Monday, November 30, 2009

Angels Unawares (by Billy Coffey)


Over the years the day after Thanksgiving has become a holiday of its own sort in our house—we call it Time To Haul The Christmas Stuff Out Of The Attic Day. It’s just as festive and exhausting as Thanksgiving. Just as messy, too. But this yearly ritual serves its own purpose, and that’s to unwrap a little magic to offset the drabness that can accompany November in Virginia. And sometimes, many times, I manage to unwrap some wisdom, too.

For instance.

By my count there are seventeen angels on my Christmas tree. Each are unique from the others in sort of a heavenly snowflake kind of way—tall and short, baby and adult, ceramic and paper. Some are new, products of last year’s Christmas-is-over-and-no-one-bought-this sale at the Hallmark store. Others, like the ragged piece of felt with one wing and half a halo, have been around since I was in elementary school.

Our angels don’t simply grace the tree, though. They also flutter above our nativity scene, adorn our dinner plates, and stand guard in our front yard. These, too, have their tiny differences. Some are playing harps or blowing horns. Some sing. And some simply stand there with a stately and calm demeanor as if they have something important to say if I just took the time to listen.

But regardless of what these decorations look like or what they’re doing, one thing is supremely obvious—they’re angels, and there’s no mistaking them.

Others aren’t so easy to spot.

I was putting the finishing touches on the tree Friday afternoon when I spotted something a bit odd. I pulled a Winnie-the-Pooh ornament out of the box and found it was not Pooh at all. One of the two miniature Coffeys in the house had evidently disrobed his trademark red shirt and dressed angel number eighteen with it. I left the shirt on and hung the angel on the back of the tree where no one would notice, and forgot about it.

I went upstairs to write a while after that, first taking the time to go through a few emails. One was a continuing conversation that originated the day before by one of my online friends, who had taken a small part of her Thanksgiving Day to send a note of appreciation to a dozen or so of our shared acquaintances.

The email bounced back and forth between all of us and seemed to settle on this one question—was what we all shared really considered friendship? It was a valid question. By and large we were all separated by hundreds and even thousands of miles. Few of us had ever met, never even heard each other’s voices. Our interaction was limited to blogs, Twitter, Facebook, and email. We were words and avatars more than flesh and blood.

The consensus was that yes, we did share a friendship. Location and means of communication didn’t seem to matter. What mattered was what was said and when.

That’s when I remembered the angel dressed as Winnie-the-Pooh. And when I realized what a real angel was.

If you read the Old Testament in the original Hebrew (and I don’t), you’d find that the word for angel is mal’ach—messenger. No surprise there. But look a little deeper and you’ll find that word also used for anyone delivering any message. The thought is an amazing one. You don’t have to be a supernatural being to be an angel. You can be anyone.

I looked back over all those emails and realized everyone had been wrong, at least when it came to me. Because I don’t see angels just at Christmastime, I see them on a daily basis. These men and women whom I’ve never met and never heard are more than friends, they’re my angels. They encourage me when I’m doubtful, make me laugh when I don’t want to, and lift me up in prayer. They’ve given me more help than I could possibly say. There are other angels, too. Ones who take the time not only to read the rambling words that pop out of my head, but leave a comment or two behind. Or who email me just to say thanks for making them laugh or think or even shed a tear.

It seems pretty appropriate, then, that in this tiny window of time between Thanksgiving and Christmas I give thanks for my angels. We’re blessed every day, not so much with big things that matter much, but with small things that matter more. Which just might be why we’re called in the coming weeks to worship a child, the smallest among us.

And which is also why I went back downstairs soon thereafter, took the disguised angel from the back of the tree, and hung it on the front.

Where everyone would notice.



***

To read more from Billy Coffey, visit him at at his website and follow him on the twitter at @billycoffey.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Have you ever had one of those days?


Long weekends are wonderful -- especially if you are fortunate to be able to spend them with family and friends.

But have you ever mentally skipped a day? That's what happened to me last night. I had somehow convinced myself that today was Monday instead of Sunday.

I'm not sure what that means (besides I'm a bit of a scatter-brain at times), but after I finish typing this post I'll start getting ready for church, where I will praise God for another day. A day I absentmindedly tried to skip over.

Happy Sunday, y'all!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

A Trip to Sam's Club Part 2 - God is watching us, and so is everyone else (Repost)


Just a quick note before today's post - Billy Coffey posted The Ten Dollar Challenge on his blog yesterday. If you haven't had a chance to, would you hop over there and read it? We're still working out the details, but there will be an opportunity for everyone who would like to participate to link their blogs both here and on What I Learned Today.

(To read Part One, go here: A Trip to Sam's Club).
Have you ever been shopping at a large store and see the same shopper or shoppers numerous times in the course of your trip? I had been in Sam's for maybe 5 minutes when I noticed a good looking young father with 2 young children. I suppose I noticed him because I typically don't see men shopping with their kids and without their wives (with the notable exception of 7:00 p.m. on Christmas Eve). He also caught my attention because he was wearing a graphic t-shirt that said "Redeemed" and was sporting a faux-hawk. Here I am shopping for communion cups and looking forward to church the next day. Did that help form a presumption about this guy? I don't know. But I remember thinking to myself, "I bet he's a youth pastor or a worship leader."
The next time I saw him and his kids, he was patiently telling his cute and talkative 5 year old daughter that she could not get any cookies on this trip. "Yeah, he's definitely in ministry -- he's so sweet to his kids!" I saw them once more before I was ready to check out. I pulled my cart up to one of maybe seven open registers, and guess who pulls up behind me in line? You guessed it -- Mr. Fauxhawk. At this point, I'm feeling some connection with this little family -- what with us all being Christians and whatnot. I attempted to start a conversation with him a couple of times (no doubt impressing him by my keen observational skills in surmising that he was, in fact, a pastor of some sort), but by this time his kids were getting tired and beginning to complain a bit. He wasn't quite as sweet, but his patience was still in check. I decided to leave him alone.
So here's where it gets weird. I'm out in the parking lot loading up my groceries, when directly across the aisle from me I spot the same sweet little threesome getting into their car (with a Christian sticker on the back windshield). "Okay, God", I thought, "am I supposed to go introduce myself to them or what?" I began to approach the car as dad was attempting to buckle his kids up in their car seats. What I heard next literally stopped me in my tracks. Had I been two aisle over instead of just a few feet away, I still would have heard this young father screaming at his son, "Get your G** D*** legs in the car!" I'm guessing that if he had looked up at that moment and seen my jaw hanging open, he might have ended his tirade. Unfortunately for his kids, he did not. After slamming the door on his son's side, he walked over to the daughter's side and could only manage a closed mouth, guttural scream before slamming her door. He got behind the wheel and took off quickly. At this point, I am still standing behind my jeep, jaw open and head spinning. "How could I have been so wrong about this guy? He's obviously not in ministry!"
But maybe he is. Maybe he was just having an extraordinarily bad day. Maybe his wife walked out on him and his kids. Not that there's any excuse for screaming obscenities at you kids. You just don't do that -- ever. Having experienced that little scenario firsthand on numerous occasions, let me just tell you: YOU NEVER WANT TO DO THAT. It terrifies them. It rocks their world. Don't ever do that.
I sat in my car for several minutes, ignoring the melting frozen items in the back and just prayed. I think a more accurate analogy would be that I was pleading with God to protect the children, convict the father and make things right.
Maybe this guy was in ministry, maybe not. He certainly looked the part. But he certainly served as a big object lesson for me.

Lesson 1: Since my pastor is also a close friend, I actually thought that I had overcome my tendency to put ministers on a high pedestals. Clearly I have some work to do. Our pastors and teachers ARE held to a higher standard -- that's biblical. But they are human. Even if you attend church every Sunday, chances are that you have no idea what a minister and his staff deal with every other day of the week: infidelity, broken marriages, abuse, neglect, addictions, church politics, illness, death, grief, money issues - the list goes on and on. It's only by the Grace of God and their faith that they don't become completely overwhelmed by it all. Sadly, many do and succumb to the same temptations the rest of us struggle with. Others simply walk away from the ministry.

Lesson 2: If you are a Christian, the world will judge you by what you do more than what you do not do; not by what you say or what you profess. Like Vince Antonucci says, "We've got to be the good news before we share the good news. Otherwise, the message has no integrity." (I'm paraphrasing, forgive me if that's not an exact quote.) You can rattle off Matthew, Mark, Luke and John and tell someone how Jesus saved you from the burning pits of hell, but if you get in your car and then cut them off in traffic, not only are you an a**hole, but you may have just added to the legions of people who turn away from God because of the people who claim to serve Him.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Thankful for the Twitter



You would think with getting my house ready for guests and Thanksgiving, I wouldn't have much time to be on the twitter. And you would be wrong...

The best of me (or not) on the twitter:

@PeterPollock Wow. I think you've been hanging around me too long. Either that or you've been hitting the box wine early. (in reply to @katdish well... @DaleChumbley managed to RT it... but I guess it takes a man to skillfully shorten a tweet!)

@PeterPollock Thanks Peter. I would RT it, but it's too many characters.

We haven't eaten yet! I'm so hungry, I could eat my own cooking...

@CandySteele The goose is arriving in a couple of hours. Year 44 of NOT cooking a turkey and counting.

@Helenatrandom "beef tongue" and "delightful" should never be used together in a sentence.

@Helenatrandom Bet @bryanallain isn't THAT hungry...

RT @Helenatrandom: @bryanallain I have a great recipe for beef tongue...//GAAAAAA!!!!!

@bryanallain When are you NOT hungry, Bryan?

Also known as the "McKnuckle" RT @MattTCoNP: Just as I'm starting to have some self esteem, McDonald's announces McRib is back!

Gotta go walk the dog. (Not a euphemism)

@MattTCoNP Oh, Matt. You always sound grumpy.

@MattTCoNP Good morning, Matt! Getting your grump on early this morning?

RT @joannamuses: RT @FakeAPStylebook: For balance, Thanksgiving articles should also contain quotes from devastated turkey families.

@CandySteele Answer: "And I get to use my offset spatula". Question: Name a phrase katdish would never say.

RT @marni71: @prodigaljohn dude, dial down your freak magnet.

Oh wait. Let me poke them with a stick. They love that. http://twitpic.com/qs4nw


Fire ants in November. Try not to be jealous. http://twitpic.com/qs4he


@sarahmsalter oh Sarah, you're such a girl. (in reply to @katdish EEEEWWWWW!)

@PuriChristos it was already dead. But I did chop up a big one with a riding lawn mower once. It was awesome. Thunk, thunk, THUNK! (in reply to @katdish What did you do?)

Dead baby snake http://twitpic.com/qs359


Merry Christmas Buddy Love! http://twitpic.com/qrve1


Note to self: You are too old to sit criss-cross applesauce for long periods of time.

Or is that "blogging"? I'm so confused...

Now I gotta go back to "writing"...

I'm off to get a haircut then see about renting a bulldozer to clean my kids' rooms.

@JeanneDamoff Snort! (in reply to @katdish @heathersunseri @billeycoffey The Dread Pirate Coffey works, but I have dibs on The Dread Pirate Roberta. (I also have the pants.)

@billycoffey What about The Dread Pirate Coffey?

@HeatherSunseri Biff, huh? Well, whatever you do, don't call him Bill.

@HeatherSunseri He's a fancy redneck.

@JeanneDamoff Just the shoes. I can't tell you where the witch is until the statutes of limitations has expired. (in reply to @katdish Does your dead potted plant wear red polka-dotted shoes? Or did it land on the wicked witch of the west? Mysteries abound.)

Squirrel? http://twitpic.com/qn6t1


Having company this week. Guess I should put a new plant on the front porch. http://twitpic.com/qn69j


@marni71 I know. Everyone wants to support "your vision", just as long as you do it their way.

@Helenatrandom My Sweet Helen! How I've missed you!

@CandySteele Who me? Never. But I come from a long line of squeaky, loud, obnoxious wheels. (in reply to @katdish you say that like you have experience.)

@redclaydiaries Remember: Squeaky, loud, obnoxious wheel! (in reply to @sarahmsalter @katdish @CandySteele @billycoffey et al, I'm ok w snakes &/or spiders. Hi & Bye. Off to see doctor. AGAIN. C U l8r)

@sarahmsalter Has Charlotte's Web taught us nothing?

For those of you put off by the picture on my post today, be glad I didn't post this one: http://bit.ly/56b6yR


@PuriChristos The monkey spider airplane tweet.

@PuriChristos What the heck are you talking about? Did you forget your meds this morning?

@redclaydiaries It was the grocery store sushi references I'm sure.

@redclaydiaries and Belgium of course...

@redclaydiaries Well that explains why I've only had two hits from China! They love me in Japan!

@PeterPollock Snort! Good one... (in reply to @katdish Aww, you haven't called me that in a while!)

@PeterPollock Oh, shut up. You know what I'm talking about. (in reply to @katdish What time machine book has your daughter read?)

@JanetOber The only thing you should eat from a gas station is a fried burrito with ketchup, and then only from Allsups.

@PeterPollock Everytime I mention "the book", my daughter says, Oooo! The time machine book? I LOVE that book!

@PeterPollock Well, they do share a fondness for black cowboy hats.

@PeterPollock Who is Trace Adkins?

RT @PeterPollock: My daughter just saw a picture of Trace Adkins and asked "Is that @billycoffey?"

@unmarketing Well then, I'm doing it right. (in reply to @katdish by not asking people to validate their existence)

@unmarketing so how do you do it right? (in reply to If ur using TrueTwit validation to make ppl verify they're a real person, ur doing it wrong. And ur unfollowed now)

@sarahmsalter it's not that I can't cook, I just don't like to. If it was up to me we would eat sandwiches all the time.

@CandySteele I'm too lazy to do that. I don't like chopping stuff either. Or cooking. I'm pretty much worthless in the kitchen.

"these French fries taste like salty potatoes." - my daughter

@RobinMArnold her teacher said she knew something was up when she asked her how to spell diarrhea.

@noveldoctor Ooo! Can I be one of your minions? I'll have family over, but they'll be in a tryptophan coma by 3ish... (in reply to FYI: While everyone in America is tripping on tryptophan next Thurs, I'm plotting a takeover of Twitter.

@br8kthru I wouldn't know... (in reply to @katdish neither does being humble. :)

@llbarkat being right never gets old.

RT @llbarkat: Well @katdish will be happy about the cover. Hoping you will be too http://tinyurl.com/yaggtoc

@HeatheroftheEO I'm been hearing that a lot lately. But I know better...YOU CAIN'T QUIT ME!

RT @redclaydiaries: @katdish GET OFF MY BACK. Thank you. //Just trying to help you help me.

@redclaydiaries My inbox is seriously lacking in an email from you...

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Bunnies can't cook turkey...




And neither can I, but I'm a pretty good dancer...

Thanksgiving 2009 marks the 44th consecutive year I have NOT cooked a turkey. Just lucky, I guess.

Thank you all for stopping by my silly little blog time and time again. Especially when you're never quite sure what you're in for once you get here. And while I'm rarely at a loss for words, I find myself struggling to convey what an incredible blessing this experience has been - from the friendships I have made to the doors that have opened up. It's really quite mind boggling.

I pray you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day. I'm so very grateful for you. Not kidding...

Thanksgiving and Prayer

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

-Philippians 1:3-11

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Christmas Change

live the gospel

Today's guest blogger is (drum roll please....)

Me!

Okay, actually I've written a post for a very special blog called Christmas Change. If you haven't paid a visit over there yet, please take time to do so. They've got quite an impressive list of contributors and I know you will be blessed. How'd I get on the list? Beats me...

What's Christmas Change all about? I'm glad you asked:

"Our goal with ChristmasChange.com will be to encourage churches, families, and individuals to pursue a lifestyle of giving, that our families would acknowledge Christ as the center and restore the wonder of His coming by embodying Him as we feed the poor and give our time as lavishers of love and receivers of grace. Isn’t that what Christmas is really about?"

So what's my post about? Well, Santa Claus, of course...



Click here, and I'll meet your over there, M'kay?

And just in case we miss each other, I want to wish you all a very happy and blessed Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Be Bold


(Okay, so technically this image isn't a "perfect fit" for this post, but COME ON! That's just funny right there...)

"What has influenced my life more than any single thing has been my stammer. Had I not stammered...I would have probably gone to Cambridge as my brothers did, perhaps have become a don and every now and then published a dreary book about French literature."

-W. Somerset Maugham (novelist, playwright and short story writer; notable works: Of Human Bondage, The Razor's Edge, The Letter and Rain)

Much emphasis and broo-ha-ha is given to the pursuit of overcoming personal obstacles; of achieving goals despite one's shortcomings and/or lot in life. Who doesn't love a story of someone overcoming the odds and emerging victorious? I know I do.

But sometimes I think these stories - while certainly inspirational and encouraging - may serve as unintentional road blocks to pursuing our dreams, or we think that once we achieve one desired goal the rest of our lives will fall into place.

Fill in the blank:


If only I could _____________ then _____________.


Once I ___________ then I'll be able to _____________.

Here's my challenge to you. Don't use your limitations as excuses for pursuing your dreams. You may just find the very thing you thought was holding you back wasn't really an issue in the first place.


I know this is a busy week for many of us, so I'll leave you with just a few more quotes to ponder:

"When the resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"We cannot put off living until we are ready. The most salient characteristic of life is its coerciveness: it is always urgent, here and now, without any possible postponement. Life is fired at us point blank. - Ortega Y'Gasset

"God always gives us strength enough, and sense enough, for everything He wants us to do." - John Ruskin

"If you wait around for the world to give you what you think you deserve, you are going to be sadly disappointed when you get it." - katdish

Monday, November 23, 2009

Without Us Guys (by Billy Coffey)



As a teacher, my wife has corralled fourth-graders, mentored high schoolers, and endured the rants of countless bemused parents. As a mother, she has changed dirty diapers, cleaned vomit off the couch, and has no reservations about sticking her hands into the goop that collects in the sink strainer after the dishes are washed. She is a courageous soul, yes. There are none braver. I honestly believe this.

But she has not ventured near the mailbox for about a week now. She’s scared, she says. Because lurking there far in the back corner is a spider has taken shelter from the cold November air.

My wife does not like spiders. Not just the tarantulas or the black widows, either. She’s afraid of the teeny ones, the daddy longlegs, and those little furry black ones that like to hop, too. They are evil, she says, though she lacks the evidence to back that up. On those infrequent occasions when my wife has nightmares, spiders are often the primary antagonist. They’re in her hair or her food, and once they were even in our bed (it’s never a good thing to be awakened at three in the morning by a temporarily insane spouse exclaiming, “They’re going to eat us!!”).

Taking care of the spider was my job, which was done easily enough with the rolled up edge of the day’s Wal-Mart advertisement. It didn’t seem like a victory, not even a small one, but as I flicked spider guts onto the grass my imagination kicked in and I began to ponder.

What if I wouldn’t have been there?

Various scenarios were played out in my head. My wife would have never again checked the mailbox. Days upon days of junk mail and catalogs and bills would have piled up. Especially bills. Bills that would go unpaid, which would eventually lead to the electricity being turned off and then the gas, and then the water. Foreclosure would soon come. My wife and children would have lost everything, abandoned to a life of homelessness and destitution. All because I wasn’t around to kill the spider in the mailbox.

Okay, so maybe not. Maybe my wife would have ended up asking a neighbor to kill the spider or she would have just paid the bills online. But still, my responsibilities around the house to ensure domestic tranquility seemed at that moment pretty amazing.

I keep the yard and the vehicles up. I do the painting and hammering and sawing. I fix what is broken (and occasionally break what is fixed). I unstop the toilet. I kill the snakes and scare off the bears. I shovel the driveway and seed the grass and take the trash out.

When my kids go to bed at night, it's me they wanted to make sure is in the next room. Not their mother, as important as she is. Their father. Because in the eyes of children, every father is a freaky combination of Old West gunslinger and Jedi knight—big and strong, wise and unflappable. At least, that’s the way it should be.

Men have a tough go at it nowadays. We’re not really allowed to be the people our father’s were, strong and stoic and tough. People in these modern times expect men to be in touch with their feelings, to be softer and not harder. Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe. I don’t know.

But I do know this: in the corner of the dining room, right by the backdoor, another spider has taken up residence. I saw it this evening. And I’m pretty sure it saw me, too. I doubt that spiders hold men in high regard. After all, we’re the only people keeping them from overtaking the world.

***

To read more from Billy Coffey, visit him at at his website and follow him on the twitter at @billycoffey.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Shallow and Profound (Oswald Chambers)


Still lovin' me some Oswald Chambers - especially today's reading. Have a blessed Sunday.

November 22 Reading from My Utmost for His Highest

"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." - 1 Corinthians 10:31

Beware of allowing yourself to think that the shallow concerns of life are not ordained of God; they are as much of God as the profound. It is not your devotion to God that makes you refuse to be shallow, but your wish to impress other people with the fact that you are not shallow, which is a sure sign that you are a spiritual prig. Be careful of the production of contempt in yourself, it always comes along this line, and causes you to go about as a walking rebuke to other people because they are more shallow than you are. Beware of posing as a profound person; God became a Baby.

To be shallow is not a sign of being wicked, nor is shallowness a sign that there are no deeps: the ocean has a shore. The shallow amenities of life, eating and drinking, walking and talking, are all ordained by God. These are the things in which Our Lord lived. He lived in them as the Son of God, and He said that "the disciple is not above his Master."

Our safeguard is in the shallow things. We have to live the surface common-sense life in a common-sense way; when the deeper things come, God gives them to us apart from the shallow concerns. Never show the deeps to anyone but God. We are so abominably serious, so desperately interested in our own characters, that we refuse to behave like Christians in the shallow concerns of life.

Determinedly take no one seriously but God, and the first person you find you have to leave severely alone as being the greatest fraud you have ever known, is yourself.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Hope Springs Eternal (Repost)



I believe that certain abilities and traits (good and bad) are passed down either by heredity or simply by growing up around said traits and abilities. I'd be willing to bet that anyone who has a child over the age of 3 has seen a personality trait in their child that they immediately recognize as one that is shared by either themselves or their spouse. Of course, the bad ones can usually be attributed to the spouse, but I digress.

Both my children are good examples of this hypothesis. But I will focus on my daughter for the purposes of this blog post. She loves all things creative (me), is a problem solver (dh), a bit of a diva (dh, okay me), loves to sing (me), paint (me), is good at building things (dh), likes to read (me), is sensitive to the feelings of others (hopefully both of us), laughs easily (me), and is a total grouch in the morning (totally dh). And while she is completely unique and has her own distinct personality, she is also a combination of the two of us. She looks more like me, but I've got dominant genes on my side (brown hair, eyes, etc.).


There is one thing about her that kinda baffles me. She is a total girly girl. It's not that I don't love that about her, I think it's incredibly adorable. I just don't know where that came from. She love pink, Barbies, her American Girl dolls, fashion (i.e. - all things fancy), and jewelry. I'm just not like that at all. And dh, well, don't even go there. As evidence, I present Exhibits A, B and C: my daugther's room circa 2004, 2006 and 2008, respectively. And yes, I did it all myself.

Now, back to the my original train of thought. As a parent, I secretly delight when I see my children take interest in or excel at something that I'm into. Just as I cringe when I see a less desirable trait that I share, like forgetting where they put anything, rear its ugly head. But in all honesty, as long as she is true to who she is, I'm good with it. I have accepted the fact that my daughter is the living embodiment of "Fancy Nancy".
Tonight was open house at the kids' school. When I walked into my daughter's classroom, her teacher greeted my husband and me, then immediately asked if we had seen my daughter's turkey. Typically, kids this age and younger make a paper turkey, and on each feather write something they are thankful for. On this particular turkey, their instructions were to imagine the turkey could talk and write some of the things that he or she would say. (Her teacher is awesome.) Imagine my surprise when I read the following on my daughter's turkey:
-Please do not eat me because I am pregnant.
-Please do not eat me because I am krazy.
-Please do not eat me because I am too big for your oven.
-Please do not eat me because I will explode in your oven and cover it with blood.
-Please do not eat me because I have diarrhea.
Perhaps the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree after all. (*smile*)
Update: My daughter no longer likes pink. As a matter of fact, she has informed me that orange is her favorite color. She HATES pink, and she wants a whole new room. Grrr....

Friday, November 20, 2009

The Airing of the Grievances



I've always appreciated a writer's job. They can take the obvious and make it new, can create entire new worlds, and can convey the deepest and darkest of human emotions. But it's only been recently when I discovered they can also be a pain in the...well, you know.

But alas, it is my calling to help navigate the waters of social media. It is my cross to bear...

The best of me (or not) on the twitter:

RT @muchl8r: I just got man-whiched between a large boss and a big graphic artist at work. . . Where's my HR Person?

RT @TonyCToday: RT @misstexan: Cigarette smoke, b.o., and cheap cologne- do I work in a bar? No. Just a high school.

RT @stretchmarkmama: I'm flossing before noon. I hate to be so transparent like that, but there it is.

@TonyCToday Well, as long as you're emotionally shattered already, you should read my post today

@TonyCToday So do I! But does being able to punch one make it better. I'm thinking yes.

Shudder...

Remember these?: http://bit.ly/310qXy



@billycoffey Well of course you've taught me something: how to deal with crazy writer people.

"There’s no doubt that Jesus’ action created one king-sized moment of awkward silence." - Jeff Hogan, C3 http://bit.ly/jzleI

And since Michelle broke spades with her comment, then YES, that's exactly what that tree looks like:



@billycoffey Buh, bye...

@billycoffey You're right. I am very thankful that I can remove people from my friends column whenever they make me mad. (in reply to @katdish Quit griping and be thankful.)

@billycoffey Meh? Now what kind of attitude is that. This is your best life NOW!

@billycoffey Turn that frown upside down Mr. Coffey! (in reply to @katdish A cloudy, cold day that promises rain. That's what's up.)

RT @prodigaljohn: SCL crew raised $950 to match donations to Vietnam today. Give $1, we'll match it. $20? Matched

I heart direct messaging...(in reply to a DM sent to @HelenatRandom - I crack myself up.)

@Helenatrandom Oh, I'm in...

@billycoffey Whatever helps you sleep at night, Billy. (in reply to @katdish Well, I'm a redneck. Rednecks are tougher than samurai ninjas.)

@billycoffey That too... (in reply to @katdish Thought you were a samurai.)

@billycoffey Of course not. I'm a ninja. (in reply to @katdish Ah, morning katdish! I didn't see you lurking.)

@billycoffey Well bah humbug to you too!

Follow @PeterPollock . Okay? Good

RT @prodigaljohn: Play matchmaker? @katdish will $1 for evry $5 the Acuffs match tom for $500 for Vietnam. You in? 25cent match means $25

RT @prodigaljohn: I've got 5 on it. Tomorrow, Acuff family is matching the 1st 100 $5 donations for 2nd kindgrten http://tinyurl.com/yaye6aa

@llbarkat We're devising a clever marketing plan for your book. You're welcome. (in reply to Are you guys talking behind my Twitter? @katdish @gyoung9751 :)

@gyoung9751 Have you ever bought a book based on its cover? I know they say you can't judge one by it, but I think people still do

@gyoung9751 And my answer is, Number 2

@gyoung9751 Not to sound like a complete sell out, but I ask myself, "Which cover would people gravitate towards at a bookstore?"

@llbarkat So let me ask you, what are you trying to convey with the cover art? What mood do you want to set?

@BridgetChumbley No. I'm the boss. (in reply to @katdish Well, you are the boss... or wait, is that @billycoffey? I get so confused!)

@BridgetChumbley Well I mind! Slacker... (in reply to @billycoffey Of course not. You can add that link whenever you are ready & able. How are you feeling?)

How early is too early for grocery store sushi? I got a hankerin

RT @muchl8r: MMMM-Bop! //What???? Hanson? Really? Has hell frozen over?

Hey! You know what? I think I'm pretty smart. I really don't want to take your DM IQ test. Thanks anyway Spammy McSpammer!

@muchl8r Will there be thinly veiled threats of violence? (Say yes)

@HerbieGookins I've missed your long, seemingly unrelated to content comments on my blog.

@HeatherSunseri Okay, sorry. That was kinda gross...

@HeatherSunseri That's what the Imodium said too... (in reply to @billycoffey @katdish You guys are so cute. This too shall pass. That's what my mama always says.)

@HeatherSunseri I didn't quit. He's just being disagreeable. (in reply to @billycoffey By the way, before I reject or accept the job, what did you do to make @katdish quit?)

@billycoffey Oh, shut up... (in reply to @katdish Funny, mine's doing the same thing.)

@billycoffey Oh, wow. You should see my DM column filling up right now... (in reply to @katdish YOU CAN'T QUIT ME!)

Hey! Any writers out there looking to be made a household name? I may be available soon.

RT @billycoffey: @sarahmsalter Is that what @katdish does? Look out for me?

@sarahmsalter It's darned near a full time job. (in reply to @katdish I understand. You're looking out for @billycoffey's best interests. :o)

@sarahmsalter I'm not the boss of him. I just strongly suggest things

@redclaydiaries Perhaps you just needed a good blood letting.

#FF @br8kthru Because he rocks the sweater vest.

@RachelleGardner So the query delivered by the singing gorilla telegram was not impressive? Dang... (in reply to Writers: Pretty much anything you do to get our attn in your query, besides a terrific blurb, is wasted effort. #pubtip)

@DaleChumbley Aw, Dale. No one should ever get credit for your stupidity but you.

@redclaydiaries How did I miss the waffle ho conversation? Stupid non virtual life...


And of course...Sorry/you're welcome!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

It's the most wonderful time of the year...already



Oh, I know, I know...it's not even Thanksgiving yet and I'm already doing a Christmas post.

Editor's note: For those reading this outside the USA, Thanksgiving is an American holiday where we celebrate white guys in funny hats and knickers bringing disease and pestilence to the New World and stealing the land from the Native Americans. Some of us were raised to believe that this holiday was about being grateful to God for our blessings, but we stand corrected.

I also realize that there are some of you who will read this from atop your high horse because you're already finished with your Christmas shopping and will spend Black Friday sipping eggnog and stringing lights from your eaves. You people are annoying...

But for the rest of you slackers, I thought I'd give you a heads up in what seems to be the hottest trend in holiday decor at places that buy stuff the major retailers couldn't sell. It seems that since many retailers start putting up Christmas decorations before Halloween, someone got the crazy idea to combine the two holidays:

Scary Christmas!

For today's post, I will focus on decorations (even though I got some great gift ideas before I was given the stink eye by the store manager and thought it best to leave the store with my camera phone in hand.)

Question: What do you get when you cross Jolly Old St. Nick and the Bride of Chuckie?

Answer: This


That poor deer is a goner for sure!

But wait...there's more! Maniacal Mice!


and Sluggo the Snowman ("You talking to me?")


But it's not ALL evil, some of it is just...well...

What is this? Seriously...I know it's supposed to be a Christmas tree, but who makes something like this, stands back and says, "This is really good. Let's make a million of them."? #FAIL



On a brighter note, I did find a lovely "Holiday tree skirt". But just between you and me, I'm going to need to let it out in the waist a bit. Must be all the Halloween candy...

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Shoe Polish, a Velvet Cape and Mile High Hair (by Glynn Young)



Today's guest post comes from Glynn Young of Faith, Fiction, Friends:

Glynn is a public affairs writer and the team lead for online strategy for a Fortune 500 company based in St. Louis. He and his wife Janet have two grown sons, one-daughter-in-law, one grandchild-to-be and a great dog. He bikes, reads a lot and has a bad tendency to cry at movies, particularly sappy ones. Glynn was born and raised in New Orleans, and received a B.A. in journalism from LSU and a Masters of Liberal Arts from Washington University in St. Louis.

That's Glynn's "official bio". I would also like to add that he is a source of encouragement to so many of us here in the blogosphere and on twitter, and I appreciate him very much.

Now here's Glynn on his adventures in Beaumont, Texas:

Before I graduated from college, I’d been to Texas three times: a family vacation to see Six Flags in Dallas/Ft. Worth; a journalism conference at the University of Texas in Austin; and my interview for a copy editor position at the Beaumont Enterprise. I got the job, graduated from LSU, and drove the next day to Beaumont.

I was not prepared for Texas, Beaumont or working for a newspaper, despite my two years of experience with LSU’s Daily Reveille. But I learned things, and quickly, through the people I met and worked with. It took a while for me to figure out that not everyone in Texas was, well, odd.

Receptionists are important; treat them well. The receptionist’s desk was the first you passed coming into the newsroom. And if you thought she wasn’t important, you learned right away how wrong you were. In this case, she was from southwestern Louisiana and had a Cajun accent. She was in her 40s, and dressed like she was in her teens – tight mini-skirt and white go-go boots, every day. And jet-black hair teased up approximately two feet. You always said hello. You never made a comment about how she was dressed or her hair. If you did, you faced a verbal shredding and general career demise (she was also the managing editor’s secretary).

Don’t use black shoe polish to dye your hair, especially when it rains. One of the reporters, of indeterminate age but likely in his 50s or early 60s, used black shoe polish for hair dye, or something that smelled like it. One day, he strolled calmly into the news room, having escaped a downpour outside. He was drenched. And his face, neck and jacket were stained orange. No one could say anything; we were all dumbstruck, until we realized that the polish or dye or whatever it was had run with the rain.

Be extraordinarily polite when you get insulted. The lady who did the religion page was a sweetheart, as nice and polite as she could be, except when anyone attempted to swipe a piece of her religious page turf. Then she was a pit bull. One day, I was walking my dog, and we meandered under Interstate 10 and into a really nice neighborhood. It wasn't that my own neighborhood wasn't nice; in fact, I referred to it as the posh Northway-Gaylynn luxury apartments. It was affordable on my $125-a-week salary, which meant I didn't want my mother to see it. As my dog and I turned a corner, who did I run into but Religion Page Lady. We chatted briefly, and then she lowered her voice. “Be careful,” she said. “Those slums across the interstate – there are bad people who live there. Gangs. Drugs. Everything.” I never looked at my apartment in quite the same way again.

People can be nice and work well, no matter how they dress. My first day on the job, I met all of the people on the copy desk. Everyone seemed nice, but I was taken aback by the obituary writer. He had an Ivanhoe haircut. He always wore a flowing black velvet cape, regardless of the weather. And he had a matching black velvet choker. He was quiet, almost introverted, but he did a good job with obituaries and memorials. And a newspaper was willing to ignore odd clothes if someone could write a good obituary – the most read part of the newspaper in Beaumont. After a while, I got used to it, and totally freaked one day when he wore normal clothes. No one asked why, and he didn't say. But we were shocked.

Be flexible. One Sunday night, the only staff on the desk was the slot man, me and an intern. We had three editions of the newspaper to put out – East Texas, Louisiana and Home, with deadlines about an hour apart. So you didn't fool around. Except this Sunday night, the slot man gave us a job to do, one of the most difficult I ever faced at the newspaper: find a bar that was open. Now, this was Texas in the 1970s. An open bar on a Sunday night simply didn't exist. But for two hours, the intern and I called every bar in the Beaumont-Port Arthur-Orange area. I finally found one, in a really rotten area. It didn't matter. He was out of the door in a flash, saying he'd be back. The first deadline was an hour away. The intern and I looked at each other and got to work. The slot man didn't come back. We put out all three editions of the paper that night. (Quiz: guess how many reporters wrote stories on Sunday? Answer: None = desperate copy editor and intern.)

Advancement can be rapid, often because you're the last person standing. For some odd reason, staff turnover was rapid that summer, as in, people left. In droves. By the end of the summer, I was No. 2 on the desk. And because No. 1 was usually off seeking liquid refreshment, especially after the executives left for the day, I was de facto No. 1. I was not quite 22. It was way too much responsibility for such a little salary.

Work is both mundane and sublime, sometimes on the same day. Two headlines I recall writing: “B. Dalton’s opens in Parkdale Mall” (front page); “Agnew Resigns” (front page).

It was the era of Woodward and Bernstein toppling presidents, and Mideast nations imposing oil embargoes. But those things were transient. What lasted were lessons about shoe polish, velvet capes, mile-high hair and bars open on Sunday nights.

It was wonderful.

***

To read more from Glynn Young, visit him at Faith, Fiction, Friends and follow him on the twitter at @gyoung9751.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Community


If you've been reading this blog for awhile, you may know that the blog Stuff Christians Like is what inspired me to start my own blog. I love the sense of community that Jon has created on his site. Take a look at my sidebar. Every blog listed there and many more that aren't are folks I've found either directly or indirectly from the comments section of Stuff Christians Like. He truly is the Kevin Bacon of the blogosphere.

Last Monday, Jon asked the question What if?:

"If only you had a platform with hundreds of thousands of friends from around the world that could easily organize and radically change the world through the power of something like a blog. If only...

Right now, right here, you and me and the Stuff Christians Like community have the chance to be much bigger than a blog. I am growing overwhelmed but the sense that God has given us all a tremendous gift called, “being alive on Monday” and He’s holding His breath in eager anticipation to see what we’ll do next.

And what’s next for Stuff Christians Like is that we’re going to build a kindergarten in Vietnam. (No segue whatsoever; we just jumped into that, didn’t we?)"

That's when something amazing happened...Stuff Christians Like raised $30,000 in 18 hours and funded the building of a kindergarten in Vietnam.

And now the community of Stuff Christians Like would like to build a second kindergarten.

This is not the post I had originally scheduled for Bridget's blog carnival topic of "Community". But last night I saw the following from Jon Acuff on twitter:

@prodigaljohn: I've got 5 on it. Tomorrow, Acuff family is matching the 1st 100 $5 donations for 2nd kindgrten http://tinyurl.com/yaye6aa

And I thought, "How cool is that?" So I sent Jon the following direct messages:

prodigaljohn: I'll match the next 50.

prodigaljohn: I mean the next 20 ($50)

prodigaljohn: Okay...I suck at math. I'll match 20 (that's $100 right?) Sigh...

We send a couple DMs back and forth and then Jon tweets this:

Want to play matchmaker? @katdish is matching $1 for every $5 the Acuffs match tomorrow for $500 for Vietnam. You in? 25cent match means $25

So...are you in? Click on the link and get the rest of the scoop from Jon.

Monday, November 16, 2009

This too shall pass (by Billy Coffey)



A few minutes ago a bit of the last forkful of my son’s green beans failed to be broken down into acids and molecules and slipped undigested into his large intestine. There the billions of hungry bacteria sat down to a dinner of their own, finishing the job and sending them off into his bloodstream.

The process resulted in a mixture of methane, hydrogen, and sulfide that was forced downward as pressure and expelled. Right onto the couch cushion beside me. With a rapid and not-so-elegant

squeak!

I didn’t move my eyes from the book I was reading, didn’t even acknowledge it had happened. And to my son’s credit, he didn’t either. Not at first. He kept right on attacking the buttons on his Nintendo DS, and I let him.

Squeak!

I turned the page and without looking said, “Whatcha say, Bud?”

“Scuse me,” he answered.

I nodded and kept reading, thinking the moment had passed. Which it had, technically speaking. But the aftereffects had not, because then another sound escaped from his other end in the form of a muffled snort.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“Nothin.”

“Okay.”

Squeak!

I waited an appropriate amount of time—about three paragraphs of my novel—for the required Scuse me, but none came. There was, however, another snort.

And then, Squeak/Snort!

“…Bud…”

“Scuse me (snort!).”

I sighed and resumed reading. In a span of a few short minutes both noises from both places quieted. I offered myself a satisfied nod. It was a victory. Not a decisive one maybe, but complete enough.

I’m unsure at what point this certain bodily function became the holy grail of hilarity to him, but it did. Nothing in the world makes my son laugh as hard as either hearing it, smelling it, or—most of all—doing it.

He knows all the synonyms—gas, vapors, stinker, breaking wind, cutting the cheese, and the ever popular toot. He peppers them into his speech and has entire conversations about them with his friends. I suspect he even eats certain amounts of certain foods just to perform his own unique standup routine later on. Smellivision, I call it. The finale always seems reserved for the bathtub.

Raising a son is hard. Trying to explain why these antics aren’t what a young man should aspire to is harder.

So I sat him down. Said it’s a normal thing that everyone does, but not the sort of thing people should really be talking about a lot. And really not the sort of thing people should devote elaborate performances to. He nodded and yessir’d me and promised to be better.

And he was. Until bath time. His performance that night was somehow even more spectacular than usual.

Another talk. More parental wisdom. He said at the end, “But everybody does it.”

“But everybody should try not to make a big deal out of it,” I answered.

“I bet Jesus tooted.”

“I bet He did, too. I also bet he said ‘Excuse me’ after and then kept right on healing people and stuff instead of laughing and telling everyone how bad it smelled.”

“Yeah,” he said. “He was really good at that.”

Training a child is not unlike training a dog. It’s a long process that requires a lot of patience and a lot of effort. It’s reward and punishment, a firm hand and a loving one. And it’s also a practice best done knowing that while our children will slip from time to time, we do the very same thing.

Thankfully, he’s gotten better with this. Much better. The normal bodily functions are still functioning, but they’re being done so under the polite cover of modesty and discretion. Even in those times when nature plays its cruel hand and delivers multiple ones right after another—as just happened—he’s bent but not buckled. I’m proud of him. I really am.

Just now he handed me a sheet of paper between games on his DS, courtesy of his teacher. The class would be going on their first ever excursion in a week. To the fire department, no less. I scribbled my name at the bottom, giving my permission for him to attend.

“You’ll have fun,” I told him. “Did your teacher tell you what it’s called when you leave school and go somewhere?”

“Yep,” he said. “It’s a fart trip.”

Pray for me.

***

To read more from Billy Coffey, visit him at at his website and follow him on the twitter at @billycoffey.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

A Francis Chan Two-for

I love what Francis Chan has to say -- I really do, even if it gets me a little ouchy sometimes. The truth hurts, don't it?





Saturday, November 14, 2009

Another Rob Bell post - Cue the hate mail (Repost)


Whether you think Rob Bell is the greatest Christian visionary since C. S. Lewis, think he is a dangerous heretic leading countless followers astray, have an opinion of him that falls somewhere decidedly between the two, or even if you've never heard of Rob Bell and think Nooma sounds like a chocolatey delicious carbonated beverage, please view the following parody in the spirit in which it is intended (from me, anyway). I have seen only a few Nooma videos, but one in particular I found quite moving and thought provoking. (This is not that video.) I make the previous statements in an attempt to convey that I am not anti-Rob Bell. It's just that I find some of his mannerisms and the cadence of his speech sometimes amusing, and to point out that parody is considered by many to be a high form of praise.


While I posted this video primarily because I think it's funny, previous comments to me about Rob Bell and other highly visible Christians also lead me to this observation: It seems to me that society in general and some Christians in particular have become increasingly polarized and intolerant of opposing viewpoints. There are those in the hard core evangelical camp that would suggest that Rob Bell and other proponents of spreading the gospel through social justice are presenting an incomplete view of the gospel at best, and at worst are spreading heresy and leading unsuspecting followers to eternal damnation. At the other end of the spectrum, some in the emergent church movement might say that evangelical Christians ignore the plight of the marginalized in society and feel that it's perfectly acceptable to allow a man to be physically hungry as long as his soul is fed. To this point, I would offer the opinion that to some extent, both sides are right, and both sides are wrong. For a more in-depth, intellectual and insightful take on this subject, I would highly recommend The God Who Smokes: Scandalous Meditations on Faith, by Timothy J. Stoner, and The Reason for God by Timothy Keller, both of whom are WAY smarter and biblically astute on their worst day than I am on my best.

In closing, I would like to thank fellow blogger Laz for posting this video on his blog months before I posted it here, and to gently suggest that any angry Rob Bell fans voice their opposition to airing of this video here .

Friday, November 13, 2009

Seeing the forest for the trees



"You can't see the forest for the trees." We've all heard that expression, right? It means you get so caught up in the little picture that you fail to see the big picture. I sort of had a "seeing the forest" moment while going through my tweets from this week. It occured to me that I might come off as a tad blunt and maybe a bit direct. Has this revelation caused me to pause and reflect on whether my tweets might be taken the wrong way?

Heck no. I just wanted you to know that I know that about myself. Besides, I think you should say what you mean and mean what you say. Life is much less complicated that way...

Without further adieu, the best of me (or not) on the twitter:

@br8kthru You know, if you wanted to. I would never tell anyone what to do.

@br8kthru You need to switch to tweetdeck.

@br8kthru You need to make some calls...

@PeterPollock Thank you, Peter. You shall remain in my good graces for the rest of the day.

@PeterPollock Okay, maybe I am. But still...

@PeterPollock I'm not tweeting this stuff for my own personal enjoyment you know.

@PeterPollock Would you please tell @br8kthru that he needs to fix his PeopleBrowser so he can see my tweets?

But I'll settle of one out of three...

Peace on earth, goodwill towards men, and a Kindle.

What does @katdish want for Christmas?


@br8kthru You're welcome, also Jason. Am I still not showing up?

Welcome @TAnneAdams to the twitter. Now kindly change your avatar. That bird freaks me out.

RT @tremendousnews: "I met my boyfriend on Twitter. God. I wish I could go back to the days where he was limited to 140 chars"

RT @tim_____: My friend's GPS just called me a beeotch. All I did was pull out my iPhone.

@Helenatrandom Read you comment & was like, "What's a polish blessing? Wait! Polish blessing." Gotcha

Check out this article from Times Online http://bit.ly/3cCojr (Also check out how subtle I am in the comments section.)

@redclaydiaries Collecting baskets is a stretch. Why do you need to collect baskets? To keep crap in, that's why.

@sarahmsalter No! Books are useful. They enrich your life.

@CandySteele Crap to hold crap. You've just made my point.

And no, @candysteele that basket is NOT for sale and you don't need one anyway.

RT @redclaydiaries: @katdish But we wants it. //Yesh...

@HeatherSunseri "Kill your precious" is how I've heard it.

@billycoffey You have a non-vomit streak? Oh, do tell...

@billycoffey No, really. It's horrible while it's happening, but you'll feel much better afterwards

@billycoffey You should throw up.

@HeatherSunseri Anything can be said in 140 characters or less.

@HeatherSunseri What's it about?

RT @noveldoctor: Writing a novel is like running a marathon - there's a good chance you'll throw up before reaching the finish line

If you intend to write as truthfully as you can, your days as a member of polite society are numbered. - Stephen King

RT @marklamberti: I just unsubscribed from my blog. I've had enough of myself for now.

"Imitation is the sincerest form of television" - Fred Allen

RT @billycoffey: "Fiction is the truth inside the lie." ~ Stephen King //Also known as "Faction

@redclaydiaries That was so cleverly shameless...

@sarahmsalter Yes. Sometimes gratuitous violence does wonders .

@BridgetChumbley Really, Bridget - it matters not.

@redclaydiaries Well I don't buy baskets or candles. I'm anti-crap.

@dsanson I'll let you know as soon as the statute of limitations is over.

@pagan43 And for the love of Gumby, please don't tell me it's an investment



@pagan43 So why are they so expensive? And why do you NEED an expensive basket?

@redclaydiaries The puzzles pieces are all coming together, aren't they?

@makeadiff21 She says the hair keeps the pins sharp. But she made it like 30 years ago! Gaaa!

@redclaydiaries Hand to God - My mom has a pincushion stuffed with HUMAN HAIR!

I'm considering writing about stuff people collect and why. Any Logenbauer (sp?) collecters out there? And if so, why?

This just in: I have coupons following me on the twitter. They like me. They really, really like me...

@redclaydiaries My next house will have 4 dishwashers and no cabinets.

Does this make anyone want to eat chicken? Me neither. Thank you, Kroger.



@redclaydiaries Oooo! Skymall

@mabeswife I'd hang on to the savings bonds if I were you...

@mabeswife But of course! I'll send you an author's edition.

RT @mabeswife: @katdish YESH! //See? One book sold already. Bring on the offers.

Me thinks...yes

I've been quoted on twitter like 5 or 6 times. Could a book offer be far behind?

@pagan43 Yes, but that would require me to open a can and heat it up. It's more than I'm willing to do.

@br8kthru Food is overrated. I think I'll have a low carb monster and some whoppers

I really need to eat something

@BridgetChumbley Good. But I'm hungry. I just don't feel like making lunch. Devastating laziness has its drawbacks

@PuriChristos Oh, see...you didn't say when MAKING candles. I thought you were just going to be a Beavis and burn stuff

@PuriChristos Why are you asking about adding nutmeg to a candle? That's weird.

@PuriChristos You're so weird...

@joannamuses Liger flu....Yesh!

RT @redclaydiaries: @sarahmsalter I decline to answer that on the grounds that it might show me to be hopelessly lazy

@redclaydiaries I thought laundry was your arch nemesis. Can you have more than one?

RT @weightwhat: @katdish I heart Captain Underpants!!! //Somehow I knew that.

Hmmm....@br8kthru seems to be ignoring me.

@redclaydiaries nah. She wear her granny panties with pride

@redclaydiaries of course they're not mine. They're @candysteele's.

@redclaydiaries Just for you:



I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. - Steven Wright

RT @BridgetChumbley: @katdish I've realized I need to humiliate my cats more often... my kids will appreciate the break! // ha!

I know. Subtle aren't I?

Speaking of great books. Can't wait for this one to come out (Fall 2010): http://bit.ly/23g1Kw

@BridgetChumbley Poor Buddy? He's a dog. Furthermore, he's MY dog. Not exactly a win-win situation.



@billycoffey whateva

RT @billycoffey: Okay, @katdish is kicking me off Twitter. I'll be back later when she isn't here...//Um hmm...thought so.

What the....@billycoffey ! GET OFF THE TWITTER and go back to resting before I come up there & smash your laptop with a hammer!

Once again, Sorry/you're welcome.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Pardon me while I rant incessantly...


Ah, yes...

It's been too long since I complained about something at any great length (on this blog).

Now I'm guessing that the following rant may step on some toes, but I gotta be me. And today me is wanting to rant incessantly about all the unnecessary crap that fill our homes.

This could be a post about stuff that needs to be thrown away or taken to your favorite local charity, but if I did that the guilt would overwhelm me and I would be loading up the back of my Jeep with old clothes and toys instead of enriching all of your lives with my own personal opinion. Sorry/you're welcome.

So instead, I'm going to talk about collecting things.


If you collect something or have several collections of things, why do you collect what you collect? And at what point does your collection become (dare I say it), an obsession? Because while this is cute:



This is, um...a bit much:


Here's my thinking: If you own ten (okay, I'll be generous and say 20) of anything that needs to be dusted on a regular basis that serves no other purpose than taking up space, then I think maybe you may be a wee bit obsessed. If you purchase a large cabinet for the express purpose of displaying a bunch of figurines that are essentially indistinguishable from 10 feet away (especially if they're in a big honkin' cabinet), I think your collection is complete. It was probably complete about 50 figurines ago. But that's just me.

I know this may come off as harsh, but when I think about how much many of us spend on "collectibles", it just sort of irks me. We're wasting money on treasures that will fill our homes but not our hearts, leaving us both fat and empty at the same time. We all need Stuff. We all just need to make sure it's the Good Stuff -- spending time with friends and family, getting lost in a really good book, longs walks on the beach -- whatever the Good Stuff is to you. Besides, we're supposed to store up our treasures in heaven, are we not?

And for the love of all things good and holy, please don't tell me that the money you're spending is an investment, because handmade or not, IT'S A FREAKING BASKET!


A $184 basket. Which incidentally, is full of crap.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Beauty of the Trail (by Annie K)

Today's guest post was written by my friend Annie K, who can write AND take amazing photographs. I happen to think she's combined both talents here beautifully. Enjoy.



I grew up surrounded by the forest, mountains, lakes and a river that flows through the town I call home. I always loved spending time out in the wilderness and the older I get the more I feel drawn to the winding trails and the solitude of what I consider one of the most peaceful places I know.

This time of year there are very few people on the trail and the stillness that surrounds me is incredibly comforting. The only sounds I hear are the faint jingle of Boz's collar, the occasional chattering of a squirrel that was most likely disturbed by said dog, the wind rustling through the trees and the sound of my footsteps as I make my way along the trail that is covered with fallen pine needles and Aspen leaves.

The leaves from the Aspens fall all around me as if they are being dropped from the heavens, and for a few hours, I watch the lazy river flow by, breathe in the crisp air and enjoy the colors of fall as if they were put there especially for me.

Yesterday, I made my way around one corner of the trail and I saw a flash of incredible color that went from red to orange, to gold and green. As I inspected it more closely, I realized that it was a part of an aspen tree that was in full fall color and had fallen. Recently.

Curiosity got the better of me and so I made my way down the steep rocky slope to get a better view. The moment I laid eyes on the base of the tree a smile crept over my face and two words escaped my lips as I looked down at Boz. "Dang beaver."

It's a shame to see this aspen lying on the ground, knowing that it is the last time it's going to produce such beauty, and all because some beaver thinks he's going to dam the Deschutes. But that is nature and I would never have enjoyed being so close to these brilliant colors had the tree still been standing.

I could walk this trail a hundred times an see it a thousand different ways. All because God instilled in me a passion for the outdoors.

As I walked and drank in the surroundings I thought about how this trail is a lot like my life. There are uphills and downhills, mountains and valleys, calm waters and rapids, twist and turns, rocky paths and clear paths, dark places and places full of light. I see the trail in black and white and astounding color. I can think I've got it all figured out, turn a corner and see the trail from a different angle and realize I'm seeing something I didn't notice before. I can find beauty in all of it because I know that God was the creator of this incredible place and He gave me a passion, a deep desire to be out on this trail enjoying his creation.

And that is how I should see my life. No matter what mountain I'm on or valley I'm in, or how dark the day may be, or what twists and turns I'm facing I should be able to see the beauty in the trail God is leading me down because that is the plan He has for my life. I should walk down the path with my eyes wide open, so as not to miss what it is I have to see while embracing life in color and the contrast of black and white. The rocky path needs to be faced with a spirit of determination and the dark places maneuvered by His light on the path.

I believe we find incredible beauty in whatever we are passionate about. Our lives, no matter what the situation should be lived with the same passion for fear we'll miss what's around the next turn in the trail.


To read more from Annie, visit her at Buzz by Annie's, her photography blog, Annie's Daily Picture, and follow her on the twitter at @buzzbyannies.