A Light Week on the Twitter - People, I'm BUSY

So it seems some of my chatty bloggy gal pals/royal twitter ho-nesses think I've been a bit of a slacker this week. I suppose twitter-wise that's the case. Actually, even though I have been on the computer quite a bit this week, I was barely even able to keep up with my own blog, let alone my normal stops and the twitter. It's sort of been crunch time on some other projects that I'm working on, so please forgive me for not enriching your lives with my awesomeness. I will try to do better next week, but I'm not making any promises I can't keep.

And now for the best (and least) of me on the twitter:

1. I think Amazon should send me a Kindle. Just because...

2. RT @MichaelHyatt: Just a thought: Amazon should market Kindle similar to how Apple marketed iPod: “1,500 books in the palm of your hand.”

3. @Helenatrandom And who died and made y'all the twitter police?2 minutes ago from TweetDeck in reply to Helenatrandom

4. You may apologize by reading my blog post: Believing is also Feeling (The artsy post): http://bit.ly/AtJ5o

5. AHEM! Some of us had to paint today and therefore could not be on the twitter.

6. Don de' esta, @HerbieGookins


7. @HerbieGookins Ask your mom if she knows any publisher interested in it. I can get started on it right away.

8. ...Even though I would totally buy that book...

9. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Kat Dish #failedchildrensbooktitles

10. @shrinkinngcamel Deep dish, katdish

11. RT @ProfessionalOne: @katdish Conference you in? Hell, you're the only topic I'll be discussing! The class is called "A twitter Case Study: @katdish ...

12. @ProfessionalOne Oooo! Can you conference me in?

13. @shrinkingcamel Okay...wait...whaa? No wonder you make the big bucks...

14. Art is the concrete artifact of faith and expectation - Stephen King

15. @shrinkingcamel You're dead to me, Bradley.

16. @shrinkingcamel DID YOU ACTUALLY JUST TELL ME I WAS WRONG????

17. @shrinkingcamel Is anyone hiring? I'm very good at disagreeing with people.

18. The Sound of Muzak #failedchildrensbooktitles

19. @redclaydiaries Some people just can't appreciate the classics.

20. @redclaydiaries Now there's a book you could write!

21. Little Stephanie's Chicken Foot Necklace #failedchildrensbooktitles

22. The Boxcar Children and the Old Hobo's infected Foot #failedchildrensbooktitles

23. RT @asilannax: I'm half southern and half Canadian, so when I'm rude to you, I'll sugar coat it, then apologize profusely afterwards.


24. RT @Go_RV_ing: rainbows n unicorns....lotto tix and winnin's ...these are a few of my favorite things

25. Sometimes I have things to say to myself and I don't want everyone all up in my business.

26. It's so frustrating that twitter won't let me DM myself!

27. @WinLiannefield Aw, it's all good. Have you bathed today? If yes, then I think you're okay.

28. @WinLiannefield Will you be joining the twitter ho carnival this week?


29. @n8sant I like to think of it as "Enriching lives thru the power of social media." Tweet a lot sounds so common.

30. @marni71 Hey Marni! (@helenatrandom told me to say that) But seriously - Hey!

31. Just to tell you, if I see your avatar on my tweetdeck more than my own, you need to take it down a notch.

32. Sorry. Shameless, I know...

33. RT @Helenatrandom: @br8kthru That would be horrendous! what would I do if I couldn't see @katdish 's tweets. I bear it enough on Sundays, but ot ..

34. @Helenatrandom Oh, seismic - meh! I didn't like it either. Try tweetdeck, I love it. I have a facebook column that I completely ignore!

35. @godhasablog I'm sure you know what I'm talking about....being God and whatnot.

36. @godhasablog They should all move to Houston. No knights or kings, but plenty of queens.

37. @br8kthru You mean like "rising stars" watch list or "for the love of Gumby would this woman please shut up" watchlist?

38. @godhasablog I thought that title was already taken by @ryanmer

39. @godhasablog I don't like where this is heading, Sir...

40. RT @billycoffey: Boxing! Sweat! Blood!

41. @br8kthru People Browser not showing my tweets?!? ....farging bastitches...

42. How did I get on some random Avon emailing list? Hmmm.....

43. @Brian_Russell I have no clue what that tramp stamp is supposed to mean. Should I be flattered or offended.

44. @JeanneDamoff Trust me, Jeanne - I'm not that big a deal. But you're right - kids say the funniest things.

45. @MistiPearl ACK! Again with the Tom stuff!

46. @JeanneDamoff I like to keep people curious.

47. @becca_homefront Yay, indeed. I'm looking forward to posting it. Very good read.

48. A quote (or re-quote) from the one and only @JeanneDamoff : "Watch Me break this board with my head." ~ Jesus.


49. RT @RachelleGardner: "Becoming the reader is the essence of becoming a writer." John O'Hara//Oh, man! Is that good or what?

50. @Helenatrandom I'll have to go read all your butt tattoo suggestions from my PCB* post.

51. RT @Helenatrandom: @katdish Then I'd have to referr to my buttcheeks as ""the twins". Who wants that?


52. @Helenatrandom I figured you would want Mary Kate and Ashley.

53. @Helenatrandom Annie's frontsetts...Snort!

54. I'M NOT TELLING WHAT OR WHERE MY TATTOO WILL BE! NEVER EVER!

55. @JeanneDamoff Yay! I can't tell you what OR where....

56. "An artist is a creature driven by demons. He doesn't know why they choose him and he's usually too busy to wonder why." - Faulkner

57. I want a tattoo, but if I told you of what I'd have to...well, you know...

58. @HerbieGookins Good Morning! How is Mr. Gookins and the little Gookins today?

59. And speaking of coffee, Good Morning @billycoffey

60. @buzzbyannies Color me impressed. Here's what I come up with before coffee: "GAAAA! I need coffee!"


61. RT @jackalopekid: What r u doing right this second? (I'm on the twitter - duh)

62. Here's one: "Never, ever hit someone in anger, unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it." Harold Ramis

63. What are some of your favorite quotes? Inquiring minds wanna know: http://bit.ly/qXNMu

64. Time to run some rock star errands. I need some people...

65. RT @PuriChristos: @Helenatrandom I have the spiritual gifts of wise ass and being even more stuborn (spelling? not so much)

66. What Helen said...

67. RT @Helenatrandom: @PuriChristos Some people have the spiritual "gift" of stubbornnes..Sometimes I "regift" stubbornness myself...


68. @HerbieGookins And yet you steadfastly refuse my lovely Bratz Dolls. Go figure...2:14 PM Jul 27th from TweetDeck in reply to HerbieGookins

69. @HerbieGookins You should get Mr. Gookins to make some Toy Story nightmare toy out of it .2:07 PM Jul 27th from TweetDeck in reply to HerbieGookins

70. RT @HerbieGookins: Meet me as a fourteen year old. I was way too serious. http://bit.ly/VxfsD (Well looky there, Beth wrote a blog post!)

71. You become responsible forever for what you have tamed. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

72. @emptynestegg Fun today? Hmmm....You should go to my blog and make fun of @billycoffey 's shirt.

73. RT @Helenatrandom: @HerbieGookins You're being stalked by three erratically behaved midgets?! OMGoogle! You poor thing..//OMGoogle!

74. RT @HerbieGookins: @katdish I'm pretty sure I do...does the pastor's name rhyme with Mole Schmosteen?

75. @HerbieGookins SNORT! Yes. Yes it does.

76. @HerbieGookins Thanks. Do you know what the "Fellowship of Excitement" is?

77. Is there something wrong with my tweetdeck, or are my friends just ignoring me? Hmmm?????

78. @HerbieGookins Oh, so you're chatting with @helenatrandom, but not me. Nice..

79. @HerbieGookins Hi Beth! Normal is relative. You are, after all, in Indiana.

80. @ryanmer Dude, seriously. How can you not have a driver's license? You wouldn't last a day in Houston.

81. @PeterPollock Yes, Peter. I'll say it again. You're prompt. No one can take that away from you.

82. @weightwhat Like I have that kind of time. Just RT everything she says, okay?

83. @PeterPollock You get all the cool kids to follow you first!

84. Where are @redclaydiaries tweets?

85. Thanks for the follow high profile Christian writer dude who will remain nameless! You won't be sorry, despite what @redclaydiaries says.

86. @billycoffey That's the beauty of me! And incidentally, sorry/you're welcome.

87. @BridgetChumbley I think that will be my first book: Katdish quotes Sure to sell tens of copies.

88. @billycoffey Hey! You're supposed to be sending me that book!

90. @bryanallain EWH, EWH, EWH!

91. @PeterPollock Pastor Billy? Not quite. But he does write some good parables, huh?

92. @unmarketing Canadians: Like regular white people, only slower.

93. @unmarketing Tempting...but Canada? Meh...

94. @tremendousnews Clown make-up? UNFOLLOW!2:34 PM Jul 26th from TweetDeck in reply to tremendousnews

95. RT @tremendousnews: I'm in the blissfully unaware period between waking up and remembering why I have clown makeup on.2:33 PM Jul 26th from TweetDeck

97. RT @muchl8r: keyword search that brought someone to my blog "christian puberty" that pretty much nails it! http://thoughtife.blogspot..../

98. @buzzbyannies No. I've replaced those items with a sock full of quarters, because you just never know when you'll need that...

99. @buzzbyannies Of course not! (I took out the coffee and the airline pretzels)

100. @redclaydiaries - I reposted the crap in my purse post, where I give you full credit for getting me on the twitter.


Ladies and Gentlemen, as always:

Sorry/you're welcome.

Now if you wrote a twitter post, please link your bad self up right here:

Believing is Also Feeling

UPDATE: I'm not feeling particularly wordy today, but since I've had two "I don't get it" comments since I first posted this, I feel the need to explain just a bit about what was going through my jumbled little mind when doing this post. Art is so much more than the ability to paint, write or sculpt from a technical standpoint. Ten artists might see the same tree and paint it ten different ways, because so much of the creative process comes from the heart, not the head or hands. So, there you go...

How to Draw a Picture (Part 7)
(Excerpt from Duma Key by Stephen King)

Remember that "seeing is believing" puts the cart before the horse. Art is the concrete artifact of faith and expectation, the realization of a world that would otherwise be a veil of pointless consciousness stretched over a gulf of mystery. And besides -- if you don't believe what you see, who will believe your art?

Believing is also feeling.
Any artist will tell you so.



























"Art is the concrete artifact of faith and expectation, the realization of a world that would otherwise be a veil of pointless consciousness stretched over a gulf of mystery."

Yes.

One Touch at a Time (by Rebecca @ The Reluctant Homefront)

A very special guest blogger today. I found my way over to Rebecca's blog via Billy Coffey's blog. Turns out they are from the same neck of the woods. Rebecca's blog is an outgrowth of her husband's deployment to Iraq, hence the name "The Reluctant Homefront". I asked Rebecca to guest post for me because a) she's a great writer, and b) it seems all we ever hear about from the media is bad news when it comes to the war. I think we should take the opportunity to celebrate the good things going on over there. It's also a good reminder to keep our service men and women in our prayers and be thankful for their sacrifices - for their country and their families. So, enough of me - here's Rebecca:

The vehicle bounced and jounced down the dirt road. Rattling around the turret one could look out and see a steep drop-off to the first side, a muddy canal to the other. The mechanical hulk was only going 35 mph, but still the soldiers below were lifted several feet in the air and jarred their heads against the metal ceiling with each hole or rut the wheels hit. The sun scorched the land as the road stretched out as if going forever, a dusty tan ribbon running ahead of the convoy.

After passing more and more of the same dusty sand and rocks, the convoy drove up to a little hut in the middle of a field. It was little more than a hovel, sticks held together with mud and baked solid in the heat. The tussled soldiers filed out of the vehicles and smiled as children peered out the door at them and shuffled out, some shyly, others with excitement. These soldiers had been here before, and had noticed the poverty of the little family: a man; his wife and a mother, sister, or aunt; and five children like stair steps. They all lived together in the little mud hut barely the size of a bedroom back home in the States. The family was friendly, though. The children had waved at the convoys before, and the man was most welcoming in spite of the language barrier.

This little farm family had touched the hearts of the soldiers, and while out on a mission to detect those who set up the mortars which showered the base every night, they wanted to help however they could. The soldiers brought MRE meals, drinks and water, and two soccer balls to brighten the children’s day. Ever grateful, the man volubly expressed his thanks in his own language. The soldiers did their best to understand without the help of an experienced translator, wishing they had been able to bring one with them just to speak with this man. They wanted so much to help and to show that they cared. After each side struggled to express themselves, the soldiers had to move on. They filed back to their vehicles, one reaching a tanned hand out to tousle the hair of one of the little boys as they raced past the men and women to the fields beyond for an impromptu soccer match. Although the soldiers would have many other missions, this family would stay in their minds: the poverty, the gratefulness, and the gracious welcome to strangers from another land. They could have been seen as armed and dangerous. Instead they were welcomed as friends and protectors.

~*~*~*~*~

I didn’t witness this first hand. This sight formed in my mind as I smoothed cool sheets under my hands, straightened a coverlet, and settled on the edge of the bed to listen to my husband’s story. I relaxed into the mattress as he led me through that day, happy to share a good memory of helping others. I heard the satisfaction in my husband’s voice as he spoke about reaching out to the people he meets on missions now. A prior operation was training the civilian police force, something he found was often frustrating and repetitive. This new set of orders has enabled his unit to travel among the Iraqi people, and while there they are free to help in whatever ways they can. The soldiers are most fulfilled not in battles or taking down enemies (although they feel successful when those things occur), but in doing what they believe is their larger mission: aiding the Iraqi people to rebuild their lives.

I listen to these stories of the sun-baked desert from my rain-drenched house and feel more pride than ever in what we’re doing. Our family gives up its leader for a time, sharing his strength and care with another family thousands of miles away. No matter how the war was begun, the soldiers want to win it. One touch at a time.


To read more from Rebecca, visit her at The Reluctant Homefront

Feel Free to Quote Me

If you know me well, you know that I love a good quote. My Google home page has two separate widgets on there - one for daily cheeky quotes, the other for daily literary quotes. Dig that. Just a sec, let me pop over there and see what they say....

Literary Quote:
"I would say that music is the easiest means in which to express, but since words are my talent, I must try to express clumsily in words what the pure music would have done better."
- William Faulker (American Writer)

Cheeky Quote:
"Dad, is it all right to take things from people you don't like?" - Lisa Simpson

Not bad...sometimes they're really good, sometimes, not so much.

Since I'm all about reader participation, I thought I would give you guys and gals an opportunity to share your some of your favorites here. They don't have to be the "be all end all" favorites, because if you're like me (there are some effective medications available), picking a favorite quote is like picking a favorite book. There's just too many good ones to choose from.

Okay, I'll start with a couple from my kids:

Here's my son's first memorized scripture verse (Age 3): "Follow me, and I will make you fishers. Amen"

And here's one from my daughter last night (Age 8): "I don't really care for queso, but I'll take some of that melted cheese you got there." (I don't know where she gets that from.)

Favorite passage of scripture: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." - 2 Corinthians 12:9a

And here's a few other I like just because I like them:

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."
- Judy Garland

"If you have anything really valuable to contribute to the world, it will come through the expression of your own personality, that single spark of divinity that sets off and makes you different from every other living creature."
- Bruce Barton

"If you want to be miserable, think about yourself, about what you want, what you like, what respect people ought to pay you and what people think of you."
-Charles Kingsley

"There is a logic of color, and it is with this alone, and not the logic of the brain, that the painter should conform."
-Paul Cezanne

And just for fun, one more:

"If you want to be a holy man, you have to be committed. When you make a decision you cannot waver in any way. You'd never see Gandhi during a hunger strike sneaking into the kitchen in the middle of the night. "Gandhi, what are you doing down there?" "I, um, I thought I heard a prowler and was going to hit him over the head with this giant bowl of potato salad."
-Jim Carrey

Okay...your turn. Talk to me...

But before you do, be sure to catch Part Two of Billy Coffey's interview with Lynn Rush today about the call that every writer dreams about.

The Fruit Salad (by Billy Coffey)

Those of you who have been reading this blog and/or What I Learned Today for awhile may have already read this post. Even if you have, it's certainly worth another look. This story is a special one because it introduced me to Billy's writing and, as it turns out a very dear friend. (Even if he did drop the F-bomb on his sweet grandmother.):
__________________________________________

There were prunes in the fruit salad.

I peered down into the large bowl of Jell-O and fruit, unsure of what to do. I’d never been faced with this sort of situation before.

At six, I felt I was though I was well on my way to adulthood. I could tie my shoes, count to ten, and say most of my ABCs. I no longer slept with the night light on, and I no longer harbored any fanciful misgivings of monsters in my closet.

But more than that, more than all of that, I had been recently indoctrinated into a language used by adults only, the sort of words that were only bandied about far from innocent ears.

I’d learned to cuss. And very well, I might add.

I knew them all courtesy of my next door neighbor, a ten-year-old boy who as far as I can imagine is now either incarcerated or worse. But he was cool back then, cooler than anyone I knew, and I wanted to be just like him. Told him so, too. Cussing was part of my education, and it was powerful stuff.

I kept my secret knowledge safely tucked in the back of my brain until one of the words escaped my lips in the worst place possible: my grandparents’ house. There are a lot of things you don’t do when you’re in the company of your grandmother, and there are a lot more you don’t do when your grandmother happens to also be Amish. Cussing, I found, ranked just above killing kittens and just below denying the reality of an Almighty God.

The exact situation escapes me, though I remember it was an argument in which she told me to do something, I said I didn’t want to, she said she would tell my mother, and I said, to quote, “I don’t give a $@!#.”

To make matters worse, the word I had chosen to employ was the mother of all curse words, the one my next door neighbor had dubbed “the Big One.” Guaranteed to provoke a reaction.

And there was a reaction.

Grandma stood dumbstruck for three full seconds, upon which she bent down, grabbed my ear, and drug me across the kitchen floor and into the corner, where I remained for most of the day.

I dared not turn around, either. Not when the pots and pans were crashing, not when she began pleading for my eternal soul. Only when lunch was ready hours later did she tell me to sit.

“Enjoy your food,” she said, and nothing more.

Jell-O salad. Yes! My favorite. As smooth as glass on the top and bottom, with fruit defying gravity in the middle, suspended in an ocean of transparent red. Maybe she wasn’t so mad after all. Maybe she would let bygones be bygones and we could put the whole thing behind us.

But no.

Because there amidst the bananas and pears and pineapples, there were prunes. And everyone knew I hated prunes.

“Grandma?” I said.

“Yes?”
“Why did you put prunes in there?”

“Oh my,” she said, feigning shock. “You don’t like prunes?”

“I don’t like prunes, Granmda.”

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I’ll tell you what. You can still eat it. Just take the prunes out.”

“It won’t do any good,” I answered, sniffing the bowl. “The whole bowl smells like prunes. Even if I took them all out, it would still stink.”

“Hmm. “You’re right. What a shame. I know how you like your Jell-O salad.”

We sat there, silent. Then she said, “Where did you learn that word?”

“From a friend.”

“Friends don’t teach you things like that,” she said.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Do you know what you said was wrong?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Do you know why?”

“No,” I said. “It’s just a word. What can be so bad about just a word?”

She tapped the bowl in front of us. “Because you’re like this Jell-O salad.”

“How?”

“Whatever goes into your heart goes in there and settles. It stays. You can take good things into your heart, like the bananas and pears and pineapples. Or you can take bad things into it, like the prunes. The problem is, the good can’t make the bad better, but the bad can spoil the good. You can scoop out all the prunes, but the rest would still be messy.”

“And it would smell bad, too,” I said.

“Yes.”

“Don’t forget it,” she said.

I did though, for a while. I said and did plenty of things I had no business in saying and doing. But I know better now. Grandma was right. Once you let something into your heart, it’s there for good. Whether that thing is destined to be a joyful remembrance or an unbearable regret, we commit our very souls to the choices we make every day. And there they will remain, for good or ill, as a record of the worthiness of our lives.

To read more from Billy Coffey, visit him at What I Learned Today, and be sure to catch Part Two of his interview with Lynn Rush tomorrow about the call that every writer dreams about.

The ABC's of Crap in my Purse (Repost)

(Originally posted on 3/12/09 back when I was barely ever on the twitter. What a difference a few months makes!)




Disclaimer: Yes, that is a pricey Fossil purse with paint on it. But in my defense, it was a gift from my sister. She feels sorry for me because I have chosen to live a life devoid of overpriced accessories, so she buys me expensive purses, Pandora bracelets with coordinating overpriced beads to go with, and other fancy stuff for Christmas and birthdays. I had no idea how much that purse costs until I went to get one without paint on it. After pricing them, I decided my purse had character. I bet no one else in town has a chocolate brown Fossil Sutter Crossbody flap bag (don't think I didn't have to do a Google image search to figure out what kind of purse it is) with off-white trim paint strategically dabbed on the credit card zipper pouch. Katdish: trendsetter (CHECK!)

I'm really liking Twitter. There. I said it. (How's that for a segue, huh?) Now, I'll also say this: my friend Steph at the Red Clay Diaries was right. Yeah, Steph. You guilted me into it, but I'm glad I came around. It's really opened up a whole new world of Internet peeps for me, and as you all know, I don't spend nearly enough time on the computer. For example, this chick named
Mandy Thompson started following me. So I go check out her twitter page and her blog. Turns out, she's just like me, except that she's an incredibly gifted musician and is cool. She thinks I'm cool, too. But let's not let that cat out of the bag just yet. She'll figure out what a dork I am sooner or later.

Anyway, Mandy recently wrote a post dedicated to stuff in her purse. It looked really professional with corresponding letters to the stuff all nicely laid out. There was a purpose for everything she had in there. Contrast that to Steph's post awhile back about stuff in her purse. Which is waaayyyy closer to what is in my purse. As it should be, as we are the same person, just in the alternate universes of Texas and Georgia. But I digress...

I really liked the way Mandy lettered the items. So, in attempt to copy her (cuz she's cool), I attempted to do the same with the items in my purse. You would think that someone who actually paints murals and custom artwork as a trade would be able to use the paintbrush function on her computer. And you would be wrong. Painting with a mouse is nothing like painting with a paintbrush. I pretty much suck at it. But still, it took me a long time to designate letters to items from my purse in no particular order, so I'm going with it. Ladies and gentlemen, the ABC's of crap in my purse:


A) Rudy the cat. He is not now, nor has he ever been in my purse.
B) My second Blackberry. I upgraded from my first Blackberry when my dh decided he needed an iPhone. Some people never get a brand new car. I never get a brand new PDA. (Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I dig it.)
C) My business cards, "Ragamuffin Child Interiors" I realize the "child" part is redundant, as the definition of a ragamuffin is "a shabbily dressed child". But would you hire a painter whose company name is "A shabbily dressed child Interiors"? Me thinks not.
D) Large stack of random receipts. I think it's important to keep receipts. Why? Because my husband says so.
E) Pens that I can never find, but have obviously always been in there.
F) Giveaway mirror from my old church.
G) Oil blotting sheets. People, I am very shiny! Those paper toilet seat liners are also great for blotting the excess oil from your face, but by using the little blue sheets you will draw way less attention to yourself in the ladies room. (You're just gonna have to trust me on this one.)
H) Orbit gum - I tease Pete Wilson about chewing gum during interviews, but I'm a fairly prolific gum chewer myself. (Don't tell him I said that.)
I) Eye wetting drops from when I had lasik surgery a year ago. Hey, you never know.
J) Broken pieces from a cheap tic tac toe game that my daughter asked me to hold for her last month.
K) No-slip ponytail holder. I swear by those, especially if you have thick hair.
L) Leftover nail glue and orange stick that I used to apply Lee press-on nails to my ugly man-hands whist attending Catalyst One Day in Alpharetta, GA.
M) Several tubes of lipstick that I almost never wear. Also, one of them is a highlighter.
N) A Speert purse hook. You set the square part down on the edge of a table, and then you can hook your purse on it. Another fancy gift from my sympathetic sister. I've used it once: the day she gave it to me at lunch.
O) Bed, Bath & Beyond and Linens n' Things 20% coupons. You never know when you'll need to buy someone a Snuggie. (I know LNT is out of business - I threw it away.)
P) A bulletin from a church where we guest-led worship a couple of Sundays ago. (Okay, it was mid-January. Are you beginning to see a trend here?)
Q) Business account checkbook.
R) A bag of gourmet coffee that they were giving out at Catalyst One Day.
S) A bag of airline pretzels.
T) A foil pack of Gas-X. (I know, I know -- TMI.)
U) A copy of "Making your Mark: How to leave long, annoying comments on other People's Blogs" by Wordy McTypesalot. You never know when someone's going to ask you for your autograph. It hasn't actually happened yet, but I'm ready!
V) Wallet by "The Sack". I love that wallet, but I don't keep any credit cards or ID in there. It's basically a fancy junk drawer for my purse. I'm pretty sure Waldo's in there.
W) Credit card zipper pouch where I actually keep my credit cards and ID. Incidentally, I almost never use credit cards. I should take most of those out of there and put them in my wallet.
X) Huh....apparently, there is no "X". But I'm not redoing that picture! (Man, I hope Angela doesn't read this. That will drive her nuts! I swear, Angela; I did not do that on purpose this time.)
Y) Tres muchos denaro. (Dang. I'm practically bilingual!)
Z) Correct change for nothing in particular.

I suppose my purse (and the center console in my Jeep) are very much like this:



To my guy readers. Sorry. I hope you didn't get any girl cooties while reading this post. I'll try to write a post with some fart humor and/or gratuitous violence to make up for this one.

Wow. That was a really long post about the contents of my purse. I'm actually kind of embarrassed. But not embarrassed enough not to publish it. (Hit "publish post".)

Katdish: Enriching lives thru the power of Social Media

Seriously...I can't even type that with a straight face. Funny thing is, there are tons of people on the twitter who think that's exactly what they're doing. I know this because they tell you so in their profiles. Yeah...I don't follow them either. But if you follow me, and your profile says something profound like, "I like beets." Expect an immediate refollow!

Now here's the best and worst of me on the twitter:

@RachelleGardner Do you have any idea how many fat grams and calories one of those things have? (you're welcome.)

@weightwhat It's the price you pay for being a pacific time twitter ho.

@billycoffey Now Billy. I can't be groveling on the twitter. I'll send you an email.

@billycoffey Dang it! I may have to muster an apology for that one.

@billycoffey I'm multi-tasking. There's only so much katdish to go around. Wait you turn.

@br8kthru My car needs to be washed. Can you make it down here by five-ish?

@becca_homefront Good morning! And don't give @billycoffey your top 5. He's not the boss of you!

@WinLiannefield Oh, right. I thought it might be because you would set it on fire with your hawt-ness.

@WinLiannefield Good grief woman! Why would it have to be flame retardant? Do I even want to know?

@WinLiannefield Have you not heard? I'm currently working on a summer version: The Slankini

@Becks_Beer Can't you compromise? How about you holding a Beck's beer? Win-win.

@br8kthru Good morning, and thanks for nothing.

@CandySteele So, you're not a ho?

@CandySteele What does that mean? IMHO? You know what I think it looks like it means, right?

@billycoffey Are you having a side of Haterade with that sweet tea, Billy?

RT @bryanallain: RT @billycoffey There's nothing better than starting my day with the Yankees in first place. // ANGRY. (Bitter Bryan?)

@BridgetChumbley Only those who are excessively obnoxious. @weightwhat & I both qualify.

RT @weightwhat: @katdish - I'll read your blog post if you read mine... http://bit.ly/UtCKM

@weightwhat what is this a hostage exchange? Okay, but then I gotta go to sleep.

@Helenatrandom @weightwhat SWEET FANCY MOSES! It's wall to wall Wendy and Helen! Is there a 12 step program for twitter?

@buzzbyannies Oh, Annie! Don't sell yourself short. You'd make a much scarier pimp than I would.

AHEM! Please welcome and follow @becca_homefront. She's our kind of people (Oh, I mean that in a good way)

@PuriChristos @Helenatrandom I owe my inspiration to @pwilson, whose wife still proudly wears the lowly cousin of the Skymall Slanket.

@joannesher A year's supply of yeast for me could be contained in a 12 ounce can of Budweiser.

RT @TheBloggess: Also, I apologize for that last tweet being extraordinarily not funny. I'm dangerously sober at the moment.

@weightwhat @Helenatrandom My sister's first comment was "I thought yeast was something you want to get rid of". (Yeah - we're related)

My sister lost on Wheel of Fortune, but got a year's supply of yeast #lameclaimtofame

@weightwhat No! (secret service) But George was looking at them like, "Hello.....crazy lady at 12 o'clock!"

I used to tell people I was named after Katherine in the bible, until I was informed that there wasn't one #lameclaimtofame

I ran into George and Barbara Bush coming out of a Houston eatery (literally RAN INTO THEM) #lameclaimtofame

@pwilson Just spreading the love Pete. Just spreading the love...

@CandySteele @PuriChristos @marni71 A snuggie is a sort of "meet in person" gift. Isn't that right @redclaydiaries?

I gave @pwilson 's wife a snuggie. #lameclaimtofame

My brother was a stunt surfer in the movie "Point Break" #lameclaimtofame

I saw Don Johnson playing baccarat at Caesar's Palace and he was wearing his Sonny Crockett wear #lameclaimtofame

I went to a party hosted by Shelly Long's brothers #lameclaimtofame

@CandySteele Wow. That is impressively lame.

Okay, I'll play. Met (the actor) who played Peter Brady at a nightclub in Houston. #lameclaimtofame

Authenticity is vital. If you can fake that, you're golden.

@PeterPollock Is that what you had in mind Peter?

Our church plant understands the concept of #bethechurch. Mostly because there don't be no building.

New hashtag: #bethechurch

@lizzyarmentrout You're welcome. Now go trash a hotel room somewhere to celebrate.

@Helenatrandom as long as your not buying the meat product that shall not be named...

@lizzyarmentrout You're such a rockstar!

@WinLiannefield Ooo! What day? My birthday is also coming soon, also more commonly referred to as katdishmas.

@billycoffey Oh, I know everything. Haven't you figured that out by now?

@billycoffey Aren't you glad someone bullied you into getting on the twitter? Who was that anyway?

@billycoffey How completely ambiguous! How much is that word worth in Scrabble?

@PeterPollock I'd ask you to put me on your blogroll, but I wouldn't want you to get excommunicated or something.

@muchl8r Oh, I'll rule just about anywhere they want me to. Except for France. Those people don't have the courtesy to speak English.

@billycoffey That was freaking awesome! I see you have learned from me the art of being subtle.

RT @billycoffey: @PeterPollock I really like that, Peter. Very nice. Now put me on your blogroll.

Is there a pesky fly on my tweetdeck? Oh, no. It's just @PuriChristos

@muchl8r I'll gladly take the east. And for the record, I'm from the southeast originally. I'm pretty sure they miss me.

@muchl8r Congrats, Jake. I think "Supreme Commander of the Western Hemisphere" looks good on a business card.

@PeterPollock What am I, the social director for the internet? Candy, Annie, Marni and Billy were here a bit ago.

@billycoffey They're like the high brow cousins of the lowly donut.

@CandySteele Funnel cakes are pretty fascinating, huh?

There is no Tom. "Tom" is short for tomorrow. Please ignore my obnoxious friends. I know I do...

@Helenatrandom @weightwhat Hello and goodnight! Sorry I missed out on all the umm....whatever.

Also? @PuriChristos @redclaydiaries SHUT UP ALREADY!

It's finally up (no thanks to all the DMs, people!) Entitled (ironically) Keep your Focus: http://bit.ly/zQbV2

shrinkingcamel Do you have something against Texas? Choose your words carefully, Bradley.

If you follow me, and I follow me back, I really don't want to know how to get 1000 followers via your lovely direct message.

I am ignoring @PuriChristos , I am ignoring @PuriChristos

@PuriChristos Sheesh! You're the little brother I never wanted, Nick!

@PuriChristos Tom? Wha, huh?

I am writing a post for tom. that combines Stephen King, scrapbooking, and ADD. Yes, I know - riveting.

Where are @ofmercy, @billycoffey, @peterpollock? I feel the need to make someone uncomfortable #BecauseKatdishCannotAmuseHerself

RT @weightwhat: Look! I'm juggling! #BecauseKatdishCannotAmuseHerself

@weightwhat Just to be annoying and encouraging all at once. I dig that.

@weightwhat @Helenatrandom Y'all need to start a new trending topic. Amuse me...

@weightwhat Sorry I'm just now hearing of your accident. Apparently, I'm not that big a deal...

@Helenatrandom Oh, so Smurfette gets a personal email about @weightwhat and I get NADA? Fine!

@billycoffey has a new button to grab on his blog (Beach Blogger Billy - action figure in production)

@weightwhat I guess you're right. Family and personal hygiene be damned!

@weightwhat I'm sorry - WHEN DID YOU GET IN A CAR ACCIDENT???????????

@br8kthru Oh, I'm the same way (sort of). I don't stay mad at people, unless they mess w/my family or friends. Then look out.

@PuriChristos You live to annoy me, don't you?

@br8kthru Curses! Blasted empathy rears it's ugly head again!

@weightwhat @Helenatrandom Would y'all please stop talking in German? I can barely understand you in English.12:20 PM Jul 20th from TweetDeck

On a related note, would anyone like a body pillow stuffed with cat hair?

Wow. I just brushed my cat with one of those new pet combs. No wonder he has hairballs.

@elliefoley912 Thanks for the follow. Just what I wanted to see today. You butt on my computer. @spam.

RT @annalisa2: Whenever stumbleupon shows me something I already twittered about, I smile smugly at my own awesomeness.

I forgive you @muchl8r . Commence breathing again.

@muchl8r You're dead to me, Jake. DO YOU HEAR ME? Dead.

@muchl8r SLACKER! But you wrote a post this week, so I guess I'll let it slide.

@marni71 YAY! Although, you know you should just move down here and join my freaking awesome church.

@ProfessionalOne YOU CAIN'T QUIT ME MICHAEL!!!!!

@ProfessionalOne Fascinating! (yawn...) Just kidding...(sort of)

@lizzyarmentrout I'm the Tanya Tucker of ADD. I was ADD when ADD wasn't cool...

@ProfessionalOne So what does your company do?

Ahhhh, I crack myself up.

@DishHost - Have your people call my people...

@DishHost - So, what's this show about? katdish is one of my nicknames, Dish is another. So I would basically already be DishHost.

My daughter just told me that the dog smells like a dead pig. How does she know what a dead pig smells like?

RT @asilannax: I'm leaving on a jet plane (charter bus) Don't know when I'll be back again (next Saturday)

Do you know that I have a cat following me with over 6,000 followers? It's a CAT, people!

@ProfessionalOne Well, silly! My name is katdish! Or Kat, or Kathy, or Her Royal Twitter Ho-ness.

@bryanallain Just trying to do my part to enrich lives through the power of social media

Follow @katdish, because she will RT you every time you mention her name.

RT @bryanallain: Follow @katdish because no matter how much you twitter, she'll make you feel like you're barely ever on it

Follow @JeanneDamoff . She's like me...only classy.

@PeterPollock Subtle, no?

@MichaelHyatt Also goes to show you that I know a good book when I read it - just saying...

@MichaelHyatt Oh my gosh! That's one of my favorite books! Just goes to show you - you never know.

From Hair to Eternity - The Summer Skymall Post

Oh, gentle reader! It's been too long since my last Sky Mall post! Oh sure, I'm all for the occasional serious post and lest we forget my fabulous guest bloggers and tomorrow's twitter extravaganza...

But I have neglected you, dearest Sky Mall! How could I go so long without paying homage to you: Giant book of overpriced, unnecessary crap practically begging me to make fun of you? Here it is the middle of the summer, and there's no doubt piles of disposal income just lying around waiting to be spent! Right? Right? Okay, maybe not...whatever...

Hair is an amazing thing. (Nice segue, huh?) As mammals, we all have varying degrees of it. But we never seem content. We have too much in some places and not enough in others. This has not escaped the attention of the fine folks at the Sky Mall.

R.E.M. Spring Hair Remover $19.95

Do I really need to explain what this thing is? It's basically a really tightly coiled spring that rips your facial hair out in a completely "pain free" manner. Yeee-aaah. Sure it does. Does it work? Just ask this satisfied Sky Mall customer:

"Wonderful gadget/tool. I've told many friends about this and they each plan to purchase one. I'll be giving them for holidays gifts this year!"

Merry Christmas Aunt Margaret! Thought you might enjoy this as you are beginning to look like Uncle Phil!

And speaking of Uncle Phil, perhaps he might enjoy:

The Hairmax Laser Comb $495.00




"In a clinical study, HairMax treated hair loss and regrew hair for 93% of those who used it. HairMax users also report improved quality, shine and manageability."

Don't believe me? Check out THESE results!:



M'kay...I suppose that's worth 500 bucks plus shipping and handling. Dear menfolk losing your hair: Keep your hair short. If you have a nice looking head, trying shaving it. Just say no to the comb over. Please?

"But katdish! You don't understand! You have thick, wonderful hair! How can you stand in judgement?" Because I'm katdish...that's what I do. Okay, okay...check this out:

Toppik Hair Building Fibers $21.95



Toppik Makes Thin Hair Look Thick and Natural in 30 Seconds over 2 Million People Use It. Doctors Recommend it. Celebrities Won't go on Without it. Now you can instantly eliminate the appearance of baldness and thinning hair. Toppik gives you greater coverage and a thick, full looking head of hair all in about 30 seconds!


I'm no scientist or chemist, but I'm pretty sure this is similar to the "sea monkey principle". (Don't ask...I just know these things.)

By now you have a great head of hair. So you are no longer self-conscious about getting that hair wet! Time to hit the pool and get some exercise!

Endless Pool $20,900.00

"Our signature product, the Original Endless Pool is designed to fit just about anywhere, indoors or outside...This flexibility has allowed more than 12,000 customers to realize the dream of swimming at home in an Original Endless Pool."

Wow! Twelve thousand customers? If I had a dollar for every satisfied customer, I still wouldn't have enough money to buy that pool! I'm guessing you don't either. No worries, you can still enjoy the cardiovascular benefits of swimming with this next product:

The AquaVee Portable Swim System Kit $84.90


"An easy to install system that turns any pool into a lap pool. The AquaVee installation time takes about 60 seconds and can be used anytime anywhere! The AquaVee is extremely portable and will fit any pool no matter the size."

Now, I realize to the untrained eye, this looks like some surgical tubing, suction cups and a tube of silicon, but trust me....That's exactly what it is.

This next catalog item I chose for a couple of reasons. First, the picture is pretty freaky, and second, I'm wondering why that guy didn't buy the Hairmax Laser Comb. Don't you think he could afford it? Me thinks, yes...

Executive Health Evaluation: $3,495.00

Experience a day-long, 5-star treatment at one of our beautiful contemporary Centers...(blah, blah, blah....)

Benefits may include: (may include? Craptastic!)

Decreased risk of age-related disease
Improved muscle tone
Decreased body fat
Increased energy
Increased libido (wink, wink!)
Sharper thinking (so maybe you won't spend 3500 bucks on a fancy doctor's appointment!)

The final item up for review has nothing to do with anything really. It just made me giggle:

Giddyup! Core Exerciser - Dual Motor $469.00


"The Giddyup! Core Exerciser is the latest innovation in core strength training! This core exerciser benefits posture, improves balance, builds core strength and has up to 25 speed combinations."

"The trotting and galloping action of a horse helps strengthen the rider's spine and pelvic muscles, improves posture and stimulates seldom-used core muscles, in the dorsal and abdominal regions. This product also invigorates the body, promotes good blood flow, and an increased metabolism."

I'm going to be honest. If they could get Debra Winger to reprise her role as Sissy in Urban Cowboy, mount that thing with a cowboy hat and a Lone Star Beer, I'd have my Visa card out right now...

Seriously...am I the only one giggling? Okay...whatever...

How to be popular on the Internet (by Anna-Lisa Gottwald)

If you read my Friday twitter posts (and who doesn't?), then you have no doubt seen me RT a certain @asilannax. We first crossed paths way back on Stuff Chrisians Like. But unlike me, she doesn't feel the need to comment when there's nothing to add to the conversation. Like Travis, who guest blogged for me earlier in the summer, Anna-Lisa and I also share a birthday - August 5, in case anyone's interested. As you will see from the following post, Anna-Lisa is like me, only much younger and funnier. So, enough of me, here's Anna-Lisa:


When Kathy first asked me to write a blog post for her, my first thoughts were "Wait, write something longer than 140 characters? Is that even possible?" Needless to say, I'm a bit of a Twitter addict, but branching out is good, right?

Okay, now that the "What I First Thought Of When Bestowed With The Honor Of Guest Blogging For " paragraph is out of the way, we can get on to the topic at hand! I have decided to write about How To Be Popular On The Internet. I realize this makes me sound arrogant and self-important, but then I thought about the movie Remember The Titans. Imagine if their chant was "We are the Titans, the kinda okay Titans! We are the Titans, the slightly talented Titans!" No one would have cared about that movie. That movie would have sucked.

This post will mainly focus on Twitter, since that is my area of expertise, but it can be applied to most areas of the internet as well.

Step One:
What level of popular do you prefer?

The first thing to discern is which level of popular you want to be. Do you want to be a famous individual on your own, by your own humor, efforts, talent, and hard work or play off the mistakes of others?

The answer is always the latter. If you chose the former, you have no business being on the internet. You probably already have a steady job and should be answering e-mail from your iPhone or something right now. Get off of here, the Internet doesn’t want you.

I’m obviously making a joke here, but seriously, internet popularity is easier if you just latch onto some kind of bandwagon and either support it or mock the daylights out of it. Observe American Idol, tons of people use Idol to makes lots of friends and set up websites and gossip about how they “can’t BELIEVE she chose that song last night. It didn’t fit her vocal ability at ALL.” Or, you can choose the road I travel, (AKA The Road Of Awesome!) and use the internet to make fun of Paula’s boobs and Randy’s less than eloquent vocabulary.

There’s also the youtube approach, in which you have one thing that makes you popular for a month or so, before you fade out of existence forever. Forever being until someone’s grandmother finds you by some hole in the internet and forwards around to everyone in her e-mail contact list. When your grandmother e-mails you something, understand that it has officially cycled the entire internet. Please, don’t forward it. (This includes: Charlie bit my finger, any video of a baby laughing, something disastrous and/or unexpected happening at a wedding, any video involving an animal falling off of, or into, an object, or a video with an animal and some sort of skateboard) Rule Of Thumb: If it looks like it could be on America’s Funniest Home Videos, the internet has already seen it. On America’s Funniest Home Videos. But I digress.

Step Two:
Gaining friends

The only way to gain friends is to make your ACTUAL friends join your latest obsession and feed off of them. It’s like luring a tiger into a box with a chicken wing and then eating the tiger. Oh, that might be too offensive for PETA members. It’s like luring a tiger into a box with some tofu burgers and then eating the tiger.

It’s actually nothing like that at all, I just wanted to find an excuse to throw a tiger in this blog post somewhere. *High fives self*

Step Three:
Participate in stupid actions

Have you ever considering setting yourself on fire while jumping off of a five story building onto a trampoline into a pool? Quick, grab a friend and a video camera and go do it!* Is your house on fire? QUICK, tweet about it first! Hopefully everyone will forward your stupidity around the internet until you are famous….for….being stupid. Well, no one said fame didn’t come with a price.

*Anna-Lisa and Katdish cannot be held accountable for any injuries sustained from following this advice. (Bonus tip: don’t do anything just because someone on the internet told you that their cousin’s best friend’s grandmother’s aunt’s dog did it and they TOTALLY turned out fine.)


Step Four:
Purchase an animal

Despite what you might thing, animals bring about the best entertainment on the internet. A dog chasing his tail or a cat falling into an aquarium, while overdone, is also incredibly amusing. Or suppose you find yourself alone on a Friday night, a simple tweet about “sitting alone. On a Friday night :(” will not gain you friends. You will be laughed at. However, if you buy a cute kitten and write about how you “have a smoking hot date, and the only thing he asks of you is that you change his litter box” BANG! You are suddenly funny and endearing in your loneliness. Now, hopefully your new kitten likes to snuggle, because you’ll probably still end up crying yourself to sleep each night.

Step Five:
Be famous before the internet

The best, most guaranteed way of being famous on the internet? Do something awesome before you make your appearance on the internet. Be hilarious like Ellen Degeneres. Be hot like Megan Fox. (Good luck!) Start a cult like Oprah. The possibilities are literally endless!
(Please also note that I am in no way famous online, I just enjoy stalking people that are.)


For more from Anna-Lisa in 140 characters or less, follow her on the twitter: @asilannax
For more from Anna-Lisa in blog form, you can find her at Not that You Care, But...

Keep your Focus

How to Draw a Picture (Part 6)
(Excerpt from Duma Key by Stephen King)

Keep your focus. It's the difference between a good picture and one more image cluttering up a world filled with them...

Some questions I have never answered to my satisfaction, but I have drawn my own pictures and I know that when it comes to art, it's perfectly okay to paraphrase Nietzsche: if you keep your focus, eventually your focus will keep you.

Sometimes without parole.

It is a bit of a misconception that the ADD afflicted cannot focus. As a matter of fact, I have found myself so focused on a particular project that everything else simply goes undone. My struggle is not to stay focused, but to un-focus long enough at the task at hand to attend to all the other things that demand my attention.

I used to be an avid scrapbooker. The maternal instinct kicked in and I felt compelled to document every major and minor moment of my first born's life. This just so happened to coincide with an invitation to a Scrapbooking home party invite given to me by a friend from church. I had never heard of such a thing, but once I saw it, I was hooked.

I had to stop scrapbooking. It consumed me. While everyone else was putting together entire scrapbooks in record time, I became so obsessed with creating the perfect page for a particular picture or set of pictures that I would literally stay up all night until I got it just right. While my friends simply found a few stickers and/or coordinating papers and called it a day, that just wasn't enough for me. Mine had to be a perfect representation of my emotional connection to the moment in which the picture was taken.

I am mostly ADD with some shining OCD moments. Allow me to give you a couple of examples:

Those are just three examples. On almost every page, I painstakingly recreated one or more elements in the picture. At the rate I was going, I would have my son's baby pictures finished by the time he graduated high school. I just got overwhelmed by it. I still take pictures of my kids. My daughter wants to do her own scrapbooks. At almost 8 years old, she has given me every indication that her creative prowess puts her mother to shame. So, I'm all for that.

Fast forward to May 2008. I didn't even know what a blog was until I read my friend and pastor Jeff's blog. What a difference a year and a couple of months can make. What started as an outlet for my outright silliness and occasional prosperity gospel rants has turned into something so much more. It is a community. Some blogs are strictly informational. Mine could hardly be called that on my best day. My husband told me his favorite part of my blog is reading the comments. I tend to agree. I know I have many readers who rarely or never leave comments. I have some readers who only stop by on Mondays, and that's okay, too.

So what's my focus right now? Writing. My own and the writing of people who actually know what they're doing. Because it's not enough to be good or even great. You need exposure. And while this blog is not exactly breaking records for traffic, it's nothing to sneeze at.

That's why I have two guest posts a week.

Monday will be reserved for Billy Coffey until such time as he simply gets too busy to post here. Thank you, Billy. What a privilege it is to feature your work here every week, and what a pleasure it is to know you, my friend. I won't even say something silly like, "Don't forget me when you're a famous author", because I know you better than that. You're a real class act and I'm thrilled that the rest of the world is about to be blessed by your words just as your regular readers have been over this past year.

Each Wednesday I will feature another new guest blogger. I have been really overwhelmed at the response to this. I thought I would be scrambling to find someone willing to write for this blog, but people have been so gracious, and the result has been some excellent posts and hopefully some new readers for my guest bloggers.

I know I joke around about shamelessly self promoting myself on twitter, but I'd much rather promote someone more worthy of attention than myself. It's the least I can do. Because it's not about me anyway...


Be sure to be sure to catch Part One of Billy's interview with Lynn Rush about the call that every writer dreams about.

The Walk (by Billy Coffey)

(This post was first published as a column by the Staunton News Leader.)


“I like walking with you, Daddy,” my daughter said.

Her tiny hand slipped into mine and stayed there. Our joined arms moved back and forth in a soft cadence that echoed our footfalls.

“Me, too,” I said.

“Let’s play I Spy,” she offered.

“Okay. You go first.”

Our game began with the obvious—black for the truck in the driveway we were passing, red for the mailbox on the other side. Yellow for the sun. Gray for the dog that just bounded out from the field.

But then things began to get a little more difficult. On my part, anyway. I missed the orange on the robin that was pecking its dinner from the grass. And the brown on the rabbit that sat nearly invisible on the side of the road.

Missed the yellow hair bow on the little girl who was playing with a balloon in her backyard.

Missed the white on the rocks that scrunched under our feet.

Even missed the black on the very shirt I was wearing.

No father wants to be beaten in a game of I Spy by his seven-year-old daughter. Especially when that father happens to take a lot of pride in noticing things that others maybe wouldn’t. But as we walked and talked and swung our arms, I had to admit the obvious.

I was losing it. Slipping in my noticing.

It had been imperceptible rather than sudden, this change in me. That’s the worst kind. Change that comes sudden is painful, but at least you don’t go around wondering what happened and where you went wrong and how it got to be this way.

My thoughts were broken by the approach of a married couple taking that strange gait that is more than walk but not quite jog, puffing and sweating against the summer sun.

My daughter waved with her free hand, and I offered a “How ya’ll doin’?” in their direction. The man managed to nod weakly and gasp a “heeep,” which I took as hello. The woman was oblivious to us, transfixed on her goal of putting one foot in front of the other.

I looked down to see her gazing up to me, wrinkling her nose. I shrugged—beats me. We walked on.

A few more losing rounds of I Spy later, and we were greeted with another pedestrian. Younger woman, very fit. Decked out in Spandex and and armed with an iPod and a watch that looked as though it could not only count calories and measure distance, but split the atom as well.

She zoomed past our wave and “How are ya?” as if we were just more gravel and blades of grass. Just two more obstacles to avoid in the pursuit of a flatter stomach and firmer butt.

My daughter and I walked in silence a for a few steps, our game suspended. Then, “Daddy?”

“Hmm?”

“How come people walk so fast?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “Most people around here use walking as exercising. But it’s only exercising if you go fast.”

She looked down to the road and kicked a pebble with her flip flop, thinking.

“Exercising’s good,” she offered.

“Very,” I said.

“And walking’s good, too.”

“Yep.”

“But,” she said, “walking shouldn’t be exercising.”

“It shouldn’t? Why?”

She threw her arms up (and one of mine in the process) and said, “Look! Everything’s so pretty! These people are missing it all because they’re going too fast!”

I looked down at her and she up to me. She said, “Those people would be really bad at I Spy, Dad. They would lose every time because they can’t see anything.”

They’d lose every time. Because they’re going too fast.

We continued on then and resumed our game. The result was both inevitable and expected. She won without much of a contest.
But in a way, I won too. I learned something that evening with my daughter. Something important.

In the end, life should be a walk and not a run. We fool ourselves into thinking that the point is to get somewhere as fast as we can. It isn’t. It’s to have somewhere to go and then enjoy the trip to it.

There will always be a gap between where we are and where we want to be. In our deepest hearts we are all wanderers in search of something. That’s okay. Even wonderful. Just as long as we wander in wonder and hold the hand of someone we love.


To read more from Billy Coffey, visit him at What I Learned Today, and be sure to catch Part One of his interview with Lynn Rush tomorrow about the call that every writer dreams about.

Mastery over the Believer (by Oswald Chambers)

(Not Oswald Chambers)

July 19th.

"Ye call Me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am." John 13:13

Our Lord never insists on having authority; He never says - Thou shalt. He leaves us perfectly free - so free that we can spit in His face, as men did; so free that we can put Him to death, as men did; and He will never say a word. But when His life has been created in me by His Redemption I instantly recognize His right to absolute authority over me. It is a moral domination - "Thou art worthy . . ." It is only the unworthy in me that refuses to bow down to the worthy. If when I meet a man who is more holy than myself, I do not recognize his worthiness and obey what comes through him, it is a revelation of the unworthy in me. God educates us by means of people who are a little better than we are, not intellectually but "holily," until we get under the domination of the Lord Himself, and then the whole attitude of the life is one of obedience to Him.

If Our Lord insisted upon obedience He would become a taskmaster, and He would cease to have any authority. He never insists on obedience, but when we do see Him we obey Him instantly, He is easily Lord, and we live in adoration of Him from morning till night. The revelation of my growth in grace is the way in which I look upon obedience. We have to rescue the word "obedience" from the mire. Obedience is only possible between equals; it is the relationship between father and son, not between master and servant. "I and My Father are one." "Though He were a Son, yet learned He obedience by the things which He suffered." The Son's obedience was as Redeemer, because He was Son, not in order to be Son.

I thought this devotion was very timely, as my friend Chris Sullivan prepares to leave a very comfortable life for a mission trip to the Dominican Republic tomorrow. If you haven't read this post yet, I would highly encourage you to do so:

Help! I'm a coward. I Love Baseball!

Top Ten Things that your friend/signifcant other with ADD wants you to know, but keeps forgetting to tell you...(Repost)

Everybody and their brother thinks that they have ADD these days. You can't swing a stick without hitting 10 people who think that they would benefit from a prescription for Adderall, or at the very least, a significant helping of Ginko Biloba. But trust me, unless you have a green, "do not duplicate under penalty of law" prescription from your doctor, drink your Red Bull cafe latte and relax -- you've probably just got too much going on.

I, on the other hand, am the Tanya Tucker of Attention Deficit Disorder: I was ADD when ADD wasn't cool. I fancy myself a bit of an expert on the subject. Or at least, how it affects my relationships with the people in my life. I don't introduce myself as, "Hi, my name is Kathy and I have ADD". But if I enter into any type of meaningful relationship with another human being, I need to put that on the table. Otherwise, they end up getting pissed off or offended, or both. Please don't think I'm trying to make excuses for bad behavior. If I realize that I have been rude (intentionally or not), I deeply regret it and am the first to offer an apology and try to make amends. The problem is "realizing it" part.

I also recognize that there are people who think that ADD and ADHD are just made up conditions to excuse people with poor impulse control, bad manners and lack of discipline. I would invite these people to spend a day inside my head and then get back to me with their in-depth analysis. Good luck with all of THAT!

For those of you who have friends, family and spouses who suffer from this condition and choose to love us anyway, first let me say thank you. It means the world to us. You are the rocks of stability that anchor our crazy, mixed up lives, and I think God has a special place in heaven set aside for heroes such as you.

Now, on to the list:

1. We don't mean to keep interrupting you. But if we don't tell you what we want to say, it's gonna fly out of our heads and be lost forever. And, by the way, it's really important!
2. That comment we just made makes perfect sense. You just weren't in on the conversation we started in our heads a couple of minutes ago.
3. When we tell you that something is going to take about an hour to complete, go ahead and add on the rest of the day. We suck at time management.
4. Please don't ever send us to Wal-mart for just one thing. There's just way too many things to see before we get to the liquid detergent aisle.
5. We're really not sure how a loaf of bread, a half gallon of milk and a few other things added up to 87 dollars, but we're pretty sure we needed that stuff. Okay, we already have 6 bottles of ketchup, but you never know when you're going to need lots of ketchup.
6. We think it's really cool that you're good at complex mathematical equations, but please don't try to explain it to us. It's very overwhelming.
7. If you need us to run more than one or two errands within an allotted time period, please make a detailed, step by step list of instructions, then staple it to our foreheads. And be sure to call us and encourage us while were attempting to accomplish aforementioned errands.
8. If at all possible, do not allow us to handle the family finances. We will either drain the bank account by paying every bill as soon as it comes in, or will forget to pay any of them until we get the "red" ones.
9. We are actually very forgiving of what we consider to be your OCD tendencies, and hope that you will return the favor when dealing with our shortcomings. (We're actually pretty amazed at what you are able to accomplish without any gnashing of teeth, and more than a little jealous.)
10. We crack ourselves up. Seriously, we think we're hilarious. Please play along.

I'm sure you could add many more items to the list, but then it wouldn't be a "Top Ten". "Top 47" is not nearly as catchy! Since I like to add something about Jesus to my posts whenever I can, I'll share with you my favorite quote from Him. It plays inside my head whenever I mess up (which is pretty regularly):

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

(2 Corinthians 12:9)

Late Night on the Twitter

My writing schedule is sort of vampire-like. I eat dinner and try to have some family time every night. Then, when everyone else is in bed, I turn on my computer and write. My self imposed deadline for posting is 12:01 AM. I usually finish the post before then, but not by much. And then there's the distraction that is the twitter.

The following is a conversation that started out innocently enough (Don't they always?), and quickly spiraled downward into the twitter ho abyss. Sorry, Candy. Couldn't resist this one. The conversation will actually be in correct order. There were so many involved in this conversation that I had to cut and paste each tweet. Much of the conversation was left on the cutting room floor because Wendy and Helen out-tweeted everyone 3 to 1. They have their own twitter posts today (Which will not doubt be hilarious), so check theirs out as well. As always, Sorry/You're Welcome:

Me: @Helenatrandom Snort! Remind me to tell you about the time I was reprimanded by dh for laughing in the colonoscapy recovery room.

Helen: @katdish Thanks. You'll like this: I told the med student before the procedure: "I'm glad my husband's butt is in your hands..."

Wendy: @Helenatrandom - Why are you always trying to put Bob's butt in other people's hands?

Helen: @weightwhat It's a nice butt....I'm generous like that...

Billy: @Helenatrandom Starting to blush here a little...

Helen: @billycoffey Wow! I'm good!

And then sweet Candy chimed in...and that's when the fun started...

Candy: @katdish @Helenatrandom i was virtually ignored during my c'scopy because RB was on the bed next 2 me passing a kidney.

Helen: @CandySteele Yikes! I hope the hospital was having a two for one sale that week...

Candy: @Helenatrandom hardly. The day cost us a fortune and I had to stay awake enough to take care of him afterwards. Ugly.

Wendy: @CandySteele - That's very inconsiderate to take the attention off of you just for a couple little kidney stones.

Billy: @CandySteele You guys do EVERYTHING together!

Wait for it......

Wait for it......

Candy: @billycoffey special, bonding moments. There was lots of moaning that day.

Candy: @billycoffey oops, that sounded so WRoNG!

But alas...the genie cannot be put back into the bottle. Candy had thrown twitter chum into the water, and the hungry sharks were ready to attack.

Billy: @CandySteele You just made me blush more than Helen did. That's quite an accomplishment.

Candy: @billycoffey very unintentional. Sort of shot from the hip there, didn't I?

Me: @billycoffey @Helenatrandom @CandySteele @weightwhat Snort!

Me: @CandySteele Annnnnddddd......That's what she said

Wendy: @katdish - I'm tellin' ya, we were separated at birth!

Me: @weightwhat Great minds...

Helen: @CandySteele Candy! That was so funny! I knew what you meant, but thought you were pulling an @katdish with the double entendre!

Helen: @CandySteele Another TWSS moment, brought to you by @CandySteele...

Candy: @Helenatrandom and just drug the soon to be famous @billycoffey through a blush session.

Helen: @BillyCoffey And I am the one supposed to be making you blush on twitter! @CandySteele TEACH ME!

Billy: @Helenatrandom @CandySteele @weightwhat @katdish This is why I'm afraid to get on here with you people.

Helen: @billycoffey Don't worry...Our bark is worse than our bite.....RUFF RUFF!

Billy: @Helenatrandom You have to admit that's a pretty scary bark, though. Much more pit bull than poodle.

Me: @billycoffey Hey. You're welcome for introducing you to all my high brow friends.

Billy: @katdish How could I ever thank you?

Peter: I came on to see if there was anything good to RT. Apparently the tweeps I follow don't have anything deep to say on a Friday night.

Helen: @PeterPollock Pacific Ocean. How's that for deep?

Candy: @PeterPollock run away very fast. It's getting scary here.

Peter: OK, twitterland is getting positively weird. I'm outta here.

Me: @PeterPollock Oh Peter! Lightweight!

Billy: @CandySteele You better beg @katdish not to put this on her twitter post next week.

Me: RT @billycoffey: @CandySteele You better beg @katdish not to put this on her twitter post next week.

Helen: @billycoffey Are you kidding? Try stopping her! (And if she doesn't @weightwhat and I will do our own twitter posts...)

Me: Too late. It's been RTed. It's as good as posted.

Candy: @katdish PUHLEEZE - I don't want to tarnish his Yankee reputation before the book comes out!

Me: @CandySteele Seriously, Candy - he writes for me. How much more tarnished can you get?

Candy: @katdish that's true. He can only go up from there.

Billy: @katdish I seriously think I was less tarnished about ten minutes ago.

Jon: @Helenatrandom @CandySteele @weightwhat @katdish I'm a little worried for @billycoffey with all this estrogen in the Twitter room!

Billy: @ofmercy Sometimes I think they have more testosterone than I do.

Jon: @billycoffey I hear ya on that one! They have well developed masculine sides!

Billy: @ofmercy The fact that they will all take that as a compliment proves your point.

Billy: @katdish @Helenatrandom @CandySteele @weightwhat You're the women my mother warned me about when I was in high school.

Me: @billycoffey You've only known us for a short time. You have no idea.

Jon: @billycoffey they keep saying we have "no idea" - I think that is a veiled threat!

Wendy: @ofmercy - You have no idea.

Candy: @billycoffey we are harmless, totally. And I'm old enough to be your mother. What's her twitter name? We can bond.

Wendy: @CandySteele - You don't need to start with the crazy talk like that...

Wendy: @ofmercy! You're here! Did you bring your galoshes?

Helen: @ofmercy Oh Goody! Come join us....We need someone new to bother....Let @BillyCoffey rest...for a moment...

Me: @weightwhat How come I can't see @ofmercy on my tweetdeck? Did you block me Jon?

Wendy: @katdish - He just shot out one tweet and has gone into hiding. Did we scare him?

Me: @ofmercy Okay. Let's just do this, Jon. What's wrong with me?

Billy: @katdish Oh, I know this! Me! Me!

Wendy: @ofmercy - Yes, just what IS wrong with @katdish. And did you ever tell her what kind of nut she is?

Jon: @weightwhat I take safety behind my iPhone!

Wendy: @ofmercy - I don't think that little thing will be your best choice to hide behind. Got a bunker?

Jon: @katdish What, pray-tell, do you mean what is wrong with you?

Me: @ofmercy I mean, do I use humor as a defense mechanism? Do I have delusions of grandure? How is that spelled anyway?

Wendy: @katdish - I'd tell you how to spell it, but I'm too good for that.

Jon: @billycoffey A little help?

Billy: @ofmercy I'd better not. If I make her mad she might not let me post on her blog anymore.

Me: @billycoffey Mr. Coffey, if you didn't write for me on Monday, I would actually have to write something. Nope. Not gonna happen.

Billy: @katdish So you keep me around because you're lazy? Thank you! Anyone else out there need someone to guest post on their blog?

Candy: @billycoffey I always need a guest post since mine R infrequent.Now I'm leveling out the estrogen/testosterone ratio here & going to bed.

Jon: @katdish you are a woman of great passion, creativity, and unwavering loyalty!

Me: RT @ofmercy: @katdish you are a woman of great passion, creativity, and unwavering loyalty! (Aww! Cool. Thanks)

Me: @billycoffey That's what you were going to say, right? What @ofmercy said? Yeah...I know.

Billy: @katdish I told him to say that.

Billy: @ofmercy @katdish scares me. She's a ninja.

Jon: @billycoffey COWARD! :O Where's that redneck, mancard holding, word wielding guy who doesn't back down!

Billy: @ofmercy No, after midnight she turns into a shiny vampire ninja. Much more dangerous

Jon: @billycoffey So what is your secret - how do you do it? manage all this...whatever it is...

Billy: @ofmercy Trust me, Jon. You do not want to go there.

Jon: @billycoffey Are they usually...ummm...like this?

Billy: @ofmercy No. Usually worse.

Wendy: @ofmercy - C'mon Jon, you love us. Don't deny it.

Helen: @ofmercy I'm a bad influence on them....Oh, who am I kidding? We are bad influences on each other. At home we wear ankle length dresses.

Billy: @weightwhat @ofmercy @katdish @Helenatrandom Heading to bed to dream of colonoscopies, kidney stones, and moans. Pray for me. Goodnight all

Helen: @billycoffey Looks likewe are giving you something new to have nightmares about...You are welcome...

Okay folks...that took forever and a day! No more of my ridiculous tweets this week. Be sure to check out The Fellowship of the Traveling Smartypants today. We're having a blog carnival where you can check out lots and lots of tweets by some of my favorite twitter hos.

Na, na, na, na, na - You say it's your birthday!

Okay, so here's the deal...

I have met some amazing people over the past year via this blog and others. However, there is a group of gals that have gone above and beyond the casual relationships ordinarily established on my blog and others. These women are my friends and my prayer warriors. As I sit and write this post, emails are flying fast and furious as we join to lift up another friend in prayer. I will unabashedly say that there's not much I wouldn't do for them, and I love them dearly. One of those women happens to be celebrating a birthday today. For a bit more background on this little posse, you can check out Annie's post here.

Several months ago, I embarked on a ridiculously overambitious project of assigning fictional characters to blogger friends of mine. I really should update that...(But I digress...) Here's what I wrote about Candy:

Candace (Candy) from Steele the Day as Phoebe Bouffet from "Friends"

So it seems that Candy is a bit of a health nut -- kind of a granola girl. (Just like me, only completely different.) The only reason I know that she is older than I am is that she tells me that I remind her of her daughter and, she said she didn't know who Heart was but was down with Sonny and Cher. I gotta tell you, that always throws me when she says stuff like that because she just seems really young at heart (must be the green tea). She's not quite as nutty as Phoebe, but she has her moments!

UPDATE: I wrote that was when I was first getting to know Candy. She's every bit as nutty as Phoebe! She is also hilarious, kind, compassionate and just wonderful all the way around. I hear she also makes some mean Chex mix in obscene quantities.

Happy Birthday Candy! I love ya, gal! Even if your husband still refuses to follow me on the twitter...