed the chicks water. “You have provided these three chickens amazing care. And you’ve helped your little brother to learn along the way.”

“They’re baby chicks, Mom, not chickens,” she said. “And of course I cared for them. It was my purpose.”

“Your purpose, huh?”

“You know how you’re always talking about doing God’s little jobs with a glad heart, well this was one of those jobs. If I do this job with purpose, He’ll trust me with something even bigger next time.”

“You think so, do you?”

“Yeah, and I’m hoping he’ll trust me with dolphins or a monkey someday.”

My daughter’s a dreamer like me.

But she’s right. It was her purpose at that moment. And she got me thinking. Wouldn’t it be nice if I tackled all of my jobs (toilet-cleaning, carpooling, volunteer work, my current career, writing) with the purpose and glad heart they deserved? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all did?

We don’t get to see the blue print God has for our lives, and sometimes we’re faced with not-so-easy of times. But through faith and love of Christ, we put one foot in front of the other, dig in and get our hands dirty, put a smile on our face, and we just might get a small taste of the big plan.

***

To read more from Heather Sunseri, visit her at Balance with Purpose and follow her on the twitter at @HeatherSunseri.

Finding your Muse (repost)

2010-05-11T00:01:00.001-05:00

I've been pretty busy this week. Lots of reading and working on my new website--but more on that later. I wanted to repost one of my favorite posts from a series I did based on Stephen King's novel, Duma Key. If you haven't read it, I would highly recommend it.

Excerpt from Duma Key by Stephen King:

How to Draw a Picture (Part 5)

Don't be afraid to experiment; find your muse and let her lead you. As her talent grew stronger, Elizabeth's muse became Noveen, the marvelous talking doll. Or so she thought. And by the time she discovered here mistake -- by the time Noveen's voice changed -- it was too late. But at first it must have been wonderful. Finding one's muse always is.

Must your muse be a person? Well, it certainly can be, but it doesn't have to be.

Your muse can be the questions you need answered or pain you want to make sense of. It can be the parts of your life you've just glanced over but never really delved into. Your children's future can be your muse; your own peace of mind.

In short, your muse is what inspires you to create when you're not feeling particularly creative; to work when you'd rather sleep, to promote yourself when you'd rather just find a quiet place to hide away from the world.

So, what drives me to create? Different things in different circumstances. But if I'm being honest (and I usually am), what drives me is the something my dad told me over and over as a child. Before I get into this, I need to tell you that my dad and I have a very good relationship now, and I don't hold any ill will towards him. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. But I digress...

His philosophy was anything worth doing is worth doing well. Which I believe is a true and noble directive. His paraphrasing of that expression is what has caused me to struggle with overcoming some obstacles, the biggest of which was self doubt. I still struggle with that. I think we all do to a certain extent. So, what were my dad's exact words? These:

"If you going to do something half-ass, don't do it at all!"

Adults often make the mistake of assuming children think the way they do. When I heard that statement, my first thought was, "Okay. I won't do it at all." So things that were difficult for me I simply avoided. I convinced myself that I wasn't really good at anything. But God knew better. I suppose I'm a bit of a later bloomer. I didn't really know what I was good at creatively until my thirties. I spent a whole lot of years simply existing, not living. But somewhere along the line a passion for art in many forms was ignited. It's scary, and difficult at times, but living is so much more fulfilling than existing, don't you think?

So...find your muse yet?

Letting Go (by Billy Coffey)

2010-05-10T00:01:00.004-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

There are plenty of folks who say the Civil War is still being fought around here, though perhaps not in the way most would think. I speak not of the lurking and sometimes blatant racism that is just as much a part of the South as it is the North and West. No, I’m talking about another sort of fight, the reality of which depends completely upon your point of view.

Among the great reasons to call Virginia home is its history. Some say the Indians first migrated to the our valley around five thousand years ago. Take a walk with me in the long cornfields by the river’s edge near my home, and you can find evidence of their centuries here—arrowheads and tomahawks, pottery and spearheads.

After them came the time of Washington and Jefferson and Madison, giants whose courage and vision founded history’s greatest nation. And then came Lee and Jackson and a time when that nation was torn apart.

Yes, lots of history here.

Lots of ghosts, too.

I was reminded of this yesterday when I spoke with an old-timer who told me of a house in the city that was once a hospital for Confederate soldiers. There’s a reddish-brown stain on the parlor floor there, he said. About the size of a small spill. According to the homeowners, the stain has always been there. If it’s cleaned up, it reappears soon afterwards. If a rug is placed over it, the stain somehow seeps through the rug.

Local legend states it’s the blood of a confederate soldier. The homeowners agree. Quite an outlandish claim of course, but to a lot of the people here it’s just one more ghost story among thousands.

Like the Indian warrior who haunts the factory near my home. Or the spirits who inhabit the local cemeteries. There’s an abandoned house near the railroad tracks that’s haunted by the ghosts of two murdered brothers.

Keep in mind this is just in my town. Get out of there and up into the hills, and to hear the stories you’d be led to believe there are more ghosts than people.

Such tends to be the case for those parts of our country still immersed in the old ways, where religion and folklore entwine in an always rich but sometimes clumsy dance. The older people tend to see these tales as true. The younger ones generally use them for late-night campfires with easily-frightened girlfriends.

But back to that old-timer.

Nice old guy. He’s lived in this town for ninety-plus years, and he says his family has been here for over a century. He’s a believer in the ghosts. He says there are parts of life we may never get a glimpse of, but that doesn’t mean they’re not real.

And he said this: “Those ghosts are stuck here in this world, you see. For whatever reason, they can’t let go. So they’re left to roam. They’re not living, but they ain’t dead either. And for that, they have my pity.”

In that moment all of those ghosts had my pity, too. I still didn’t believe in them, of course. To me, they were nothing more than rural fairy tales. But fairy tales tend to have a lot of truth wrapped in them, some warning or lesson to be heeded. And I began to think maybe our town’s fairy tales did, too.

There’s a lot to be said for holding tight to something, whether it’s a dream or an ideal or a hope. Perseverance and tenacity are virtues, I think. Good things.

But there are times for letting go, too. Times when holding on means to neither live nor die, but merely to roam. Our perseverance and tenacity can become twisted into something it was never meant to be, leaving us bitter instead of strengthened and a mere specter instead of a person.

And I thought, too, of those things I hold tightly to in my own life, things valuable and real. And I wondered if when the time came I could let go. I hoped so, I really did.

It’s a matter of faith, letting go. It’s the epitome of trust.

And we’ll often find that when we let go, we’ll grasp Someone who will never let go of us.

***

To read more from Billy Coffey, visit him at at his website and follow him on the twitter at @billycoffey.

Some things I learned and some I didn't from my mom

2010-05-09T00:01:00.001-05:00

(For the record, I'm the adorable one in the middle with the Fred Flintstone feet.)

(This is a repost from last Mother's Day, but everything still applies.)

What my mother didn't teach me that I learned the hard way:

that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself

that God is my everything

that having a newborn is not for the faint of heart

that seeing your child in pain is excrutiatingly more difficult than your own pain

that I really am creative, just not in the same ways she is

that not all men are creeps

that marriage isn't a fairy tale, it's a constant work in progress

that just because it's true, doesn't mean it's not gossip

that mother's aren't perfect, but love covers a multitude of sins

Things I learned from my mother:

to make lemonade when life give you lemons, even if it's still a little bitter

that creativity and a little elbow grease can go a long way

to respect your elders even if you don't agree with them

to always say please and thank you

that steamed rice goes with just about anything, even spaghetti sauce

that when there's nothing to laugh about, you can always laugh at yourself

to always put the needs of others before your own

to do an honest day's work

that happiness is a warm puppy - even the 3 legged variety

that sometimes life is just about endurance

that actions always speak louder than words

to pick myself up and dust myself off

to never say "I'll never do that with my kids."

that the youngest child usually gets their way by means of wearing you down

that the youngest child gets sucker punched in the back when mom's not looking (okay, my sisters and brother taught me that one - frequently)

that cute goes a long way, but character will go the distance

to be a subservient and submissive wife (okay that one didn't really take)

that giving to others is infinitely more satisfying that hoarding things for yourself

that true beauty comes from within

Thanks, mom. I am a better mom because I am your daughter.

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms, daughters, grandmothers and granddaughters!

The obligatory weekly twitter update

2010-05-08T07:22:00.004-05:00

Here we are again friends, My 46th twitter update. Dang, that a lot of tweets. When I first started this update, it was simply a means of gathering up a few random observations to share with my non-twitter friends. I'm not sure I was the first person to start doing this, but I've noticed some other folks outside my little circle of interweb friends have started doing their own versions, so for that I want to say sorry/you're welcome.

And now, the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@llbarkat And you need to give me a link. Cuz I'm a lazy Yoda.

@llbarkat I share my superior wisdom with @billycoffey all the time. (in reply to llbarkat @billycoffey would love a tip from you (see the comment box at Green Inventions) & see if you can get @katdish to share her superior wisdom)

@llbarkat I specialize in unsolicited advice. (in reply to llbarkat @katdish I'm sure you must have a tip in there somewhere.)

"The grocery store is a black cesspool of unbridled despair." ~ Billy Coffey

@gabbysherri Night Smurfette!

@gabbysherri (shaking my head slowly in mock disapproval) Just google it. (in reply to gabbysherri @katdish-what the heck is tweetdeck?)

@gabbysherri Okay. Tell one of your sons to install tweetdeck on your computer or you'll never keep up.

Hey everyone! Follow @gabbysherri. It will freak her out.

@marni71 I wouldn't believe it if I didn't see it with my own eyes. (in reply to marni71 @gabbysherri I texted @katdish just to let her know u logged on. If she didn't faint, she'll come say hi.)

@gabbysherri SHUT. UP!!! I can't believe it!

When I finally met Mr. Right I had no idea his first name was Always ~ Rita Rudner

@redclaydiaries It's exactly like that. Or something... (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Eminent demise? Is that like eminent domain? Like the poo is trying to force us out of house and home?)

@duane_scott probably the Long Island iced teas. (in reply to duane_scott @CassandraFrear @katdish No, that was pretty pathetic. The poor lady. Who told her she could sing?)

@CassandraFrear Pretty sucktacular, huh?

@CassandraFrear @duane_scott This one's for you: http://bit.ly/bfgi0e

@duane_scott I'm laughing with you, not at you. Okay, maybe laughing at you a little bit... (in reply to duane_scott @CassandraFrear @katdish it is a talent. I can do Ice Ice Baby flawlessly. :) and a few nights ago I scored 98 on The Scientists by coldplay)

@duane_scott Is karaoke a talent? (in reply to duane_scott @katdish is Comedy. @PeterPollock is English accent. I'd have to go with karaoke. See, we all have talents! Whoop whoop.)

@redclaydiaries The random poo is a sure sign of eminent demise.

@duane_scott Comedy. (in reply to duane_scott @PeterPollock @katdish Let's put it this way. If we 3 were to have a talent show, what would you win at?)

RT @badbanana: Having a Yoplait yogurt with my lunch. Before you judge my masculinity, I'm also eating an elk head. Antlers and all.

@PRbytheBook Are you following @billycoffey yet?

RT @PRbytheBook: Authors: start early! "Begin an authentic conversation w/people interested in your topic..." http://huff.to/dqrrMz.

@chipmacgregor Ooo! I am an incredibly bad poet!

RT @chipmacgregor: We've started our annual Bad Poetry Contest at www.chipmacgregor.com - drop by and participate!

So, I need to work on my new website that the lovely & talented @peterpollock is building for me but I forgot my password. #ragingADD

@llbarkat @KathleenOverby If I can influence anyone to let their inner silly out, that is a very good day.

@KathleenOverby Okay, nevermind. That post DOES sound like I could have written it. Snort!

@KathleenOverby Ghost writing? Yeah, like I'd write something w/o getting credit for it. (in reply to KathleenOverby @llbarkat you're gonna win the 31 days thingy, because you're causing a ruckus and bribing with cake. Is @katdish ghost writing for you?)

Jesus said, "Go and make disciples", not "make converts to your opinions". ~ Oswald Chambers

"Every boy wants to be found brave and every girl wants to be found lovely." ~ Jeff Hogan

RT @tremendousnews: It's Cinco de Mayo! Unless you don't have your papers in Arizona. Then it's just a Wednesday you'll never forget

Wow >RT @jeremypeterson: the future of worship??? http://bit.ly/de8N6s

@VariantVal Ah yes. Laugh, and the world laughs with you...Cry and you look like (expletive).

@llbarkat what do you mean,"just" me? Snort! (in reply to llbarkat @katdish I am happy to report that you and the Dalai quadrupled my blog traffic yesterday. Okay, okay, I'm sure it was just you ;-)

@buzzbyannies Happy Cinco de Birthday, Annie!

Okay. Too much technical computer stuff. I need to walk away and eat a sammich.

@lainiegallagher But I will because I love your bossy little self.

@lainiegallagher You're not the boss of me... (in reply to lainiegallagher @katdish Tell your new FB friends to be my friends, too. Do it.)

RT @jamieworley: Just made up a new word: "squirky." It means squirrelly and quirky. Sometimes I am both of those, so I need a good word. ;)

RT @gyoung9751: @katdish Linking up with FB and Twitter is either Facebookerocious or Twittelicious

@gyoung9751 Thanks, Glynn. I don't need katdishionary words at the moment, I need INSTRUCTION

GAAAAA!!!! Okay. Thanks for all the FB friends. Now how do I link up with twitter?

Okay people. I created a new facebook account: Katdish Dishman-Richards. I have no friends currently. Sad...I know.

@noveldoctor Writers can't help but write. Even when it's not on paper. It's safer on paper than in your head, though.

RT @noveldoctor: If all writers truly followed the "write what you know" maxim, wouldn't most novels be about rejection?

@noveldoctor He WAS in Karate Kid! (in reply to noveldoctor @katdish Or Ralph "Espresso" Macchiato. Wait, wasn't he the Karate Kid?)

@noveldoctor I think they might figure it out when your characters have names like "Carmelatta". (in reply to noveldoctor I get some of my best story ideas from the customers at Sbux. They just don't know it.)

NERD ALERT >RT @Brian_Russell: Anyone on Xbox Live? Because we should totally nerd it up together.

@PeterPollock Nope. Just outright adoration and appreciation. (in reply to PeterPollock @katdish When I saw "My Geeky Guru" I was sure that there must be a way to TWSS it, but I just can't find it!)

Just called @PeterPollock my "geeky guru" in a DM. It's a shame I can't post my DMs on my twitter update. Don't worry, I'll never do that.

@amysorrells Oh, be careful what you wish for Amy. (in reply to amysorrells @katdish In that case, I want to be just like you. (((snort!)))

@amysorrells Oh, pish posh! Never grow up! (in reply to amysorrells I want 2 B like them when I grow up: @MaryDeMuth @michaelhyatt @thepioneerwoman @RichardMabry @sarahmarkley @1nicolebromley @flowerdust)

When creativity gets away from you

2010-05-07T00:01:00.001-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

Yesterday I posted several pictures here. For those of you who are still wondering, yes, all those projects were done by yours truly, and no, I have no formal training. Just sort of figured things out as I went along. I tend to throw myself head first into anything that fuels my creative spirit. There is an energy and a spark when you take an idea in your head and it transfers well to a final result. That goes for anything. Not just the creative arts.

Then there are times when my big plans and lack of planning get me into messes. Case in point. While turning what once was the kids playroom into a studio/office, I decided that the windowsills were cumbersome and were taking up too much space. (They protruded a whopping 2 inches.) Had my husband been in town, he would have talked me out of it. Temporarily, anyway. But when I get something in my head, I'm pretty determined to see it through. This can be very good. It can also be very bad. Here's a post from last year. A cautionary tale:

The New Math:

Well, it's Saturday and I am hard at work in my soon-to-be uber fantastical studio/escape from the world. I am taking a brief respite from the task at hand to give you a brief peek into the glamorous life of me. (Sure, don't mention it.)

Here's a new mathematical equation to ponder:

Impulsive, impatient Katdish

- methodical, practical husband

+high powered reciprocal saw

=Uh, oh...Sorry. My bad

Okee, dokey! Well, I gotta got figure out how I'm going to fix this before my DH gets home. Oh, wait...he reads my blog...DANG! So, how's your day going?

For the record, I did fix the damage (all by myself thankyouverymuch) and the windowsills now only protrude one inch. So there...

This is also where I came up with the quote,
"The creative spirit cannot be enslaved by the oppressive chains of reason and logical thinking" when Texas Shawn asked me: "Um, what did you set out to do?"

Also the first and only time my husband commented on my blog:

"I guess I should look at the bright side and be grateful that I learned of your handy work via your blog and not a call from the hospital.Curious to learn what your a sculpting."

So menfolk, the next time your wife complains about you leaving your dirty socks on the floor, look on the bright side, you could be married to me.

The thing about writing

2010-05-06T00:01:00.001-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

Writer. Me? Hmm…not so sure about that. More like someone who pushes ideas out of her head. Sometimes they land on paper or onto a computer screen,

other times in a brain storming session.

(This waffle pic ended up on the front of a worship CD.)

Then again, these ideas might find themselves on a canvas...

or a wall...

a piece of furniture...

or even a plastic container...

Then there are times when ideas get a bit scrambled on the way out and result in the removal of a windowsill or three by means of a powerful reciprocal saw. But I digress…

The thing about writing—good writing—is it has to be honest. You can’t hide behind technical brilliance or clever sentence structure. These things help convey a better story, but they don’t make the story. You do. Being honest with yourself can be scary. Being honest with yourself with the world reading along can be downright terrifying.

Your story doesn’t have to be factually accurate. Some of the most honest writing is the truth wrapped carefully within a fictional tale. But it shines through in the very best writing.

So today, I want to recognize all of you brave souls whose truth shines through your words—in your poetry, your short stories, your candid observations and even your sarcasm and parody.

Thank you. Reading your truths gives me courage to share my own.

Meeting Jakob (by Jeff Selph)

2010-05-05T00:01:00.006-05:00

Before I introduce my guest blogger today, I wanted to wish my beautiful, brave, butt-kicking friend Annie K a very Happy Birthday, and invite you to drop in on her blog and do the same. Love you, gal! (Y'all really need to stop having birthdays on Mondays and Wednesday. It messes up my schedule.)

And now back to our regularly scheduled guest post...

I usually write a short intro for the folks that guest post here, but Jeff has done such a good job explaining how our paths crossed on the internets, I'll just let him tell you. I will go on record as saying that he is one of many chronically sarcastic pastors (my favorite kind of pastors, btw) that somehow find their way to my blog. Wonder why that is...

Here's Jeff:

I am a youth and children's pastor in Kalamazoo, MI. The most important thing in my world is my family. My wife's name is Sarah, and my son's name is Jakob. I am a nerd. I have no problem with that. I grew up Baptist, but like sheep, I have gone astray. I am non-denominational.

I, like many of you, found this blog by reading funny comments left by Kathy on Stuff Christians Like posts. If I see a comment I like or hate, I usually click on the person's profile, check out their blog, and start liking them more or disliking them more based on what I see. My first visit here, I found her yelling at some kid for stealing her kid's Pokemon cards. It was kind of a rant. I like ranting and the idea of being mean to children, so I decided to subscribe. I have been amused, appalled, moved, and incited to rage many times over the last year, and I have enjoyed it.

A few weeks ago, Katdish - I really believe that is her real name, even if her mom calls her something else - pointed out that I had not offered to write a guest post for her blog yet. I was simultaneously flattered and confused. I was flattered, because I am not really a writer's writer. I don't think my blog even has a theme. So for someone to ask me to write for their blog is a novel and flattering concept. I was confused, because I don't know how this guest blogging thing works. I had no idea that you are supposed to offer to guest post on someone else's blog. I thought they were supposed to ask you. Is offering to write for someone else's blog not like inviting yourself over to someone else's house? I think it is exactly the same, and I was never allowed to invite myself over to anyone's house when I was younger. That explains why I've never offered my services to anyone, and probably never will, unless I become really famous, because I'd probably be really arrogant about the whole thing, and I would assume that everyone would want me to write for them. But since she has asked, I will write, and I will tell you about when I met my son.

My wife, Sarah, is Korean, but she has a very light, fair complexion. I am a real whitey, of Jewish and German descent. It doesn't get much whiter than this. I always looked forward to whenever we would have a child, because I really do think Asian kids are the cutest. My one hangup was that I was disappointed that if we had a child, he would probably not look anything like me.

In January of last year, we learned that Sarah was pregnant. We were so excited. We couldn't wait to find out the gender. Once we found out that she was having a boy, we started imagining what he would look like. Of course, he would have brown eyes, pin straight brown hair, almond shaped eyes, and a flat nose. He had to, because he was half Korean. Most half-Asian kids I'd seen looked predominately Asian. So we also figured he'd have a little bit darker complexion than me. We were hoping that maybe he could at least have my smile or ears or something.

Sarah had a scheduled c-section. The morning was hectic. They decided that due to previous back injuries that Sarah had sustained, they didn't want to do an epidural. They just knocked her out. So they escort me to the hall for "just a moment." A few minutes later, one doctor came out and told me that I had to stay out in the hall. I was pretty upset, because I didn't even tell Sarah that I loved her or give her a kiss goodbye, which I would have done if I had known. So they station me outside the operating room. I took out my camera, because I wanted to at least video the procedure for Sarah, since she was going to sleep through the whole thing. Not happening. A scrubbed up doctor walked to window, pointed at the camera, and told me to put it away. I couldn't video. So I took out my other camera to take pictures. Truth be told, I did take a little video with my digital camera, just to spite them. They don't know, but I feel better about it.

There was a lot of commotion and jerky movements in the delivery room. It looked like the doctors were trying to wretch Jakob free from Sarah's incision. I was a little nervous, because that's how I roll. But I kept my eyes trained on the doctor that would no doubt be holding my son up for me to see. After about fifteen minutes, a nurse came up behind me and told me to come with her. I refused. I told her that I had a good view of what was going down, and I wanted to get a picture. She insisted that I come into the next room with her. After a little back-and-forth, I agreed to come.

Inside the room, there was a screaming baby boy. I looked at him for a moment. It meant very little to me. I was too excited to meet my son. I started to walk right past him. There were two delivery rooms over there designated for c-section babies, so I assumed that he had just come from the room behind me. After a few seconds, I noticed that there were tags laying next to this screaming baby - who I found to be very distracting - were little hospital bracelets waiting to be placed on his ankles. They read, "Baby Boy Selph."

I had no emotional reaction at that moment. The very first thought that popped into my head was, "But he's white. He should be yellow." After analyzing his color for a moment, I got excited. I couldn't believe it. Through the screaming, i could see a few things about him: he had my mouth, his nose wasn't too flat, he had my hairline, and he was screaming uncontrollably. He actually looked a little like me. It was amazing.

I'm proud to be his dad. He's beautiful. I know, he's a boy, and I should say that he's handsome. He's that, too. Every time he starts doing something new, I get so excited. I anticipate that even when he aggravates me, I will always think the best of him. He's my son. And if he ever asks me what I thought the first time I saw him, I will tell him the truth: "But he's white. He should be yellow."

Shalom,

Jeff Selph

***

To read more from Jeff Selph, visit him at Selph Inflicted and follow him on the twitter at @jewda4.

Trading my Sorrows

2010-05-04T00:01:00.003-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

I'm not much for happy, shiny Christian songs. Having said that, there's something about Trading My Sorrows that helps me remember this passage from 2 Corinthians 4:8-12

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you."

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

Chorus:
And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning

***

I choose Joy

Yesterday I chose fear of the unknown
Today I choose trust
Yesterday I chose regret
Today I choose acceptance of a bigger plan
Yesterday I chose to cling to selfish love
Today I choose Love (big "L")
Yesterday I chose to wallow in what could be
Today I choose whatever God's will is for my life
Yesterday I chose sorrow
Today I choose Joy
Over fear, over doubt, over worry, over pain...
Today I chose Joy
And am praying that you choose Joy as well.

This post is part of the One Word Blog Carnival: Joy hosted by Bridget Chumbley over at One Word at a Time. You should check it out. And tell her I said hey!

Going under (by Billy Coffey)

2010-05-03T00:01:00.007-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

A postscript concerning my son’s tonsillectomy last week:

Upon further reflection—and when you’re awake all night like I was, there is plenty of time for reflection—it wasn’t the visit to the hospital that worried him. He was okay with the hospital. And it wasn’t even the pain. What worried him the most was the very thing he most looked forward to.

The happy gas.

It’s tough trying to explain a medical procedure to a six-year-old, especially when the ins and outs are pretty vague to his father. I didn’t really know what tonsils and adenoids were, what function they served, or why they were giving him such trouble. But the anesthesia part I knew.
So I told him he got to wear a mask like Batman did and that the air would smell like cotton candy and he’d fall asleep. And while he was asleep the doctors would do their business and make him better.

“You won’t feel a thing,” I told him. “Promise.”

He didn’t believe me.

Experience had taught him otherwise. He’d slept before, and he’d either done things or had things happen that he not only remembered, but felt.

He fell out of the bed twice. Felt that. Bopped his face against the headboard. Felt that, too. He’s also awakened himself by burping, talking, snoring, and coughing. Sometimes all at once.

No way, he thought, no way, would he be able to sleep through someone operating on him.

So I explained that the happy gas wouldn’t just put him asleep, it would put him really asleep, and that the doctor would make sure he stayed that way until everything was finished.

Afterward, once we were home and he was safely on the sofa with his ice cream, I asked him about it.

“I didn’t feel anything,” he said. “I can’t even remember anything.”

And then he said this—“I wish I could have some of that for when I go to school. That way I could just wake up when I got home and I wouldn’t remember any of it.”

Funny, yes. And that definitely pegged him as my son. But he really had a great idea there, at least on the surface. Wouldn’t it be great if we could have some advance warning to the less than perfect things we have to face? And wouldn’t it be great if just before we could put on a Batman mask, breathe some cotton-candy air, and fall asleep through the whole thing?

Yes. It would.

I’ll admit for a while I did my best not to try and poke holes in his Happy Gas Theory. I knew there were some and most likely many. But sometimes we take comfort in those things that aren’t and can never be. That’s what I did while sitting on the sofa with him. I reveled.

But the truth of course was that we had to go through our painful things sometimes. We could slide around some and jump over others, but sooner or later a storm would come that we couldn’t outrun or take cover from, and we were left to stand there in the open under the pour.

Sometimes, that didn’t seem right to me.

It would make more sense to say that if God was there and if God was good, He would take better care of the ones who loved Him. He would make sure our paths were clear. He would prevent the pain and the pour and the doubt. He would take away the fear.

If there was such a thing as everyday happy gas, I thought, then shouldn’t it be God?

Maybe. But maybe that pain and pour and doubt served a purpose that outweighed the need for our happiness. Maybe we needed fear so we could know the value of faith.

Maybe.

I didn’t know for sure, but I thought the odds were good that He’d spared me from a great many troubles in my life without me knowing it. Not happy gas, but maybe something better. And as I looked down and saw my son wince when he tried to swallow, I knew that all the happy gas in the world couldn’t take away all the pain. Some still lingered.

That was true for all of us, I supposed. We were all a collection of bruises and cuts. We all had our tender places.

And I thought that in the end, it was our pain and not our happiness that brought us nearer to heaven.

***

To read more from Billy Coffey, visit him at at his website and follow him on the twitter at @billycoffey.

The Graciousness of Uncertainty (Oswald Chambers)

2010-05-02T00:01:00.002-05:00

The following is taken from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. It is from the devotion for April 29. I've been meditating on this scripture and Mr. Chambers words this week:

"It doth not yet appear what we shall be." 1 John 3:2

Naturally, we are inclined to be so mathematical and calculating that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We imagine that we have to reach some end, but that is not the nature of spiritual life. The nature of spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty, consequently we do not make our nests anywhere. Common sense says - "Well, supposing I were in that condition . . ." We cannot suppose ourselves in any condition we have never been in. Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life: gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness, it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time. When we become advocates of a creed, something dies; we do not believe God, we only believe our belief about Him. Jesus said, "Except ye become as little children." Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next. If we are only certain in our beliefs, we get dignified and severe and have the ban of finality about our views; but when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy.

"Believe also in Me," said Jesus, not - "Believe certain things about Me." Leave the whole thing to Him, it is gloriously uncertain how He will come in, but He will come. Remain loyal to Him.

Sleep deprivation and the Twitter

2010-05-01T00:01:00.003-05:00

I've had sort of a weird week. And for me, that's saying something. Lots of things on my mind. Didn't sleep very well this week. But I did manage to enhance a few lives through the power of social media just the same.

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@chrissulli Yeah, spending a week on the beach in the Caribbean sounds pretty crappy. (in reply to chrissulli @katdish its nothing against them. I'll just be so close then and bored on the beach.)

@billycoffey No. Thank YOU. You big deal, you... (in reply to billycoffey @Daylilie222 @katdish @chrissulli @Julie_Weathers Thanks for the #FF!)

@chrissulli Is your family on twitter? Hope not. (in reply to chrissulli @katdish Ya. First week I'm there I'm on vacation with my fam Think I'm going to be miserable the whole time and ready to go see the kids.)

@chrissulli Good Morning, Chris! Thanks for the RT. Sent you some stuff yesterday. Are you getting excited to get back to the DR?

#FF @billycoffey because he's kind of a big deal, even though he'll never admit that.

@buzzbyannies Okay, I'm totally jealous... (in reply to buzzbyannies @katdish Oh I think you secretly are. snort!)

@buzzbyannies NOT jealous. Not at all... (in reply to buzzbyannies @CandySteele See you in Seattle! Woot!)

We cannot suppose ourselves into any condition we have not been in. ~ Oswald Chambers

Certainty is the mark of a common sense life, gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. ~ Oswald Chambers

Agreed! RT @lainiegallagher: @katdish is the coolest!

@dustinlamont Our drummer says that too. Among other things. (in reply to dustinlamont Sorry for the inappropriately simplistic tweet of "poop" by one of my drummers who took my phone. This goes in the history books. Oh matt.)

I can't complain but sometimes I still do - Joe Walsh

@HeatheroftheEO Thank you! You like me! You really, really like me! (in reply to HeatheroftheEO And the award for The Blog That Hates 100 Things goes to @katdish for http://katdish.blogspot.com/)

@beckfromfrogandtoad Your Catholic Dutch grandmother-in-law? That's a mouthfull.

@HeatheroftheEO Because seriously. Those are the rules

@HeatheroftheEO Well please make sure in order to win the award, winner must tell 100things about themselves & make 8 other people do so. (in reply to HeatheroftheEO I think I'm going to start my own blog awards. I'll give away awards like "best colors for a blog" - "prettiest dog on a blog" & stuff.)

Okay. Seriously leaving to run some errands now

@Helenatrandom No silly. I hope you write a short story. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish You hope I disintegrate? That's kind of odd...)

@Helenatrandom Ooo! I hope you do. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish haven't tried fiction since I was in college. If I was any rustier, I'd disintegrate.)

@marni71 Well that settles it. I'm gonna read it! (in reply to marni71 @katdish It would likely be your most stellar #Katrant yet!)

@marni71 Yeah. But that could be an excellent katrant, doncha think? in reply to marni71 @katdish Don't read The Shack. If u thought The Giving Tree could cause a #Katrant...well, just sayin'.)

I felt that the it embodied the spirit of the actual meaning of IMGNAHS, which is, "I'm gonna need a hack saw."

The winner for my "guess the acronym" contest is @RobinMArnold, even though her guess of "I might go nuts and hurt someone" was incorrect

Malcolm Gladwell's writing pretty much fascinates me.

@muchl8r What part of town are you going to see a doctor? (in reply to muchl8r No joke, every bloody doctor i see makes me take my freaking pants off. #Why?!!)

@duane_scott Or else what? You'll beat me over the head w/an ear of corn? (in reply to duane_scott @katdish It's one of my favorite books. You got me to read the Gordon book by Stephen King. Now, you read The Shack or else.....)

@duane_scott I have a copy of The Shack. I can't bring myself to read it. Don't know why. Just stubborn I guess

@amysorrells You rendered my smart aleck comment useless. (in reply to amysorrells Oops. Smell the PANSIES. (Thanks, @katdish) New blog post: http://ow.ly/1DSt8)

@jmarkowski0 Oh, I love that song! Child of the 80s that I am. (in reply to jmarkowski0 @katdish My kids love that song and The Tubes "She's a Beauty", makes me smile every time)

@amysorrells Cracks me up.

My 8 YO daughter just came thru the door singing 867-5309. I love her.

@10MinuteWriter Thanks. That's encouraging. (in reply to 10MinuteWriter All you grumpy moms out there who think that taking a nap will refresh you: keep in mind that the house WILL be messier when you wake up.)

@Brian_Russell Ooo! That creepy awesome! (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish Yeah, its just radio, but you used to have to tell it what you liked... now it just... knows.)

@Brian_Russell Okay. But you're not the boss of me. (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish Go to Pandora.com and see what I mean.)

@Brian_Russell Okay. That tweet made no sense to me at all. (in reply to Brian_Russell The new Pandora that Facebook stalks you is pretty accurate.)

RT @br8kthru: @weightwhat I asked first but u ignored me! Fine. Since u like crafts, I made u something special: http://yfrog.com/5h181zcj

@Serverman5 Yes! And gross. I hate that place too. (in reply to Serverman5 @katdish oooo, so its like applebys is it? Bad everywhere.)

@Serverman5 You could just remove the "in Round Rock" and that would still be a true statement. (in reply to Serverman5 Salt grass in roundrock blows.)

It seems @buddylovethedog likes them too. http://twitpic.com/1ix4pe

I love the little wildflowers mixed with the grass in the yard. http://twitpic.com/1ix409

My tweetdeck is down. Carry on.

@redclaydiaries Twitpics? (in reply to redclaydiaries Note to self: harem pants are not a good daytime look. #peoplewatchinginthemall)

@jewda4 Thanks. It's what I do. (in reply to jewda4 @katdish you have corrupted an originally clean tweet about hard work and ingenuity. job well done!)

@prodigaljohn And sometimes they cost sweaty money. And involve a stripper pole. (in reply to prodigaljohn Most dreams don't cost money. They cost sweat.)

@Doallas I could probably break her down. It's been done many times before. (in reply to Doallas RT @katdish: Man, I wish my writing could inspire stories like this everyday!: http://bit.ly/aZUjR3 //I wish Louise would get on Twitter.)

@lainiegallagher Do you mean Dave my computer table, or that dorky strap on lap top desk from the Skymall? (in reply to lainiegallagher @katdish Don't you have some kind of awesome laptop desk or something that you were touting a while back?)

@weightwhat Okay dang....that's just wrong on so many levels. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish By any chance did you cut your hair and take a trip to Walmart? http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?p=12891)

Okay. Off to take a power nap!

Confession No. 2 of the day: I need a nap. I'm on like 3 hours sleep. Sometimes I can't shut my brain down, & now I'm paying for it

@CassandraFrear It is good. Gotta work w/in the confines of what we are capable of. But we're capable of much more than we know. (in reply to CassandraFrear @katdish Well, that just shows how unique each person is. We learn to work with what we've been given. It's good.)

@CassandraFrear a LOT!!!! (in reply to CassandraFrear @katdish I just Googled Low Carb Monster. See what you started? How much caffiene is in one?)

@CassandraFrear For today, yes. (in reply to CassandraFrear @katdish So are you off coffee completely?)

@CassandraFrear No. I've switched to low carb monster. It's after lunch, after all. (in reply to CassandraFrear @katdish Thanks. Got any coffee?)

Who says you can't find quality you tube videos on the Smartypants Blog? I do! http://bit.ly/b66sUw

@CassandraFrear Well, welcome aboard the crazy train. (in reply to CassandraFrear @katdish And just think. I've decided to be a writer.)

@CassandraFrear I was putting "air quotes" around the word "special". Some things get lost in translation (in reply to CassandraFrear @katdish I just Googled "air quotes". It didn't help me understand your last tweet. Clue?)

@CassandraFrear Sorry. You know when someone says something & the put their 2 fingers of each hand up to indicate something in quotes?

@CassandraFrear "air quotes" (in reply to CassandraFrear @katdish Well, I have trouble with meanings AND spellings. That's because I'm special.)

So, I got the most AMAZING note in the mail this week. Never hesitate if you feel lead to encourage someone. It truly blessed me

@CassandraFrear Oh, that's way too practical for me! (in reply to CassandraFrear @katdish My editor husband inserted American Heritage Dictionary in my bookmarks bar. http://bit.ly/cBSmL9 I use it often.)

Confession: I use google as my go-to spell check engine at least twice a day.
Writers: @spressfield has a great writing post every Wednesday: http://bit.ly/2s7zRq

@lainiegallagher Hello there! Welcome to the twitter! Now go get yourself an avatar. That bird creeps me out.

@redclaydiaries Nice! http://twitpic.com/1ihap3

@PeterPollock You are a strange man, Peter Pollock. (in reply to PeterPollock Just touched a stingray. It felt like jello. Or pudding. It's making me hungry)

So many mailboxes, so little time. http://twitpic.com/1i2v84

@cascheller It's funny because it's true... (in reply to cascheller @katdish I like the Moms Are Better than Dads T-shirt.)

@redclaydiaries I gotta be me...or Bon Qui Qui. Whichever is applicable. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish RUDE.)

@redclaydiaries Ah will cut you... (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Sorry/you're welcome. I wonder if they deliver in Texas...)

@redclaydiaries Oh GAAAAA!!! Make it stop! (in reply to redclaydiaries Reading about new kids' birthday fad: http://bit.ly/9QqMWx So @katdish, is THIS how you were scarred for life?)

I'm at my dad's house: Land of crappy internet. The epic twitter update has been posted (finally)

Letting Go

2010-04-30T00:01:00.003-05:00

Not really a post today. Sorry about that. The thing is, I'm not as strong as I think I am sometimes. I struggle. I fight with God instead of surrenduring to Him. Ask anyone who knows me well and they will tell you I can be the most stubborn person in the world. That can be a very good thing and a very bad thing.

I'm dealing with something that is very scary for me. It could be nothing, it could be life changing. All I know is I need to stop being afraid and simply surrender and trust. Because even though I understand on a head level that God is in control, I need to understand it from my heart.

Back to the regularly scheduled program tomorrow. Thanks for indulging me.

Let it Go (by Tenth Avenue North)

I've been holding on so tight
Look at these knuckles
They've gone white
I'm fighting for who I wanna be
I'm just trying to find security

But You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the ones that lose control
You say you will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it's then I'll find my soul
You say let it go.

Well it's hard enough to hear
Harder still, to move beyond this fear
We know there's nothing I can bring,
So tell me what do you want from me?

But You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one to lose control
You say You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it's then I'll find my soul
You say let it go, You say let it go

What do I love?
What do I hate?
What will I lose?
What will I gain?
How do I save my soul?
What if I bend?
What if I break?
What will it cost?
What will it take?
For you to save my soul.

You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one to lose control
You say You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it's then I'll find my soul

You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one to lose control
You say you will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it's then I'll find my soul
You say let it go, You say let it go

You are She

2010-04-29T00:01:00.005-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

Several weeks ago, I received an encouraging, beautiful handmade card from a friend. She contacted me a few days earlier, asked for my mailing address and let me know she would be sending it. This card is pinned to the bulletin board in my office right next to my beloved picture of Boz Dog. Then earlier this week, as I was looking through the mail, I spyed another envelope from this lovely person.

I opened the envelope to find a note card that simply said, "@katdish ~ You are "She". Also enclosed was a writing by Kobi Yamada entitled "She":

She must be something special. She is. Celebrate her.
She loved life and it loved her back. Celebrate her passion.
She listened to her heart above all other voices. Celebrate her wisdom.
She pursued big dreams instead of small realities. Celebrate her priorities.
She saw every ending as a new beginning. Celebrate her resiliency.
She discovered her real measurements had nothing to do with numbers or statistics. Celebrate her self esteem.
She was kind, loving and patient…with herself. Celebrate her tenderness.
She woke up one day and threw away all her excuses. Celebrate her accountability.
She realized that she was missing a great deal by being sensible. Celebrate her spirit.
She turned her can’ts into cans, and her dreams into plans. Celebrate her goals.
She ignored people who said it couldn’t be done. Celebrate her independence.
She had a way of turning obstacles into opportunities. Celebrate her magic.
She went out on a limb, had it break off behind her, and discovered she could fly. Celebrate her faith.
She discovered she was the one she’d been waiting for. Celebrate her self-reliance.
She added so much beauty to being human. Celebrate her presence.
She walked in when everyone else walked out. Celebrate her friendship.
She just has this way of brightening the day. Celebrate her radiance.
She made the whole world feel like home. Celebrate her warmth.
She decided to enjoy more and endure less. Celebrate her choices.
She decided to start living the life she’d imagined. Celebrate her freedom.
She colored her thoughts with only the brightest hues. Celebrate her optimism.
She was an artist and her life was her canvas. Celebrate her brilliance.
She ran ahead where there were no paths. Celebrate her bravery.
She crossed borders recklessly, refusing to recognize limits, saying bonjour and buon giorno as though she owned both France and Italy and the day itself. Celebrate her joie de vivre.
She held her head high and looked the world straight in the eye. Celebrate her strength.
She not only saw a light at the end of the tunnel she became that light for others. Celebrate her compassion.
She designed a life she loved. Celebrate her joy.
She took the leap and built her wings on the way down. Celebrate her daring.
She said bye-bye to unhealthy relationships. Celebrate her happiness.
She remained true to herself. Celebrate her authenticity.
She made the world a better place. Celebrate her.

I am certainly not she. But I strive to be. And I wanted to share this with you today because I want you to encourage you as the sender of this wonderful blessing disguised in an envelope encouraged me.

Celebrate you.

Thank you, my friend.

5 Ways Sky Mall takes your Entertaining from Everyday to Epic (by Becky Miller)

2010-04-28T00:01:00.001-05:00

I've said this before, but I'll say it again. Jon Acuff of Stuff Christians Like was the inspiration for me to start blogging in the first place. (You may send him angry e-mails at jon@stuffchristianslike.net). If Jon's blog was just about the writing, I'd still be a huge fan, but it's so much more than that. It's about community. The comments section of SCL is that community, and it is awesome. One of the charter members of what I refer to as the "SCL Posse" is Becky Miller, who is also awesome:

I met Katdish on Stuff Christians Like. Then we became Twitter friends when I decided to cyber-stalk the frequent SCL commenters, figuring that if we all liked Jon's sense of humor and perspective on faith, we'd have a lot in common.

Kathy generously invited me to guest post here to introduce my new blog, How-To Hospitality. I'm a wife and mother in New England who entertains a LOT. I'm also clumsy and easily sidetracked. This means I've had more than my fair share of hospitality foibles. I started How-To Hospitality to tell on myself and my hospitality fails and wins, hoping to help others in the process.

In keeping with Hey Look, A Chicken!'s skymalladocious posts, I present:

Five Ways Sky Mall Takes Your Entertaining from Everyday to Epic

Let's face it. The people who shop at Sky Mall are better than us. They make more money. They live in bigger houses. They have cooler gadgets. It stands to reason, then, that their parties are better than ours. What are some of your parties' problems, and how can Sky Mall meet those needs?

1. Problem: Store-bought soda is boring and predictable
Solution: Soda Maker Kits! $129.99

Make your own fresh soda with this machine. Not only will this take your beverage selection up a notch, the product description actually promises to save the planet.

2. Problem: Your fruit bowl is not tropical enough
Solution: Palms Fruit Hammock! $29.99

Your mangoes and coconuts should feel at home in an island-like environment. This product not only keeps your fruit fresher longer, it also adds that extra touch of authenticity to your luau theme. The only problem I foresee is having guests constantly ask, "What's up with your banana hammock?"

3. Problem: You aren't strong enough to scoop your own ice cream
Solution: Microwaveable Ice Cream Scoop! $4.97

My mom once told me about a girl she knew in high school who had a normal left forearm and a ginormous right forearm. The girl's summer job? Working at an ice cream stand. Don't let that happen to you. Buy this scoop today.

4. Problem: You broke your punch bowl by filling it with salad, putting it in the fridge, then later fishing for mustard on the back part of the shelf, inadvertently knocking the punch bowl out and shattering it on the floor.*
Solution: Lighted Party Fountain! $49.99

*Er, wait, maybe that was only me. You might not need this punch fountain after all.

5. Problem: Your guests don't want to hold their own root beer cans
Solution: Tex the Armadillo Can Holder! $29.95 (each)

Supply each of your guests with one of these darling figurines to hold their beverages. Don't forget homemade wine glass tags for each 'dillo. Martha Stewart has some lovely ideas for making your own wine glass tags.

But that's another post. Martha Stewart's parties are better than ours, too.

***

To read more from Becky Miller, visit her at How-To Hospitality and follow her on the twitter at @miller_schloss.

Good Shame vs Bad Shame

2010-04-27T00:01:00.001-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

If you are a regular reader here, you may have read my post and giveaway for Steven Pressfield's book, The War of Art. This book is easily one of the most valuable items in my writer's toolbox.

As a friend of mine so eloquently puts it, "Steven Pressfield is absolutely zero bullsh*t." If you're looking for someone to tell you that it's okay to put off your writing until you get your life under control, or that it's okay to put aside your passion because you're tired or weary, don't read his book or his blog. Give in to Resistance and allow it to bury you and your dreams. Just don't blame anyone but yourself because you couldn't or wouldn't put in the work.

Talent is so abundant it's almost cliche'. Talent will only take you so far. If you truly believe that you have been called to your particular creative endeavor--whether that be writing, painting, music, whatever--then what are you waiting for? If you're waiting for conditions to be perfect before you begin in earnest, I've got news for you. They will never be perfect. Resistance will never allow that to happen.

I recently discovered Mr. Pressfield writes a weekly post entitled Writing Wednesdays. I was particularly impressed with one called The Uses of Shame. In part, he writes:

Shame is good. Shame is a tremendous weapon against Resistance. Along with habit, momentum, aspiration, anger, eros and joy, shame can be a mighty ally in the never-ending guerrilla campaign against self-sabotage.

What is shame? Shame is the emotion we feel when we are guilty of acts that are unworthy of us.

Resistance hates shame. Because Resistance knows that once we feel shame, we are likely (goaded by this extremely unpleasant sensation) to take action. We are likely to gird our loins, put some starch in our backbone, kick ourselves in the ass–and actually start doing our work.

In this context, I agree that shame is a powerful motivator. Of course, there is bad shame. Bad shame is based on fear. It keeps victims of sexual and domestic abuse from outing their attackers. Bad shame keeps people in relationships because of obligation rather than love, it empowers bullys to continue their intimidation tactics on others. But bad shame is almost always based on lies.

Good shame motivates us to put away our excuses and belly aching and helps us move closer from the person we are to the person we want to be.

And what a shame it would be for the rest of the world if we never got a glimpse of that person inside of you...

Sorry/you're welcome.

NightandIloveyou (by Billy Coffey)

2010-04-26T00:01:00.006-05:00

A recent, and very early, Friday morning:

I hear it through a thick blanket of sleep, soft at first then clearer and stronger. Not the sort of noise one fears at night. Not a crack or a thump or a ring from the telephone. But the sort of noise that makes you wonder where it’s coming from and what in the world it means.

“Free credit report dot com, tell your friends tell your dad tell your mom.”

I grab the remote control and point it in the general direction of the television, thinking that I had dozed off in the middle of whatever I had been watching three hours earlier. I wave it blindly, pushing the ON/OFF button and then smacking the whole thing against my hand because the batteries must be dead. And then I realize that the television isn’t on. The noise, however, still is:

“Free credit report dot com, tell your friends tell your dad tell your mom.”

My head raises, using what can only be described as the human equivalent to sonar to identify the source.

It’s coming from my son’s bedroom.

I pull back the blankets, schlep into the hallway, and stand at his door. The soft red light from his Lightning McQueen lamp illuminates him in his bed. He is staring at the ceiling with his arms raised and his fingers doing some sort of magical dance.

“Hey,” I say.

He jerks and spins and stares at me with a look of terror. He has been worried of monsters under his bed lately, and ghosts in his closet, and the bad guy from Toy Story. I just may be all three.

“Just me,” I promise.

“Hi, Daddy.”

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I am.”

“No, you’re singing.”

“Sorry, Daddy.”

“Let’s get some sleep, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy. Nightandloveyou.”

“Nightandloveyoutoo.”

Back through the hallway, back into bed. I pull the blankets over me and roll to my side. Then, just as I close my eyes:

“Free credit report dot com, tell your friends tell your dad tell your mom.”

Sigh.

Back out of bed, back into the hallway, back to his door.

“Hey, bud,” I say.

“Hi, Daddy.”

“Quit singing and go to sleep.”

“Okay, Daddy. Nightandloveyou.”

I turn to leave, satisfied that my tone of voice has said what my words did not: don’t wake me again.

“Daddy?” he says, more to the shadow I cast against the wall than to me.

“Yeah, bud?”

“Mommy says to sing when you’re scared.”

Uh-oh.

I move into his room and onto his bed. “Mommy’s a smart girl,” I say. “Maybe the smartest.”

“She says singing makes the shadows brighter.”

“It does,” I tell him. But I don’t think she meant to sing a song from a commercial, and I’m fairly sure she didn’t mean to sing in the middle of the night.”

“Do you get scared, Daddy?”

I mull that one over, biding a few precious seconds by rearranging his covers and pillow. This is a murky question, one best considered in the light of day when I’m alert rather than the dark of night when I’m-not-so-much.

I weigh my options. Tell him that I am scared sometimes, and that may make things much worse. Because if Daddy’s scared, then there must really be some bad things out there. Things worse than monsters. Don’t tell him, though, and I risk much worse. I risk lying to my son.

Because I do get scared. A lot.

“Yeah,” I tell him. “Sometimes.”

“What do you do when you’re scared?”

“Pray, usually.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s even better than singing.”“Does it make the shadows brighter?”

“Better,” I say. “It makes the shadows go away.”

So we pray that the angels will chase away all the monsters. He speaks of the ones in his room, and I think of the ones in this world. Because I know the truth: the ones in the world are real.

We sit alone in the quiet stillness of his room, two people determined to find peace and rest regardless of the shadows that surround us. “It’s not so dark with a father here,” he observes. With me there beside him, rest comes easier. “Nightandloveyou,” he says, and then is asleep.

Back in my own bed, I stop to consider the shadows in our world. I am aware of many more than my son, and thankfully so. I worry about my family sometimes. I worry what will happen next. Tomorrow used to be a word of hope for people. Things would be better then. But I think that too many would rather cling to the present or even the past now. For a lot of us, tomorrow's just too scary.

Then I remember what my son said. The darkness doesn't seem to dark when your father is there. Yes. The shadows lessen. Rest comes easier.

I close my eyes and say my own short prayer.

“Nightandloveyou,” I say to my Father. And I sleep.

***

To read more from Billy Coffey, visit him at at his website and follow him on the twitter at @billycoffey.

Do you believe that I loved you?

2010-04-25T00:01:00.003-05:00

I believe this is the third time I posted the following video, and it probably won't be my last, because it is my hope that someone will happen across my blog today that desperately needs to hear what Brennan Manning has to say here. Even if you've seen it before, I invite you to watch it again.

Brennan Manning said:

The Lord Jesus is going to ask each of us one question and only one question: Do you believe that I loved you? That I desired you? That I waited for you day after day? That I longed to hear the sound of your voice?

The real believers there will answer, "Yes, Jesus. I believed in your love and I tried to shape my life as a response to it. But many of us who are so faithful in our ministry, in our practice, in our church going are going to have to reply, "Well frankly, no sir. I mean, I never really believed it. I mean, I heard alot of wonderful sermons and teachings about it. In fact I gave quite a few myself. But I always knew that that was just a way of speaking; a kindly lie, some Christian's pious pat on the back to cheer me on. And there's the difference between the real believers and the nominal Christians that are found in our churches across the land. No one can measure like a believer the depth and the intensity of God's love. But at the same time, no one can measure like a believer the effectiveness of our gloom, pessimism, low self-esteem, self-hatred and despair that block God's way to us. Do you see why it is so important to lay hold of this basic truth of our faith? Because you're only going to be as big as your own concept of God.

Do you remember the famous line of the French philosopher, Blaise Pascal? "God made man in his own image, and man returned the compliment"? We often make God in our own image, and He winds up to be as fussy, rude, narrow minded, legalistic, judgemental, unforgiving, unloving as we are.

In the past couple of three years I have preached the gospel to the financial community in Wallstreet, New York City, the airmen and women of the air force academy in Colorado Springs, a thousand positions in Nairobi. I've been in churches in Bangor, Maine, Miami, Chicago, St. Louis, Seattle, San Diego. And honest, the god of so many Christians I meet is a god who is too small for me. Because he is not the God of the Word, he is not the God revealed by it in Jesus Christ who this moment comes right to your seat and says, "I have a word for you. I know your whole life story. I know every skeleton in your closet. I know every moment of sin, shame, dishonesty and degraded love that has darkened your past. Right now I know your shallow faith, your feeble prayer life, your inconsistent discipleship. And my word is this: I dare you to trust that I love you just as you are, and not as you should be. Because you're never going to be as you should be."

Do you believe that He loves you?

On writing, bacon and taxidermy

2010-04-24T09:17:00.006-05:00

I'm visiting my dad this weekend: Land of crappy internet service. I want to apologize to those who have been anxiously awaiting this update...all three of you. Anyhoo, it seems this update is awash in conversations between @redclaydiaries and me. What can I say? We crack ourselves up. And Sweet Fancy Moses! This update is really long. Feel free to stop reading when your retinas begin to bleed...

And now the best (or not) of me on the twitter this week:

RT @noveldoctor: Tragedy is when two parallel lines fall in love.

@noveldoctor Hmmm....So maybe it wasn't the coffee pot I've been smelling. (in reply to noveldoctor @katdish burnt coffee.)

@noveldoctor What does insanity smell like? (in reply to noveldoctor Hope and insanity both expect different results from doing the same thing over & over. But hope smells like cupcakes.)

RT @noveldoctor: Sometimes a little voice tells me I'm a terrible writer. I never should have bought that parrot.

RT @noveldoctor: Some people write fiction to hide the truth. Others write fiction to reveal it. I prefer the latter.

With friends like @redclaydiaries, who need enemas?

RT @redclaydiaries: @katdish I think Twitter's trying to tell you that you're a washed-up has-been.

"Problems updating katdish" Grrr...

@RobinMArnold I like those words. May have to replace my stardard "blogstipation" and "bloggerrhea" (in reply to RobinMArnold @katdish @redclaydiaries I'm just so proud and inspired by your bloggy productivity lately! Is that problogtivity or blogductive?)

I KNEW IT! >RT @redclaydiaries: @katdish Read today on MY blog: writing in waves. Also: I like @bridgetchumbley more than you.

@redclaydiaries I wait over a year for you to send me a guest post, but @bridgetchumbley gets on right away? Uh, huh. I see how you are.

Snort! http://twitpic.com/1hr4rm

@weightwhat He's so young, he doesn't even know what he doesn't know yet (in reply to weightwhat @duane_scott You have no idea what Grease even is, do ya kid?)

My spellcheck is not working in blogger, as if to say, "I give up. You're totally making these words up, aren't you?"

@10MinuteWriter Are you craving some tots? (in reply to 10MinuteWriter @katdish Okay, this photo makes me homesick for Oklahoma.)

Everything's bigger in Texas. Including roller skating tater tots. http://twitpic.com/1hmcnv

@WriteOnRideOn Sorry/you're welcome (in reply to WriteOnRideOn @katdish Let's just say I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything that stains when you said that. ROFLOL. Brownies sure has changed since I was 1.)

@WriteOnRideOn Taxidermy. (in reply to WriteOnRideOn @katdish Oh NO. You killed Santa's reindeer at a Brownies meeting? WHAT badge was that???!!!!)

@WriteOnRideOn The funny thing? I'm at a Brownies meeting. (in reply to WriteOnRideOn @katdish Shuddering. I'm glad no children are around to see THAT. Quel HORROR. #hisnoseusedtobesoshinyandbright)

@WriteOnRideOn No, here he is! http://twitpic.com/1hm5oy

(in reply to WriteOnRideOn @katdish So, apparently only Rudolph escaped????)

@makeadiff21 This is Texas Ginny. It's called rustic art. (in reply to makeadiff21 @katdish Oh, that's just awful)

@Helenatrandom exactly...(in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish @makeadiff21 I guess that's what they get for calling Rudolf names and ostracizing him that way...)

Where are they now?: Santa's reindeer http://twitpic.com/1hm3k4

@HeatherSunseri I thought that was pretty much every day. (in reply to HeatherSunseri What do writers do when they have a day of self-doubt and insecurity? Write some more or give up and start fresh another day?)

In honor of #EARTHDAY, We are having free range chicken tonite instead of spotted owl.

@PeterPollock SNORT! (in reply to PeterPollock Saw a woman who looked like @katdish... I was beginning to wonder but then she stood still and quiet for 5 seconds so I knew it wasn't her)

@redclaydiaries @RobinMArnold "Connectinator"? I like that.

@shrinkingcamel "Katdish" day, or as it is often referred to, "Katdishmas" is August 5. (in reply to shrinkingcamel @katdish So when is Katdish Day? If there's an Earth Day, surely we should have a Katdish Day too.)

@brandonacox Connector: @redclaydiaries because she plays well with others & she has a gazillion followers.

AHEM >RT @brandonacox: Tell me one person, on Twitter, you consider a "connector." (however you define that)

HA! Just kidding...

In honor of Earth Day tomorrow, I'm going to abstain from all electricity usage, including my computer.

I feel an incessant rant coming on...

Shouldn't you request friends and not fans?

Dear churches that create Fan Pages on Facebook. Do you really think that's the message you should be sending?

@redclaydiaries I really have no excuse, as my badness is perfected. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish I'm just workin my badness. What's ur excuse?)

"Never hit a man in anger unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it" ~ Harold Ramis

@marni71 It's rude of your frankly? Snort! (in reply to marni71 @billycoffey I know, it's rude of my frankly. I FINALLY installed Tweetdeck on my home laptop so maybe I'll be around more.)

@gyoung9751 That would be awesome (in reply to gyoung9751 @katdish I loved your comment. I may have to buy a beret. Russell at @LuvStomp said he could hear bongos.)

@sarahmsalter So whenever you're looking for a post full of gratuitous violence, let me know.

@sarahmsalter Well, if you must know, @billycoffey's post inspired me to watch the rest of Season 2 of 24.

@billycoffey It's probably best. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish You're welcome. I'm not even going to ask what you were doing.)

Gaaa! Thanks everyone! I've been doing "research" today, and have been away from tweetdeck.

EXACTLY! RT @SurfCorp: @katdish I couldn't agree more. My motto is if I am unwilling to sign it; it shouldn't be said.

Otherwise, you just look like a big, fat jerk.

If you believe you have a valid criticism, use your name, or better yet, have the decency to send the person a private email.

Leaving rude, anonymous comments is the Internet equivalent of leaving a burning bag of dog poop at someone's front door and running away.

@billycoffey Sarah started it. I wash my hands of the entire situation. (in reply to billycoffey @brookelmcg I'm blaming @katdish and @sarahmsalter.)

@billycoffey Good call... (in reply to billycoffey @sarahmsalter @katdish @diam0ndhead94 I should shut up now.)

@billycoffey TWHS (in reply to billycoffey @weightwhat @Helenatrandom @katdish @sarahmsalter I'm glad I could bring a smile to your faces this afternoon, ladies.)

Can I get an Amen? >RT @billycoffey: @PeterPollock You're a strange man, Peter Pollock.

@Helenatrandom You mean about how men think the uterus is a homing device?

Being a domestic goddess is just not in the cards for me

Which is quickly gobbled up by my 10# weiner dog. So I have to pull the 10 x 3 piece of fat out of the jowls of the beast who is fighting me

A peek into my day: Before browning a pork roast destined for the crockpot, I cut off a 10" x 3" piece of fat that lands on the floor...

@weightwhat I'll just send them in your direction. You seem to have a larger audience of tin foil wearing readers. (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Better watch out - someone might be offended by the use of 'tin foil hat.')

@HeatheroftheEO Ooo! "katrant" Perhaps another katdishionary entry? (in reply to HeatheroftheEO @katdish Hi back! And thank you, lady. I'll be waiting for the rant you feel coming on. I love me a good katrant.)

Oh how precious! Congrats! RT @BabySpeedyBee: Here he is! http://twitpic.com/1gryea

@togetherforgood Not that I would ever do that, of course...

@togetherforgood Um, Benedryl? Put modern medicine to work for you. (in reply to togetherforgood @katdish did I mention my children did not allow me a nap today?)

@lorencklein I would, but I am vehemently anti-crap. (in reply to lorencklein @katdish Maybe you need to prepare for next Easter now. No need to procrastinate, you know... ;^)

@togetherforgood snort! (in reply to togetherforgood @katdish I mean, i still am thinking WHAT IN THE WORLD. but at least those aren't its udders. I'm just saying.)

@RobinMArnold And it very misses you! (in reply to RobinMArnold I very miss Texas.)

@SurfCorp well thanks. You got that right! (in reply to SurfCorp Looking to follow someone who has something to say? @reporterhaley @lollydaskal @katdish @blogomomma @BethLayne)

And here's some crap you don't need. But buy it anyway because it's on sale. http://twitpic.com/1go00m

Inspiring, really. http://twitpic.com/1gnzj5

Who says you can't find fine art at the grocery store? http://twitpic.com/1gnyg1

@marni71 Tis mine as well. (in reply to marni71 @katdish Well of course...it is my lifesong after all.)

@marni71 Followed by a rousing chorus of Fat Bottomed Girls! (in reply to marni71 @katdish Yay! I can see you now too. Let's sing a chorus of "We are the champions"!)

@marni71 Yes. My tweetdeck is awash in your lovely face (in reply to marni71 @katdish Can you see me? (in the Tweetdeck sense?)

@CandySteele It's a sixth sense, really...(in reply to CandySteele @katdish I swear, you can be in the tub and hear your name called on the twitter.)

@marni71 WHAT??? Stupid tweetdeck (in reply to marni71 Rebooted. Columns are still too wide and Twitter says @katdish isn't my friend. HEADS ARE GONNA ROLL!)

@redclaydiaries Hey Steph! Say hello to my little friend. He's waiting for you! http://bit.ly/bTkLoa

(in reply to redclaydiaries @RobinMArnold That would be @katdish. I have a deep & abiding love for clowns. Mostly because @katdish hates them)

Girl-what would scare you most? Me-probably if something happened to U or your brother. Girl-wanna know what would scare me the most?... Me-tell me. Girl-being attacked by a ninja.

@redclaydiaries I knew you'd understand. There is no spoon. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Oh. Well of course. That makes sense.)

@redclaydiaries I don't know. That's my go-to Icelandic Ass Clown name. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish One question: Serge? Really?)

Jesus had 12 disciples who followed him everywhere. How annoying is that? Think he ever just turned to them & said, "WHAT?!?"-J Stewart

I think what went wrong w/Christianity is exactly what happens when you try to get a dog to look at something on television... Jesus pointed to God, and everyone just stares at his finger ~ Frank Miles

@MarketerMikeE Ass was in the bible, & @redclaydiaries started it. (in reply to MarketerMikeE @katdish did you just tweet "ass"? I'm calling a meeting of the deacons and elders.)

I have 3 books to read & review. Also 2 MS I want to read. Also I need to finish a guest post. So here I am. On twitter… Procrastination, thy name is katdish.

Flight of the Ass Clowns #rejectedTVpilots

@redclaydiaries Well I think ass clowns is a good start. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish I KNOW. I now have too much material. I don't know where to start. What should I write about?)

@redclaydiaries Well, don't resort to writing a blog post. Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish potato, potahto? (Can u tell I have creativity that I need to channel today?)

@redclaydiaries tomato, tomatto (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Like a yellow jacket to an open can of Coke!)

@redclaydiaries Like a moth to a flame! (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish I love how if we want u on Twitter, all we have to do is tweet something inappropriate.)

@redclaydiaries Wait...ass clown? What'd I miss? (in reply to redclaydiaries @CandySteele I don't know HOW soon he'll be home. What with the ass clown and all.)

@redclaydiaries Okay. But I did not shoot the deputy. (in reply to redclaydiaries

@katdish Um, YOU burnt the bacon. Haven't we already established that?)

@SBeeCreations Who burnt the bacon? (in reply to SBeeCreations @katdish it's burnt)

@redclaydiaries Or TWHS

@redclaydiaries TWSS. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Yes, but you burned @marni71 's bacon.)

@marni71 I'll always take credit for bacon. Morning! (in reply to marni71 @redclaydiaries let's blame @katdish for the bacon.)

@PeterPollock Hypocrites! I tell ya! (in reply to PeterPollock @katdish If that's true, then why do they complain when big people wear fur coats?)

Um, sorry. Not exactly. http://twitpic.com/1g2w1h

@jpwire Well, that's certainly not a good look. Not a fan of clowns or circus tents. (in reply to jpwire @katdish I love those dresses but they make me look like a clown wearing the circus tent.)

Check out these 60's dresses at Target. I gotta say, I'm liking this trend. Comfort b4 fashion I always say. http://twitpic.com/1g2t7b

Okay seriously people (cough* @amysorrells * cough) If you want me to RT your posts, MAKE THE TWEETS SHORTER.

@PeterPollock Oh, stop! You'll be cursing me again in no time! (in reply to PeterPollock My time management / speed of response to certain things is pathetic. Sorry @katdish and @billycoffey . Just sorry.)

The definitive guides to zombie killing. http://twitpic.com/1g1tyy

My children are SO demanding! Take me here, feed me, clothe me, shelter me! Dang.

Katdishionary Part 7

2010-04-23T00:01:00.005-05:00

Here we are at Katdishionary Part 7. Who knew I could stretch this series out into such a never-ending fountain of blog fodder? Well, I did, actually. Because I dig made up words. In case you missed the first six installments, you can find them here:

The Katdish Dictionary Part One
Katdishionary Part Two
Katdishionary Part Three
Katdishionary Part Four
Katdishionary Part Five
Katdishionary Part Six

And now, on with the Katdishionary:

As you know, I love the twitter! Oh sure, it abounds with annoying "social media experts" and spambots who try to ruin everyone else's fun, but I don't follow those types. I mostly only follow cool, real, live people who actually interact with one another. If I were one to make words beginning with "tw", I would say it's "twitterrific"! But I'm not. So I won't. Anyway, today's group of words are all from buddies on twitter. And by "buddies" I mean they are in my column labeled "Buddies". Are you in this column? Don't know do ya? Okay, if I talk to you on a regular basis, you are.

Skymalladocious (pronounced sky-mall-a-doe-shush)

Definition: A term used to describe one of my epic Sky Mall posts as being "docious". I'm pretty sure that's a good thing. Not exactly sure. Perhaps Mr. Young will comment and either confirm or deny this.

Origin: Glynn Young of Faith, Fiction and Friends used this term when tweeting my post,
Backyard Oasis courtesy of the Sky Mall, Part One. Incidentally, this was the first of three in the series. If you haven't read them, you might want to check them out. They're skymalladocious! Or so I've been told...

Katrant (pronounced kat-rant)

Definition: A term used to describe my state of mind when I rant incessantly. What makes me rant incessantly? Martha Stewart, rude anonymous comments, the girl scouts, Halloween costumes, collectibles, Petsmart, Christian retail, The Giving Tree, prosperity gospel, pajama-grams, Ricky Martin keychains, exploiting the homeless, pizza, and the prayer cross, just to name a few.

I have issues, people!

(Incidentally, if you care to read any of my incessant ranting posts, just search "incessant ranting", because I'm not going to link all of them. I don't have that kind of time.)

Origin: Heather from The Extraordinary Ordinary whist expressing her anticipation of the next rant, or "katrant" as she called it.

Connectinator (pronounced con-nek-ti-na-tor)

Definition: Someone who connects people or groups of people to new people or new groups of people. Sort of like a Connector as described in Malcom Gladwell's book The Tipping Point, only more intense, obsessive and adorably annoying.

Origin: Stephanie Wetzel of The Red Clay Diaries juxtiposing my description of her as a "connector" on twitter. Here's a play by play of the action:

AHEM >RT @brandonacox: Tell me one person, on Twitter, you consider a "connector." (however you define that)

@brandonacox @katdish Yes, but besides you. :) haha

@robinmarnold Totally she is! RT @katdish AHEM >RT @brandonacox: Tell me one person, on Twitter, you consider a "connector." (however you define that)

@katdish @brandoncox Well then, @redclaydiaries because she plays well with others and she's got like a gazillion followers.

@redclaydiaries @katdish Thank u for the connector compliment! Of course if I'm a connector, then you're the Connectinator.

So there you have it.

This concludes today's installment of the Katdishionary. Although I do have a bonus acronym for those of who love a challenge. The first person who correctly identifies the following acronym may choose one of the following three options:

Option One: A guest post here on Hey Look a Chicken
Option Two: A guest post written by me for your blog
Option Three: None of the above. You can simply feel superior to everyone else as you bask in your cleverness.

And the mystery acronym of the day is...

IMGNAHS

The judges decisions are final. Please, no wagering, and Billy Coffey is not eligible. My blog. My rules.

Until next time, use your words. Even the made up ones. Especially those.

Christianity is no laughing matter (or is it?)

2010-04-22T00:01:00.001-05:00

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge about to jump off. So I ran over and said, “Stop! Don’t do it! There’s so much to live for!”

He said, “Like what?”

I said, “Well, are you religious or atheist?”

“Religious”

I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?”

“Christian”

I said, “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”

“Protestant”

I said, “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”

“Baptist”

To read the rest of this joke (and the post that goes with it) follow me over to Kevin Martineau's blog Shooting the Breeze where I'm guest blogging today.

You Bad Lady! (by Steph @ The Red Clay Diaries)

2010-04-21T00:01:00.000-05:00

When I first decided to invite other bloggers to guest post here on Hey Look a Chicken, I began with my friends and cohorts from The Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants, which I started because I had this great idea that a few of us would take turns guest posting on each other's blogs, but that got complicated with scheduling and I'm pretty sure math was involved. How did I make the jump from rotating guest posts to a blog about nothing? I don't know. But that's not important right now...

To date, many of my friends have written guest posts for me already. Some more than one. But Steph, going to great lengths to prove that I am NOT the boss of her, has waited until now to send me a guest post. Was it worth waiting for? I think so, yes. But how could you go wrong with someone who writes a blog post entitled Beware the Ass Clown? I'm sure you see my point. Here's her Oh-so-fancy and official Bio:

Writer, wife, traveler, mom, blogger, humorist, editor, Spanish-speaker, social media admin for John C Maxwell (@johncmaxwell).

And now, after the longest intro in the history of HLAC, here's Steph:

“You bad lady! Let us do living!”

His voice carried from the front door of the bus as I made my way back to my seat. I don’t know why he was complaining. It’s not like I did what I wanted to: yank that whistle out of his mouth and ram it up his nose.

All I did was shoulder my way between him and his mark.

You know, I really like foreign travel. And I don’t think I’m an Ugly American. I don’t whine at the lack of cheeseburgers in kosher restaurants. I resist the impulse to wander in large groups down the middle of crowded sidewalks. I LIKE foreign languages and I KNOW how hard it is to learn one, so I never make fun of nationals’ attempts to speak English to me.

See? I’m mostly a delight. But I really can’t help it if I react badly to two groups of people encountered by tourists in some countries: street vendors and lechers.

Maybe it was my first visit to Mexico City. Or more specifically, my first ride on the subway there. To get even more specific, it was my first …um… contact with the local populace.

Without going into graphic detail, I’ll just say that Mexico City is the first city I’d ever heard of to have (and need) women-only subway cars during rush hour. After that first ride, I developed the following strategies for travel as a woman on (unisex) subway trains:

Stand in a group, whenever possible. With all the females in the center, surrounded by the guys. Kind of like how water buffalo protect their young from hyenas.
Failing #1, always find a wall. And stand against it. Facing the rest of the train. With arms crossed and a vicious look in your eye.
When entering or exiting trains (or really walking through any crowded area), pay attention to your immediate surroundings. And carry a backpack, slung low. Swinging it violently and unpredictably.
If contact is made, don’t even try to guess where it came from. Your stinkeye will be answered by leering – but blank – stares from each of the 15 men pressed up against you by the crowd.

By the end of six weeks there, I had the stinkeye and wall strategy down. And on my final train ride, I knew I’d perfected the backpack swing when the guy I “accidentally” hit actually said “OOF!” and stumbled backward.

My strategy for dealing with street vendors came out of a less violating experience. Unless you count being “taken” for a sarape as a violation.

(I didn’t actually ever buy a sarape. I just like saying it. SARAPE.)

Charging tourists double seems to be the locals’ entertainment in those souvenir markets. And it annoys me. What annoys me more is when they take advantage of Westerners’ general openness. Make eye contact and they descend like vultures.

So on that day in Israel when Whistle Man shoved a pennywhistle (that he was selling for MUCH MORE than a penny) under the nose of the nice older lady in our group, and she looked him in they eye, smiled sweetly, and said, “No, thank you,” I knew it was…

My Time to Shine.

With a mighty leap, I caught up. She was shuffling a little faster toward the bus, still smiling apologetically.

“Tweedle-eedle-eedle!” he blew the whistle in her ear. “Only ten shekels! You want for your kids?! They like! See? I have beads too! Three string for twenty shekels! Is good deal!”

It was after I elbowed him in the ribs, got between them, and said NO in his face with my best vicious expression that he called me a Bad Lady. But he let my sweet friend scramble onto the bus.

Personally, I think Mr. Whistle should be grateful that I wasn’t carrying a backpack.

Just sayin.

***

To read more from Stephanie Wetzel, visit her at The Red Clay Diaries and be one of her thousands of adoring followers on the twitter at @redclaydiaries.

Self Control (or lack thereof)

2010-04-20T00:01:00.004-05:00

I have heard myself described as outspoken. I will definitely agree with that assessment to a certain degree. But I also believe you can be outspoken without being a loud mouthed jerk, and hopefully I’m able to pull that off most of the time.

Believe it or not, despite my tendency towards sarcasm and outright snarkiness, there’s not much that hurts me more than knowing I’ve hurt someone else, even if it is unintentional.

Such was the case last week. I won’t go into specifics. Basically what happened is a friend sent me a link via twitter, I went to the site she linked and then immediately sent a very snarky tweet back to the friend who sent it to me. It was meant completely in jest, but had I exercised some self-control and put myself in the other person’s shoes, I would have realized how incredibly rude and insensitive I had been. The worst part? I didn’t realize I had hurt her feelings until I read a tweet she sent to another friend about it hours later.

What I wanted to do is find a dark hole, crawl inside and hide. What I did instead was send my friend several DM apologizing for being such a calloused jerk, to which she gracefully responded that she was being oversensitive. All the while this conversation is going on, I was also having a DM conversation with my other friend who was assuring me that everyone makes mistakes, and that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. (This friend puts the "awe" in awesome, and I am so blessed to have her as a friend. There I was telling her what a jerk I was, and she's trying to make me feel better.)

I’m going to be honest. This still bothers me. It still makes me cringe. Not because my friend hasn’t forgiven me, because she told me she has and I believe her.

It bothers me because I realize that the cruelty and insensitivity I despise so much in others is within me as well.

It’s a painful reminder of what a wretch I truly am, and just much I am in need of a Savior.

NOTE: This is not one of those posts where I tell you all how wretched I am in the hopes you will tell me that I'm not. I'm not looking for vindication or praise. I'm just trying to write honestly.

***

This post is part of the One Word at a Time Blog Carnival: Self-Control, hosted by my friend Bridget Chumbley. Be sure to check out some of the other posts. You won't be disappointed.

The Rules (by Billy Coffey)

2010-04-19T00:01:00.003-05:00

It began two years ago with a simple conversation between one college softball player and one groundskeeper. I’m not sure who first said what. All I know is at some point one said something about being a much better ballplayer than the other, which was taken as an insult, which resulted in more insults, which resulted in the first ever softball game between the girls fastpitch team and the staff.

Last Wednesday was round three.

The games are always interesting. There is an extraordinary amount of fanfare involved, all of which can be boiled down to one word—pride. That’s what fuels these games. It’s not just pros against Joes, it’s the experience of age versus the cockiness of youth. Both teams are out to prove something, whether it be that that a bunch of old men can still kick it up a notch when needed or that the gals can hit and throw and run just as good—better, even—than the guys.

So while there is plenty in the way of friendly trash talking, there is also an undeniable seriousness beneath. My team doesn’t want to be beaten by a bunch of girls. Their team doesn’t want to be beaten by a bunch of groundskeepers, a few office workers, and a mailman.

It was an informal affair at best—no uniforms, no signals, and no stolen bases. And no umpire. Balls and strikes were called by the catchers, one of whom our team borrowed from the other. Baserunners were called safe or out based on consensus.

What could go wrong?

As it turned out, not much. For a while.

Because despite the combination of weakened knees and livers and lungs, us old guys were holding our own. And the young gals were holding theirs, despite the fact they’d been up for days cramming for finals. We were locked in a 1-0 pitchers duel.

But then through a series of walks and hits, we rednecks managed to load the bases with two outs.

Things were suddenly serious, and very much so. The chatter and clapping began in our dugout, while in the field the ladies were pounding their gloves and getting restless. And nervous.

The count ran full, and I could see the sweat building on the pitcher’s face. The intensity was getting to her. It was a look I’d seen before. No way she’d throw a strike.

And she didn’t. The ball sailed about four inches outside.

I jogged to third as the carousel of baserunners moved up one base. The runner ahead of me stomped on home plate with authority. We had a tie game.

Yes! Wait. No.

Because then the pitcher decided her last pitch was a strike after all, which was immediately agreed upon by her teammates.

Team Redneck protested in a most vehement way, of course. But in the end, there wasn’t much we could do about it. We took the field and vowed revenge our next at bat. Which never came, because after they batted they decided the game was over.

I didn’t stick around for the cookout afterwards. I imagine it was a quiet meal.
Me, I didn’t care that much. It was a chance for me to play some ball. The score was irrelevant. And I guarantee you that thought was echoed by most of the people on my team who just enjoyed playing like kids again. It didn’t bother us that we lost. What bothered us was how we lost.

We played by the rules. They didn’t.

You could see this whole episode as something bad. Not me. In fact, I see much good in it.

It lets me know that regardless of how often we’re reminded of how bad both the world and the people in it are, we still expect folks to follow the rules. To play fair. Most do. A lot don’t, of course, and never will. But as long as there is someone somewhere willing to take offense when the rules are broken, I really think we’ll be okay.

All of this has gotten me thinking about the rules my Dad first taught me about baseball. The ones I’m teaching my son now:

Play hard.

Practice much.

Don’t be afraid to get dirty.

Have fun.

Cheer for your teammates.

Keep your head up.

Win well. Lose better.

Shake hands when you’re done.

I like those rules. They’re good for baseball.

They’re good for life, too.

***

To read more from Billy Coffey, visit him at at his website and follow him on the twitter at @billycoffey.

Readiness (by Oswald Chambers)

2010-04-18T00:01:00.002-05:00

The following is the daily devotion from
My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers

"God called unto him and he said, Here am I" Exodus 3:4

When God speaks, many of us are like men in a fog, we give no answer. Moses' reply revealed that he was somewhere. Readiness means a right relationship to God and a knowledge of where we are at present. We are so busy telling God where we would like to go. The man or woman who is ready for God and His work is the one who carries off the prize when the summons comes. We wait with the idea of some great opportunity, something sensational, and when it comes we are quick to cry - "Here am I." Whenever Jesus Christ is in the ascendant, we are there, but we are not ready for an obscure duty.

Readiness for God means that we are ready to do the tiniest little thing or the great big thing, it makes no difference. We have no choice in what we want to do, whatever God's programme may be we are there, ready. When any duty presents itself we hear God's voice as Our Lord heard His Father's voice, and we are ready for it with all the alertness of our love for Him. Jesus Christ expects to do with us as His Father did with Him. He can put us where He likes, in pleasant duties or in mean duties, because the union is that of the Father and Himself. "That they may be one, even as We are one."

Be ready for the sudden surprise visits of God. A ready person never needs to get ready. Think of the time we waste trying to get ready when God has called! The burning bush is a symbol of everything that surrounds the ready soul, it is ablaze with the presence of God.

Sky Mall zombies, social media gurus and Jack Bauer

2010-04-17T00:01:00.000-05:00

You know what? I've been followed and unfollowed more in the past week than I ever have. I use Mr. Tweet sometimes to find people to follow. I highly recommend it. I've found some really great folks to follow using it. But an unfortunate side effect of following new folks is that the "social media marketing experts" find you, follow you hoping for a courtesy refollow, and then unceremoniously dump you after you don't refollow them after 24 hours. Because they could care less about you. They're just artificially increasing their own followings so they can call themselves "social media experts". To be fair, there actually are a few folks who know what they're doing, but they typically don't seek you out first. What a joke. Whateva, end of mini rant.

In other news, I got a sweet deal on a Season 2 DVD set of 24, and I watched an atrocious amount of television this week. Speaking of which, there is a video in this post that is a bit on the violent side. Fair warning.

And now the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

RT @stretchmarkmama: Brought home a Where's Waldo book from the library with every Waldo circled in marker. Jackpot!

RT @muchl8r: Our job isn't to make ourselves into someone but rather to find out who we were made to be then become that person:)

@weightwhat Actually, I think Sasquatch is agnostic. #tweetsthatmakenosenseunlessyoureadmyblog

@chuckallen CLOWN MIMES??? Sweet Fancy Moses! (in reply to chuckallen RT @katdish: @bryanallain And clowns, mimes, and blue man group. // I once danced with clown mimes at a zoo. That was pretty scary.)

@HeatherSunseri Wow. That must have been horrible. (in reply to HeatherSunseri @katdish Believe it or not, I got trapped in St. Croix b/c of volcanic ash on the runways.I was forced to remain in tropics for extra day)

@marni71 Morning! He's stuck in Paris because of volcano. I know, right? (in reply to marni71 @redclaydiaries @katdish @sarahmsalter Good morning ladies. So what's up with @charliewetzel and his travels?)

@redclaydiaries Would you like me to DM @charliewetzel my Sky Mall posts? It's no problem, really... (in reply to redclaydiaries @sarahmsalter He's staying in a local hotel overnight. Booked to fly in AM. IF airspace is open by then.)

@noveldoctor Morning Sunshine! (in reply to noveldoctor @katdish [Mumbles coined word that combines benign greeting with mild expletive. Puts on sunglasses. Shuffles out of room.]

@noveldoctor HIYA STEVE!!!!!! HOW ARE YOU THIS MORNING! (in reply to noveldoctor It is a great kindness when morning people scale back their perkiness upon greeting non-morning people.)

@bryanallain And clowns, mimes, and blue man group. (in reply to bryanallain The only thing we have to fear is fear itself...and robots cross-breeding with wolverines.)

If loving the movie Zombieland is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

My first car was a 1978 Ford Fairmont Futura piece of crap that I paid for myself. With no AC. In Houston.

The high school is right next to the junior high. Since when does a 16 year old need to drive a Lexus or an Escalade?

Wait, I'm not finished complaining yet...

Well, my son missed the bus this morning & I had to wait in the car line at the junior high. That sucked.

Goodnight @herbiegookins, wherever you are!

We'll cover zombies on Friday. Did you know Woody Harrelson's father died in prison? #random&uselessinformation

@NEgraceful He was a handsome beast wasn't he? (in reply to NEgraceful @katdish Intrigued...and still thinking about the giraffe from the last SkyMall post.)

@CassandraFrear Thanks. I love Sky Mall. Endless blog fodder. (in reply to CassandraFrear @katdish Can't wait to read it ! Your last "gardening" post was amazing! It'll be my first cup of coffee for sure.)

@VariantVal It's a natural progression, don't you think? (in reply to VariantVal @katdish you're growing horns?)

Sorry I've been so scarce today. And now I'm fixin' to be scarce again. Off to horn lessons!

Alrighty. I'm pretty exhausted from watching TV for the past 4 hours. (Wow, that's just sad) Goodnight

My 2 part Sky Mall backyard series has now been expanded to a 3 part. I know. You're welcome.

And I gotta tell ya, I'm pretty heartbroken.

All of the "social media experts" that followed me in droves are now unfollowing me because I didn't courtesy refollow.

@VariantVal Okay, dirty how? Ewh... (in reply to VariantVal @katdish He said he didn't want to get them dirty so LMAO)

@VariantVal WHY DIDN'T HE HAVE PANTS ON?

@elaina_avalos I talk about a lot of things most people just keep to themselves (in reply to elaina_avalos @katdish I don't know. I don't think I've ever heard anyone talk about that. Haha. Maybe the Dog Whisperer knows?)

@Helenatrandom Yeah...I'm a legend in my own mind. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Don't they know who he is? The dog of a famous blogger and twitterer deserves more respect!)

@Helenatrandom Buddy Lane, is in my ears and in my eyes. There beneath the blue suburban skies... (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Why, I think your dog walking route should be renamed "Buddy Love Lane" ...)

RT @noveldoctor: "Romantic idealist" is just a nicer way of saying "single and alone."

@Helenatrandom There would be a lot of bronzed mailboxes here if everyone felt that way. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish But of course! I know I would have my mailbox BRONZED if @buddylovethedog phantom peed on it! BRONZED!)

@Helenatrandom they dig it the most. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Awww... I bet the neighbors find that SO adorable...)

Patiently walking @buddylovethedog as he phantom pees on everyone's mailbox.

@jennybekrocks Yeah. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. (in reply to jennybekrocks @katdish And cold sores. I'm going to stop now. I'm grossing myself out.)

@jennybekrocks That's so true. Lice works like that, too. (in reply to jennybekrocks @beckfromfrogandtoad @katdish everyone knows you can't get rid of illness until you share it ... ;)

RT @amysorrells: @katdish My "sketching out" process is top-secret. I could tell you, but then . . . I'd have to write it. LOL

@amysorrells Mmm hmmm. Define "sketching out (in reply to amysorrells @katdish I'm sketching out a second (or third) one, depending on how you count 'em! Really!)

@amysorrells Okay, fine. How's the MS coming along then? Are you writing? Hmmm????? (in reply to amysorrells @katdish I'm so not a blogcrastinator. SO not.)

In carpool line. Just noticed my right rear tire is low. Rethinking the "drive your daughter to school in your pjs" thing.

Jack Bauer - You had me at "I'm gonna need a hacksaw".

RT @noveldoctor: If you have the gift of writing and yet don't write, you're the author of a tragedy.

@CandySteele that cat looks like he's praising Jesus. Amen. (in reply to CandySteele @katdish I found this when I went to DC and thought of you. Looks like awesome cat on crack http://is.gd/bq0tG

@MrTweet_Alert Also? @redclaydiaries called me annoying

@MrTweet_Alert Mr. Tweet. You are very helpful albeit very bossy... (in reply to MrTweet_Alert @katdish - redclaydiaries recommended you to @MrTweet. You should acknowledge it here: http://bit.ly/97qgI9)

Man, it's 1PM already. I need a sammich

@pwilson re: today's post. Check out this flag made of baseballs. Awesome. http://twitpic.com/1f2sd7

@weightwhat Happy Birthday Princess!

For the record, I typically only refollow real people, not bots.

Oh-em-Gee! I check my email and suddenly I'm being followed by a gaIllion Internet marketing "gurus". Wuddup with that?

I'm married. I don't need the "easily meet in many dating".

The easily meet in the many dating is here! I'll get even made a cute girl in your area, so many people register for girls! (Translated)

Um, okay. Now I don't feel bad for deleting the comment. Thanks for your help @elaina_avalos

I suppose I could send the comment to my mom and ask her what it means, but that would require my mom have working knowledge of a computer.

But what if this person is really trying to leave a comment, and is getting increasingly angry at me for not publishing it?

So...Every single day, I get a comment on one particular post, but it's written in Japanese. I figure it's spam, so I delete it...

We actually DID have potatoes after all! You're welcome. http://twitpic.com/1ep094

@maggiedammit That's really the only explanation for the McRib (McKnuckle) sandwich. (in reply to maggiedammit I am 100% convinced McDonald's food contains a mind erasing drug so you forget how gross it is until the next time.)

@duane_scott You are wise beyond your years young man. (in reply to duane_scott @katdish remind me not to hang out with you ever... I value my life still.)

@duane_scott Some things are nature, not nurture. Samurai blood and all...(in reply to duane_scott What are you teaching your kids anyway?!)

Kids say the darndest things don't they? http://twitpic.com/1el9ty

Backyard Oasis courtesy of the Sky Mall, Part 3

2010-04-16T00:01:00.012-05:00

If you've been following along at home, I've been trying to decide on a new yardscape as a housewarming gift for all my new neighbors courtesy of a development company ripping out the lovely pasture behind our house and replacing it with a subdivision of 170 houses. In case you missed the first two options, you may can find them here:

Option 1 - The African Safari Garden Oasis
Option 2 - The Garden Oasis of Tolerance and Diversity

I think it was Winston Churchill who said, "Go big or go home." Okay, maybe it wasn't Churchill, but I think he gives the quote a bit more weight, don't you?

To round out my Sky Mall backyard oasis series, I would like to present for your consideration the biggest and most well thought out (?) vignette yet. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...

Zombieland!

For those of you unfamiliar with this modern day classic, I have provided this trailer:

For a realistic oasis, I had to go outside the confines of the Sky Mall catalog, but let's begin with what I found there, shall we? (Say yes.)

Zombie of Montclaire Moores Statue 3 at $89.95 each

Not for the faint of heart, this gray-toned Zombie of Montclaire Moors statue features the most zombie-like eyes you've ever seen. Captured in meticulous detail in quality designer resin, this zombie garden statue brings the flesh-hungry undead to your daffodil bed!

They're certainly the most zombie-like eyes I've ever seen! I think at least three, don't you think?

The Dweller Below - Large $89.95

Growing up afraid of things that "go bump in the night," British artist Manchester gives form to the legendary boogeyman said to roam below the streets of London!

Okay, not necessarily a zombie, but good enough for me! That's really all I could find from the Sky Mall, but a few zombie statues does not a vignette make.

Miscellaneous garden tools and shotguns (free - We've got plenty!)

(Woody Harrelson sold separately)

Hostess delivery truck, estimated blue book value $12,000*

*Okay, I just pulled that figure out of my head. I have no idea how much a Hostess truck costs. But isn't it fabulous? Since the truck was featured early on in the movie, I was thinking of using it as sort of a "gateway to Zombieland", perhaps with some pink carnations spilling out of the back to represent the much hated snowball treats scoffed at by Tallahassee.

Black Cadillac Escalade EBay $36,000

Tallahassee's first vehicle in the movie.

Yellow Hummer EBay $29,995

I think both vehicles are necessary to make the kind of statement we're going for, don't you agree?

And finally, what I hope will be the focal point of this beautiful Zombieland Garden Oasis,

Ferris Wheel EBay $59,000 obo

Who can forget that final scene? I think this Ferris wheel is the perfect representation of all the valuable lessons learned in this movie.

Grand total for the Zombieland Garden Paradise: $137,354.80

I realize this particular scenario is a bit of a budget buster, but the grand total is roughly 1/3 of what the lowest price home in this new subdivision will cost. I think my new neighbors are worth it. Don't you?

So there you have it. All three options. Me and my credit card anxiously await your final decision.

Backyard Oasis Courtesy of the Sky Mall, Part 2

2010-04-15T00:01:00.013-05:00

If you missed Part 1 of this series, you can find it here:Backyard Oasis Courtesy of the Sky Mall, Part 1

But here's a brief recap: The acreage behind my house will soon be turned into a 170 home subdivision, and since our yard is not much to look at (unless you like wide open spaces), I thought I would treat our new neighbors with a visual delight with some help from our friends at the Sky Mall. Option 1 was African Safari Oasis.

If you've read this blog before, than I'm sure you're aware that I am a Christian. But I thought to myself, do I have the right to publicly proclaim my faith to those who don't share my belief system? I don't recall reading anywhere in the Bible that I should be doing this. (Oh wait...maybe I did...But I digress...)

The Houston area is vastly diverse, with all cultures living in harmony. Why not have a backyard oasis to reflect this fact? Ladies and gentlemen, I submit for your approval Option 2,

The Garden Oasis of Tolerance and Diversity:

I thought I would start with a few Greek gods scattered about the property. Sadly, Zeus is not available, but this guy is:

Poseidon: God of the Sea $350.00

The muscular god of the sea holds his famed trident and stands astride his symbolic triple dolphin in our exclusive, grand-scale sculpt. This Italian-inspired, 18th-century replica exudes the power attributed to one of the fabled gods of mythology.

We don't have a pool as pictured, but sometimes we get some puddles after a heavy rain.

Goddess Aurora Statue (Estate) $450.00

Balancing atop her grand plinth, our statue is based on a classic 19th-century sculpture of the goddess Aurora that once crowned an elegant garden fountain.

"Hebe, the Goddess of Youth" Statue $395.00

Artist Bertel Thorvaldsen truly captured the eternal beauty of youth with his sculptural likeness of Hebe, cupbearer of the Greek gods. (She's probably fun at keggers, too.)

And speaking of ancient civilizations, I thought it would be a good idea to have my Asian ancestors represent:

The Enlightened Buddha Statue $135.00

Floating on a stylized lotus, this nearly 3 1/2-foot-tall Buddha sculpture arrives like a refreshing breeze with his calm countenance and endless serenity.

Who among you couldn't use some endless serenity? I'd be all up in that. But some prefer a happier, jollier Buddha, so I thought I throw this guy in, too:

Jolly Hotei Buddha Statue $115.00

What better friend to have than one who changes all the sorrows of the world into happiness? It is tradition to rub the belly of over two-foot-tall Asian work of art for joy, his ear lobes for wisdom, and the gold in his hands for wealth.

Then I figured, if one jolly fat guy makes you smile, the more the merrier:

"Basho the Sumo Wrestler" Sculpture $95.00

Basho crouches in his mawashi (Sumo belt) in these intricate sculpts with wide stances.

I'm gonna be honest. My Japanese is a little rusty, but I'm pretty sure "Basho" loosely translates into "Tons of Fun".

"Easter Island Moai Monolith" Statues $98.95

Inspired by the 380 A.D. originals
Assumed to be depictions of local chiefs, heroes or gods, the giant statues on Easter Island are some of the world's most intriguing archaeological artifacts.

I'm not exactly sure anyone still worships these giant heads, but I've always been a fan of the unibrow.

Rhiannon the Archer Fairy $295.00

In a classic sculptural pose, our traditional work of European garden art depicts a beautiful archer drawing back to let her arrow fly.

What's that you say? People don't worship fairies? You've obviously never been to the Renaissance Festival...

And just because I wanted to add a little mystery and whimsy to the vignette, you know him, you love him:

"Bigfoot, the Garden Yeti" Statue $98.95

With alleged Bigfoot sightings the world over, from the Himalayas to the Americas, this elusive, mythical legend has been captured for Toscano in a quality designer resin statue and hand-painted for startling realism.

Startling realism? Did Sasquatch pose for this statue? Hmmm....

This brings today's Garden Oasis Option grand total of $2,032.90. But seriously, can you put a price on tolerance and diversity? Me thinks not...

Tomorrow I will conclude this series with one final option. I know...you're welcome.

The Me I Don't Want to Be (by Kevin Martineau)

2010-04-14T00:01:00.006-05:00

Today's guest post is from pastor, blogger and encourager Kevin Martineau. Lest you think pastors have it all together, he's here to tell you that that's not the case.

Hi! My name is Kevin Martineau. I am the pastor of Port Hardy Baptist Church on beautiful Vancouver Island. I am married and have three daughters. My blog is Shooting the Breeze and you can follow me on Twitter here.

Have you ever struggled with pretending to be someone that you are not or struggled with being what other people think you should be? I have.

For many years, I thought I had to have everything together as a pastor. I thought that all conflict was bad and it needed to be avoided at all costs. I thought that people wanted me to put on my big fake Christian smile and suck it up and pretend that nothing was wrong.

The problem was: SOMETHING was wrong! I was hurting. I was confused. I was anxious. I was stuffing my emotions and my passions. The result was a 3 month medical leave (or forced Sabbatical as I call it now).

During that time off (with the help of many skilled counsellors and much pain) I began to realize how much I had not been living out my true self – the me that God wanted me to be! I hadn’t been living out my passions because of fear and I wasn’t being true to myself, my family and the people that I had the privilege of leading.

This has been a 3 year journey now (and I am sure it is going to be a lifelong journey). I wish that I could say that I have it all together now but I don’t. I still struggle with some of these issues. Thankfully God continues to lead me forward on this journey and recently He brought a great book into my life to further help me. The book is The me I want to be by John Ortberg (who happens to be one of my favourite authors. I have read ALL of his books.)

I am only two chapters into the book and my world is already being rocked. Today, I read this chapter: “The Me I Don’t Want to Be.” In this chapter Ortberg challenges us to come to grips with the rivals that stop us from becoming the person that God wants us to be. They are:

The me I pretend to be.
The me I think I should be.
The me other people want me to be.
The me I am afraid God wants.
The me that fails to be.

This chapter really hit home for me because of all that I have already mentioned. I recognize that I need to do some more evaluation again. I need to drop the “masks” that have come up again and be the person that God wants me to be! I don’t want to go to back to being the me that I don’t want to be!

“Spiritual greatness has nothing to do with being greater than others. It has everything to do with being as great as each of us can be.” Henri Nouwen

Do you struggle to be the person that God wants you to be? What rival stops you the most?

Backyard Oasis courtesy of the Sky Mall, Part One

2010-04-13T00:01:00.012-05:00

I consider the neighborhood where I live to be ideal. Let me rephrase that. I used to consider the neighborhood where I live to be ideal. It's close to everything, but once you drive back here, it's like you're living in the country. The lots are an acre or more, there are no sidewalks or streetlights and the neighbors are neighborly. Best of all, the back of our lot backed up to some woods and a field of cattle. I remember sitting on the back porch at night and hearing coyotes and all manner of wildlife. That may not sound appealing to some, but I liked it.

Since we built here several years ago, the woods have been replaced by a subdivision, but until recently we still had our cattle neighbors. Now it seems a developer has made the owner of the adjacent property a offer too good to refuse. Soon the field behind me will be replaced with 170 homes. I'm not thrilled about it, but since I want to be neighborly, I got the idea of fixing up our rather boring backyard into a bit of an oasis for the new neighbors for enjoy. I know...I'm a giver. Here's what our back yard currently looks like:

Not exactly visually appealing. Oh, sure the blue pressure tank and the 55 gallon drum we use to burn trash are lovely, just not "fancy". I want to give our new neighbors some fancy. And I need your help.

My good friends at the Sky Mall have a plethora of fantastical yard art just waiting to put me in unrecoverable debt. The problem is, there's so much to choose from! This is where you come in. Please give my your opinion which theme you think best suits my back yard:

Option 1: African Safari

That's a pretty sizable backyard, and the summers here are what I like to call "Africa hot". This option makes sense in so many ways.

Zairen the Zebra Sculpture $235.00

This exceptional work of art lends a touch of exotic flair to even the most domestic setting!...Imagine your guests' expressions at spying this meticulously hand-painted, bold black-and-white Toscano exclusive in a flowerbed or along a garden path!

"Kalahari" Meerkat Statues $19.95 to $34.95 (not sure whether the butt or the head is more expensive)

We've little doubt why meerkats recently became beloved screen stars--they're adorable! Our spirited sculptures busily climb "in through the out door" in this imaginative Design Toscano exclusive, two-part sculpt cast in quality designer resin and hand-painted in realistic tones for your home and garden.

"Lioness of Namibia" Statue by artist Samuel Lightfoot $125.00

Transform your home or garden into an exotic paradise with our regal lioness...Lightfoot's big cat sculpture will securely stretch languidly atop your mantel, garden wall or outdoor tree branch (I'm a big fan of languid security.)

"Mombasa, the Garden Giraffe" $995.00

At almost 8 feet tall, it's the largest garden sculpture we've ever offered!
If you really want your garden to be noticed, Mombasa, our almost 8-foot-tall designer resin giraffe, is sized to impress! Since there's no hiding this realistically hand-painted, exclusive sculpture, even amidst your tall trees and hedges, your neighbors are sure to be surprised when Mombasa moves in next door. For ornamental use only. (As opposed to what?

There you have it. Option One for a grand total of $1,409.90 (plus shipping and handling). Tomorrow I will have a guest post, then on Thursday I will present at least 2 more options for you to choose from. Stay tuned.

In the meantime, why don't you check out some of these wonderful items yourselves at skymall.com. And tell them katdish sent you.

Then again, maybe just leave my name out of it...

What's that you say? You've never read a katdish Sky Mall Post before? Well, you don't even know me! Here they are, in all their glory:

Blog Fodder First in a Series!

Katdish Holiday Gift Guide Part 2

Katdish Holiday Gift Guide Part 3

Katdish Holiday Gift Guide Part 4

Tuesdays with Sky Mall

One More Thing

The New Sky Mall's Here! The New Sky Mall's Here!

From Hair to Eternity: The Summer Sky Mall Post

Sleepwalking (by Billy Coffey)

2010-04-12T00:01:00.006-05:00

Take a walk through my town and you’ll likely see more than one person who reminds you of yourself, if only on the inside—generally middle class, generally happy, generally a little worried about the state of things.

We walk the balance beam of prosperity here. Most have neither too much nor too little, and for the most part we’re good with that. We have enough to get by, enough to dream of having more, and enough to feel like we’re living our lives the way we’re supposed to.

There are exceptions, of course. Some have a lot of money and don’t mind telling you. Others struggle to make sure there’s dinner on the table. Me, I’ve always thought it was the rich people who had to be more careful about money than the poorer folks. The more you have, the more you want. That’s what I always say.

Money is a snare, Paul said in his first letter to Timothy. I think that’s true. I’ve seen a lot of people ruined by it. And not just the rich.

Enter Danny.

Danny lives in a modest home in a modest neighborhood, which is appropriate considering he has a modest family. Wife, daughter, son, and two dogs he takes hunting with him every year. Like most everyone else, Danny’s family has enough. More than enough, really. But for him, it’s always been too little. His job at the grocery store provides his family with the necessities of life. They have the shelter and the food and the clothing. But he’s always dreamed of having more.

The 1985 Chevy truck he drives to work can get him there, which is okay. But it can’t get him there in style, which would be even better. And his home, a twenty-year-old double wide with leaky faucets and drafty windows, is comfortable. But it’s not fancy. And if there is anything Danny wants in life, it’s a good dose of fancy.

Unfortunately for him, such a lifestyle cannot normally be gotten by stocking cans of chicken noodle soup and mopping floors. All Danny knows is groceries. Ask him where any item is, and he can tell you. A can of beans not labeled? Danny knows the price. Want to know how to tell a good watermelon from a bad one? Ask him. He’s given his life to the grocery store. Been there nearly twenty years.

But that’s where his talents end. Danny’s been given the opportunity over the years to climb the corporate ladder. Those grocery store managers don’t live in double-wides and drive twenty-year-old trucks, he says. But he’s found that some of the rungs on that ladder are missing, and he’s always ended up back where he started.

“I just don’t have much business sense,” he told me.

To him, he’s stuck. Stuck stocking shelves and emptying boxes and handling the cash register when someone calls in sick. And it makes him miserable. His is not a bad life, and he’ll admit that. But it is neither a good life, and that eats at him.

Still, he dreams of better things. He always carries around one of those free homes books so he can dream of where he wants to live and hate where he lives now. And the other day he got to sit in Travis Campbell’s new Chevy. Which just reminded him of how bad his own truck looks, of course.

I often wonder if what Danny would think if he lost what little he had. If he woke up one day and found his family and his home and his job gone. And I wonder, too, if I’m not a lot like him in some ways. I tend to look around at what everyone has and forget about all I’ve been given, too.

So I’ve made myself a promise. I’m going to be happy with what I have. No doubt I’ll still dream. Dreaming is good. But not when it keeps you asleep to your blessings.

And in the meantime, I’ll say a prayer for Danny. I hope he wakes up, too. Because as far as I can tell, he’s the only poor person I’ve ever known who was ruined by money.

***

To read more from Billy Coffey, visit him at at his website and follow him on the twitter at @billycoffey.

***

P.S. - I just wanted to take this opportunity to wish my friend Wendy A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Now, y'all go over to her blog, Weight...What? and do that same, kay?

Twenty-one? (Repost)

2010-04-11T00:01:00.002-05:00

From time to time on this blog, I will do book reviews. I am currently reading Vince Antonucci's new book Guerilla Lovers, and I plan to review it very soon. Vince's first book, I became a Christian and all I got was this lousy t-shirt , remains one of my all time favorite books. The following is an excerpt from that book:

Excerpt from "I became a Christian and all I got was this lousy t-shirt: Replacing Souvenir Religion with Authentic Spiritual Passion" by Vince Antonucci

Staff members at my church take one day each month to fast and pray. It's a day designed to get away and get close to God, to focus on him and pray for the church. I decided to spend one prayer and fasting day at Burger King. I know this sounds bizzare, but I wasn't going to eat. Normally, I go to a park or the beach on my prayer day, but it was cold outside, so I wanted a place where I could be inside but by myself. When I do my fasting day I don't eat, but I do drink, so I thought, I'll go to Burger King, get a Coke, sit there for a couple hours, read my Bible, and write in my journal. So I went in, got my Coke, sat down, and started reading.

Two minutes later a dirty, smelly guy came walking up. He was obviously extremely poor, probably homeless. He started pacing in front of my table. I glanced up several times but tried not to make eye contact because I wanted to keep reading my bible. After all, this was a day for me. My goal was to get me closer to God. Finally, I felt guilty and thought, This isn't right. Vince, you need to take some time, die to yourself, and love this guy. So I asked, "Hey, can I help you with anything?"

Turns out the guy was from India. He started talking, but I could barely decipher his words. Finally, he handed me a piece of paper. It was a job application for Burger King. I said, "Oh, you want to apply here. Do you need help filling this out?" He nodded yes, so we got to work. It was difficult. One question asked about experience. I think he said he used to be a cook. In Florida? India? Indiana? Another requested his home address, but he didn't have one. It took nearly an hour. Finally, we were done and he walked to the counter to turn it in. I thought, It's good that I helped him, but I'm glad that's over. I went back to reading.

One minute later he was sitting back at my table. I said, "Oh, Hi." He sat and stared at me. I thought, Maybe he's hungry. "Do you need something to eat?" I asked. He said yes, so I gave him a few dollars. And he appreciated it. He really appreciated it. He grabbed both my hands and started rubbing them all over his face and neck. I thought, Oh...my...goodness! This is so weird! Finally, after the thirty most awkward seconds of my life, he grabbed my money and disappeared. I thought, Wow. Well, it's a good thing that I helped him. But I am so glad that's over. I went back to reading.

Two minutes later he was sitting back at my table. This time he had a burger and fries. I thought, Maybe he just needs someone to talk to. I started a conversation, and then he asked me about the Bible I was reading. I started to explain that I believed in Jesus. A smile erupted on his face and he pulled his wallet out. He proudly showed me a picture of Jesus. I said, "Yeah, that's who I'm telling you about!" Then he proceeded to show me pictures of Buddha, Muhammad, a goat, Reggie Jackson, there may have been some pictures of Regis Philbin, the Dali Lama, and Bea Arthur in there as well. He became very serious and asked, "Do you know what God's name is?"

I said, "Yes, I'm trying to explain to you --I believe his name is Jesus. Jesus is God's Son."

He said, "No! God's name is twenty-one!"

"Huh?"

"God's name is twenty-one. Do you understand?" he demanded.

"Yeah, you just said God's name is Twenty-one."

His voice was rising, "No. No! God's name is twenty-one."

I repeated, "God's name is Twenty-one."

"No! God's name is Twenty-one!"

"Got it. God's name is Twenty-one."

"No! God's name is Twenty-one!"

Finally, I put an end to our Abbot and Costello routine and asked him to please explain what he meant. He tried. I think what he was struggling to say was that he believed that all religions worship the same God and that God is called by twenty-one different names in the various religions of the world, and so he has twenty-one names.

"Okay, I understand now," I said. "But I believe there is only one God, and Jesus was his Son."

"He asked, "Do you know who is God today?"

I answered, "Twenty-one?"

"No," he said. "Today, you are God to me."

"No, I'm not God," I responded.

"Yes, you are," he countered.

"No," I explained. "I'm trying to show you the love of God, but I'm not God."

"No. Today you love me," he said. "You help me. You feed me. Who is God? He loves, he helps, he feeds. Today, you are God to me."

In one sense he was theologically wrong, because I'm certainly not God. But in another sense, he was right. Because God has asked me to represent him, to be his ambassador.

We need to be the good news before we share the good news so that our gospel has integrity. We need to make the gospel beautiful again. We need to lose all the trappings so people can experience the natural beauty of God's good news. We need to show people what life in God's kingdom is like before we invite them into it.

***

To read more from Vince Antonucci, check out his website VinceAntonucci.com, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind if you buy either or both of his books, either. Just saying...

Tweets about Peeps, et. al...

2010-04-10T00:01:00.002-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

I wasn't really on the tweetdeck much this week, so you would think I wouldn't have many tweets to sort through. Sheah, right... (And yes, they're in backwards order, as always.)

The best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

@SBeeCreations Snort! And dang it! (in reply to SBeeCreations @katdish sounds like you may need to do an extra load of whites)

If driving up slowly behind my 12 YO son & honking the horn is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

@dlrayburn @Brian_Russell Yesh! That's the word. Yeah, I can't do that.(in reply to @dlrayburn @katdish Telekinesis?)

Oh, not mind control. What is that think where you move things with your mind? Besides my innate stubbornness I mean.

Despite repeated attempts at mind control, the sheets have NOT put themselves back on the bed. Bummer.

@Brian_Russell Come to think of it, the stuff in my brain? Not sure the world is ready for that

@Brian_Russell So what I need to do, is to transfer what's in my brain on to paper, then figure out how to get that on a computer.

@Brian_Russell No, because I don't see one I want. This is why I create. Because the stuff in my brain is not readily available anywhere. (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish Well, yeah... you need help deciding?)

@unmarketing I'm pretty smart for a girl. (in reply to unmarketing @katdish glad you noticed that :)

@unmarketing Wait...did you write a blog post about not writing blog posts?

@CassandraFrear @billycoffey wrote a post about Sponge Bob boxers. I'm still deleting viagra spam comments. (in reply to CassandraFrear I'm getting spam for Valium. What did I tweet?)

@myapronstrings You're so good. I really should get you to design my blog. But after you're done, you would hate me.

@TheBonnieGray The secret is less Facebook. I try not to go there much, unless I having a burning desire to play Farmville, which I never do (in reply to TheBonnieGray When Twitter, Blogging or Facebooking Stresses http://bit.ly/cgc0qW Make This UR ONE Ambition)

It is now, BTW.

So, after over a year on twitter, I noticed that my actual name is not on my account. Duh...

RT @pamelajclements: Great meeting with @billycoffey to plan launch of Snow Day. What a GREAT read. I LOVE the part about the Tonka Truck.

@Brian_Russell @PeterPollock is my go-to geek, I just can't decide what I want. (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish Heck, I'm sure some people on the internet would LOVE to help you design a website! :-)

@PeterPollock Can I just draw a picture of a layout I want and you miracle it up for me?

So apparently, wordpress themes with pictures of couches are a big deal. I don't see the appeal of that.

@nkehr I'm sorry....who are you? Snort! Just kidding. Thanks so much! (in reply to nkehr Talented but not stuck up! - - > See here right here #FF @katdish - - go...go on!)

@br8kthru Yes. I was trying to behave myself... (in reply to br8kthru @billycoffey that's a TWSS set-up if I've ever seen one... :)

RT @billycoffey: In the end, all we can do is hang on tight and smile when it's over ~ http://bit.ly/bTRpb7

"If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library?" - Lily Tomlin

@Peacegardenmama Thank you. And I'd just like to say in advance, Sorry/you're welcome. (in reply to Peacegardenmama @billycoffey I just followed @katdish. See the influence you have? :)

@billycoffey Aw, thanks. You too. (in reply to billycoffey If you're following me, you should be following @katdish. Because she's awesome. #FF)

@monicasharman What is a @tweetmeme button? And @llbarkat is not the boss of me. (in reply to monicasharman @katdish You should think about getting a @tweetmeme button. @llbarkat said so (which is reason enough).

@NargesNirumvala Low Carb Monster completes me. (in reply to NargesNirumvala @katdish Hi Katdish, that stuff doesn't look healthy. ;)

Switching from coffee to low carb monster and....it's GO time! http://twitpic.com/1e1zc5

@Becks_Beer Agony Uncle Beck? So, you're giving advice based on your years of life experience? What are you, 25?

@amysorrells Are you following my friend @herbiegookins? She lives in Johnny Cougarville too.

RT @SBeeCreations: @katdish Taiwan version of AI. Boy sounds like Whitney Houston. It's amazing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UB2Tl0xOqbI

@amysorrells What grows in Texas? Around here mostly fire ant mounds and crawfish holes.

@JodyHedlund Exactly. God is sooo good! (in reply to JodyHedlund @katdish @rachelheldevans Seriously. I thank God in advance for the big movie deal I'm sure he's planned for me. ;-)

@rachelheldevans That's so true! I often thank God in advance for the awesome parking spot He's going to miracle me at the mall. (in reply to rachelheldevans A friend's FB status: "I can't believe God gave us a house!" One response: "It's because you are one of God's favorites!" (???)

@chrissulli Hey, you're being productive at failing. That counts, right? (in reply to chrissulli @katdish Pretty well, just trying to be productive and failing)

@chrissulli Currently, I'm doing laundry and defaming a childrens book. How goes it with you?

@muchl8r Hey now...I'm liking this avatar! And you're right. You're way meaner than Jon Acuff, which is cool. ( in reply to muchl8r One of my co-workers just compared me to Jon Acuff as he's listening to "Stuff Christians Like" -I'm meaner, but it still made my day :D)

So...I will be posting 3 peeps videos tomorrow. I know. You're welcome.

@amysorrells Oh, well. I'm all about casting out Devils...Go DAWGS! But don't expect me to miss Jack Bauer... (in reply to amysorrells @katdish Ha! You crack me up. Wait . . . that's what you're supposed to say . . . Anyway, root 4 the DAWGS to cast some DEVILS outta here!

@amysorrells Butler and Duke? Is that a dog fight or is the hired help fighting again?

Why yes, as a matter of fact, I AM easily amused...

Yankees were the clear cut winner. http://twitpic.com/1dg3j9

I decided to settle the Yankees vs Red Sox battle in the only fair way. http://twitpic.com/1dg3d8

Wondering how to work in a Peeps battle into the topic of "Gentleness" for the blog carnival...

@duane_scott Texan? Nah, I'm bad. I'm nationwide. (in reply to duane_scott @katdish Goodmorning Texan!)

Oh, and we're on the 5th hole.

I'm not a golfer. How many Mulligans are acceptable when playing 9 holes? So far I've counted 7 from the guy my son is playing with.

@lorencklein Don't drink and golf! (in reply to lorencklein @katdish I pulled a Dukes of Hazzard stunt with a golf cart once. I snapped the springs on the rear axle and cracked the axle itself. Fun!)

Getting ready to take my son to play 9 holes of golf, mostly because I really like driving the golf cart...

RT @Matt_SLife: I probably need to work on my indecisiveness... Maybe. I don't know... Nevermind.

Biting one's tongue is an acquired taste.

@CassandraFrear I'm a mystery wrapped inside an enigma. Or something like that... (in reply to CassandraFrear @katdish Later, I worried that it could seem snarky. But I didn't mean it that way. I'm hooked, reading your writing! You fascinate me.)

RT @XIANITY: TECHNOLOGY: Responding to criticism, Apple® renames the iPad® to the more appropriate iDol®

Sorry/you're welcome! Have a great weekend!

If you give katdish a guest post...

2010-04-09T02:01:00.003-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

I'm guest posting elsewhere today:

The inspiration for this guest post is the process my sad, little ADD brain went through when Bridget first asked me to write a guest post. Also the second and third time she asked me...

To read the rest of my rambling diatribe, follow me over One Word at a Time, the blog of my lovely and talented friend, Bridget Chumbley.

Observations from the Carpool Lane

2010-04-08T00:01:00.002-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

One week a month, I pick up my daughter and three other neighborhood kids from the elementary school. It’s a pretty sweet deal. I don’t think I would enjoy sitting in that line every afternoon, five days a week, but once a month isn’t so bad.

I’ll typically bring a book to read and I always bring my notebook. You never know when you’ll find something to write about. Such was the case yesterday. The vehicle in front of me in line was a minivan with its back window emblazoned with several window clings. According to the back window, this family had a cheerleader, a football player, a soccer player, a gymnast, a basketball player, a softball player, a baseball player, a choir member and a member of the junior high school band. And while it’s entirely possible this family had nine children, I don’t think that’s the case, unless they were in the habit of naming more than one child by the same name.

And I wonder about us as parents wanting our children to be involved in so many activities; about filling their after school hours with practices and their Saturday mornings with games and other competitions. I think it’s good for our kids to learn new things and to be part of a team. But I think sometimes in our desire for our kids not miss out on any experience, we rob them of the experience of simply being kids, of having nothing in particular to do. When I was a kid, some of my best adventures began with nothing in particular to do.

Kids need structure, there’s no doubt. But they also need unstructure. They need time to discover themselves uninterrupted and unhurried. That goes for us big kids, too.

An Old Man's Theory (by Duane Scott)

2010-04-07T00:01:00.002-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

I won't say much about today's guest blogger except to say I came across his writing recently and was impressed that someone so young could so effectively communicate through the written word. I'll give you a link to his new website at the end of this post, but in the meantime, please read about Duane Scott's conversation with an older gentleman he met on the jobsite this week:

Recently, our company has been working at a church. Today, the general contractor called and said he would appreciate if we could put a few vent chutes in so they could start putting sheetrock on the ceiling. Having sent all the other crews to different jobs, the only remaining option was for me to do it.

As I began working, I fought back disgruntled thoughts about the inconvenience while fast becoming bored with the repetitive job. That was, until I noticed a peculiar man.

He wore blue Dickie coveralls and on his feet were black dress shoes, looking oddly out of place in the dusty environment. Construction workers bustled around him, hanging sheetrock and noisily moving their scaffolding. It seemed the old man hardly noticed the commotion, but continued to silently sweep the sheetrock dust to the corners.

We all worked along side each other for a few hours, and never did I hear the old man say a word. Curious, I wondered why he was on the job and decided he must be the father to the general manager.

When 4:00 rolled around, the cords were wrapped up, drills and saws were put in their places, and one by one the workers went home for the day. When they bid the old man goodbye, he only responded by the nod of his head.

I continued to staple vent chutes in the trusses and the old man continued to sweep silently. When I was almost finished, I asked him, “Do you work for the general manager?”

“No,” he replied, leaning against his broom. A grin appeared on his wrinkled face, exposing a few missing teeth. With enthusiasm, he said, “I’m a priest at this church.”

With renewed interest, I noticed the black robes he was wearing under the coveralls. I didn’t know what to say, so all I managed was, “Interesting.”

He smiled and said, “That, it is.”

Switching the subject, I said, “Looks like I’ll be back in the morning. I didn’t bring enough vent chutes to finish the job. I’ll be here early enough so I can get ahead of the other contractors. That way, they won’t have to wait on me.”

“That’s okay,” he grinned, “You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t make a mistake or two.”

I laughed. Then jokingly I said, “By being a priest, I doubt you have that problem.”

“Look here buddy,” he chuckled, scolding and pointing a finger in my direction, “I’m still just as human as you are.”

I smiled, feeling a bit uncomfortable until he continued to talk. “I still make plenty of mistakes, and I still get into plenty of trouble.”

“A man your age surely doesn’t get into as much trouble as I do,” I said.

“Maybe not. But you should be glad you get into trouble.”

I raised an eyebrow and looked questioningly at him. Stifling a laugh, I said, “That’s an interesting theory. What makes you say getting into trouble is a good thing?”

“It’s all the trouble we get into in life that makes us realize how much we need God. Nobody could ever get into heaven if they never got into trouble.”

“So you are saying...” I asked, a bit confused, “that I should want to get into trouble?”

“Oh my,” he said, embarrassed, “That does sound like a... excuse my language... a hair-brained idea. What kind of priest am I?” He laughed, “That’s not really what I meant.” Eyeing me from head to toe, he continued, “You’re young. I have a feeling trouble will find you.”

I chuckled at the absurdity of the moment. It isn’t every day a priest looks me over and says I’m bound for trouble. More importantly, it isn’t every day a priest tells me getting into trouble is a good thing.

“It’s like this,” he continued, “God sits up there in His office, and everything you face in life comes across His desk for approval. And He will never put His signature on a trial or temptation that is too big for you to handle. Everything you face is only meant to bring you closer to Him.”

Saying goodbye to the elderly man, I marveled at the wisdom hidden behind his youthful eyes and mischievous grin. I admired his charismatic approach to life, and continued to think about the pearls of wisdom he had bestowed upon my young mind.

Some people curse their bad luck. Others become depressed by their misfortunes. Instead, maybe we should take the advice of the elderly man in the blue coveralls.

If trouble never found us, nor trials ever came, we would never need His grace... and it is only through His grace, that we are saved.

Yes, I like his theory.

-Duane Scott

***

To read more from Duane Scott, visit him at at his website and follow him on the twitter at @duane_scott.

A Gentle Call for Unity

2010-04-06T00:01:00.013-05:00

If you've found your way over to my blog via the One Word Blog Carnival - Gentleness, welcome! It's probably a stretch to say this particular post fits into that category. Just consider this post a cleansing of the palette if you will. A chance for a bit of silliness in your hectic day. Sorry/you're welcome...

Last week I posted an Easter candy review that included a Peeps epic battle scene at its conclusion. Not surprisingly (for this blog, anyway), I received comments from disgruntled bunnies demanding a rematch against the chick peeps. Here is the result:

(Sorry, BunBun. Those little suckers were just top heavy!)

Yesterday, I posted links to Billy Coffey and Bryan Allain's blogs where they argued their cases why you should root for either the Yankees or the Red Sox, respectively. And while I know the following video will not sway a devoted fan either way, in this particular battle, well, see for yourself...

But enough with all of this discourse and dissension! What the world needs now, is Love. Sweet Love. We need to put aside our differences and become the Great American melting pot we once were!

Now, if you'll excuse me...I have a microwave that needs a good cleaning.

Yankees or Red Sox?

2010-04-05T06:45:00.002-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

In honor of Major League Baseball's Opening Day, rather than Billy's usual Monday post here, devout Red Sox fan Bryan Allain and devout Yankees fan Billy Coffey have agreed to plead their case for their beloved teams on each other's blogs today. I'll give you a brief snippet of each, then you may follow the links and let them know where your allegiance lies.

Will you side with Billy Coffey...

I’m trying to write this with the non-baseball fan in mind, if there is such a thing. I suspect there is. While baseball is still considered our national pastime, there’s no denying the allure of sports like football and basketball, those bastions of instant gratification. Baseball is different. It is cerebral and methodical and all those other brainy words that end in “-al”. It’s God’s game. There’s no doubting this.

The rules are many and somewhat complicated, so I won’t get into them here. What I will do, however, is touch upon the one thing you need to do in order to be considered a true baseball fan.

You have to pick a side.

Yankees or Red Sox...Read the rest of Billy's story here

or Bryan Allain?

Billy Coffey is a Yankees fan and I am a Red Sox fan. We might agree on a lot of the important things in life, but when it comes to baseball, make no mistake about it, he is my enemy.

If you're reading this post and you too are a fan of the Red Sox or Yankees, I know you can't be swayed. I've got a better shot at changing your gender than changing your mind about which team to root for. But for those of you who don't have an allegiance either way, let me offer up a few points to help you make an informed decision. Read the rest of Bryan's story here

***

What's that? Where does my allegiance lie? I'll give you two guesses, and the first one doesn't count...

image courtesy of photobucket.com

He is Risen

2010-04-04T00:01:00.003-05:00

A very happy and blessed Easter to you.

Because of Calvary,

Katdish

I love me some twitpics

2010-04-02T22:51:00.006-05:00

I was debating whether or not to do a twitter post this week. Note to self, when debating whether or not to do a twitter post, settle the debate before 10 pm, otherwise, you'll be up way past your bedtime...

And now the best of me (or not) on the twitter:

@pagan43 Peptoflingo? Nice... (in reply to pagan43 @katdish http://twitpic.com/1cpwa6 - " IT " finished all 3 bowlsful and still has room to eat those leaves ? Peptoflingo.)

@TchrEric It better not be anyone from Georgia! (in reply to TchrEric @katdish Maybe someone will buy it for you for Christmas, you know, anonymously,because they love you, -could be anyone, everyone loves Kat!)

@TchrEric Yeah...like that's gonna happen. (in reply to TchrEric @katdish Send the pic of it when it is in your house/yard! :)

In a word, Magestic! http://twitpic.com/1cpwa6

New at Target: Zombie Girlz! http://twitpic.com/1couhx

@br8kthru Hey now! That's catchy! (in reply to br8kthru @katdish or how about "Crap You Don't Need (But it's only $1)"

I'm going to open a store called "There's a reason it's only 99 cents"

@billycoffey Freaking Yay!

RT @billycoffey: RT @DueFriday Galleys of SNOW DAY by @billycoffey and THE CHURCH AWAKENING by Charles Swindoll just showed up on my desk!

Okay people. Gotta go face my arch nemesis - the grocery store.

RT @noveldoctor: Ben and Jerry's to introduce new writer-themed sorbet: Literary Agent Orange - "It tastes like rejection!"

And by "adult fiction novels" I realize I was being redundant. Sorry, my bad.

@PeterPollock And FYI, my daughter has read your MS about 5 times. She loves it.

I've read two of the best adult fiction novels I've ever read this year, & neither one is published yet.

@PeterPollock Let me rephrase that... (in reply to PeterPollock @katdish I don't get it... 'cos you read my book LAST year, not this year ?)

I've read 2 of the best books I've ever read this year, & neither one is published yet.

@M1ke6 - If you're only going to talk to me via DM, I'm not giving you the potato salad recipe.

@jamieworley Aw, Jamie...It's a good thing we're not neighbors. Snort! (in reply to jamieworley Gullible people like me should not be allowed out of the house or online on April Fools Day.)

Ooo! My mom is bringing her famous potato salad on Sunday! Nom, nom!

Esp. if followed by "anymore" RT @curtharding: You know it's a bad day when your lawyer tells the press that you're not a Nazi

@noveldoctor Yeah, but I wonder what the resale value is. ( in reply to noveldoctor @katdish Then here's some good news: You don't have to report empty longing and unredeemable angst to the IRS!)

@Goannatree I have celebrity ducks and bunnies commenting on my blog. It's all very sordid.

@noveldoctor Hey, wait a minute...by that description, I think I already am one. (in reply to noveldoctor @katdish I pay my favorite muse with empty longing and unredeemable angst. She loves it. You should probably ask for cash, though.)

@VariantVal I do a pretty good Stevie Nicks impersonation. Saw her twirl right off the stage once. I was like, "Where'd she go?"

@noveldoctor I should branch out and be a rent-a-muse. (in reply to noveldoctor @katdish I don't know. Maybe tomorrow? My personal muse is missing, but I can always rent one for a day.)

Oh, Sweet Fancy Moses! Due to ever increasing threatening comments on my blog by @bunbuntherabbit et al, I will post a rematch on Tues.

@melissa_rae Yah! August is commonly known as "Dishmas" around here. More specifically, "katdishmas".

RT @noveldoctor: Vampire novels: out. Umpire novels: in. "Harry Wendelstedt and the Foul Tip of Death" a sure bestseller

Integrity is not found in the limelight, it is where it is tested.

RT @noveldoctor: "Ubiquitous" named Word of the Year by everybody, everywhere.

@weightwhat I'm holding out for the "Monkey butt in my pocket" shirt (in reply to weightwhat I'm making a new shirt. Go ahead, be thrilled.)

@HeatheroftheEO @VariantVal I must confess, I only sampled a tiny piece of the Cadbury egg, then I threw up in my mouth a little.

@mandythompson You just described every one of my family reunions. But there was typically alcohol involved. (in reply to mandythompson Does anyone know anything about a video where everybody's laughing... But they don't know why??)

"The wages of sin are death, but after taxes, It's really just more of a tired feeling." - Paula Poundstone

Epic Laziness: Stomach growling, but too lazy to fix anything to eat.

@duane_scott Being me is a pretty sweet gig. I highly recommend it. (in reply to duane_scott NO FAIR! Working on blueprints holds no amusement. RT @katdish: Peeps + microwave = I am SO easily amused!)

Peeps + microwave = I am SO easily amused! 8:36 AM Mar 31st via TweetDeck

Dear New Followers: If the word "motenize" appears anywhere in your profile, I wouldn't hold my breath for a courtesy refollow.

@redclaydiaries yes. I'm jotting some down now. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish @marni71 What? Another event w @prodigaljohn & @loswhit? I bet they'd pay u to NOT ask inappropriate questions like last time)

@marni71 That might entail me having to take notes. Not so sure about that. (in reply to marni71 @katdish My association paid to send me. Maybe your church could send you??)

Irony http://twitpic.com/1bzzwn

@marni71 I'm just hoping to see @loswhit &@prodigaljohn sit uncomfortably close to one another again like at Off the Blogs.

The housewares dept at Ross: where good taste goes to die. http://twitpic.com/1bzwc0

@marni71 I won't rush the stage for an autograph, but I can't promise I won't rush the stage. (in reply to marni71 @prodigaljohn Just registered to attend Echo. I've invited @katdish to join me. I won't rush the stage for an autograph. Promise!)

@marni71 No offense to them, but I'd drive up there just to see you, Marns. (in reply to marni71 @katdish July 28-30. Jon, Donald Miller and Carlos Whittaker are speaking. I'm ready to pee myself...)

RT @billycoffey: When it comes to people, I prefer blatant arrogance to false humility.//YESH!

@marni71 when is it? I'm up for a road trip! (in reply to marni71 @katdish KATHY!! @prodigaljohn is speaking at the Echo Conf. in Dallas. Come with meeeeeee....pleeeeeaaaasssee! We'll have so much fun.)

RT @weightwhat: Did you guys hear about Ricky Martin? Can you believe he's 38?

I'm like a Coffey/Coffee magnet or something.

Don't know how you found me, but thanks for the follow @CoffeyAnderson

So, check this out! Another very talented Coffey: @CoffeyAnderson http://bit.ly/bbqAev

@miller_schloss Yay Us! (in reply to miller_schloss @bryanallain Yeah, well, I got to share a sentence with @dewde, @katdish, and @helenatrandom.) Referring to a mention in Jon Acuff’s book Stuff Christians Like.

Watching Life on Discovery Channel. If I were a fish, I think I would be a Sarcastic Fringe Head fish.

Religion: I obey, therefore I am accepted by God/Gospel: I am accepted by God through the work of Jesus Christ—therefore I obey.~Keller

@monicasharman Ah yes. The bling of choice for all the white upper middle class mall gangstas in my hood. (in reply to monicasharman @katdish The first thing I noticed was the C3PO near the bottom left.)

Ba-Ling!!!! http://twitpic.com/1bd39s

Okay! Who loves this book? Because I wanna know how many I'll offend when I write a new version. http://twitpic.com/1bc391

How cool is Billy Gibbons? Answer? Very cool. http://twitpic.com/1bbxck

My daughter went for fancy. http://twitpic.com/1bbonk

Okay! Ready for flip flops! http://twitpic.com/1bbkmh

@WriteOnRideOn You know, @billycoffey loves Jesus more than he does the #Yankees, but it's pretty close... (in reply to WriteOnRideOn @katdish Okay...THAT made me actually bust out LOL. Still Laughing. Out Loud.)

@WriteOnRideOn Okay...What if I tape it and watch it Monday? Is that okay? (in reply to WriteOnRideOn I realize few if any will publicly agree w/me about @MLB #scheduleFAIL Opening Day on EASTER Sunday. It's what I believe. Strongly believe.)

@WriteOnRideOn Not that I'll be watching (ahem), but who's playing? ( in reply to WriteOnRideOn Speaking of getting fired up~WHAT the heck is up w/ @MLB choosing EASTER Sunday for opening day?!! #MAJORLEAGUEFAIL)

As always, sorry/you're welcome!

A very blessed and Happy Easter to you all!

What's so good about Good Friday?

2010-04-02T00:01:00.003-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

Why is Good Friday called Good Friday?

Okay, yes--It is good because, as professed believers, our debts were paid in full by Jesus Christ's sacrifice.

But I'm talking about the actual day. Is it contradictory for us to say that the day Jesus was beaten, berated, spat upon and nailed to a cross was a good day? And let's not forget his betrayal at the hands of Judas, his denial by Peter, his loyal followers turning bloodthirsty, religious leaders with their false charges and political leaders refusing to take a stand on either side of the issue of His guilt or innocence. On this day, Jesus stood betrayed and abandoned, even by those who were closest to him. It seems just about everyone around him played a role in fate. Is it any wonder, being fully God and yet fully human, he would ask that "this cup be taken" from him? How could this day possibly be good?

In an column written for The Seattle Post in April, 1991, Anthony B. Robinson writes:

Why is Good Friday called "Good?" Perhaps because on that day, and in this story, God stands with the forsaken, the victims, the abandoned and the despised. More than that, God is one of them, is one of us. In our hearts, our deepest fear may be just this, that we shall be forsaken, abandoned, despised and rejected. And sometimes these fears lead us to do terrible things.

Surely at times in life many, if not all of us, will know just such an experience. Whether because we stand alone for an unpopular truth or have been forsaken by a family member or friend in whom we trusted, or because we find ourselves on a sick bed able only to look up at the world from our backs or wheelchairs. In this story, God takes the side of the outcast. He is put to death "outside the gates of the city," a symbol of his very forsakenness. But, of course, if God is among the forsaken and rejected, then they, then we, are never wholly abandoned, never truly forsaken. Which may be reason enough for calling this Friday "good."

In the end, "Good Friday" is like so many of the great spiritual truths. It is a paradox. A contradiction that just happens to be true. Like "You shall find yourself by losing yourself." Or "Less is more." Or "The only way to have enough is to learn to give it away." These things, these paradoxes are never things we can wholly grasp. But sometimes they take hold of us. And when they do, nothing is the same ever again.

Indeed.

Peeps: The Epic Battle

2010-04-01T00:01:00.020-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

Greetings! Welcome to the highly anticipated(?) Easter candy review post! First and foremost, I want to thank everyone for their feedback on Twitter. It was most helpful. I wish I could review everything, but hopefully this will be fairly representative. Special thanks to @HeatheroftheEO for the heads up on the Robin Eggs lipstick technique, and to @pagan43 for the microwave/peeps instructions. And now, on with the review.

First up. The Cadbury Creme Egg.

I know there are those among you that find these things delightful. My question to you is Why?

I don't know what that crap in the middle is, but I'm pretty sure if you looked up the words "vile" and "putricity" in the dictionary, there would be a picture of a Cadbury Creme Egg. It is the McDonald's McRib sandwich (aka the "McKnuckle") of the candy world. In both cases, every few years I feel compelled to try them again to see if my senses were wrong. Each time I reconfirm my initial reaction to their disgustingness. Verdict - FAIL

A much better choice would be the Reese's peanut butter egg. What's not to love? It's chocolate. It's peanut butter. It is delicious delightfulness in the shape of an egg. Verdict - PASS

The hollow chocolate Easter Bunny is a perennial favorite.

My recommendation is to buy a small one, but that's probably due to the fact that my stomach was still recovering from the Cadbury Creme Egg at the time of the sampling. Still, I believe less is more when it comes to chocolate rodents. Verdict - PASS

Robin Eggs are basically Whoppers wrapped in a hard candy shell. They're pretty good, but after about five, I'm ready to move on.

But HOLD THE PHONES! As I mentioned earlier, Heather clued me into another use for Robin Eggs - an emergency substitute for lipstick. And I'm all up in multi-purposing. Verdict - WIN-WIN

I've never been a big fan of Peeps. They're basically marshmallows rolled in sugar. Meh...

That is, until I learned of Peep jousting at praise team practice Tuesday night.

Oh, sure--we spend most of our time either praising Jesus, praying, or washing each other's feet, but occasionally we get a little sidetracked...Anyway, I knew I had to try this at home. I purchased one package each of pink bunny peeps and the traditional yellow chick peeps. I attempted to ascertain if either had the advantage in a jousting match in the microwave. To assure accurate results, I have several rounds of chick vs bunny. (HLAC = integrity) The chick had a clear height advantage, and was victorious each time. I took pictures, but they didn't turn out so well. I can only share with you the final result of the joust:

For those of you who have never witnessed Peeps jousting, I would highly recommend it. I have taken the liberty of creating a video. You're welcome:

Verdict: PEEPS: EPIC WIN!

Also? Jolly Rancher jelly beans: there is no substitute.

This concludes my Easter candy review. No, really. I was happy to do it. I'm a giver...

Top 10 Worst Creativity Tips of All Time (by Demian Farnworth)

2010-03-31T00:01:00.014-05:00

You may be wondering where I find folks to guest blog for me. Okay, maybe you're not, but I'm going to tell you anyway. Mostly from reading other blogs, and occasionally from the twitter. (Sorry, Facebook. It's not you, it's me.) I've actually got a fairly sizable list of folks I'm planning to ask. Sadly, that list is in my head, and I keep losing it. Anyway, I've been so pleased with all the guest posts so far, and my analytics tell me you have been, too. Damien was one of my twitter finds. I never know how people find me and follow me on twitter, but as long as it's a real person, I'll typically follow them back. I'm glad I did so with Damien, because he sent me a really great post.

Demian Farnworth is Managing Editor for an international humanitarian aid organization and blogger for Fallen & Flawed.

Top 10 Worst Creativity Tips of All Time

What do you get when you cross a cranky writer with an opium-induced dream? Nothing to gawk at, normally.

But English poet Samuel Coleridge defied the odds and cranked out an unforgettably creepy poem called "Kubla Khan".

The only problem is nobody can really tell us what the poem is about. Coleridge couldn't even do it. And unfortunately generations of poets have followed in Coleridge's footsteps ushering in an attitude that says true creativity occurs when you alter your mind.

But that's a terrible idea. And there are nine more really bad ideas on how to jolt your creativity. Let's take a look at them.

1. Wait for the Muse.
Want to make my skin crawl? Want to watch me clench my fists? Then tell me you can't write until the Muse moves you. In fact, if you're a professional, I might hit you. I'll repent afterwards, but I'll definitely swing. Professionals write whether they feel like it or not.

2. Get drunk.
Or stoned. Or huff glue. You'll write some of the most ridiculous stories, paint the most dysfunctional pictures while intoxicated. Funny thing is, they're masterpieces while you're high. But sober people will avoid you. However, get them drunk, and you're a genius. See no. 10.

3. Eat meat.
Long ago some Chinese mystic-artist always ate meat before he fell asleep so he could have great dreams. [Give me a break on the ambiguity. I read it somewhere. Just don't know where.] I don't recommend this tactic either...because what happens if your dreams dry up? They will, artist boy.

4. Toy with Twitter.
Despite what social media pundits want you to believe--Twitter is not a inspiration factory. It's a chaotic cocktail party that will rob you of time. Doesn't mean you can't hang out there. I do it myself. Just don't depend on it for creative ideas. You'll get sucked away and totally forget what you were doing.

5. Smoke cigarettes.
No one's flat-out preached that smoking cigarettes inspires. But stroll by any bistro and all the artists and poets and writers will be puffing away. Cigarettes kill, people. Then again, if you don't care, you are guilty of number 7.

6. Fall in love.
If you depend on the unpredictable, violent emotions of new love **cough, cough, LUST, cough** then you might rock out a killer freshman album. Girls will stalk you. Men will envy you. Mothers will hate you. That is until your sophomore album rolls out. Then they'll see you for the one-hit wonder you are.

7. Becoming a sadist.
Blame it on the Romantic poets: They were ones who thought a true artist suffered. So what about the thousands of years of creative output before then? And frankly, what the Romantic poets and Co. have created are marginal footnotes to enduring masterpieces.

8. Don't create.
The Salinger principle of creativity states "you can't create it without killing it." You're guilty of this if you fear that perfect artistic idea will get ruined if you commit it to paper or canvas. Get over yourself and create.

9. Specialize.
I'm guilty of this one. The idea that you will create great work if you do nothing but one thing. This is problematic because some of the best ideas come to us from fields that are far different than ours. Become the explorer. Not the homebody.

10. Thinking you are a genius.
Or a "serious" writer. [Now, where did that come from? See no. 7.] Personally guilty in this category. Picasso said that it took him a life time to learn how to draw like a child. There's liberty in simplicity like that. And great art.

Listen: This list was generated after twenty years of failing hard in my own attempts at creative writing and a simultaneous ten years of working as a professional writer and editor. I've seen these tips and attitudes come from my own mouth and the mouths of other writers. Do any of them ring a bell? Would you add any? And if you're guilty, don't worry. So am I.

***

To read more from Damien, visit him at his blog Fallen & Flawed, follow him on the twitter @DFarnworth, or visit his Facebook page:Demian Farnworth.

The Box

2010-03-30T00:01:00.005-05:00

I typically don’t have any trouble falling asleep. I suppose this stems from the fact that I get up early and go to bed late most evenings. I’m a strange combination of early bird and night owl. Perhaps I have some vampires in my family tree. But I digress.

Monday night was an exception to this rule. After I finished scheduling Monday’s post, I was not in the least bit tired. Instead of my typical go-to (reading a few chapters of whatever book I happen to be reading), I decided to watch a movie I had recorded earlier in the week.

The movie was The Box. The opening of the movie goes like this:
A package is placed on the front doorstep of a house. The wife brings the package to the kitchen table, where her husband opens it while wife and son look on. Inside the package is a box with a large, red button encased in a clear dome. There is a note inside the packaging which states that someone will be by at 5:00 pm the following day to explain the box. A man shows up at the door as promised, and explains to the wife that if she pushes the button, two things will happen—Someone they do not know will die, and the family will receive one million dollars in cash. Of course, the wife needs an expensive operation, the private school she is teaching at will soon discontinue the waiving of tuition for teacher’s children, and the husband’s dream job has fallen through. Oh, and it’s 1976, so a million dollars is actually quite a bit of money. Of course…

At first glance, this particular scenario does not seem like much of a moral dilemma. Accepting money, regardless of amount, in return for causing the death of another person is simply not acceptable in any scenario I could imagine.

But what if the man had said, “If you push the button…

…your mounting debt will be paid in full, but someone else would take on a crushing debt they could not afford to pay, or

...your book will be a critical and commercial success, but an equally talented (or more talented) author will never be published, or

…your struggling ministry will begin to grow and reach the lost, but another church will die, or

…your father’s Alzheimer’s will be cured, but someone else’s father would be stricken it, or

…your child’s disease will be gone, but another child would become sick in her place, or

…your unborn child will be born healthy, but at the expense of the life of another child unborn?

Do any of these scenarios tip the scales?

How about this one?

Your sins—past, present and future will be washed clean as snow, but at the cost of the perfect, unblemished sacrifice; at the cost of the Son of God—the only One without sin.

As we draw closer to the holiest of holidays, I pray we not only understand this sacrifice in our heads, but also in our hearts.

Beautiful (by Billy Coffey)

2010-03-29T00:01:00.009-05:00

Image courtesy of photobucket.com

A little while ago:

“What are you doing?”

My daughter is standing on her bed and facing the mirror atop her dresser. She’s not looking at herself, not performing the sort of quick once-over females tend to do before going to town. Instead, she’s studying. Closely.

“I’m looking at myself,” she says.

“Why are you standing on the bed?”

“Because if I stand on the floor I can only see half. I want to see the whole thing.”

I offer the sort of nod I often give to females. The sort that says I don’t understand you, but I’m going to act like I do.

“Okay,” I tell her, “but hurry up. We’re ready to leave.”

She continues to scrutinize and then asks, “Daddy, can I ask you something?”

“Can you ask it in the truck?”

“Can you answer it here?”

“Okay, fine.”

She tilts her head to the side and lets her blond hair spill down over her shoulder. My daughter never used to pay attention to mirrors. Now she can’t pass by one without taking a peek to make sure nothing needs tucking or straightening or smoothing.

“Am I pretty?” she asks.

“Very much so,” I say.

She tilts her head to the other side. “Do you think Hannah Montana is pretty?”

“No.”

“Taylor Swift?”

“No.”

“Carrie Underwood?”

“No.”

“Well,” she says, “I think they’re beautiful.”

“Can we go to town now?” I ask her.

She hops off the bed and takes my hand. “What makes them beautiful, Daddy?” she asks.

“Well, since I don’t think they’re beautiful, I can’t really answer that question.”

“I don’t think I’m beautiful,” she says.

“Why’s that?”

“Because there’s a lot wrong with me.”

Now:

We’ve made it to town. My daughter managed to sneak away and into the truck before I could talk to her more. And heading to town with family in tow is not the proper time for such a conversation. So I’m currently left to stew and walk the aisles of the local Target, trying to decide how I’m going to finish the conversation her and I had begun.

At eight, my daughter is on the cusp of that age when appearance begins to matter more than it once did. I don’t think that’s really a bad thing, but it is confusing to her. She thinks everything is beautiful—sunrises, sunsets, and the puffy white seedlings atop dandelions come to mind—but she secretly fears she is not. I can understand. It’s hard to compete with sunrises, sunsets, and dandelions.

And when it comes to things that are beautiful in any obvious way, she still refuses to call them ugly. To her, ugly is just a word people use for things where the beautiful chooses to remain hidden.

That’s the way I want to keep it with her. Because that is nearest to the truth.

This is also the truth—there is a lot wrong with her. Behind that blond hair and those blue eyes is a little girl who has gone through much. Too much, if you ask me.

I see the way she wears long sleeves and pants in the warm weather to hide the bruises that can pop up after her insulin shots. I see the way she talks to friends with her hands in a fist so they won’t see the pock marks left on her fingers from her sugar checks.

It’s bad enough to have a disease, she’s told me. But when you believe that disease makes you ugly, it’s worse.

I don’t blame her for thinking that way. I think there are a lot of people—older, smarter people—who do the same. But what she sees as ugliness I see as a means of becoming beautiful. Her disease has given her a compassion and an understanding I could never have.

I remember recently reading about the Miss Navajo Nation beauty pageant. Held every year. The contestants do the sort of usual things you would find in any pageant anywhere. They dress up and show their talents and talk about what they would do if they held the title.

But there is no swimsuit competition. In its place is a demonstration of some traditional Navajo skill, which can be anything from weaving to butchering a sheep.

I like that.

Because beauty isn’t simply about looking pretty and speaking well. True beauty is useful. It draws attention not to how good you look, but what good you can do.

That’s what I’m going to tell my daughter when we get home.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

***

To read more from Billy Coffey, visit him at at his website and follow him on the twitter at @billycoffey.

Individual Salvation

2010-03-28T00:01:00.004-05:00

Salvation is Individual (excerpt from The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller )

"A meal fuels growth through nourishment. The Lord’s Supper, also called Communion or the Eucharist, represents ongoing growth in God’s grace. In order to survive and grow, individuals must eat and drink regularly. That’s what we must do with the gospel of the grace of God. We must personally appropriate it, making it more central to everything we see, think, and feel. That is how we grow spiritually in wisdom, love, joy, and peace.

Religion operates on the principle of “I obey—therefore I am accepted by God.” The basic operating principle of the gospel is “I am accepted by God through the work of Jesus Christ—therefore I obey.” As we have seen, believing the gospel is how a person first makes a connection to God. It gives us a new relationship with God and a new identity. We must not think, however, that once believing it, the Christian is now finished with the gospel message. A fundamental insight of Martin Luther’s was that “religion” is the default mode of the human heart. Your computer operates automatically in the default mode unless you deliberately tell it to do something else. So Luther says that even after you are converted by the gospel your heart will go back to operating on other principles unless you deliberately, repeatedly set it to gospel-mode.

We habitually and instinctively look to other things besides God and his grace as our justification, hope, significance, and security. We believe the gospel at one level, but at deeper levels we do not. Human approval, professional success, power and influence, family and clan identity—all of these things serve as our heart’s “functional trust” rather than what Christ has done, and as a result we continue to be driven to a great degree by fear, anger, and a lack of self-control.

You cannot change such things through mere willpower, through learning Biblical principles and trying to carry them out. We can only change permanently as we take the gospel more deeply into our understanding and into our hearts. We must feed on the gospel as it were, digesting it and making it part of ourselves. This is how we grow."

***

In case you don't know, I am a HUGE fan of Tim Keller. I saw him speak at a Exponential conference two years ago. Among the speakers were Ed Stetzer, Vince Antonucci, Andy Stanley, Rick Warren, Alan Hirsch, Dave Ferguson and others. And while all the speakers were impressive, I found myself literally sitting there with my jaw hanging open at some of Dr. Keller's insights into the Gospel of Christ. If you've never read anything by him, I would highly recommend you do so.

For more information about Dr. Keller and his writings, his author page on Amazon.com

Meat Week on the Twitter (Apparently)

2010-03-27T00:01:00.000-05:00

(Don't you just love a good meat puppet?)

So, this week I had some fairly in-depth conversations about corned beef, pork chops, bacon and spam. Oh, and duck lust. Lots of talk of duck lust...

And now, the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week:

RT @okiewife: to my new follower from China--welcome to my mediocre life. I will try not to disappoint you.

In case any of you are interested, I'm having lunch with @BuddyLovetheDog

@noveldoctor I'm sorry....what? (in reply to noveldoctor Writing is almost as hard as listening.)

Cold Pizza: Not just for breakfast anymore

My son is receiving a Leadership award at school today. When I asked him what it was for, he said, "No clue".

RT @Babybloomr: @JesusNeedsNewPR Wait-- you're giving away Amy Grant??!! That comes dangerously close to trafficking, little mister.

@marni71 You gotta admire an old woman so comfortable in her nekkidness.

Yes. Agreed RT @noveldoctor: Always be yourself. Unless you're a pompous ass. In that case, be someone nicer.

RT @Goddess_Live:Power intoxicates men When a man is intoxicated by alcohol he can recover, but when intoxicated by power he seldom recovers

RT @maggiedammit: Tootsie Pop at 9:14am, THAT'S RIGHT SUCKERS.

RT @annalisa2: "Maybe 'buzzkill' was a bad choice of words... you're like... the dark cloud that unites us."

RT @CandySteele: Good Morning Twitter. It's National Waffle Day - I will celebrate my inability to make a decision today.

@CandySteele I actually think it's sort of delightful that she was so completely not self-conscious of her nekkidness.

@CandySteele Seriously...what else is one to do in such situations? (in reply to CandySteele @katdish I was so proud to have maintained a professional composure all the while thinking BLOG POST! BLOG POST!)

I'm too tired to rant, but seriously - - don’t be such a loser...

@katdish Except that guy who followed me for the courtesy refollow & then unfollowed me. I know when someone unfollows me...

Okay, lovely people! (and the rest of you) Goodnight! (Oh, I'm KIDDING! You're all lovely

@coffeewithmarty It's okay. @helenatrandom is everyone's favorite.

@Helenatrandom If I say yes, will I get some celebrity duck comments? (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish I see that there were no celebrity duck comments today. Are you disappointed?)

@noveldoctor So many sweet memories include bacon, don't they? (in reply to noveldoctor @katdish Best bacon ever was at local B&B. Slightly sweet, crispy. Perfect. Went there just for bkfst with editorial team. Ah, memories...)

@noveldoctor "regional bacons" How fancy! (in reply to noveldoctor @katdish I think there really is one. Includes regional bacons and unusual flavors. No defibrillator, though. Sadly.)

@noveldoctor Yes. Always handy to keep one of those around. You never know... (in reply to noveldoctor @katdish Yes, a ham sandwich with bacon and cheese. Deep fried. Served with a side of bacon. And a defibrillator.)

@noveldoctor Also a ham sandwich. (in reply to noveldoctor You know what goes well with bacon? More bacon.)

Doing my part to promote @prodigaljohn's book http://twitpic.com/1awh11

Well...off to the bookstore to replace the 2 books my daughter spilled her water bottle all over. Oh yeah...she's paying for them

@coffeewithmarty You weren't following @Helenatrandom? That's grounds for a public unfollow.

@weightwhat That's what I'm saying (in reply to weightwhat @katdish Yes, you must be very careful when you warp the unwarped.)

Whenever I get a new follower who is following 10 people or less, I feel a great sense of responsibility towards them to guide them.

@buzzbyannies You mean where they keep the hookers? (in reply to buzzbyannies @katdish Yep - won't be home til Saturday night. Trying to recover from DC yesterdary. Saw a lot of the capitol most people don't see.)

@melissa_rae Yes, you did make me do something. Is is empowering?

@buzzbyannies Hey! Are you still on vacation?

Why, yes...As a matter of fact, I DID just quote myself.

Strip away all the things people think define U, & U are ultimately left w/what U know 2 be the truth http://bit.ly/8ZbZO3

Can you ever REALLY have too much magnesium? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akZZd7Hz0rE

RT @pprmint777: @katdish Who knew Duck Sex was such a hot topic? Spring is a Declaration by @pprmint777 http://bit.ly/d3JZGP

@Helenatrandom Apparently so. (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Yeah... I was wondering how you got so lucky, too! You must have some solid Hollywood connections...)

@Helenatrandom Yes. I appreciate that. Rather curious about the celebrity duck comments though... (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish You can be proud of me. I left a comment for your blog this evening, and I avoided commenting on the duck lust.)

@CandySteele Very coffey-esque? Yes? (in reply to CandySteele @katdish Have to give you that one. Mea culpa.)

@VariantVal Good to know. (in reply to VariantVal Hi everybody, I'm not dead)

@CandySteele Whose idea do you think it was for the @billycoffey porch pic? I know what I'm doing. (in reply to CandySteele @coffeewithmarty Yeah, @katdish is like a rock scientist or something)

@Helenatrandom But would you eat a grilled cheese sandwich from a Jesus Frying pan? (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish GAAAAAAAA!)

RT @InkPanther: Saw this at the candy shoppe: http://twitpic.com/1apfg5

ARE YOU SERIOUS??? RT @coffeewithmarty: @sarahmsalter @weightwhat WHAT does TWSS mean

@BunBunRabbit Pirate Bunny? (in reply to BunBunRabbit @katdish You forgot the bunny ears. Please don't forget the bunny ears)

@coffeewithmarty Wait! I added some final touches! http://tweetphoto.com/15649909

@coffeewithmarty That's a winner! (in reply to coffeewithmarty Well??? What do you think of the latest avatar?)

@sarahmsalter And you can't ignore me. I'm too adorably annoying. (in reply to sarahmsalter @coffeewithmarty Yeah. Ignore @katdish. She snorts at everybody.)

@coffeewithmarty Well...now that you mention it...Snort! (in reply to coffeewithmarty @katdish Okay. This is my wordpress one. It's the avatar that someone said, "Looks like you ate a bunch of chinese food that made you tired")

@coffeewithmarty What about your wordpress avatar? I like that one.

@SBeeCreations You are a wealth of information. (in reply to SBeeCreations @katdish Exactly. Salt grains (back when salt was used to pay salaries (sal=salt)) were called corns. Hence, corned beef :)

@coffeewithmarty How many times are you going to change your avatar today?

@SBeeCreations Ah! At last! The intelligencia has spoken! Thank you. So the meat gets a salt bath? (in reply to SBeeCreations @katdish it's the brining process with the spices)

@marni71 It's a shame @HelenatRandom isn't here to google it for me. (in reply to marni71 @katdish Peyton's theory is the "beef" ate, before being prepackaged and sold to Kroger, only corn. She gets her intelligence from me.)

RT @billycoffey: Student to me: "If I put 2 stamps on this, will it get there faster?" Me to student: "How'd you get into college?"

@marni71 Actually, it was a leftover porkchop Ron cooked. But I did make a corned beef roast yesterday, & I still don't know why it's corned (in reply to marni71 Wow! Did ya'll read that? @BuddyLovethedog choked on a pork chop! That means @katdish was...COOKING! Oh, the humanity.)

@sarahmsalter Oh, he's fine stupid dog. I dropped a pork chop on the floor & he tried to swallow it whole. (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish I remember now. With my fried hard drive this week, my brain is a little scrambled. Is Buddy Love okay now?)

Just had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on @BuddyLovetheDog, then I had to google the correct spelling of "Heimlich"

@marni71 @sarahmsalter In my defense of yesterday's email, I was just trying to include you all in my life.

@marni71 Ah yes...I love a good serious email. It's always fun to see who will turn it south first. (in reply to marni71 @katdish That same crap shoot goes for our serious emails too, so I know you're immune to the turn the blog comments can suddenly take.)

@amysorrells Dear Lord, Help Amy be bendy (in reply to amysorrells Dear Lord, please bend my time. Or bend me into a better person. And help me know when I've achieved either one for You. Amen.)

RT @br8kthru: @marni71 @katdish it really was a beautiful post, but how do u ignore duck sex though? (This is an age-old question, for sure)

Inquiring minds wanna know...

Question: What makes "corned beef" corned?

@marni71 No problem. Anyone who writes for my blog should know that the comments section is a crap shoot at best. (in reply to marni71 @br8kthru Oh, are we fake apologizing? Sorry for my comment @katdish.)

I love it when my comments section takes on a life of its own: Spring is a Declaration by @pprmint777 http://bit.ly/d3JZGP

@sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries Yes. I'll help. But only if she lets me use a leaf blower and a blow torch. I like my power tools (in reply to sarahmsalter @redclaydiaries I'm sure @katdish would come help you declutter. She's anti-crap, you know.)

@coffeewithmarty (laughs maniacally) (in reply to coffeewithmarty WHEW! (wipes brow nervously) "@coffeewithmarty You've escaped my wrath....for now." /via @katdish)
@coffeewithmarty You've escaped my wrath....for now. (in reply to coffeewithmarty @katdish Yes, due to my uncoordinated thumbs on my tiny screen on my phone)

@coffeewithmarty YOU REPORTED ME AS SPAM???? (in reply to coffeewithmarty @katdish cuz i was trying to DM you and I accidently reported u as spam. I unblocked you, contacted twitter, and refollowed you.)

@coffeewithmarty Why I got a follow email notification from you. Thought you were following me. (in reply to coffeewithmarty what are we talking about? "@coffeewithmarty Yeah...what's up with that?" /via @katdish)

@coffeewithmarty Oh, let's not... (in reply to coffeewithmarty @katdish Here's the deal. I'm going to be trying a variety of different ones today. We could go with a risque one.)

@weightwhat It's really a shame Sherri's not on the twitter anymore. in reply to weightwhat RT @katdish I want to thank my friend Sherri for sending me this breaking headline: http://tweetphoto.com/15612507 // BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

@Helenatrandom Yeppers. I think @billycoffey hopped over to my blog thinking, "Who does she think she is?" Guess he knows now... (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish I remember that comment! I just didn't realize it was your first...)

Here's the comment to @billycoffey Your grandmother was a very wise woman, indeed. And you dropped the "f" bomb on her? Jerk!

This day in history: One year ago today, I left my first of many snarky comments on @billycoffey's blog.

Also? TWSS.

I want to thank my friend Sherri for sending me this breaking headline: http://tweetphoto.com/15612507

RT @badbanana: My oldest daughter is now a teenager. I've prepared for this day by preemptively hating myself for the last 40 years.

@ffjewelry Sorry, I must have been channeling Johnny Cockran.

@ffjewelry When in doubt, carry out. (in reply to ffjewelry Cook dinner or get take out? I can't decide.)

@mabeswife He's like the drunk uncle you only see at Thanksgiving, except you see him all the time...

@Leeleeqba yep. He told President Obama that the health care bill being signed was a big f-ing deal.

Joe Biden just dropped the F-bomb on national TV. He's so classy...

@br8kthru TWSS (in reply to br8kthru @Brian_Russell Reminds me, the other day I typed "meat" for "meet" -which also reminds me, I'd like to plan an event called a "meat-&-greet")

@sarahmsalter Oh, tell me you've never done that! (in reply to sarahmsalter @katdish Gracious! There's a visual I wish I could purge from my mind...)

One nice thing about having the house to yourself is no one can see you walking around w/a tissue sticking out of your nose.

Sorry/you're welcome!

Katdishionary Part 6

2010-03-26T00:01:00.018-05:00

Yes, boys and girls, it's time again for another installment of the never-ending fountain of blog fodder known as the Katdishionary! In case you missed the first five installments, you can find them here:

The Katdish Dictionary Part One
Katdishionary Part Two
Katdishionary Part Three
Katdishionary Part Four
Katdishionary Part Five

And now, on with the Katdishionary:

Internet Tornado (pronounced in-ter-net tore-na-doe)

image courtesy of photobucket.com

Definition: Okay, I'm gonna be honest here. I have no idea what an "Internet Tornado" is. But whatever it is, apparently, I'm one of them...

Origin: A guest post I wrote for my friend Peter Pollock, Does the Cost of the Gift Matter. Peter wrote a very kind introduction where he said: "Kathy Richards AKA Katdish is one of the most powerful internet tornado’s I have ever met." So there you go...

TWSS (pronounced that's what she said)

image courtesy of photobucket.com

Definition: (Deep, breathy sigh...) Seriously - I feel sort of silly including "TWSS" in the Katdishionary, but clearly it is necessary. The other day on the twitter, @coffeewithmarty asked @helenatrandom and @weightwhat, "What does TWSS mean?" (Actually, I believe he asked @HelenatRandom and @weightwatch, but I digress). To be fair, he knew all about "that's what she said", just not the acronym.

Origin: While the origins of TWSS are unknown, the saying regained popularity on one of the best shows on television today. I speak, of course, of The Office:

Unfollow Hammer (pronounced un-fol-o ham-mer)

image courtesy of photobucket.com

Definition: Laying down the unfollow hammer is the act of unfollowing someone without mercy on the twitter. Typically those whom you have followed that have not followed you back after several weeks. (The notable exception to this rule is @badbanana, who will not follow you, but is brilliant.) There are also people on twitter that will follow you for a courtesy refollow, then dump you 24 hours later. These people are (rhymes with "koosh tags") and should have the unfollow hammer immediately slammed down upon them. You can find out when people unfollow you by signing up for NutshellMail.com (who should send me a nice fruit basket for referring all my friends to them).

Origin: My friend and sister in snark, Marni White. She completes me.

Nerdgasm (pronounced nerd-ga-zum)

Definition: when something extremely nerdy reaches epic proportions of excitement in a nerd's brain (possibly inducing drool and fanboyism).

Origin: Brian Russell created this word and used it to describe his reaction to seeing the trailer for Tron: Legacy. He also wrote a Underfold comic about it, which I can't find at he moment, but I'm sure he will link it in the comments section, won't you Brian?

Editor's Note: I would just like to point out that I am not a nerd, and I consider myself more of a freak than a geek. But for whatever reason, I seem to attract them like moths to a flame, in both the virtual and non-virtual worlds. I don't know why.

***

This concludes another riveting installment of the Katdishionary. Sorry/you're welcome.

Being Me (and being you)

2010-03-25T00:01:00.002-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

On Tuesday, I wrote a post for the blog carnival entitled “Faithfulness – To thine own self be true”. In it, I made the following statement:

For the most part, I enjoy being me. I now understand after years of fighting to be like someone else, it was never God's intention that I be anyone but myself. I fought it for years, seeing only my shortcomings and rarely my strengths. But somewhere along the way, I figured out God can use our weaknesses just as well (and sometimes better) as our strengths.

In the comments section, Bonnie and Melissa Rae asked about the line, “But somewhere along the way, I figured out…” How did I figure that out? There’s not a short answer to this question. It’s been a process. It continues to be a process.

The journey began innocently enough. I was 24 or 25 years old. I was watching a segment of 20/20 about Attention Deficit Disorder in Adults. I’d never even heard of ADD, but as I watched the stories of others struggling with the same feelings of inadequacy, low self worth and pain, I knew without a doubt they were describing me. I wasn’t looking for excuses, I was looking for hope.

Shortly after this broadcast, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist. I took a long, verbal test to confirm if I had ADD. The test began with some questions about my work habits in school, etc. Simple enough. Then the doctor began asking me math problems. As I type this, my face is beginning to feel flush remembering how full of shame I felt. I could not calculate simple addition in my head. I broke down in tears, and he concluded the test. He didn’t need more to confirm his diagnosis. I was referred to a therapist to help me understand my condition and to learn to live with it. When I walked into her office, beautifully framed in gold was this poem by Veronica Shoffstall:

Comes the Dawn

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn.

That was a major turning point. I was approaching life completely wrong. I was attempting to gauge my self worth based upon what others thought of me. In that epiphany moment, I understood what I believe is a core truth: You can be surrounded by loving, supportive, caring people (or not) and yet you are still ultimately alone in this world. We are created to live in community with one another, yet at the end of the day, it is you and your Creator who understands the depths of your soul.

Strip away all the things people think define you, and you are ultimately left with what you know to be the truth. That despite how flawed you may be, God put you on this earth for His glory, and He has already equipped you with the tools you will need. It is up to you to hone these tools, and get to work on your Father’s business. "To thine own self be true?" Yes. Absolutely.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

Spring is a Declaration (by Linda Yezak)

2010-03-24T00:01:00.002-05:00

Spring has sprung! Or at least it's trying its level best around these parts. To welcome it in, Linda Yezak sent me a guest post on that very subject. (You may remember Linda's interview with Billy Coffey last week over at Author Culture.)

Linda Yezak lives in Texas and writes romantic comedy. Her novel, Give the Lady a Ride has attracted some attention and is now on an agent's desk, awaiting its fate. Linda teaches an adult creative writing class, serves as a free-lance editor, and is an editor for Port Yonder Press.

photo by Beckey Z

Right now, as I write this, I can look outside the patio windows and witness nature's celebration of spring. The squirrels are engaged in a chase and the ducks in a dance that always results in new life within weeks of the festivities. Birds sing sweet love songs, flowers arc their necks toward the sun's caress, weeds push through the cracks in the concrete or bloom white as powdered sugar in the field.

photo by Beckey Z

After one of the most unusual winters Texas has ever had, this display of warm weather activities seems almost a miracle. In a part of the state that rarely sees snow, we got it three times. At one point, the pond froze over so badly our senior male Muscovy duck, “Drake,” got frustrated trying to get out of it. And today, he's actively engaged in creating a brood of new ducklings as if the past icy experience never happened.

photo by Beckey Z

That's the glory of spring. It's the great eraser, the instant defroster, the immediate heart-warmer. Early spring comes wrapped in a bright green promise of awakening life, of crops in the soil and blooms on the peach trees. Of foals and calves, chicks and ducklings, fawns and 'coon kittens. Spring revitalizes the soul and quickens the spirit of all of us who huddled in wool coats and plodded through the sodden, sullen days of winter.

photo by Beckey Z

Spring is God's declaration that He still loves us. Of all the ways He shows His love, the return of life, beauty and color after the winter's gray hues and bare tree limbs will always be one of my favorites. He showed us the depth of His love when He allowed His Son to be sacrificed for us. He showed us the power of His love through His Son's resurrection. He shows us the continuation of His love through the annual arrival of spring.

photo by Beckey Z

The Declaration of Love, signed by God's own hand with vivid colors, and celebrated by His creation with music and dancing and birth and life. How can we not love Him in return?

***

To read more from Linda, please visit her at her blog 777 Peppermint Place. She also created and contributes to Author Culture, and Port Yonder Press. You can follow her on twitter, too: @pprmint777.

***

A very special thanks to Beckey Zimmerman of Zimmages for all the beautiful photographs in this post. She's an amazing photographer. You should check out some of her other work!

Faithfulness - To thine own self be true

2010-03-23T00:01:00.001-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

"To be nobody-but-yourself—in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else—means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." ~ e. e. cummings

"This is the true joy of life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy." ~ George Barnard Shaw

"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." ~ William Shakespeare

"It is better to follow the Voice inside and be at war with the world, than to follow the ways of the world and be at war with your deepest self." ~ Michael Pastore

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~ Judy Garland

"If you have anything really valuable to contribute to the world, it will come through the expression of your own personality, that single spark of divinity that sets off and makes you different from every other living creature." ~ Bruce Barton

"What you really have to do, if you want to be creative, is to unlearn all the teasing and censoring that you've experienced throughout your life. If you are truly a creative person, you know that feeling insecure and lonely is par for the course. You can't have it both ways: You can't be creative and conform, too. You have to recognize that what makes you different also makes you creative. " ~ Arno Penzias, 1978 Nobel Prize winner for physics

For the most part, I enjoy being me. I now understand after years of fighting to be like someone else, it was never God's intention that I be anyone but myself. I fought it for years, seeing only my shortcomings and rarely my strengths. But somewhere along the way, I figured out God can use our weaknesses just as well (and sometimes better) as our strengths. It's not always easy being me, just as I'm sure it's not always easy being you. But I believe to be comfortable in your own skin, to accept the person God made you to be, allows you to serve Him and others.

God gave you your own light to shine in this dark world, be faithful to that light and not only will your own light shine, but you will better reflect His.

***

This post was written for the One Word Blog Carnival: Faithfulness hosted by Bridget Chumbley. To read more posts, please visit her at One Word at a Time.

Lesser Prayers (by Billy Coffey)

2010-03-22T00:01:00.003-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

The prayer request portion of Sunday school class is the reason why we never seem to get much Sunday schooling done. And that’s not a knock against me or anyone else there. We have a fine class, a fine teacher, and a fine time probing the depths of the Good Book. Secretly, though, I suspect many of us spend most of that first half hour of class fidgeting and sighing so we can get to the good part. The part that, whether stated or not, means a little more.

A few Sundays ago the teacher wrapped up his lesson early, allowing those so inclined a full twenty minutes to spill their guts and tell everyone the happenings in the days of their lives.

“Prayer requests?” he asked.

Hands shot up. The teacher would call a name or nod to a person, going one by one through the room and taking notes, which would be distributed the next week on our official prayer request sheets.

Yes. We take this seriously.

Our space was then transformed from classroom to confessional as secret pains and worries were flung out into the light to be prodded and prayed over.

The lady two seats down from me was the first to raise her hand but not to be chosen. She lowered her hand and waited her turn. The one chosen began to speak on soft and muffled words of the tests she was to get in the coming week that would reveal whether she had cancer or not.

A couple near the front had just learned they were going to be parents. It was their fourth try, they said. The first three pregnancies had resulted in miscarriages.

One man was losing his job.

Another man was still looking for one.

One woman said her teenage son came home drunk two nights before and threatened her. She’d been staying with her sister since, afraid to go home.

A mother and father had a son who’d just been given his traveling orders for Afghanistan. “Pray he shoots straight and ducks,” the father said.

Another couple had a friend who’s son had just come home from Iraq. The funeral would be the next day.

A car accident had taken the life of a seventeen-year-old son of a preacher in the next town.

A woman buckled under the grief of a marriage in tatters.

And on. And on.

And through it all, the woman two seats down would raise her hand and wait her turn, lowering it when the Sunday school teacher had called upon someone else, scribbling both name and note on the paper.

After ten minutes, her hand went into the air slower and with a little more hesitation. After fifteen, her hand wasn’t raised at all.

I found her in the hallway afterward and said hello. Then I mentioned the lack of time and the abundance of prayer requests in class, and that it was a shame she never got to share hers.

“If you’d like,” I said, “you can tell me what it was. My family and I will pray.”

She looked at me and offered a small smile.

“I’m not sure,” she said. “I guess it’s not that important. I lost my necklace, you see. It’s just one of those cheap silver crosses that you can pick up at the Christian bookstore for about five dollars, but it meant the world to me. My son gave it to me for my birthday last year. Saved up his allowance for almost a whole month.” She paused and than added, “I just don’t know what I’m going to do if I don’t find it.”

I nodded.

“It seemed so important at the time,” she said. “But then came all those other things people needed praying for, cancer and war and death. So many are hurting now. My problems just didn’t seem that great after that.”

I nodded again. I understood, I really did. But she was wrong.

She was called away before I could tell her what I was thinking. What I thought she really needed to hear.

She’s right, of course. There are so many hurting now, and for so many reasons. But I for one believe that doesn’t mean one person’s problems are greater than another’s. Not to God.

To God, at that moment the only thing in the universe that mattered was that she had lost her necklace. Just like the only thing in the universe that mattered was one son going to war and another coming home, and a family dissolving, and a car accident, and a threatened mother.

Humility is an important thing to feel. We need to know the world doesn’t revolve around us.

But the love of God is an important thing to feel, too. And we also need to know that.

***

To read more from Billy Coffey, visit him at at his website and follow him on the twitter at @billycoffey.

Full (by Jeff Hogan)

2010-03-21T00:01:00.003-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

We recently finished up a series at C3 called "Full". Jeff talked about what it means to be full. The following is a brief excerpt from the series where he talked about service. (These are Jeff's words, not mine, and I appreciate them very much):

What exactly does it mean to love someone? How do you know that someone loves you? How does someone know that you love them?

One way is to say it - you can declare love to someone. But the other way to identify love is to show it. Love gets substance when it's demonstrated, and that demonstration will often speak louder than the words.

I think real fullness is missing from many Christ followers today because over time we've taken a CRITICAL, NON-NEGOTIABLE part of our life in Christ and we've made it OPTIONAL. That non-negotiable part is SERVING.

WHY we serve:

We serve because the EXAMPLE was set by JESUS HIMSELF. (Philippians 2:3-18)

While Jesus was here on earth His nature was to serve - even when it cost Him deeply. If we want to be like Christ, we will serve. Remember also that the definition of "Lord" is "Master". If Jesus is our master, doesn't it make sense that we would be the servants?

We serve because it actively demonstrates a LIVING FAITH. (James 2:14-17)

What kind of faith is condemned in verse 14? (What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?) Saving faith?

No. This verse is all about dead faith. Bible scholar Warren Wiersbe describes it this way:

"People with dead faith substitute words for deeds. They know the correct vocabulary for prater and testimony, and can even quote the right verses from the Bible, but their walk does not measure up to their talk. They think that their words are as good as works, and they are wrong." (Wiersbe Bible Commentary, p. 864)

What he is describing is "faith" purely of the mind (or in the mind).

James never intends to suggest that Christ followers should reject faith and try to be saved by works. Action without faith may be productive or even helpful in this world, and may do much "good" here. But it will not even remotely bring salvation. We are saved by grace, through faith in baptism, as outlined by Paul and demonstrated in the book of Acts.

But living things are characterized by action. They grow, change and develop. The only way an organism can be totally inactive, is if it is dead. If authentic faith is alive, it too will be characterized by action.

James is saying that deeds/works/actions are completely inseparable from the authentic faith that motivates them. The only way to remove action is to remove authentic faith and replace it with something else. Like, say, dead faith.

If we want "life, and life to the full," like Jesus described, we have to act on our faith.

It's not optional. It's a matter of life and death.

The beauty of this whole simple Scriptural thing, is that it's a cycle. As you love God, it opens up opportunities to live in community, and ways to serve the world. But as you live in community and serve the world, the ground is fertile for growing your love for God.

I'll make no promises of what God might do for you, nor can I predict what He may ask of you as you follow.

But I will say that God has always been about transformation. People that surrender to Him get new life. And wherever He finds a believer willing to yield to His will, listen to His Word, and follow His way, He starts to transform that believer and accomplish amazing things, both in and through that life.

So, do you want to be full? Because, He's ready.

No longer can we afford to stand on the cliffs high above the cultural mudslide, chastising people for not climbing out of the mess to come up to the higher ground. No longer can we feel content throwing our heroic lifelines of propositions to save...
No, it is time for Christian leaders, tethered to the lifeline of God's Spirit and the community of faith, to gather up courage and plunge into the swirling mess of the cultural flow. Just as Paul said he did in Corinth, we too must "try to find common ground with everyone so that [we] might bring them to Christ." We must emulate the God who dove right into the sewer of life himself in the body of Jesus. And we must reawaken his dream -- God's dream of swimming this rescue mission on earth through a new Body -- the Body of his church -- Christ's Body re-presented. ~ John Burke (No Perfect People Allowed)

Laying down the Unfollow hammer

2010-03-20T00:01:00.004-05:00

image courtesy of photobucket.com

Forget all those "social media experts" you've been following who promise to share their wisdom with you. I'm here to tell you the secret to getting more followers. Are you ready? Here goes: Unfollow people who aren't following you, and then tell them why. I did that on Friday, and got like a gazillion new followers! Now, I'm not suggesting you tweet them individually and call them out. That's a bit too snarky even for yours truly. But a blog post works pretty well, apparently. And in other news, @HelenatRandom and I talked about men's panties...

And now, here's the best of me (or not) on the twitter this week
(And yes, they're still in backwards order, and yes, I'm still lazy)

@billycoffey Oh, shut up. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Want some cheese with that whine?)

I'm not complaining, but how come every time I get a bunch of new followers, @billycoffey gets a bunch of new followers

I crack myself up

@coffeewithmarty You really are missing out. We just solved the economic crisis in 140 characters. Must suck being you. (in reply to coffeewithmarty I feel like there are so many awesome things happening on twitter, and I'm missing them all. #feelingsorryformyself)

Holy Cow! My friend @MattTCoNP made the Top 100! That's AWESOME, MATT!!!! http://bit.ly/min5R

@Helenatrandom What about mannie-undie-panties? (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Yeah. Somehow men get insulted when you call their undies panties... Men are so weird...)

@Debberzz Given enough time, annoying people will mess anything up. (in reply to Debberzz @katdish Some of these rascals give social media a bad name. And I guess they really think we'll fall for it. Not cool.)

@Helenatrandom man panties. Snort! (in reply to Helenatrandom @katdish Wha? At least I caught myself before typing "panties". (Hubby Bob hates it when I refer universally to all undies as "panties")

@billycoffey Of course it was snark. Just another service I provide. You're welcome. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Yes, exactly. Wait, was that snark?)

RT @PeterPollock: My son missed school the day he was due to receive his perfect attendance reward. I laughed!

@Debberzz I had someone follow & unfollow 3 times in 3 days. Tweetdeck should have an "I'm just not that in to you" feature. (in reply to Debberzz I don't like having to block, but that one followed me, then unfollowed me and was sending multiple spam DMs.)

@Helenatrandom Yes, Helen. And I'm sure that's what @billycoffey calls them - "undies". (in reply to Helenatrandom @billycoffey Hey Billy! Your post about your undies left me speechless!)
@Doallas Which is to say, not very far up there at all.

@Doallas Geography is right up there with math as one of my fave subjects.

I don't even want to think about what they're not teaching her in school

Daughter: Santa is in Alaska right now. Me: Why Alaska? Daughter: Because that's where the North Pole is

Yesh! RT @WriteOnRideOn: @katdish Welcome!! I really like your blog. I sense in you the same kindred sick sense of humor. :o)

Dear @billycoffey: When you write a post about Sponge Bob boxer shorts, spam comments for ED & viagra increase ten-fold Sincerely, Me

@CassandraFrear I have a long history of talking back. It did not bode well for me as a youngster. (in reply to CassandraFrear #FollowFriday @katdish. Hilarious. For advice on all sorts of things. She'll talk back to you, too.)

@Brian_Russell Not guts, no glory Brian. (in reply to Brian_Russell @katdish haha. Thanks. I was going to do @prodigaljohn but... got cold feet. (He's famous and stuff)

@Brian_Russell I'll give to 2 snaps up for being a shameless self promoter.

RT@Brian_Russell: Editing RT's is a pasttime of mine. // RT @katdish I fully endorse The Underfold and laugh at all it's jokes.

@muchl8r It's always fun to be pretentious (in reply to muchl8r Sometimes, It's fun to be pretentious #JustSayin)

@billycoffey I'm wearing striped capri pj pants & my "Procrastinators Unite - tomorrow" t-shirt. No Sponge Bob. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish You're wearing Spongebob pajamas right now, aren't you? Don't lie to me!)

@billycoffey Wouldn't you like to know... (in reply to billycoffey @katdish Hey, you have two kids. I guarantee you've worn something of Spongebob.)

@billycoffey Good morning. My image of you is shattered.

This is me. Slowly shaking my head in disapproval as I tweet @billycoffey's blog post about SpongeBob boxer shorts: http://bit.ly/9PuOpH

Dear Person I just unfollowed on Twitter: It's not you, it's me. http://bit.ly/cW4KRY

@coffeewithmarty Mwha! ha! ha! (in reply to coffeewithmarty @katdish Wow. You are good! I'm feeling guilty. I have so much to learn about #twitter etiquette)

@coffeewithmarty No one can make you feel guilty without your permission. (in reply to coffeewithmarty @katdish I'm feeling completely overwhelmed by the 107 pages of followers I need to sort through? Will you make me feel guilty if I quit?)

@coffeewithmarty Well that's an exceptionally lazy way to refollow. (in reply to coffeewithmarty Here's the deal. If you are following me, and I'm not following you in return, reply and tell me "Hi" and I'll follow you. Cheers!)

RT @CrazyGidgetDog: Been days since I've had a good butt drag on the carpet. Time to seize the moment! Carpe carpetum

@redclaydiaries Yes please. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish I'll try to be more codependent.)

@redclaydiaries You must anticipate my ignorance. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish I would have told u earlier if u'd asked me...)

@gyoung9751 Oh, one of us got lazy. (in reply to gyoung9751 @katdish What happened to @BuddyLoveTheDog?)

@br8kthru @redclaydiaries I did it the old fashioned way. I figure if I unfollow someone, it should be personal

@br8kthru Oh, I'm not having a bad day. I'm just a little shocked at how many ppl I follow that don't follow back. They're gone now.

@Serverman5 Perhaps only New Mexicans put ketchup on their Allsups burritos. (in reply to Serverman5 @katdish ok, if you are gonna honor TX ou can't put ketchup on it.)

@br8kthru Uh, huh... (in reply to br8kthru @katdish I ended it w/ a smiley face because I don't believe that in the least.)

@br8kthru You know, just because you end your tweets w/a smiley face it doesn't mean they don't hurt... (in reply to br8kthru @katdish It's okay- you needed to be taken down a notch. :)

I gotta say, it's a bit of an ego check moment when you discover you follow someone's pet & they don't follow you back.

In honor of Eastern New Mexico & West Texas, I am eating a greasy burrito w/ketchup.

Okay. Almost done cleaning up my account. Next I have to see who is following me that I'm not following. If real people, I'll refollow

So, I'm laying down the unfollow hammer this afternoon. Question - why do some of you people have more than one account?

"The errors of women spring, almost always, from their faith in the good, or their confidence in the true." ~ Balzac

@janetober I like to say, Remember you are special. Just like everyone else.

So what did y'all do today? http://twitpic.com/198o1a

RT @jewda4: what if the only green you wore today was jealous rage? does that count? happy st patty's day.

@redclaydiaries Yes. But it will take forever to get there by horse. (in reply to redclaydiaries I'm being followed by the @canadianpolice. So should I be worried, eh? (Can they extradite from Georgia?)

@shrinkingcamel Thanks. I'll read it later. (in reply to shrinkingcamel Procrastinators, you will love this: "How to make procratination productive," from Fast Company mag. http://bit.ly/aRsTw6)

@Doallas They could be explained in 14,000 characters. Still don't think I'd understand. (in reply to Doallas @katdish They do involve math, the reason I won't try explaining them in 140 or fewer characters.)

@Doallas Yes, they are cool. But they seem to involve math, so I am immediately suspect. (in reply to Doallas @katdish Now don't go asking me technical questions like that. I just know they're cool.)

Thus concludes my one and only St. Patrick's Day joke

Patio Furniture.

What's Irish and stays out all night?

Happy St. Patrick's Day Everyone!

Time for praise team practice! Let the music & obscure 80's reference commence!

RT @foldinglaundry: My 6 year old son just asked if he could change his name to Mort. I can't wait to start drinking again

@billycoffey Yes. And @peterpollock does a great job putting up with both of us. (in reply to billycoffey @katdish My website says Katdish Told Peter To Do This. Better?)

Ahem! RT @billycoffey: @PeterPollock My website says Peter Did This.

And embarrassing my kids at the same time. Win-win! http://twitpic.com/18dsnk

A banner day for car dancing... http://twitpic.com/18dse1
>

I've also been advised by my daughter to avoid the Asian noodle salad because "it tastes like vomit".

At souper salad with my kids. Where my son manages to avoid anything green or leafy http://twitpic.com/18dk6p

@redclaydiaries I watched Zombieland yesterday. I'm channeling my inner Tallahassee. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish OH. You ARE a professional. I am in awe.)

@redclaydiaries I used my secret weapon. The "excuse me, do I need to take a number or something?" along w/just a touch a snark. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Yeah good luck with that. I suggest strolling out of store with sample glasses. Or better yet, super pricey sunglasses.)

@redclaydiaries Har, har. Time for son to pick out glasses, 2 min. Time to get waited on? Still waiting. (in reply to redclaydiaries @katdish Sounds like u were looking at eyeglass shopping thru rose-colored glasses. (snort. I crack myself up.)

In retrospect, perhaps coming to Eyemasters on a Saturday may not have been such a great idea

Okay. My son needs glasses, & my daughter needs new pencils & erasers. Because apparently, she eats them for snacks at school. Errand time.

@chrissulli @gyoung9751 My son has since discovered "microwaved cheese stick and bagel sandwiches". Yeah...they're all gone.

@gyoung9751 @chrissulli I bought 2 packages of bagels & a bag of cheese sticks 2 days ago....

My 12 YO son just asked me if we could order something for lunch. He just ate breakfast. Also? It's 8:30 in the morning.

***

Sorry/you're welcome and Have a Great Weekend!

Dear Person I just Unfollowed on Twitter:

2010-03-19T00:01:00.004-05:00

It's not you, it's me.

Okay, that's not true. It's totally you. For most of you, it was a simple matter of you not following me back. Now, that's not to say I follow people simply to be followed back. I actually followed you because either someone in my "friends" column recommended you or someone I follow retweeted something amusing or interesting from you. Or maybe I know of you through your blog or something.

Or maybe you're in publishing or you're an agent or a well known author and I thought it would be a good idea to follow you to keep up with the latest goings on in the literary world. But then I figured, I follow plenty of publishers, agents, and well known authors who follow me back. And it's pretty rare I read something in 140 characters or less that I would put into the category of "life changing".

I followed a few of you celebrities for a bit. But then I remembered I don't care what you ate for lunch, where you ate your lunch, who you ate your lunch with, that your new album is selling really well, or that OMG you're LMAO.

And then there are the "social media experts" who I followed a long time ago before I knew any better. Ah, well. Live and learn.

Here's the thing about me and the twitter - I actually like having conversations with people. If you're not following me, how am I supposed to talk to you or give you unsolicited advice about things that are absolutely none of my business?

I'm sure you see my point.

Love,

@katdish

P.S. - Now that I've cleaned out my following list, I need some new folks to follow. Gimme some good suggestions, will you please?

Meeting You Here

2010-03-18T00:01:00.003-05:00

It's been too long since I met with you last. At that place where the world fades away and I feel closest to you.

Today was that day. As the morning began to slip away, I waited. But my original plans were put off and then changed.

Still, a promise is a promise. To myself, but more importantly, to my little girl. So what started out as a party of four became a party of two. Well, three...but you know what I mean.

Getting there proved a bit more stressful and time consuming than anticipated, but eventually the crowded streets of downtown Houston...

Gave way to the crowded streets of Galveston.

Until at long last, I stood at that place where I feel closest to you.

Funny how crowds seem to distract me everywhere else but here. Here I can always find solitude as the waves drown out everything else.

You show me that holding things in will only last so long. That my walls may appear strong, but you are stronger.

You wash away my walls and remind me that you are my fortress.

So once again I run to you, like I've done so many times before when I've gotten too far from you.

And you give me back my joy.

Thanks for meeting me here.

Again.

Is Religion a Crutch? (by Helen Migon)

2010-03-17T00:01:00.003-05:00

My friend Helen sent me this post last week, and I am honored that she would ask me to post it here on my blog. Thank you, Helen.

From the movie Unstrung Heroes

Sid Lidz: Religion is a crutch. Only cripples need crutches.

Arthur Lidz: A crutch isn't bad if you need it, Sidney.

Danny Lidz: All of us are cripples in some way.

Sid Lidz: Well, I'm not.

I cried like a child at that point in the movie. I cried because I knew that I do need to lean on God. I cried for all of humanity, who without God, is worse off than lame. I cried for the fictional character Sid Lidz, who is as needy as any other character in that movie, but fails to recognize it. He thinks he is the strong one, but he is zapping the strength from those around them who need God, and know it. He thinks he is the strong one, but he is actually the most pathetic character in the whole movie. I felt sadder for him than anyone else.

This weekend, I went to a wake for the mom of a friend of a friend. I have never met this woman before, but know of her through my friend Irma. My friend Irma has been concerned about her friend, Samantha , for quite a while. She and Samantha work together. She likes Samantha, because Samantha is a nice person, but is concerned about her, because Samantha is does not believe in God. Her excuse seems to be hypocritical Christians. I don't know the details, so I am unprepared to say whether she is overreacting, or if if her experience was so horrible I'd like to feed a few lions myself. My heart just breaks though, that her reason for not leaning on God is that some people suck.

Anyways, I met her for the first time at her mom's wake. I wasn't there to witness to her or anything like that. I just thought that since I had gone through the loss of my own mom a short time ago, and still have issues of my own I am praying through (and have people praying for me as well, thank you very much if you are among them), I'd be of some use. I don't know how to explain... I find sometimes that looking into someone's eyes, and seeing that they too feel similar pain helps me feel at one with them. I feel more understood, and therefore comforted. I went there to offer that to her.

Now, I need to tell you before I go on, that I really do love my Momma. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her. Every day some small thing reminds me of her, and I get all choked up because I miss her, and end up calling someone or emailing them to try to feel better, and not spend another day wallowing in grief. So it surprised me deeply to look into Samantha's eyes, and see a pain deeper than my own. Surely she couldn't have loved her Momma more than I did mine. How is that even possible?

We talked a bit. I eavesdropped as I listened to people comfort her. Not one person spoke of hope. At my Momma's wake, nearly everyone reminded me of mom's love for God and others, and assured me that my family is one by one reuniting in Heaven, and praising Jesus that we will be together once more, but this time without heartache for all eternity.

People shared fond memories of her mom with Samantha, but I know myself that right now, fond memories bring an ache rather than soothe. There will never be another thing to remember on this Earth. I failed at neatly putting away every instant with her away in my mind as a treasure. One day I will find that isn't so. I know this from the experience of losing my Dad. Wait. I don't really mean "losing" him, but being separated from him by the chasm of death.

Samantha, on the other hand, has "lost" her mom. Or at least Samantha believes she has. I do not know if Samantha's mom was a Christian or not. I do know that Samantha believes that all she has of her mom is in the past. Samantha had mentioned to me that she regrets being with her mom at the last. It was so hard. It gives her painful memories, when memories are all she has of her mom now.

I on the other hand, have regretted not being there when my Momma died suddenly and unexpectedly. I am slowly letting that go. Through prayer, I am slowly coming to believe that God took her when she was ready to go. Would she have been so ready and willing with my tear stained face at her side?

In my own pain and regrets, I have God to lean on. I am thankful for that. I am thankful that Momma and I share a Savior, Jesus Christ. I am not ashamed to lean on His cross. I am not ashamed to be a "cripple". I have always needed God, and I always will. And yes, I believe that is true for everyone. My heart breaks for those who drag themselves along instead of recognizing their need and leaning on Him. It is only by leaning on Him that we can stand at all.

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

***

To read more from Helen Migon, visit her at Random Musings and follow her on the twitter at @HelenatRandom.

Reading Backwards

2010-03-16T00:01:00.004-05:00

I’ve spent the better part of the past two days going through, line by line, the final page proofs of a novel which will be released later this year.

All told, I have read this book ten times. The first time I read it as it was being sent to me in parts – chapter by chapter – from a then un-agented writer with dreams of publication. What a difference a year makes.

I’ve lost count of how many edits it’s been through, but the stack of paper sitting in front of me represents countless hours of hard work and attention to detail.

When I received an email from the author asking if I would help with the final proofreading, I was a bit surprised this would be necessary. As I’ve said, I have read and re-read this book several times, and I’m not the only one. People who actually know what they’re doing – people like published authors, agents and professional editors have read through it as well.

But this was it. The last chance to catch any errors before it goes to press. So, I tried a novel approach (pun intended). I read the book backwards.

It was near perfect. A few very minor typos somehow missed in all the previous readings. I think reading it backwards forced me to read the words rather than the story.

Because when a wonderful story is written, we tend to get caught up in it. We see what we want to see. We’re mesmerized and taken away from the day to day. That’s what a good story should do. Reading it backwards forced me to take a more critical eye to the details, the imperfections I missed while I was following the story.

But it also did something else. It made me see the beauty of the small moments, which when strung together by the pen of a great storyteller combine to make the whole of the book more meaningful and compelling.

Such is life.

Each day we have the opportunity to turn the page. We can look back, recognize the flaws and try to correct them, Remembering our lives are made up of small moments, of different chapters. We can learn to live in the moments as the story unfolds. It's best not to skip ahead or attempt to find out what lies ahead.

Because our stories are still being written. And the Master Storyteller has already assured me of my Happily Ever After.

***

Speaking of writers, Part Two of Billy Coffey's interview by Linda Yezak will be posted on Author Culture today. Y'all should check it out.